


Warrior

by blindmasks



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Anxiety, Caning, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feudalism, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, Medical Procedures, Medical Trauma, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Paddling, Pain, Panic Attacks, Punishment, Recovery, Spanking, sort of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2018-12-04 10:53:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 111,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11553705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blindmasks/pseuds/blindmasks
Summary: "Barry was sold to Eobard Thawne when he was five years old because of his class W1M-Omega status, meaning he was in the highest class of warriors, he was a meta, and he was an Omega, all of which meant he was worth a lot of money and could become very valuable when he was an adult."





	1. The Star Coalition

**Author's Note:**

> Please see warnings in tags!
> 
> Also, a note on the dynamics:
> 
> There are five orientations, Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta, and Omega. Think of it as a sliding scale.  
> There are four classes, Leader (L), Intelligence (I), Warrior (W), and Worker (K).   
> M stands for meta  
> Power rating is on a scale from 1 to 16. 
> 
> This starts with a lot of exposition, but please keep reading! It will catch up to present time and then move normally. Also, many more characters to come in later chapters.

 

            Barry was sold to Eobard Thawne when he was five years old because of his class W1M-Omega status, meaning he was in the highest class of warriors, he was a meta, and he was an Omega, all of which meant he was worth a lot of money and could become very valuable when he was an adult. He grew up in the Thawne estate, where it was quickly realized he had a knack for science. That later specialized to chemistry, and by the time he was ten he was moved from regular education to class I instruction, with the most intelligent children owned by Thawne, even though he was warrior class, not intelligence class. He was downgraded in his warrior training sessions though. He wasn’t a terrible fighter, but he was far from a class 1, which led the trainers to believe his meta ability, when it manifested, would be something remarkable, what made him a class W1.

            By the time he was sixteen he still hadn’t developed his meta ability. He knew what that meant, and he was scared. He’d heard horror stories of kids like him who were tortured and even accidentally killed while trainers tried to make their meta ability manifest. The day after his sixteenth birthday he was taken to start the trials, to try to make his meta ability manifest.

            He was taken to a lab, where he stayed for a week and a half. He was lucky. After ten days, they tried hitting him with an electric shock, and it worked. Most people averaged around a month before the doctors and trainers were able to elicit their meta ability.

            He spent nine months in a coma, and when he woke up he had super speed. In a way that was also lucky for him, because they decided that instead of starting him on Omega discipline at 16, which was customary, they’d wait until he was 17, since it was only three months away when he woke up.

            All children were started on orientation specific pre-discipline routines at age 12, to be intensified at age 14, and then fully inducted at age 16. For Barry, 17.

            He had been much more afraid of his meta-manifestation then his induction though, and he stood by that even later. The man he was given to when he turned 17 was kind, gentle, and well-trained. He was a Beta, because Eobard had found that Omegas reacted better when their first was a Beta and not an Alpha. Beta’s were more likely to be gentle, and while many estate owners thought that a rough Alpha was the best thing for young Omegas, Eobard had found that contrary to popular belief, traumatizing young Omegas did not necessarily make them more obedient, and it almost always inhibited their performance in their selected area. Barry didn’t know it at the time, but his Beta was chosen specifically because he had one of the best reputations, and as a class 1 warrior Omega, and a meta, Eobard had taken a special interest in Barry, and he wanted to make sure he could perform to the best of his ability. He didn’t need a terrified warrior. Warrior omegas were rare, but more than any other area, it was important the omegas had a certain level of autonomy and confidence.

Eobard Thawne owned approximately a thousand people at any given time. Most often children were sold to him, he raised them, and then they were indentured to him for some amount of time, depending on how much he paid for them. Barry would be indentured until he was thirty-five, unless he was able to pay for himself early. Eobard Thawne was nothing if not efficient.

            For three years, Barry lived in relative happiness. He was allowed to continue class B education, because he could keep up with them and Eobard was always looking to exploit intelligence. He enjoyed classes the most. He had friends there, and a few friends in his warrior training as well. After the initial terrifying insanity of finding out he had super speed and had been in a coma for nine months, he ended up loving his powers. Where before he had always struggled and trudged his way through training he started to truly enjoy it. He didn’t mind the bruises as much when he had speed healing, and he absolutely loved running. He was allowed more freedom than most omegas because he was also warrior class, and while Omega discipline could be unpleasant, there was still plenty in his life that he enjoyed.

            It wasn’t until a couple months after he turned twenty that things started to change. The Thawnes had always had to defend against outside forces, mostly raiding parties, groups of bandits, and the occasional uprising. It was nothing they couldn’t handle. But a few months after Barry’s twentieth birthday, the Star Coalition was formed, and the group was comprised of several wealthy, powerful families, several of which bordered Thawne territory. Then the Star Coalition invaded land to their west, taking over a few smaller estates. Eobard started to grow wary.

            Before then, Barry had met Eobard several times. He was always a little awe-inspired by him, and a little afraid. Eobard was a class L1M-Alpha, a highest rating leader, and a meta with the same ability as Barry. Eobard had taken an interest in Barry since the beginning, because of his rare warrior omega status. In his childhood he had seen Eobard only a handful of times though, and actually spoken with him even less. After he woke from his coma he had seen Eobard much more frequently. He stopped by his training sessions to observe, and occasionally asked him how he was doing, or offered a tip.

            A few days after word had reached that the Star Coalition had taken over lands to the west, Barry was summoned to Eobard’s personal chambers.

            It went downhill from there.

            At that first meeting, Eobard explained what was happening with the Star Coalition, and told Barry that he would be key in protecting the people who lived within the Thawne territory from the same invasion. Eobard painted a terrible picture, of children and class W omegas and deltas murdered in their homes, of destruction and devastation, and Barry was horrified. He promised to do everything he could to help.

            Eobard started supervising his trainings, and then taking over them himself at times, teaching Barry, pushing him to run faster. Barry still wasn’t as fast as Eobard, and by a considerable margin. Eobard taught him to phase, to dodge bullets and arrows, to throw lightening, to use his arms to create a whirlwind that could stop even cannon balls. The Star Coalition started creeping onto Eobard’s lands, and then their army began stealing from farmers and towns on the outskirts. Eobard confronted them diplomatically, and they made excuses. When it continued, it was clear if Eobard wanted the raiding to stop he would have to be prepared for war.

            The Star Coalition outnumbered the Thawne army 10 to 1, possibly more. They had a host of powerful metas and class 1 warriors. Eobard started to push Barry harder. He had him punished if he made mistakes, started making brutal practices, injuring him on purpose to make him practice fighting while hurt, waking him up in the middle of the night to keep him alert. He took him out of his class B education classes, and made him train constantly. Barry came to dread his training sessions, and then he outright feared them. The only thing that stopped Eobard from running him completely ragged was that his performance started to suffer.

            When the Star Coalition began to occupy a larger town on Thawne territories to use as a base camp while they invaded a territory to the south and refused to leave, Eobard finally declared war. Eobard, Barry, and a handful of other metas formed an elite task force that went in that night, killed half the army, which was a reserves made almost entirely of non-meta warrior and worker class soldiers, and destroyed their supplies.

            Barry had killed before, but it was almost always self-defense, and only when capture was not an option. But that had been raiding parties and criminal bands, where he killed one or two people at most in a single mission, on a couple instances three or four. This was mass devastation against people who couldn’t fight back, not against him. He moved so quickly he could kill twenty people in a couple of seconds, and it was night, they were all asleep when they first arrived. They didn’t stand a chance. It was slaughter.

            He had been ordered to take out the north east side, while Eobard went looking for the captains and the other meta warriors took their sides. Barry had a sick feeling in his stomach from the start, but he also hoped that after this Eobard might ease up on his training, if he could prove that with the two of them Star didn’t stand a chance. He had been told to take them out, but he started by taking the barbed wire that the Star army had set up around their perimeter and quickly constructing a fenced in area. Then he sprinted through the place and grabbed every soldier from their tent, made sure there weren’t any weapons on them, and deposited them in the fenced in area. He had gotten a third before the alarms were even sounded, and the rest were easy to pen in as well. They tried to stream out, but Barry went back and forth fast enough to pin them all in. If they tried to get out he used a vibrating hand to sever one of the tendons in their legs and place them back in the pen.

            He rounded them all up, kept them at bay by injuring anyone who tried to get out, and then he waited. About ten minutes passed, and Eobard sped over, holding onto the neck of a terrified general.

            He blinked at the scene in front of him, and then turned to Barry. “What are you doing?” he said.

            Barry took a step back, and looked at the pen. “I – I rounded them all up. I caught them all. So they can’t attack us.”

            Eobard’s mouth formed to a frown that made Barry flinch. “I told you to take them out, Barry. When I said to take them out I meant to kill them, not pen them up like livestock.”

            Barry’s eyes widened. “I – I’m sorry,” he said, “I – but, they’re just – they’re just infantry. We can capture them, we don’t – I’m sorry, I don’t understand, I –”

            “Shutup,” Eobard said. He turned back to the general he was holding and grinned. “This will work out well anyway. Now he can watch his troops die, and he can tell the Queens what’s in store for them if they don’t back down. Kill them now.”

            Barry just stood there, frozen. “Kill – all of them? I mean, all – they’re just, but they’re just infantry men.”

            Eobard’s eyes blazed. “Yes, all of them, you fucking imbecile!”

            “But, but they’re just – it’s just their job, it’s not their fault, I – I can transport them, I’ll – or, I can injure them, you don’t need to – we don’t need to –”

            Eobard slapped him across the face, at super speed. Barry’s head snapped to the side and his cheek burned. He tasted blood where his lip had split. A second later Eobard grabbed him by the front of his shirt.

            “You will not embarrass me,” Eobard hissed at him. “You will kill them all now, Bartholomew.”

            Barry trembled, and a cold wash of fear went down his spine. He wanted to cower, his Omega side looking to do anything to stop the anger of an Alpha. When Eobard let go of him he stumbled a step back, shoulders hunched in, terrified. He turned, looked at the horrified eyes of the men and women staring back at him, many of them younger than him, and he flashed into the pen and started killing them.


	2. Train

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Graphic rape in this chapter, as well as graphic injury. 
> 
> Thank you to all who reviewed already! Please keep letting me know what you think. Here's a longer chapter:

            After Eobard rounded up the rest of his group and sent the shaking general off, he grabbed Barry by the front of his shirt and ran all the way back to his estate. He threw Barry on the ground.

            Barry stayed there, on his hands and knees, head spinning. He was still reeling, felt like he was going to throw up – all those people. He’d killed all those people. He felt numb, had felt numb the whole time doing it too, and then he looked up and saw the look on Eobard’s face and his whole body went cold.

            Eobard’s expression was a twisted scowl, and he was furious, more furious than Barry had ever seen him. Barry scrambled around, pushed himself back until he hit something, and then suddenly looked around. He was in an unfamiliar room, and realized he’d just pressed himself back against a bed. He was in fact in a bedroom, he realized.

            He was in Eobard’s bedroom. Barry started to tremble.

            “I have been kind to you,” Eobard said. He paced back and forth, always looking at Barry. “I have clothed you, fed you. You have a good place to sleep. I let you attend classes, I teach you everything I know. I have given you everything, and you repay me by disobeying me, and disobeying me when we are in the field, when it matters, the only time it has really mattered, you ungrateful, idiotic, useless Omega!”

            Barry pressed himself backwards, flinching. He kept his head down, suppressing a whimper. Eobard had never yelled at him before like this, never looked at him like this. He had punished him before, but it was always very controlled, very calm. He would get angry, but not like this, never explosive like this.

            “I’m sorry,” Barry said, voice quiet, pleading.

            “You’re sorry? I don’t care, Barry. I don’t care that you’re sorry.”

            Barry whimpered. “Lord Thawne, I –”

            “Shutup!” Eobard flashed forward, and suddenly he had Barry by the throat. Barry stared into his eyes, lighting up yellow and red, full of so much anger and hate. Barry went limp.

            Eobard threw him to the floor again, and this time Barry hacked, touched his throat and struggled to breathe. Eobard kicked him in the side and sent him sprawling, and another kick had him trying to shield himself.

            “I’m sorry, please,” Barry said, but Eobard didn’t seem to hear. He stopped kicking him, and walked away for a moment. Barry panted, clutching his side.

            When Eobard spoke again it was calm. It was back to how Barry was used to hearing him. “You will never disobey me like that again,” Eobard said, “you will follow my orders, exactly as I state them, exactly when I state them.”

            “Yes, sir,” Barry said, “yes.” He looked at the ground.

            Eobard walked forward, took Barry’s face in his hand, at his chin. Barry kept his eyes down, still not meeting his.

            “I will make sure of it,” Eobard said. “I have been too kind to you, to make you think you can question my orders. I’ll make sure to rectify that.”

            Barry bit his lip and whimpered, still trembling.

            “Let’s practice, shall we?” Eobard said, and for a second a horrible smile covered his face as Barry finally looked up at him, just for a second. “Get undressed.”

            Barry felt a jolt, but as Eobard let go of his face he hastened to get undressed anyway. He told himself it would only be worse if he resisted, that maybe Eobard would go easier on him if he showed him he could be good, he could follow orders.

            He stripped out of his clothing. It wasn’t the first time he’d been ordered to, and he wasn’t shy. Even if he would have felt self-conscious, he was too scared to be embarrassed.

            “Get on the bed,” Eobard said. Barry scrambled to get on the bed. “On your stomach,” Eobard said, “hands above your head.”

            Barry did as he was told, and felt metal going around his wrists. It was a speed dampener. It had been used on him before, for other punishments. He felt Eobard click it into place, and then wrap rope around his wrists and tie them to the headboard. Barry pressed his face into the pillow under it.

            He knew what was going to happen. He tried to will himself to relax. He’d never been fucked as a punishment before, although he’d been with alphas and betas who were rougher, as part of his Omega discipline. They hadn’t been trying to hurt him though, hadn’t been doing it because he’d messed up or broken a rule. He thought it couldn’t be too bad, though. It would hurt, he knew it would hurt, but he healed fast, even with the speed dampener. He’d just have to get through it, it be over soon.

            Just then pain erupted over his ass, a strip of fire, and he screamed. A second later another appeared, and he pressed his face against the pillow, body going completely tense. He recognized the pain a moment later: a cane.

            He’d been caned before, as a punishment. Of all his punishments, he hated it the most. The pain burned and stung yet held a deeper, bruising power as well. Some of the alphas he’d had used pain erotically, and he had found that like many omegas he liked some pain. But there was nothing pleasurable about caning for him. It was painful, and just painful.

            He twisted on the bed as Eobard hit him, again and again. He cried into the pillow. The most strokes with a cane he’d ever received before was fifteen. This time, Eobard went on forever. Barry didn’t know how many he got, just that it went on and on, until he thought he was going to pass out it was so bad. He pressed his face into the pillow to muffle his crying, and forced himself not to beg, mostly because he knew Eobard wouldn’t listen. If anything, it would make the caning go on longer.

            When it finally ended Barry kept sobbing into the pillow, his ass a burning, white hot pain. He felt Eobard’s hand in his hair and tensed again, but it was gentle, petting.

            “My poor Omega,” Eobard said, “if you had just listened I wouldn’t have to punish you like this.”

            “I’m sorry,” Barry tried to get out, but it was muffled and slurred with his crying, voice hoarse. “I’m sorry, Lord Thawne, I’m sorry, I’ll listen, I’ll never disobey you again, I swear, I’m sorry.”

            “I’m sure you won’t,” Eobard said. Barry heard him walk away then, and he whimpered. He was in so much pain.

            He felt the bed dip then, and then Eobard was leaning over him, body pressed against his, and Barry realized he was naked, felt his skin on his. Eobard’s mouth was next to his ear.

            “You are beautiful, Barry, do you know that? I have wanted to fuck you since you first woke up from your coma. Superspeed, Barry – all that power, and in an Omega. It’s tantalizing. You are a paradox, a warrior Omega.”

            Eobard bit his ear, and Barry stopped himself from flinching. He tried to tell himself the caning was over now, it would just be sex. Nothing could be as bad as that caning, and Eobard seemed to have calmed down at least. It was almost over.

            “But I didn’t, I held back,” Eobard said. He started to grind his hips down, and Barry could feel Eobard’s cock hardening against his ass. He whimpered at the pain the pressure caused. “I didn’t want to get involved, not when you were so important, so valuable,” Eobard continued, “I handed you off to other alphas, to _betas_ – they didn’t deserve you, Barry. They didn’t deserve that power in their hands.” Eobard bit against his neck. “Then again, you’ve proven to be an idiotic, disobedient little whore. Maybe you do deserve to be thrown out like one.”

            Barry whimpered again as Eobard kept grinding against him. He was bleeding, he knew. The cane had cuased cuts.

            “Oh, don’t worry,” Eobard said, “you’re going to listen from now on, aren’t you?” When Barry didn’t respond right away Eobard wrapped his fingers around the back of his neck. “Isn’t that right?”

            “Yes – yes, sir,” Barry said. Eobard relaxed his grip again, moving to pet his hair instead.

            “Yes. You are.”

            Eobard used lube. Barry was surprised, but he supposed it was more for Eobard’s pleasure than his comfort. He didn’t prepare him, and Barry stifled a yelp in the pillow when he pressed in. He tried to relax, but the pain from penetration combined with his body rubbing against the welts and cuts on his ass was too much. Eobard fucked him fast, and then inhumanly fast, and Barry cried and tugged at his wrists, which stayed tied fast.

            He finished quickly though, and Barry sagged with relief when he pulled out. A moment later his cock returned though, slick from more lube.

            “Oh Barry, remember, I’m a speedster too,” he said, when he pressed in again. Eobard had no refractory period, just like him, Barry realized.

            He fucked him four, maybe five times. Barry wasn’t entirely sure. It hurt less the longer it went on, as his body adjusted and healed itself. When Eobard was finally satisfied he untied Barry’s hands but kept the speed dampener on, and roughly turned him over, onto his back. And then Eobard started to stroke Barry’s cock.

            Barry had stayed soft the entire time. He was in too much pain to be able to enjoy any part of it, never mind being terrified. But now without the immediate pain and with the direct stimulation to his cock he started to get hard, even though there was nothing about the situation he liked.

            It went on for a while. Once Barry started to get close Eobard backed off, started stroking slower. He kept going until Barry was panting, squirming, trying to keep from bucking his hips into Eobard’s hand. Even though he’d just been brutally caned and fucked Barry’s body still responded to the stimulation.

            “Do you want to cum?” Eobard asked after what felt like forever to Barry.

            “Y-yes, sir,” Barry said.

            “Do you think you deserve to cum?”

            Barry felt another cold jolt. “N-no, sir,” he said.

            “You’re right, you don’t,” he said, and he let go of Barry’s cock.

            Barry whimpered. He was so close. He wanted to reach down and touch his cock, but didn’t dare.

            “You’re going to do exactly as I say now, aren’t you.”

            “Yes, sir,” Barry whimpered.

            “Good,” Eobard said. “Get on the floor.”

            Barry scrambled to force his aching body off the bed, and dropped to the floor.

            “You’ll sleep there tonight,” Eobard said. “Don’t touch yourself. If I find out you did, I’ll whip your cock and balls until they bleed.”

            “Y-yes, sir,” Barry said. “I – I won’t, sir.”

            “Good boy,” Eobard said. He flicked off the lamp that had been on, and with that settled down on the bed.

            Barry curled into a ball on the floor. Despite the cold and his aching cock he fell asleep quickly, exhausted.

 

 

 

 

            The next day Eobard dragged him outside early for training. Barry flinched at every order, and moved as quickly as possible to obey them. The change in him was noticeable. The other trainers watched, some of them giving concerned frowns, a few of them snickering, but no one moved to say anything. No one was about to challenge Eobard on how he treated one of his omegas.

            There was a several mile long obstacle course set up around the perimeter of the training fields that Eobard often had Barry run. Barry had been running it since before he got his powers, as all warriors in training did, and he was familiar with all of the pieces. The trainers changed and added parts occasionally, but it was always similar. In an attempt to make it more challenging, Eobard had started adding opponents along the track, trainers armed with bows and arrows in some cases, swords in others. He set trip wires and traps and had trainers hide. Barry had the explicit instruction of staying on the path only, rather than being able to circumvent obstacles and people, and he had to disarm anyone he came across, not just run by them.

            He was running it, doing laps really. Usually, Eobard set a five minute mark. If he took longer than five minutes to finish the course he was punished, usually with a paddling right there at the finish line. Today Eobard told him it was four minutes, and he would be caned if he took longer.

            Barry just swallowed and took off when Eobard told him. Four minutes was hard. He was usually able to clear five minutes. Without added traps and trainers it was no problem, but depending on how many Eobard had on the course, it made things more difficult. Four minutes was going to be hard. He’d done it before, but he didn’t know how many people Eobard had on the course today, and he had a feeling it would be a lot. He had completely healed from the night before, but he could still remember the pain, and he ran frantically, trying to meet the four minute mark.

            He was scared, and that meant he made mistakes. The first time through he took over five minutes, and he got hit with an arrow. Luckily it only scored his side, rather than going straight through. When he got to the end he knew he’d taken too long, and Eobard was standing there, looking at his watch. Barry panted, and Eobard strode over to him and he flinched.

            “Five minutes thirty three seconds,” Eobard said, “that wasn’t even close, Barry. You’re not trying hard enough.”

            He grabbed Barry’s neck and pushed him down, into the dirt. Barry squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself not to cry. He was going to be caned. Dread filled his stomach. He wanted to beg, but knew it wouldn’t do any good. He trembled.

            “Belt,” Eobard said.

            Barry moved numbly. His fingers shook and he moved to undo his belt, to pull his pants down. With a crack Eobard brought the cane down on his back and Barry gasped, falling onto his elbows.

            “Now,” Eobard said, “you’re moving like a snail. When I tell you to do something, I expect it now.”

            Barry moved faster, going back onto his knees, back burning, hastily undoing his belt. Eobard didn’t wait for him to pull his pants down, he kicked Barry forward, back onto his elbows, and then grabbed the back of his pants and pulled them down. Barry pressed his face against his arms, mouth curling into a whimper. He could practically feel the anger and frustration rolling off of Eobard and it made him want to curl into a ball. He had tried, he was trying to be good, he was trying.

            Eobard brought the cane down on his ass and Barry bit down on the sleeve of his shirt to keep from screaming. He went on, giving him somewhere around twenty blows. Barry was sobbing by the end. He squirmed away, flinched with the swish the cane made in the air, and it had Eobard growling at him, hitting harder, telling him to stay still or he’d make him regret it. It wasn’t nearly as many as the night before, but Barry’s ass was cut and bleeding, red and purple, when Eobard finally through the cane aside.

            “Your time starts now,” Eobard said. “You have four minutes.”

            Barry stared at the ground. A few seconds later he forced himself up, pulled his pants back up, shakily buckled his belt again. He took a few steps, biting his lip at the pain. He’d had to run after punishments before, but never ones as bad as this. He was still crying.

            But he knew how much it was going to hurt if Eobard caned him again. Five minutes wasn’t long enough for his ass to heal. He ran.

            His vision tunneled in though. Every step was agony. He stopped at the first obstacle and vomited. His head spun. He wasn’t going to make it. He wasn’t going to make it and Eobard was going to cane him again. He could cut through. He could go around the trainers, could skip obstacles. It was the only way he was going to make it in four minutes. The thought was tempting, but Barry knew that if Eobard found out then he would be punished even more severely, and he would find out. The trainers would tell him, even if they didn’t right away, right when he got back, since they’d still be on the course. But they’d tell him later, and then Barry would be beaten and probably fucked and very likely whipped.

            Barry ran the course. His vision was spotty and he was crying, but he ran, desperately. He just had to go faster, just had to get through the obstacles faster. If it wasn’t for them he could be through the course in seconds. He wanted to run away, to try to hide somewhere, but he knew Eobard would find him then too. He’d never really thought about trying to run away altogether. The Thawnes killed runaway slaves, and almost no one had ever actually escaped for good.

            A barrage of arrows flew towards him as he ran through a stretch of clear path. He dodged and sped around them, caught one, but his vision was tunneling and he was going too fast, going faster than he usually did on the path because of the trainers and traps. As he reached to stop an arrow from hitting his chest his left ankle hit something hard, and then he went flying.

            It was a blur of trees sky ground, a searing pain ripping through his arm, and then a sickening snap and bile rose in his throat as a sharp, blaring pain erupted over his left leg.

            He screamed, and then he screamed again. He struggled to breathe, spitting up bile, what was left in his stomach after vomiting earlier. His entire body was a mess of pain but the worst was his leg. It took him several seconds to even realize what had happened, and when his vision finally cleared his eyes widened and he screamed again.

            His leg was broken, and the bone was jutting out of his calf, blood pouring down his leg, the whole thing skewed at an angle.

            Barry passed out.

 

 

 

 

            When he woke up he was on a stretcher, and he moaned in pain, his breathing quickly going up, hit all at once by the still searing pain in his leg. He struggled to look around, his vision spotty. His breath caught and he tried to reach for his leg. Someone caught his hand.

            “Easy, kid. It’s alright, we’re taking you to the doc.”

            He struggled, trying to pull his hand away, suddenly starting to panic. Everything hurt, where was he? What happened? He tried to sit up and hands pushed him down.

            “Easy, Barry. Nice and easy now.”

            Barry turned, trying to locate the voice. He blinked to see one of the trainers, Sam. He’d worked with him for years, and the man was giving him a calm, reassuring smile now.

            “Hurts,” Barry choked. “ _S-sam_.”

            “Shh, I know,” Sam said, “Just breathe, Barry. You’re gonna be fine.”

            Tears leaked from his eyes again. He gasped and moaned and whimpered as they transported him. When they finally laid him down on a bed in the hospital he felt like he was going to pass out again.

            Sam stayed with him until the doctor came in. He heard them talking after that but he wasn’t paying attention.

            A gentle hand came down on his shoulder, and Barry looked up. It was Doctor Allan, Henry as he’d always told Barry to call him. Barry had seen him many times before, and with a jolt realized suddenly that he was in the hospital, that Henry was there, that they were going to have to do something to fix his leg. Fear coiled in his stomach and he started shaking.

            “Hi, Barry. Do you know where you are right now?”

            “H-hospital,” he said.

            “Yes,” Henry said. “You hurt your leg, son, so we’re going to need to do some work to fix it now.”

            “N-no,” Barry whimpered. He couldn’t help it.

            “I’m sorry, Barry,” Henry said. “You’re going to be fine though, OK? You’re going to be just fine once we’re done.”

            “N-no, Henry – please,” Barry said. He tried to sit up.

            Henry gently placed a hand against his chest. Tears ran down Barry’s face.

            “Breathe,” Henry said. He nodded at someone Barry didn’t see, and then hands came down over his shoulders.

            Barry’s breath caught in his throat and he shook his head suddenly. He went stiff, eyes widening, staring at Henry’s.

            “No, n-no, Henry, please,” Barry said.

            “It has to be done, Barry,” Henry said. “You’re going to be OK.” His eyes flicked up, and he motioned for someone to step forward. A second later Sam was back, and Henry took Sam’s hand and then placed it in Barry’s.

            Barry struggled. “Don’t – don’t!” he said.

Henry ran a gentle hand through his hair. “It’s OK. Breathe. Sam is going to stay right here with you for it, OK? I’m going to get everything done as quickly as possible for you.”

The pain was almost drowned out by the panic. Barry shook his head, struggled. When he was taken to the lab to unlock his meta ability when he was 16, he had been subjected to several painful medical procedures, and it had left a lasting effect. He was terrified of most doctors, and he absolutely hated going in for checkups and to have injuries tended to. He avoided it whenever possible, and Henry had often tracked him down in the dorms after his trainers informed him that Barry had been injured.

            “Nono, stop!” Barry yelled. He tried to get free and more hands held him down. He was too weak to access his speed. He felt hands on his leg, then painful pressure that had him flinching, and a moment later there was a crack.

            He passed out again.

 

 

 

            When he woke up, it was quiet. He opened his eyes slowly, and saw that he was still in the hospital room. Things came back slowly, and he shifted, hand moving instinctually to his leg. He was still in a considerable amount of pain, but he was relieved to find it was no longer blinding. His ass and arm no longer hurt at all.

            When his eyes landed on Henry, the doctor smiled at him.

            “You’ve been asleep for a few hours,” Henry said, “do you remember what happened?”

            Barry nodded. He pushed himself up on the bed, and started to sit up, then leaned back against a pillow instead.

            Henry handed him a glass of water, and Barry took it.

            “How do you feel?” Henry asked.

            “Better,” Barry said quietly. He looked down at his leg, which was splinted and bandaged neatly. “it still hurts, but not too bad.”

            “You should be finished healing in an hour or two,” Henry said.

            Barry pressed his hands over his face. He looked back up a moment later. “Can I go home?” he asked in a quiet voice.

            “Not until you’ve finished healing,” Henry said firmly.

            Barry’s face crumpled. “I wanna go home,” he said, his voice wavering. “Please. I’ll take crutches. I just wanna go back to my room.”

            “Barry, I know you don’t like staying in the hospital, but you need to wait until you’re finished healing,” Henry said.

            “I won’t run, or do anything, I just wanna sleep in my own bed,” Barry said.

            Henry pulled the chair he’d been sitting on closer, and put a hand on Barry’s shoulder. “I know you do, Barry,” Henry said gently, “and I wouldn’t make you stay if it wasn’t important. I need to check it when it’s done healing.”

            Barry’s eyes widened. “W-why?” he said.

            “Just to make sure everything healed right. You had a very bad break.”

            “There’s something wrong?”

            “I don’t think so, but I need to check to make sure.”

            Barry felt like crying again. He just wanted to go home. He just wanted this nightmare to be over, to sleep in his own bed and forget the past two days.

            “Lord Eobard stopped by,” Henry said. “He wants to see you after you get out as well.”

            Barry felt his body go cold.

            “He – what?”

            “He wants to see you, before you go back to your room,” Henry said.  He must have seen the fear on Barry’s face because his expression changed to a mix of concern. He rubbed Barry’s shoulder. “I’m sure he just wants to make sure you’re alright,” he said.

            Barry shook his head, his body began to tremble, and then he started to cry.

            Henry watched, confused. “Barry,” he said, “what’s wrong?”

            Barry let out a sob. “He’s going to punish me,” he said.

            “Punish you? For what?”

            “He’s going to punish me for getting hurt.”

            “Barry, I’m sure he’s not going to punish you for getting hurt. You were just training. You get hurt training all the time and you’ve never been punished for it.”

            Barry shook his head. “I didn’t finish the course, I messed up, I got hurt, he’ll punish me.”

            “Barry,” Henry said gently, “I think you’re still very shaken, and you’re afraid because you’re still at the hospital. Why don’t you try to take another nap? You’ll feel better when you wake up.”

            “He’s going to cane me again,” Barry said, still crying.

            Henry frowned. “He’s caned you recently?”

            Barry nodded, wiping a hand across his face. “Today and last night. That’s why – it’s why I got hurt. He made me run and I – it hurt, I couldn’t – I couldn’t do it.”

            Henry was silent for a long moment. “I’m sorry, Barry,” he said quietly.

            Barry wiped away more tears, trying to stop, slowing down now. “I wanna go home,” he said again, quietly though, more to himself.

            Henry sat with him for a while. Barry appreciated it, even in his exhausted, miserable state. He hated being in the hospital, and being alone there was even worse. Henry was the only one he could stand to let tend to him with more minor injuries. He was good at talking him through things and calming him down, and he never lied or underexaggerated about how much something was going to hurt.

            When Barry had healed fully, Henry examined him. Barry was tense the whole time, but he was healed so nothing hurt. Henry had Barry walk on it, and determined that everything had healed correctly. Barry was still miserable though. He knew he was going to have to see Eobard.

            “Everything looks good,” Henry said, “except for one thing.”

            “One thing?” Barry said, tensing up again.

            “Yes,” Henry said. “I think you’re healing a little slower than normal, so in my professional opinion I do believe you may need to stay here overnight for observation.”

            Barry blinked at him. “Overnight?”

            “Well,” Henry said, “you can go if you want to. I know you don’t like staying here. But if you’re under observation than you’re not cleared for any activity, which includes any Omega discipline.”

            Barry stared at him or a full second. “I can… I can stay here instead tonight?”

            “Yes,” Henry said.

            Barry stared at him again, and then he surged forward and hugged Henry.

            Henry let out a grunt. “I believe I said no superspeed,” he said.

            “Thank you,” Barry said.

            “Nothing to thank me for,” Henry said, and he hugged him back before letting go. “Now,” he said, “I think we can take you to a more comfortable room, unless you’d rather stay here.”

            Barry shook his head and followed Henry through the hospital to another room, this one just an open room with beds, and thankfully very little medical equipment around. It wasn’t very homey, but then again it wasn’t like Barry’s room in the dorms was either. Barry was just happy to get out of the bleach smelling operating room.

            Henry got him some clothes to change into, and helped Barry get settled.

            “I can’t stay with you tonight,” Henry said, “but I’ll be back in the morning to check you out. Will you be OK here by yourself tonight?”

            Barry nodded. He still didn’t like it, but anything was better than going to see Eobard. He was so exhausted, he didn’t much care anyway. He just wanted to sleep and forget about everything for a little while.

 

 

 

 

            The next day, training resumed. To Barry’s surprise, Eobard didn’t punish him for messing up the day before, and he didn’t cane Barry that day either. Training was still brutal, but Eobard paired back a little bit. Maybe he had realized that a speedster with a broken leg wasn’t useful, so although he healed fast he still needed to be kept in one piece.

            Either way, things became bearable, if barely. Eobard was still brutal, still continued to punish him harshly whenever he made a mistake or didn’t obey quickly enough. Barry was exhausted at the end of every day. Over the next couple weeks Eobard fucked him a few times as well. Always as a punishment, and always brutally. It still wasn’t as bad as a caning, so Barry tried to just relax and take it.

            Barry was sent on another mission, and this time he killed when Eobard asked, without hesitating. He threw up afterwards, and he started having nightmares, but when Eobard told him to kill, he did.

            Eobard began to grow frustrated with him though. He still wasn’t as fast as him, and in fact, he was starting to get slower. Eobard dragged him back to the hospital, said he wanted a full exam. Henry did a minimal amount of testing, as Barry begged him not to take a blood sample, not to give him a shot, not to check his meta levels. But in the end it was very simple: Barry was overstressed, not getting enough sleep, and not eating enough.

            Eobard started weighing him. If he didn’t eat everything that was put in front of him, or if he lost weight, he was punished. Eobard reluctantly cut back the number of hours Barry was training, when Henry and a couple other doctors told him it was the only way to reduce Barry’s stress and get him in better health. But he remained exhausted. Nightmares kept him up, and there were no sleeping pills that worked on speedsters. Even the speed dampener didn’t negate his speed metabolism.

            Eobard asked him who his favorite alpha was, and Barry named one. Eobard had Barry move out of the dorms and in with that alpha, where he could comfort Barry when he woke from nightmares and help him get to sleep. That did end up helping, and on the request of the alpha Eobard allowed Barry to start some classes again, which improved his mood, and in turn decreased his stress, and Barry got faster.

            Eobard was frustrated. On one hand, he wanted to pound the omega into submission. On the other hand, that appeared to be backfiring. He was not so set in his ways as to allow his frustration to cost him a valuable weapon though, so he allowed Barry an alpha and his classes, and he forced himself to hold back during training.

            About a month after the initial debacle with the Star Coalition army, Eobard told Barry about his next big mission. The Star Coalition had brought reinforcements, and they were officially attempting to overthrow and take over Eobard Thawne’s rule. Eobard wasn’t content with waiting for them to arrive on his doorstep. He was taking his own army to the Queen estate, the closest family in the Star Coalition, and the most powerful one as well. They were heading the Star Coalition, and Eobard intended on taking them out.

            They’d use a meta with portal powers to transport their army all the way there in only the course of an hour. The main army would attack, acting as both a frontal assault and a distraction, while Eobard and Barry went by them all and into the castle, first decimating the army, then killing the Queen family.

            Barry was just hoping this would be the end of it. Eobard seemed to think so. Barry had increased in speed and ability until Eobard was confident that the two of them would be able to easily get in, kill the family, and get out. Hopefully once the head of the Star Coalition was dead the whole Coalition would collapse. If not though, it would set an example that would make the others warier of invading Thawne land.


	3. Queen's Keep

            When Barry got back to his alpha's house he was limping, exhausted, and in pain. It was only around six in the evening, but he went straight to the bedroom and collapsed down in bed.

            “Barry?” Eddie said. “Is that you?”

            Barry mumbled a response and Eddie came into the bedroom. He frowned and walked over to where Barry was lying face down on the bed and put a hand on his head, in his hair.

            “Rough day?” Eddie asked.

            Barry nodded.

            “How about we get you in some more comfortable clothes, Barr,” Eddie said.

            Barry rolled off the bed, and stood up. He let Eddie help him into sleep clothes. Eddie frowned when he saw the bruises. They littered his whole body, but it was worse along his right thigh, dark splotching like he had landed on it hard, or been hit by something. His ass was red and purple as well, but there weren’t welts or bleeding, so Eddie assumed he’d been paddled.

            “What was it today?” Eddie asked.

            Barry averted his eyes and mumbled something. When Eddie reached up to touch his face Barry flinched away.

            “Barry,” Eddie said softly, “I’m not going to hurt you.”

            Barry trembled. He still didn’t raise his eyes.

            “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s OK,” Eddie said.

            “I wanna go to bed,” Barry mumbled.

            “Alright,” Eddie said. He walked with Barry over to the bed, stayed standing beside him as Barry pulled blankets up over himself. “Have you eaten dinner tonight?” Eddie asked.

            Barry didn’t answer. He mumbled something into the pillow.

            “Barry?” Eddie said, voice a little harder.

            “No,” Barry said, voice quiet.

            Eddie sighed. “You need to eat something before you go to bed, baby.”

            “I’m tired,” Barry said.

            “I know, Barr, but you need to eat something.”

            “Please, Eddie.”

            “I’m sorry, Barry. You know I can’t budge on this.”

            Barry stayed still for another few moments. Then he finally got up and trudged after Eddie to the kitchen. Eddie made a quick supper and Barry ate mechanically. Afterwards he went back to bed, and Eddie climbed in with him.  Eddie stroked his hair, and Barry closed his eyes, allowing himself to focus on that feeling and try to relax.

            Eddie was a freeman, not owned by Eobard like Barry. He was a W5-Alpha, and he was a Thawne, though a fairly distant relation to Eobard himself. He had his own house and he was a captain in the army, owned land. But he wasn’t terribly wealthy either, at least not yet. He was young, just a few years older than Barry. When Eobard had asked Barry which Alpha was his favorite, Barry had responded with Eddie. Barry had interacted with Eddie many times when training with the other warriors, and he’d been sent to Eddie as an omega before. Eddie was always kind and he had a way of knowing what Barry needed. There were several alphas Barry could have named as his favorite, all who he enjoyed being with and whom Barry thought were good people, but when Eobard asked him he’d been surprised, and Eddie was the first person he’d thought of. He didn’t regret his choice though, and Eddie had talked with Eobard and gotten approval for Barry to take classes again, for which Barry was very grateful.

            He petted Barry’s hair for a bit, and then moved to rubbing circles over his back.

            “It’s been two days,” Eddie said. “Have you touched yourself?”

            Barry shook his head. Omegas were trained not to pleasure themselves, from the time they were twelve. That didn’t stop all of them though, and Barry had spent years secretly jerking off. Male omegas who were caught touching themselves or even suspected of touching themselves were put in cock cages. With females it was harder, since chastity belts had to be taken off to urinate, so they tended to only be used when a female omega repeatedly broke the rules. Barry had escaped that fate though, because of his warrior status, and his speed. He’d been placed in one before, but only for limited amounts of time. It bothered him while training, and chafed painfully when he ran.

            After getting his speed his sex drive had skyrocketed. They’d taken that into account when sending him to alphas and Omega discipline, but he’d still started jerking off by himself frequently, and simply taking the punishments when he was caught. He hadn’t in the past two days though, because of how exhausted he’d been.

            “Would you like me to touch you?” Eddie asked.

            Barry considered it. He was exhausted, but it would be nice to feel something pleasurable and not painful for a change.

            “I think it would be good for you,” Eddie said, “but I won’t make you if you’d rather just sleep.”

            “Something quick?” Barry said.

            “Sure,” Eddie said.

            Barry rolled over, wincing when that put pressure on his ass. He narrowed his eyes at Eddie. “You won’t drag it out?”

            Eddie laughed. “Not tonight,” he said. “I won’t tease, I promise.” Eddie pulled down the blanket that was over Barry, and then pulled down his pants while Barry raised his hips to help him.

            Eddie took Barry’s cock in hand, and stroked until he grew hard. Barry gasped and groaned at the feeling. He felt extra sensitive after not having an orgasm in two days, and despite not feeling great he quickly grew hard.

            “I’d like you to suck me,” Eddie said while still stroking him. “You don’t have to if you don’t feel up to it, but I think it will make you feel better.”

            “OK,” Barry said, and Eddie shifted over, stopping stroking him. Barry groaned at the loss of stimulation but moved over to kneel between Eddie’s legs. He unbuttoned Eddie’s pants and pulled out his cock, already hard, and took him in his mouth.

            Barry didn’t really like sucking cock, at least, not the physical parts of it. He didn’t like the taste, and he didn’t like feeling like he couldn’t breathe. He didn’t find the idea of it particularly erotic either. But he liked servicing alphas, and he craved the feeling of bringing pleasure to them.

            Eddie groaned as Barry sucked him. He didn’t move very much, didn’t buck his hips or try to make Barry take more of him.

            “Good boy,” Eddie said, and Barry felt a warm shiver go through him. He relished being praised, and Eddie knew it. “You’re such a good boy, such a good omega,” he continued, gasping as Barry moved his tongue. “Shit, yes.”

            Barry kept going, and Eddie kept moaning out praises and encouragement, and he was right, by the time Eddie came Barry did feel better. His omega side was happy at the treatment, at feeling wanted and good and helpful. Eddie hugged him towards him afterwards, pulling him into his lap and wrapping his hands around Barry’s chest, playing with a nipple before moving back to his cock, which was hard and dripping now. Barry moaned and squirmed as Eddie set a slow pace.

            “S-said you wouldn’t tease,” he gasped out.

            Eddie smiled. “I’m not teasing, Barr,” he said, “you just like things too fast.”

            “Eddie,” Barry groaned, and Eddie sighed.

            “Alright,” he said, “since you were such a good omega.” He went faster and Barry’s breath hitched. It didn’t take long before Barry came, moaning and shivering, his cum spilling over Eddie’s hand and Barry’s own stomach. Afterwards, Eddie cleaned them up, and Barry fell asleep cuddling next to him while Eddie rubbed soothing circles on his back again.

           

 

 

 

           

 

            The Queen estate was a castle stronghold. High stone walls surrounded the entire thing, and Barry could see cannons poking through windows on three levels.

            The Thawne soldiers were going to be massacred, he realized.

            They had cannons too of course, but the defensive structure of the Queen estate would aid them. It would be impossible to get through those walls without metas. The best they could have hoped for was to starve them out, otherwise. As soon as the fighting started people were going to die, mostly on the Thawne side.

            “We’ll get the gate open first,” Eobard said. “The pully system is on the right side. I’ll cut the cable. You break the cross beam. Afterwards we’ll go into the castle. The family wing is on the third floor, west side, but they may be in the main hall. Our priority is Lord Oliver, his mother, and his sister, but we’ll take out as many as possible. Is that understood?”

            “Yes, Lord Thawne,” Barry said.

            “Good. On my signal.”

            Barry tensed, waiting. A few generals came running up to speak with Eobard. A moment later a Queen general came into view on the wall over the gate.

            “Load,” Eobard said, and the command was passed across the captains.

            “Lord Thawne,” the man said, “I am General Diggle of the Queen army. We demand that –”

            “Fire!” Eobard yelled.

            Guns let loose and General Diggle ducked below the wall, as well as his soldiers. Return fire started immediately.

            “Take over. It’s begun,” Eobard said to his second in command. The woman nodded at him and Eobard turned to Barry.

            “Now,” he said, and he took off.

            Barry raced after him. They went easily up the side of the walls and around. Barry hit two men from behind, knocking them out, at the gate entrance. Then he went to the central beam and sliced it in two with a vibrating hand. He turned to find Eobard had cut the pulley, and the gate fell, going open. There was a roaring noise of yells, and the Thawne army ran forward towards the door.

            “Oliver is at the front. Go get the rest,” Eobard said. Before Barry could even register the words he was gone, a trail of lightening as he raced towards Oliver Queen, standing with his generals. Barry turned and raced off towards the estate building.

            He passed by soldiers in a blur, too fast for them to even turn to try to stop him, too fast for them to even see him, more than just a gust of air and a flash of lightening. Eobard had him study what they knew of the floorplan of the castle, so he quickly found his way through the bottom floor.

            When he reached the second floor he crossed into what appeared to be a long hallway, with only a single door. He sped through it, and heard a metal clang. And then he lost access to the speed force.

            It was a terrifying feeling, like when Eobard clamped the speed damper over his wrists, except worse, a sharper, more complete disconnection. Barry screamed. Except he had been hurtling forward at a speed around a hundred miles per hour, since he’d slowed down to turn into the room, and although his abrupt disconnection from the speed force immediately slowed him down some, it didn’t stop the momentum he already had, and now with no way to stop himself.

            He ran straight into a wall, hard.

 

 

 

 

            He woke up to voices.

            “Well where the fuck is he?”

            “He said he’s on his way, I called him on the radio just five minutes ago –”

            “And did you tell him it’s a fucking speedster?”

            “Yeah, I told him. He’s on his way.”

            “What about Oliver – does Oliver know we have a speedster prisoner?”

            “No – I radioed Diggle but Oliver’s on the infantry line still.”

            “Oliver’s – why? They retreated two hours ago, is he still up on the walls?”

            “Said he needs to secure the area.”

            “Well Oliver’s an idiot and we have bigger problems. Thawne’s a planner, he’s not going to attack again until he can regroup, especially after a hit like that.”

            Barry opened his eyes slowly. The first thing he noticed was that he still had no connection to the speed force, and then he shifted and realized his wrists were tied together, as well as his ankles.

            “Sara, he’s awake.”   

            Barry blinked and looked up. There was a woman and a man in front of him, and he was in what appeared to be a cell, or a dungeon. There were bars separating them, and stone walls all around him. He shivered at the cold.

            The woman – Sara – walked over and peered down at him. She frowned and turned to the man.

            “What’s his orientation?”

            “Didn’t get a reading yet.”

            “You didn’t get a reading?”

            “How am I supposed to get a reading, Sara? I don’t have a reader.”

            She gave him a look and then pulled something from her pocket. It was a set of keys. She opened up the door to the cell, then walked in slowly. Barry tensed and pushing himself into a sitting position, pressing up against the wall.

            “Sara, are you sure that’s a good idea?” the man said.

            “He’s tied up and his meta ability is blocked,” Sara said, “what exactly do you think he’s going to do to me?”

            The man shrugged, but kept looking uneasy. Sara pulled something else from her pocket and Barry saw a glint of metal, a reader. He sucked in a breath, suddenly going stiff, and scrambled to get away.

            That made the woman stop. She frowned slowly, until her expression was irritated. Barry felt his heart hammer in his chest, now pressed into the corner of the cell with nowhere to go and no way to defend himself.

            “Roy, what doc did you call?” Sara asked.

            “Dennis, why?” he said.

            “Call again. Get Kendra.”

            “Kendra?” he said, “Why do you want her, she’s a field medic – she’s a warrior for God’s sake.”

            “Because she’s a Gamma,” Sara said. She turned back to look at Roy. “He’s a fucking Omega, Roy. You chained up a fucking Omega.”

            “What? What are you talking about – he can’t be an Omega, he went into battle – even Thawne doesn’t send Omegas into battle.”

            “I’ll bet you two hundred that he’s an Omega,” Sara said. She kneeled down and Barry flinched from her. A second later a knife flashed and Barry yelped, only to look down and find his hands freed. He looked up at Sara to find her watching him carefully.

            “Try anything and I’ll tie you right back up again,” she said, before cutting the ropes around his ankles as well. “I need your wrist,” she said, holding out a hand.

            Barry hesitated. She held the reader now. He looked down at the device and shook his head. To take his reading she would need to insert the needle of the reader into a vein, and Barry was terrified of needles.

            Sara let out a frustrated huff. “Look kid, I’m not going to hurt you, I just need your reading.”

            She waited, and when Barry didn’t move she made a grab for his hand. Barry jerked back.

            “W1M-Omega,” Barry said.

            Sara paused.

            “What?” Roy sputtered behind him. “A warrior Omega? He has to be lying. That can’t be right. He’s a delta or something – or he’s a worker.”

            “I’m gonna have to verify that,” Sara said, and grabbed his wrist.

            Barry pulled back and brought his other elbow up in a reflex reaction. Sara blocked it and Barry spun, pushing off the wall to roll away, to the side. He stood up a second later, taking a defensive position.

            But Barry shifted nervously. He still had warrior training, so he wasn’t defenseless without his speed, but he wasn’t a fantastic fighter either. He could hold his own, but he wasn’t about to be able to fight his way out of the whole place, even if he did get by these two people.

            “Roy close the door,” she said.

            “Are you –”

            “Just close the damn door.”

            Roy locked the door, and there went any chance Barry had of getting out of this.

            “Stand down,” Sara said.

            Almost instantly, Barry knew she was an alpha. He wanted to obey. He had enough training to be able to resist it in a fight scenario though, and he stayed standing, though the effect the words had on him was obvious.

            “I just need a reading,” Sara said slowly, relaxing her position a little. It was obvious to her now that Barry was an Omega, at the very least a Delta, just based on his reaction to her command. She could practically smell the fear coming off him, and the fact that she was the one causing it made her feel physically ill. As an alpha, omegas and deltas in distress in close proximity put her teeth on edge.

            “W1M-Omega,” Barry repeated. He hesitated, looked at the locked cell door, and after a second relaxed his stance as well, hands dropping. He swallowed hard. “I… I don’t like needles.”

            “OK,” Sara said, “But I have to take a reading. If I don’t do it now then Kendra is going to take it. She’s a gamma. Would that be easier?”

            Barry took a step backwards. His tensed look was all Sara needed for an answer.

            “I can take it now, or we’ll have to hold you down for it,” she said.

            Barry’s eyes darted, and Sara could feel the energy rolling off him now. God, she hoped the kid let her take it. She had a more acute alpha sense than most, and she could already imagine the rolls of fear and pain that would come off him if they tried to hold him down. Already the kid was terrified.

            She took a step forward, and he backed against the wall. She kept moving, slowly.

            “I’m going to take your wrist,” she said. She put force into the words, and when she grabbed Barry’s wrist he didn’t pull away this time. He turned away instead. He knew he didn’t have a choice, that there was no way out of this. He swallowed hard and forced himself to stay still, tried to keep his mouth from wavering, to keep the images of being tied down, IV’s in his arms, drugs that made his whole body burn, away.

            He felt a prick and squeezed his eyes shut, body jolting, and then Sara let go.

            “W1M-Omega,” she said. She took a step back from him.

            Barry grabbed his wrist, hand going over the puncture wound. He looked down to see it closing up quickly. He realized he still had his speed healing, even with his speed repressed, just like with Eobard’s speed dampener.

            “No way,” Roy said, hand around the bars now, staring at Barry. “Class 1 too? A warrior Omega. Huh.”

           

 

 

 

            Kendra arrived a few minutes later, but she found that all of Barry’s injuries had already healed. After that Sara retied his wrists in back of him. She apologized for it, but Barry wasn’t that bothered by it. As long as he wasn’t tied down to something it didn’t particularly bother him, and he already didn’t have his speed, so it wasn’t like having his hands free was going to really help him. Even if he did manage to get a weapon, the place was literally an army base. There was almost zero chance of escape.

            The three of them walked him upstairs and into a large hall. Barry immediately recognized General Diggle and Lord Oliver Queen sitting next to each other at a large table.

            They both looked up, as well as several other generals and strategists there. Barry shifted uncomfortably.

            “This is the speedster?” Oliver said.

            “Yes,” Sara said. She looked over at Barry for a moment. “He’s a W1M-Omega.”

            That caused a round of murmuring. “A warrior omega?” Diggle said. His eyes raked over Barry. “That’s a new one.”

            “What’s your rank, Omega?” one of the generals asked.

            Barry looked at the man in confusion for a second, just blinking.

            “He’s an Omega, you expect him to have a rank?” a women asked.

            “He’s a level 1 warrior,” the man said. “He might have a rank.”

            “Do you have a rank, Barry?” Kendra asked.

            Barry looked over at her and shook his head.

            “Hm,” a woman said. “Eobard would probably pay a nice trade price for him.”

            “We can’t trade him, he’s too powerful,” Diggle said. “You saw what Eobard and him did to our army.”

            “Are we seriously going to lock up an Omega?” Another woman said.

            “You’re the one who’s always bitching about Omega’s rights,” a man said, “He’s a warrior. Let’s treat him equally as a warrior would be treated. Lock him up for the rest of the war. Interrogate him for information.”

            “We are not torturing an Omega!” the same woman said.

            “You haven’t asked the most important question yet,” Oliver said, and the rest of them quieted. He stood up and walked forward, looking at Barry the whole time. Barry felt his heart hammering but he refused to look away this time. Oliver walked up to him, and then suddenly Barry felt hands on his shoulders and he was being turned around. He went with the movement, and then there was a hand on the back of his head, pressing it forward.

            There were a few murmurings. Barry realized a second later what Oliver was doing.

            Oliver pointed to the small branded “T” behind his left ear, on his neck. “He’s a slave,” Oliver said. The room erupted into more discussion at that.

            “Well, he can’t be held accountable for his actions then.”

            “He’s still a speedster – it doesn’t matter, he’s a threat.”

            “Just lock him up.”

            “Send him to work, just keep a power dampener on him.”

            “We should sell him to Malcom.”

            Oliver turned him around again, and Barry looked at him. Oliver kept staring straight at him, only a foot away. “What’s your name?” he asked.

            “Barry,” he said.

            “How long has Eobard owned you?”

            “Since I was five.”

            Oliver nodded. “Do you have a family, Barry.”

            “Not one I know,” Barry said. He only had vague memories of his parents. He knew he was from a small town on the outskirts of the Thawne territory, but that was it.

            “Hm,” Oliver said, “how did they treat you there, Barry?”

            Barry paused. The discussion behind him had grown louder. Oliver noticed as well and he turned.

            “I’ll take care of him,” Oliver said. “This meeting is over. Thawne has retreated. Diggle, post continuous watch, doubled for the next two days. I’m retiring for the night.”

            He kept one hand on Barry’s shoulder, and led him out of the room.

            Barry grew more apprehensive as they walked. There was shouting after them but Oliver brushed them off. He led them to where Barry was supposed to have gone the night before, to kill the Queen family. Oliver led him into a large set of rooms, ornately furnished. Once there he cut Barry’s ties, and gestured for him to sit. A servant brought tea, and Oliver gave him some.

            “You present a bit of a problem for me, Barry,” Oliver began with. “In the interest of clarity, I’ll explain. You understand I’m at war with Thawne. The power you have presents a direct threat to my safety and the safety of my people, so I can’t just let you go. It’s not policy to keep Omegas in the cells though.”

            Oliver took a sip of tea. “So tell me, Barry. How did they treat you at the Thawne estate?”

            Barry said nothing. He didn’t know what kind of answer Oliver was looking for.

            Oliver sighed. “Alright, let’s start with this. Did they beat you there?”

            “No,” Barry lied. He didn’t know what Oliver was getting at, didn’t really know why he wasn’t in a cell right then, or why he wasn’t being fucked by an alpha. That’s what usually happened with captured omegas. They were fucked by any alphas and betas that wanted to and then thrown in a cell afterwards. That’s the way it was. He was assuming he’d been brought there because Oliver wanted to fuck him, and he was confused at the treatment so far.

            “Did they rape you?” Oliver asked.

            Barry blinked at him. “I’m an owned Omega,” he said.

            “I’ll take that as a yes then,” Oliver said.

            “No,” Barry said.

            “No?”

            “No, I wasn’t raped. You can’t rape an owned Omega, owned Omegas aren’t bonded. It’s illegal.”

            Oliver narrowed his eyes in confusion, and then let out a long sigh and wiped a hand over his face.

            “Yes. Thawne does have that law, doesn’t he?”

            Barry just sat there.

            “Barry,” Oliver said, and when he looked up his expression was softer. “Look, Thawne – Thawne has his own laws, his own… ways of doing things. We – on Queen land, but other lands as well, we view things a little differently. Here, you don’t have to be bonded for rape to occur.”

            Barry frowned. Oliver waited, but Barry said nothing.

            “Here,” Oliver said, “we consider it rape if anyone has sex with an unwilling person. If an alpha fucked you and you didn’t want to be fucked, then we consider that rape.”

            “But I’m an unbonded omega,” Barry said. “And I’m not a freeman.”

            “That’s irrelevant,” Oliver said.

            Barry just stared at him.

            “Barry, I’m not going to fuck you,” Oliver said suddenly, “and neither is anyone here. You’ll have access to under-orientation resources but no one’s going to force you to use them.”  At Barry’s look of confusion Oliver explained. “We have people who work with Omegas and Deltas, for their well-being. Like clinics. They provide sexual support. But you won’t be forced to use it. You won’t be forced to have sex with anyone.”

            “OK,” Barry said, still not fully understanding, but apparently Oliver wasn’t going to fuck him tonight, so he relaxed a little bit.

            “Jesus,” Oliver said, running a hand over his face again. “Look, Barry, what I was getting at – you have tremendous power. We could use that power. I’m prepared to offer you your freedom, plus a substantial amount of money, if you would consider joining our army.”

            Barry’s eyes widened.

            “However,” Oliver continued, “I don’t know that I can trust you yet. You’ll have to earn that trust. But I can promise you will be treated better here than you were with Thawne.” He waited, but Barry said nothing. “What are your thoughts on that?” Oliver said.

            Barry licked his lips. “I… I’m owned by Eobard Thawne.”

            “But you are my prisoner,” Oliver said, “And I can grant you freedom.”

            Barry shook his head. “Unless you pay him – unless you buy me, then I will still be owned by him. If I were to… if I were to pretend to be free, he would come after me. He’d kill me, as a runaway slave. Or… he needs me, because of my speed. So he’d capture me again. I’d be punished.”

            “And what if we killed Thawne,” Oliver said, “I am at war with him, Barry. What if I killed him, and you had nothing to fear.”

            “You cannot kill him,” Barry said.

            “You could,” Oliver said.

            “No,” Barry said, “I’m not as fast as him. He’s stronger than me.”

            “Well,” Oliver said, “Supposing I did kill him. Suppose I killed him, and took his land, and claimed you as my slave, then freed you.”

            “You can’t beat him,” Barry said, “You haven’t seen his power.”

            “I beat him today,” Oliver said, “I pushed his army back. They retreated.”

            Barry shook his head. He looked down at the floor. A life as a freeman? He hadn’t envisioned it for himself except for in years – not until he was thirty at least, and that was only if he could manage to make enough of his own money to pay for himself. Even then, he’d never thought he’d be truly free of Thawne, not after Eobard had started taking so much interest in him. But what if… if Oliver did win. If Oliver did kill Eobard and take over…

            “Help me to defeat him,” Oliver said, “you will be free.”

            “If you lose, it will be me who is tortured,” Barry said. He shook his head. “You don’t know what he’d do to me – if I fought against him and we lost.”

            “If we lose he will kill me and my entire family,” Oliver said, “I have as much stake in this endeavor as you do, Barry.”

            “You started a war though,” Barry said, “If I do nothing… he will get me back. He will try to get me back because I’m his best weapon. If I don’t help you then he won’t punish me. Even if you torture me…”

            “We are not going to torture you, Barry,” Oliver said. “Even if you say no.”

            “You’re not making a very convincing argument then,” Barry muttered and Oliver almost laughed. “If I do nothing,” Barry said, “then I risk nothing.”

            “No, Barry, you risk everything,” Oliver said. “If you do nothing and we win you will still be freed. I don’t keep slaves. But if we lose, you will go back to Thawne. Do you really want to go back to him, Barry?”

            Barry thought of the training. Of the canings and paddling’s, of being forced to run circuits, the obstacle courses, fighting. He thought of the pain he went through, the exhaustion. He thought of how he was forced to kill. But there was also Eddie – his classes, and his friends. And being fucked by alphas he’d only just met, of being pressed down into beds, being told who’s house to go to that night, of being told to kneel, suck cocks and eat out pussies, being caged, being tied down, being fucked rough and made to bleed. Of Eobard grabbing him by the neck and holding him down while he split him in two and speed fucked him with no care as to how much he tore and bled, because he’d be healed the next night.

            “Help us to make sure he loses,” Oliver said. “Take the risk, Barry. Make the choice to actually take charge of your own path, your own life. You can do nothing and wait and see if it turns out well, or you can actually make the decision to take a side, make a stake in your own destiny. You can have a better life, Barry. But you have to choose it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise the ColdFlash is coming! Len will be introduced soon, most likely in the next chapter...  
> Once again, thank you for reading and for all the kudos and comments! I really appreciate it!


	4. The Clinic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK... so this kind of got away from me...  
> Anyway, here's a super long chapter to make up for the late update.

 

 

            “I’ll have them set up a room for you on the second floor. Today we’re going to see Ray and Felicity and see if they can figure out something for your speed. You’ll need to be able to access it so you can train with us, but we also need to be able to shut it off when you’re not training.”

            Barry frowned and Oliver shrugged.

            “We may have a deal, but last night you were trying to kill me. I met you less than twenty four hours ago. You’re going to have to earn our trust.”

            “Fair,” Barry said. “We’re going to see them now?”

            “Yes,” Oliver said, “And after that we’ll stop by the clinic.”

            “The omega clinic?”

            “Omega and Delta,” Oliver said.

            Barry tensed a little, and Oliver caught the look.

            “You don’t have to do anything,” he said, “but I want you to talk to someone there – see what it’s like. You’ll probably want to use the clinic later on.”

            Barry didn’t say anything. He looked around instead, as they walked through the building and outside, to another one. A few people looked at him as they passed. Apparently word that Oliver planned to work with the speedster who tried to kill him had spread.

            Barry tried not to take notice of it too much. He was familiar with eyes watching him. Even at the Thawne estate, where he grew up, people would stare and try to get a glimpse at the warrior omega, and later at the boy who had the same ability as Thawne.

            He had slept on the couch in Oliver’s rooms the night before, with guards posted both outside the rooms and outside Oliver’s bedroom. After getting used to falling asleep with Eddie’s warmth next to him though, not to mention being in an unfamiliar surrounding and technically still being a prisoner, without access to his speed, he didn’t get much sleep.

            Oliver had clamped something on his wrist in the morning. He had explained that there was a shield that encompassed the second and third floors of the main estate, which blocked meta powers. Since they were leaving, he was forced to wear the dampener that went on his wrist.

            It worked just as well as whatever they had in the building. Eobard didn’t have anything that worked as well, and he certainly didn’t have anything that could block meta powers over a large space.

            Barry followed Oliver to another building, and then into a room filled with tools and metal bits. Barry looked around curiously at all the pieces – many of them radio bits. Eobard only had a few radios, and they didn’t use them extensively. Barry was beginning to think that Oliver and the Queen territory was farther advanced than Eobard was.

            A man popped up from where he was working on something and a moment later voices filtered in from another room.

            “Oh my God, this must be him,” a woman said. A smiling blonde woman then appeared, hand extended. “Hi – you must be Barry, I’m Felicity! I’m Oliver’s bonded, and also a scientist – I mean, I’m a radio technician, technically, but I’m working on – well, I probably shouldn’t talk about what I’m working on, but I’m Felicity, it’s great to meet you!”

            “Hi,” Barry said, a little dumbstruck. He shook her hand and she smiled more.

            “Dude, I cannot wait to see what you can do,” a man said, and Barry turned to him instead. He was also grinning. “We heard you have super speed. That’s like, the best ability ever.”

            “Felicity,” Oliver said, “when exactly were you going to tell me that Cisco and Caitlin were here?”

            Felicity turned to look back at the man who’d just spoken and a woman behind him, and then back at Oliver. “Oliver, Cisco and Caitlin are here.”

            Oliver ran a hand over his face. “Felicity we are in the middle of a war, why did you invite –”

            “Uh-uh,” Felicity said, “I told you I invited them. And I invited them before there was a war. I wanted help on a project. A project you asked me to do.”

            “Fine,” Oliver said.

            “It’s great to see you too, Oliver,” the man, Cisco said.

            “Where is Ray?” Oliver asked.

            “Here!” a man yelled, and there was a clatter before another man emerged. He was wearing what kind of looked like armor, but not any armor Barry had ever seen before.

            “Great,” Oliver said, “I need a power dampener for Barry that I can shut on and off remotely.”

            “Or you could use a bomb – something that explodes if he gets too far out of range!” Cisco said.

            Barry frowned, and Oliver shook his head. “I don’t think that’s necessary.”

            “Yes – I already started,” Ray said, “I mean, I was working on something for Eobard so I already had some stuff to work with. But anyway I started working on something already.”

            Ray produced another cuff and placed it over Barry’s wrist before removing the other speed dampener. Then he hit a button on a radio he had.

            Barry sucked in a breath. His speed came crashing back and he had the sudden desire to run, but he held back. Ray pressed a button and it was instantly cut off again.

            “It should be cut off?” Oliver asked.

            “Yes,” Ray said.

            Oliver nodded, then walked in front of Barry, and punched him.

            Barry tried to duck but he wasn’t expecting it. Fortunately Oliver pulled the punch at the last second, so it only glanced off his jaw. It still hurt though. Barry staggered a step back, crying out.

            “Ollie!” Felicity yelled. The others had similar reaction. “What the hell are you doing?” she said.

            “Checking to make sure it was really cut off,” Oliver said. “Sorry, Barry. Had to check and make sure.”

            Barry glared at him, though he understood. If he had his speed, he would have instinctually ducked.

            “Or, you know, you could just trust the reading that says it’s cut off,” Ray said, pointing at a dial on the radio.

            “Just making sure,” Oliver said. Barry rubbed at his jaw, but straightened again. “Hit it again.” Ray hit the button, and Barry’s speed was back. Oliver turned to him. “Everything working?”

            Barry ran a circle around the room, sending papers flying. “Yep,” he said.

            “Woah, awesome,” Cisco said. Caitlin blew a strand of hair out of her face.

            Barry looked down though. “This isn’t going to work, though,” he said.

            “Why?” Oliver said, frowning.

            Barry held out his arm and vibrated his wrist. The device phased right through, and clattered to the ground.

            Everyone’s eyes dropped with it.

            “Oh,” Ray said, “that would be a problem.”

            “Shit,” Cisco said, “wait, does that mean you can do that with anything? Can you phase through floors? Could you just drop right down now if you –”

            “OK,” Oliver said, and he took the original power dampener and cuffed it onto Barry’s wrist again. “You’ll work on that?” Oliver said to Ray.

            “Yes,” Ray said, “but I’ll probably need to add the biometrics to make it work. Can I get a blood sample?”

            Barry noticeably tensed. His head jerked over to look at Oliver.

            “Yeah, Caitlin, could you take it?”

            “Sure,” she said, taking something out of a bag. Barry took a step back.

            “Caitlin is a doctor,” Oliver said, turning back to him. “Her and Cisco are from the Central Alliance, in Harrison Well’s territ- what’s wrong?”

            Barry had his eyes glued to the needle now in Caitlin’s hands. He wiped his palms on his pants and took another step back. His eyes darted over to the door they’d come in. Even without his speed he was still a pretty fast runner. He was already contemplating the route down to the hall and down the stairs –

            “Barry,” Oliver said. He took Barry’s arm, and Barry jolted, eyes snapping up to meet his. “What’s wrong.”

            Barry shook his head, eyes going back to Caitlin, but she had stopped several feet away from him, a concerned look on her face.

            Barry swallowed hard. “No blood test,” he said.

            “We need a blood test so Ray can analyze your biometrics for the power dampener,” Oliver said, “I know you agreed to help, and I don’t think you’re going to run, but I can’t justify having a known Thawne associate with super speed completely free to my council. We need assurance, at least for now, so you’re going to have to wear the power dampener.”

            Barry shook his head. He pointed at the one they’d just put on him. “I’ll wear that one when I train and I just won’t phase,” he said, and then his eyes flicked to Cisco, “Or you can strap a bomb to me.”

            Oliver’s eyebrows creased in confusion.

            “Ollie, he’s afraid of needles,” Felicity said.

            Oliver frowned, he looked back at Barry. “You’re afraid of needles?”

            Barry nodded, still eyeing the one in Caitlin’s hands.

            “Caitlin’s really good,” Felicity said, “I got sick a couple years ago and we went to her. She’s the best doctor in all of this side of the continent.”

            “I wouldn’t go that far,” Caitlin said, “But I am really good at finding veins.” She gave Barry a gentle smile. “One pinch, I promise.”

            Barry tried to take another step back but Oliver had a grip on his arm. He shook his head, then looked up at him.

            “No,” he said.

            “It’ll only take a second,” Oliver said gently.

            “ _No_ ,” Barry said.

            “How about we go in another room, somewhere you can sit down, and just relax for a minute before Caitlin takes a sample,” Oliver said.

            “If you stick me with that thing then the deals off,” Barry blurted. “I won’t help you.”

            Everyone went quiet. Oliver raised an eyebrow. “You’re going to call of our deal over a blood test?”

            Barry’s face flushed, and he felt himself shrink, embarrassment and shame curling with the panic. He started shaking. He looked back and forth, cataloging all the exits.

            “Hey,” Caitlin said, and Barry looked back, his attention momentarily captured. “It’s OK to be scared,” she said. She took a step forward, slowly. “I’ve worked with lots of patients who were afraid of needles. Did you have a bad experience with them?”

            Barry shivered. He nodded, pressed back against Oliver as she got closer, his eyes on the needle. “My meta ability,” Barry said, “it didn’t manifest on it’s own.”

            Caitlin sucked in a breath. “They – you’re from Thawne’s land, right? I – I’ve visited there. I do research, and I was meeting with doctors there. I – I’m sorry. I know what they do there. I’m sorry, Barry.”

            Barry was breathing too fast, heartrate sky rocketing. He tried to take deep breaths, tried to remember what Henry always told him when he had to have wounds looked at. Everything was suddenly going too fast, and he could still see the needle, and he didn’t care, he didn’t want that, he could feel the drugs in his veins, he could feel the restraints around his limbs, the endless needle pokes, always followed by burning pain.

            “D-don’t,” he said, and he jerked back hard enough to even make Oliver stumble a step backwards when Caitlin moved forward.

            “Barry,” she said gently, “I’m just going to take your arm, and you’re going to feel a sharp pinch, for just a second, and then it will be done in a few moments. And then that will be it. That’s all I’m going to do, I promise.”

            “Y-you don’t understand,” Barry said. He tried to get out of Oliver’s grip, but he held tight, though he didn’t try to hold him still, just kept a hand around his arm. “Y-you don’t – I can’t.”

            “You can,” Caitlin said firmly. “I know you can. It’ll just be one second, then it will be all over.”

            Barry hyperventilated. He tried to pull from Oliver’s grip again, and Oliver put his hand on Barry’s other shoulder.

            “Easy,” he said, “It’s OK, Barry.”

            “Stop,” Barry said, growing frantic. “Stop – I won’t, I won’t help – I won’t help you. _Stop_.”

            “We’re just going to get this over with, Barry,” Oliver said. “it’s alright. You’re OK.”

            “We’re not going to hurt you,” Caitlin said. She slowly placed a hand on Barry’s arm and Barry flinched back.

            “Don’t – don’t, _please_ ,” he said.

            “Easy,” Oliver said when he started to struggle. “Easy, it’s OK.”

            “Just a second,” Caitlin said, “OK? Can you take a deep breath for me, Barry?”

            “Let go! Please, stop – stop, don’t do this to me. Please don’t do this,” Barry said. Oliver was holding him still now, Caitlin’s hand on his arm and Barry whimpered, then squeezed his eyes shut and turned away. “Don’t,” he said, his voice wavering, shaking. “Please don’t. Please, please _don’t_.”

            “Deep breath, Barry,” Caitlin said, her voice calm and gentle still.

            Barry sucked in a breath, and then felt the sharp pinch of the needle sliding into his arm. His eyes jerked open and his whole body tensed, going stiff.

            “There, done. I’m all done. It’s all done, Barry,” Caitlin said.

            Barry’s vision blurred. Oliver slowly let go of him, and Barry stumbled a step back. Oliver reached out to catch him, but Barry flinched violently away. He put his hand over the puncture wound, trembling. His vision tunneled, and then turned spotty. He swayed.

            “Whoah, easy buddy,” Cisco said, rushing forward as Barry stumbled towards where he had been standing. “Let’s sit down.” He brought Barry to a chair and Barry collapsed down, head spinning. He felt like crying, but forced the tears back. He was still shaking.

            Felicity appeared a moment later. She put a hand on his knee, frowning. “It’s all over,” she said, “I’m sorry, Barry. We’re really sorry you had to do that. It’s all done now.” Felicity looked up at Oliver. “Go get him some tea,” she said.

            Oliver’s eyebrows shot up. “Tea?”

            “Yes, tea, he just had a panic attack, go get him some tea!” Felicity said.

            “Where am I supposed to get tea?” Oliver sputtered.

            “I don’t know, the tavern or knock on someone’s house, you’re the damn Lord, Oliver, I’m sure you can manage to find some tea!”

            Oliver muttered something. “Fine, OK, tea,” he said. “Anything else?” he added sarcastically.

            “A blanket would be spectacular,” Felicity said.

            Oliver groaned and disappeared down the stairs.

            Barry couldn’t help it. He started to cry. He was still trembling, still scared and he felt awful, like he just wanted to curl into a ball.

            “Oh, honey,” Felicity said, rubbing his knee. She was kneeling in front of him, face at his level. “It’s OK. It’s all done. They don’t need anything else.” She turned to Ray. “Is Sara still on guard detail near the West wing? Or, where’s the nearest clinic?”

            Barry tensed. “O-Oliver said I didn’t have to –”

            “Oh, no, no,” Felicity said quickly, “I just – I thought an alpha might be able to help more, just to hold you. Not anything else. I’m a Delta, and so is Ray. Cisco and Caitlin are gammas, and I figure you probably don’t want Oliver anywhere near you after that. So I thought maybe you’d like a different alpha, to just help you calm down.”

            Barry shook his head. “N-no, please.” He didn’t want any unfamiliar alphas near him, and actually, it comforted him to know that none of the people there were higher than gamma level. He felt a vague pang for Eddie, or Henry or one of the other alphas or betas that was always kind to him and that he liked, but an unfamiliar one would just make him more tense.

            “Oh – OK. We won’t then. That’s OK,” Felicity said.

            “Try to take deep breaths,” Caitlin said, “that will help.”

            Barry nodded, and he sucked in breaths. He tried to calm down. By the time Oliver arrived with a cup of tea he had managed to stop hyperventilating and shaking, and he was no longer crying. He still felt awful, and nervous, but he was no longer panicking. He sipped the tea slowly and Oliver stayed a good distance away, looking concerned.

            “I’m sorry again, Barry,” Caitlin said, “we really need the test, otherwise we wouldn’t have made you go through that.”

            She did look genuinely sorry, though Barry had a hard time forgiving her then when he still felt so miserable. He just nodded once and took another sip of tea.

            “Oliver should have told you that might be needed,” Felicity said, and she shot him a look. “He will in the future – if you ever need anything with needles again. He’ll tell you in advance so you have a chance to calm down beforehand.” She turned back to Barry. “And anyway, he should know better. I was _awful_ with needles before I got sick. I used to drag Oliver out of meetings just to go sit with me while I had blood tests taken.”

            “You’re… so you’re bonded?” he said.

            Felicity’s face lit up though, and she cast a look back at Oliver. His face morphed when she did, to something almost tender. “Yes,” she said, “for about three years now.”

            “And… you’re a Delta?”

            “Yep,” Felicity said. “I know, it’s not totally commonplace. Oliver even dated a beta once though.”

            Barry’s eyebrows shot up. “Really?”

            “Yep,” Felicity said.

            It wasn’t unheard of, but it was very rare that an alpha and beta, or an omega and delta for that matter, got together. It was uncommon for alphas to bond with deltas, but not nearly as rare. Usually alphas bonded omegas, betas bonded deltas, and gammas bonded other gammas. In some regions it was illegal for any other pairings to occur. It wasn’t on Thawne land, but it wasn’t common, and it was looked down on. The same judgement wasn’t awarded betas who fucked omegas, or alphas who fucked deltas, but actual bonding was considered different.

            “I’m the only one who’s bonded,” Felicity said. She dropped her voice to a whisper. “Although Ray and Kendra are going to announce it any day now.”

            “Kendra,” Barry said, “I met her. She’s a field medic.”

            “Yeah,” Felicity said, “She’s a warrior. We’re actually all intelligence.” She gave a sweeping gesture at herself, Cisco, Caitlin, and Ray.

            Felicity continued to talk to him for a while, and Barry slowly relaxed. He decided he liked Felicity. She was funny and nice and she seemed to take a real genuine interest in Barry’s thoughts.

            Once it was clear that Barry had calmed down, Felicity suggested that they all go get something to eat together. They went to a small tavern down the street and got food. By the time the meal was over Barry was laughing. They parted and Felicity promised to find him again later that day.

            After that Oliver and Barry headed for the clinic. Barry started to get tense again on the way. It didn’t matter how many times Oliver told him he wouldn’t have to do anything there. He was still anxious.

            “Barry, I am sorry about what happened,” Oliver said, “I didn’t know you were that afraid.”

            Barry said nothing, just kept walking. He was still a little angry, and he wasn’t completely over the fear it had caused.

            “And I’m sorry for how I reacted,” Oliver said, “I wouldn’t have said what I did if I had known how much it was going to affect you. I’m sorry.”

            Barry was quiet for a moment. “Wow,” he said after a second. “The Lord of Queens just apologized. Is that breaking a record or something?”

            Barry glanced over and grinned, and after a second Oliver laughed.

 

 

 

            Barry shifted in the seat he was in. The clinic was not like how he’d expected. There had been a waiting room, where several people were sitting, most of them chatting or sitting quietly. And all of them seemed so… relaxed. Barry had been with omegas waiting to be fucked before. There was always a collective air of anxiety and nerves, sometimes outright dread and fear. And all of that was absent here.

            It helped put him a little more at ease. When they were called they walked into a small office, and Barry and Oliver each took a seat in front of a desk while a woman sat behind it. She smiled at them and shook both of their hands, introducing herself as Monica.

            “So Barry, Oliver has told me a little about your situation. He mentioned you’re not familiar with clinics, so let me explain a little about ours, alright?”

            Barry nodded and she smiled again.

            “The clinic is made to help unbonded omegas and deltas be the happiest and healthiest they can be, by providing sexual and orientation specific therapy. That can include anything from having an alpha or beta to talk to about their life to actually having sex with one of our therapists, and anything in between. The main thing to remember is that this is a place for you, to help you in whatever fashion you need it. It’s not a place made for alphas and betas, and it’s not somewhere you have to go, or where you have to do anything. It’s for you, and we only want you to engage in the therapies you’re comfortable with.”

            Barry listened, a little confused. He understood what she was saying, of course, but it was a strange concept to him.

            “OK,” he said softly.

            “I’m going to start by having you fill out a questioner with me,” she said, “normally we have new omegas and deltas fill these out before their first session, but I think you might be unfamiliar with some of it, so I’m going to fill it out with you. Is that alright with you?”

            Barry looked over at Oliver, but Oliver just gave him a small nod.

            “Um, yeah, OK,” he said.

            “Alright,” she said, “let’s start with the basics. You’re an omega, right?” Barry nodded. “And do you prefer alphas? It’s perfectly alright if you prefer betas instead, or even gammas, deltas, or other omegas.”

            “I…,” he started, “I don’t really know.” He tried to think of the men and women he’d been with, and what he’d enjoyed the most. He’d been with alphas and betas. He knew he preferred alphas when the alphas were gentle. The problem was they weren’t always, and betas were usually gentler than alphas. Given the choice between the two, he’d often choose betas just to insure he wouldn’t get someone too rough. But did he really like betas? Would he ever want to bond with one? He couldn’t imagine bonding with a gamma, delta, or omega. A beta? He wasn’t sure. “Um… just alphas and betas, I guess, maybe just alphas… or, no maybe just betas.” He changed quickly, thinking maybe he should say betas so he’d get someone gentler.

            “OK,” she said. “And, Barry, before we continue. You can update this information at any time. So if you later change your mind, that’s fine.” Barry nodded. “Next, do you prefer men or women, or both?”

            “Um… I… I like both? But, maybe I prefer men?”

            Monica nodded, and marked it down. “OK, now, I have a list of activities here. It’s rather long, but I’d like you to tell me if you enjoy the activity, if it’s neutral to you, if you dislike it, if you’re not sure, or if you absolutely under no circumstances want to engage in it.”

            “OK,” Barry said.

            “Just let me know if you don’t know what something is,” she said. “First, anal sex.”

            “Um, I, I mean, I sometimes enjoy it,” Barry said. “If the person… as long as it’s not too rough. I mean… like, I have enjoyed it, before, but not… always.”

            “I’ll make a note,” she said, “that you want it to be gentler, but keep in mind that this is just a starting list, to give the people you’ll work with an idea of what you like and what your limits are. If you actually do any of these things, you can tell them what you want, and if you say you want them to be gentle, or you want to go slower, they will.”

            Barry nodded, a little surprised at that. He didn’t quite believe her. He’d been with alphas who seemed kind at first, who told him they’d be gentle, and then got carried away later.

            She kept going, listing off dozens of activities. Barry ended up giving a lot of “I don’t know”s to things, although there were plenty of things he enjoyed as well, and things he knew he didn’t enjoy.

            “Caning?” she said.

            Barry paused. His immediate reaction was a no – he never enjoyed it, it was never something he liked even a little, and even the thought of it scared him.

            “I – I really don’t like that,” he said quietly.

            “Do you want to put it as a hard no?” she asked.

            “I… if I say no, they… they won’t do it?” Barry said.

            “No one will cane you if you put it as a no,” she said.

            “What about for punishments,” Barry said.

            “Even for punishments.”

            “I… I can do that? But… what if I’m punished for something?” Barry looked at Oliver. “If I… do you follow it too?”

            Oliver frowned. “Barry, I’m not going to touch you. I’m not going to make you do anything – any of this, even things you like.”

            “But I mean for punishments,” Barry said.

            “I’m not going to punish you, Barry,” Oliver said slowly.

            Barry just looked at him, frowning. “But… what about if I mess up – once we start training. If I’m not fast enough, or if I make mistakes because I’m not paying attention.”

            “Then we’ll try again,” Oliver said, “if you were really not following instructions then maybe I’d bench you or make you do laps or something but I’m certainly not going to cane you, either way.”

            “You’re… you’re not?” Barry said quietly.

            Oliver sighed. He looked sad again, Barry realized. “Barry, I know you were punished when you were with Thawne if you didn’t perform well enough, but that’s not going to happen here. I’m not going to cane you. I’m not going to paddle you. I’m not going to fuck you. I’m not going to whip you, or take away food, or hurt you, or do anything else like that, Barry. I swear.”

            Barry just stared at him for another second. He looked back at the woman again, still doubtful. “What if I’m here and I mess up. What if I disobey something?”

            “If you put caning down as a hard no then it doesn’t matter what you do, Barry, you won’t be caned. And Barry, you would only ever even be punished if you had decided ahead of time that you wanted to be punished.”

            “Why would I want to be punished – isn’t that like, the opposite of what a punishment is.”

            “Many omegas, and deltas for that matter, need punishments to keep them feeling cared for and in control. Although the actual punishment might be unpleasant, they need it to feel happy and safe the rest of the time, so they willingly accept them.”

            Barry frowned. He could somewhat understand that, but he still didn’t completely buy into it.

            “So, do you want to put caning down as an absolute no?”

            “Yes,” Barry said. He was surprised by how relieved he was to say it, and suddenly it hit him that if the clinic and Oliver did what they said they were going to, and if they won, if they beat Eobard, Barry might never be caned again in his life.

            And for the first time in a long time, he felt a spark of motivation for something, a longing for freedom that had been beaten out of him. It was just a tiny spark, but he could feel it catching.

           

 

 

 

            It took Ray, Cisco, and Caitlin a week to finish a version of the power dampener that Barry couldn’t just phase out of. In that time Barry trained with Oliver hand to hand, in which he quickly found he was very much not as good as Oliver. But mostly he spent a lot of time exploring the Queen castle, especially their library. He also went back to the clinic.

            “I’d like you to go regularly to talk to someone,” Oliver said, “anything else is up to you.”

            Barry knew that if he pushed, if he told Oliver he didn’t want to go back, that he’d let him stay away, but Barry found he didn’t mind being there when it was just talking, so he went. He met a different therapist, this one a man named Ben. He was a beta, which put Barry a little more at ease, and they just talked. At first he just asked about Barry’s life, about how he’d ended up at the Queen estate, and then they started getting into some of the less savory aspects of Barry’s time with Eobard. Barry found he actually really did like having someone to talk to about all of it. He’d never told anyone really what Eobard did to him, not even Eddie or Henry. It was all standard there, and he hadn’t wanted to tell them. It was easier here, and he started to understand more, to comprehend the difference between the Thawne estate and the Queen one, and how the way he’d been taught to view sex was perhaps not the best perspective.

            He didn’t have much to do, so for the first week he went every day, just to talk with Ben. At the end of the week though Ben asked him if he’d like to try something more.

            “You don’t have to,” Ben said, “but you seem to have grown much more comfortable here, and I think taking some small steps would help with your stress and general mood.”

            Barry considered it, but he hesitated. He liked how things were going. He liked talking to Ben. He didn’t want to add sex to it, was afraid of what would happen, how their relationship would change. That, and he still wasn’t that keen on going back to it.

            It was the longest he’d ever not had sex since he was 17, though, and he’d noticed already the changes. He was jumpier, irritated more easily, and he was starting to crave touch. It was classic symptoms. Once an omega got used to being with alphas and betas, if it stopped suddenly then their health and mood suffered. Barry had started getting headaches in the past couple days as well, and he was still sleeping horribly. He found himself not as opposed to the idea as he thought he would have been a week ago. If he could go back for just a few hours and see Eddie, he thought he would.

            “I would actually suggest not doing anything more than talk with me,” Ben said, “I think it would be good for you to have someone to talk to whose separate from that. But I’d also understand if you’re not comfortable doing anything more with anyone you’ve never met before.”

            Barry told him he’d think about it.

            That day, after training with Oliver (at which he had his ass kicked, again) he thought of something, and turned abruptly towards him as they walked back to the estate.

            “Am I allowed to touch myself here?”

            Oliver blinked at him. “Why would you not be allowed to touch yourself? Who would be policing that, Barry?”

            “I wasn’t allowed to touch myself at Thawne’s,” Barry said, “ever. No omegas are. We’re taught not to.”

            “I don’t care if you touch yourself, Barry,” Oliver said, “What you do is your business, and not mine. The only way you wouldn’t be allowed to is if you decided with a therapist at the clinic that you didn’t want to have control of your orgasms, and you wanted them to punish you if you touched yourself or came without permission. But you would have to want that, would have to agree to it first. No one will make you.”

 

 

 

            Barry went back the next day. “OK,” he said when he got there. “I want to. But – with a different beta – and I want it to be a beta, at first. And I want to talk to them first. And then… not sex. I want… I want to just… to start small. Like you said, just… baby steps.”

            Ben smiled, and then pulled out a list of beta therapists available.

            They settled on a woman named Patty. Barry decided that although he was pretty sure he preferred men to women, just as he preferred alphas to betas yet still wanted a beta, a woman would be better to start with. When he’d been with Thawne, he’d had both nice and rougher women alphas and betas, but although women could fuck him with a dildo just as men could fuck him with a cock, they were much less likely to do so, and as a result he found women less intimidating than men. They chose Patty because Ben said she was great with abuse survivors, and was very nice and not at all intimidating.

            So Barry met with her, just to talk at first, to get to know her, and was surprised at how easily they hit it off. She asked him about the classes he’d taken, about chemistry and science. The next day he came back and they talked again, and on the third day he decided he was comfortable enough to try something with her.

            “What do you want to do?” she asked.

            Barry paused. “I’m… I don’t know.”

            “OK,” she said, “well, what sounds fun?”

            “Um… I… I don’t think I want to have sex,” he said.

            “I wasn’t going to suggest we have sex,” she said, “I would say, let’s work up to that. Let’s start smaller. We don’t even have to do anything sexual to start with, Barry. If you’d like, we could kiss, and I could hold you?”

            “OK,” Barry said.

            So they kissed, and Barry was surprised at how much he enjoyed it, of how good it felt after a week and a half of not having anyone touch him. He grew hard quickly, but he found himself ignoring it at first. She had her arms around him, and Barry suddenly never wanted her to let go. She was being so gentle, and Barry knew she genuinely cared about his wellbeing, and she was doing this for him, not for herself. She wasn’t kissing him as a preclude to having him get her off. She was kissing him to make him feel comfortable, wanted, cared for.

            After a while though, his cock was begging to be touched. He’d been jerking off irregularly, and at the first touch in a week and a half his body was craving more. He started breathing heavily, and his cock was leaking.

            “Barry,” Patty said. She leaned a little ways away from him, and rubbed circles over his shoulder with one hand, then started petting his hair with the other. Barry’s breath hitched. “Would you like me to touch your cock?”

            Barry nodded, breathless.

            “Are you sure?” she said. “You can say no. If you’d rather not move to that yet, I can stop, and you can touch yourself instead if you’d like, or just let it go down.”

            “No – I – I want you to – please.”

            She smiled at him. “Of course, Barry.”

            She unbuckled his belt, and he helped her pull his pants and underwear down. Her hand wrapped around his cock and Barry sucked in a breath. It felt so good. He laid back against the bed they were on, and she leaned over him, hand between his legs, while her face stayed close to his.

            “I’m – I’m already close,” he said.

            “Come whenever you’d like,” she said. “What do you want? Faster? Slower?”

            Barry hesitated. “Faster,” he said. He knew he was going to come embarrassingly quickly, but he didn’t care. It felt so good, and to go slow would be torture.

            She sped up and he moaned. He came in less than a minute, and his body shuddered. Afterwards, she cleaned him up gently.

            “I – I can help you too,” he said.

            Patty smiled at him. “You don’t have to,” she said, “I don’t need to cum right now, Barry. I think it be better for today to stop here. We can cuddle for a while instead if you want.”

            “You – you don’t want me to do anything?” he said, confused.

            “I want you to do what you want to do,” she said, “I think you’re a very attractive, very good omega, Barry, but I don’t need you to make me cum right now. I’m very happy to just cuddle instead if you’d like to do that. If you want to keep going we can, but I think this was a really good first step, and we don’t need to take it further right away.”

            “OK,” Barry said.

            She smoothed a hand over his shoulder. “I’d like to cuddle with you now though. Would you like that?”

“Yes,” He said. She folded behind him, wrapping her arms around him, and then pet his hair gently, and Barry felt warm and safe and cared for, and like with the kissing, he wanted to stay there forever.

“This is called after care,” Patty said, “and at the clinic, every time you come in and do more than talk, we’ll do after care. It can be anything you want to relax and come down from everything, but most omegas like to be held and to cuddle. Sometimes they like to talk too. Do you have an idea of what you like?”

“I really like this,” Barry admitted. Again, he was surprised just how much he liked it. It was the best he’d felt in a long time.

“Do you want me to say anything?” Patty said. “Some omegas like to be reassured that they’ve done a good job, or they’ve been good.”

Barry took in a breath. “Could… I… I like that too.”

“You were a very good boy, Barry,” Patty said, petting his hair, “you made me very happy, and I very much enjoyed that. You are such a good omega, such a good boy for me.”

Barry practically preened. He wanted to be closer to her, even as they were pressed together. She kept going for a while, different variations of the same thing, but it didn’t much matter. Barry was safe and warm and comfortable and he was a good boy, a good omega, and he was happy.

 

 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me about aftercare?”

Oliver turned to find Barry waiting in his rooms, hands up. Oliver blinked at him. “What about aftercare?”

“It’s existence!” Barry said, “that it’s a thing. It’s the greatest thing in the world.”

Oliver almost laughed, but there was a dual sense of comedy and tragedy in Barry’s statement, that he hadn’t even known what aftercare was.

“I want to do it all day long,” Barry said, “every day. It’s literally the best thing ever.”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it,” Oliver said, “I take it you’ve decided to take advantage of some of the clinics other services then?”

Barry flushed a little. “Yeah, I mean just, a little, for now. Not like… still not anything big.”

“That’s OK,” Oliver said, “take your time.”

“Also, I just… are you paying for me to go there? Like, they can’t just work for free, right, that’s their job, so… do I need to pay to be there? Is there something I can do like… I can work. I’ve done, you know, like cleaning and kitchen work and stuff – I’ve never you know had a real full time job because I was training full time but I can still work.”

“Don’t worry about it, Barry,” Oliver said. “Yes, I am paying them, but I’m the Lord of Queens. I’m not lacking in money.”

“OK,” Barry said, “just I… I go there a lot – I mean, I know you know, but I go there everyday. And I know most omegas don’t, they go like once a week or once every two weeks usually. And I go every day. I could work.”

“Monica told me it would be best for you to go daily for the time being,” Oliver said, “that’s what they usually recommend with abuse survivors, especially ones like you who have never known anything else. They actually usually recommend retreats – where you go someplace and live there, and get access to more intensive therapy, but I can’t do that with you because you need to train, so this is the next best thing. It’s fine for you to go every day.”

“OK, but still, I can work. I can do something. I don’t have a trade or training in anything really, but I – I’m really good at chemistry stuff, and I, I can do like menial labor too. I know I don’t look very strong but you know from training, I can actually lift a lot.”

“Barry,” Oliver said, “would you like a job?”

Barry stared at him, eyes wide. “Um, I don’t know, just, maybe? I have a lot of free time. And, I’m here, you’re feeding me and housing me and paying for me to go to the clinic and you don’t own me here, and I know I’m still sort of your prisoner but it really doesn’t feel like I am so I am completely ready to work for some of it. But I know you’ll want me to train more soon too.”

Oliver looked at him. “I’ll see if there’s anything you can do,” he said.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Barry kept seeing Patty and Ben. He quickly grew comfortable with Patty, and he ended up alternating the days he saw them. He looked forward to both.

Ray was able to create the power dampener for him, and he started training with Oliver while using his speed. He was shocked at how little Oliver wanted him to train though.

“If you can get faster than that’s great,” Oliver said when he asked about it, “But you’re already incredibly fast. You said you weren’t as fast as Eobard, so we’re not going to count on you beating him in a one on one. We’re going to make a plan around that, instead. So right now we’re just training to keep you in shape.”

He trained for about four hours a day, part of that running at full speed, part of that slowed down hand to hand combat and weapons combat, since he was weaker in that. When he had been with Eobard, he had been training at least eight hours a day, very often more than that. Now, he trained for three to four hours, never more.

Oliver got him a job working in the estate library. Barry was thrilled. It wasn’t particularly exciting work, but he felt like he was doing something, helping.

So in the mornings he woke up, got ready, went to training in the morning, often went to lunch with Felicity, and in the afternoon went to his appointments with Ben and Patty, after which he spent a couple hours working in the library. After that he ate dinner with Oliver and some of his advisors, and then usually spent time reading in the library before going to bed.

He loved it.

He got to run, he got to talk to Ben and see Patty, he had a job, and he got to relax and read and do whatever he wanted for a part of the day. He was becoming good friends with Felicity as well as Ray, Cisco, and Caitlin (who were still visiting) and he found he really liked spending time with Oliver. Despite the fact that he was a Lord and an alpha, Barry grew comfortable around him. He never made him nervous, and he never went back on his word about not punishing him and not fucking him. He never said or did anything to make Barry think he might, either.

            Meanwhile the war went on, but Eobard had realized that Oliver and the other Star Coalition lands had the speed dampeners that Barry originally encountered, the ones that worked over a large area. Ray and Cisco were working on making more, and Oliver was quickly sending them out to his army, to be kept at their bases. So Eobard had retreated, and Oliver hadn’t gone to attack the Thawne estate yet, so it was quiet there.

            The only thing that was really still a problem was that Barry kept having nightmares. He didn’t sleep very much, and he hardly ever slept all the way through the night. Often he dreamt of killing people, and he dreamt of Eobard coming back and finding him, and then punishing him, mainly caning and fucking, but other things found their way into his nightmares as well. He talked with Ben about it, told him how guilty he felt for killing infantry men. Ben repeatedly told him it wasn’t his fault, he didn’t have a choice, and those men and women had signed up knowing their life was at risk as well. They were attacking Thawne land, and Barry was in the Thawne army. War was brutal, and although it was unnecessarily for Eobard to have all of those people killed, Barry had been following orders, knowing he’d be punished severely if he disobeyed them.

            He still felt guilty though, and it ate at him. Eventually he went into a session with Patty and as soon as he entered the room, before she could even say hello, he blurted out, “I want you to punish me.”

            Patty just nodded, not smiling anymore but not frowning either. “OK,” she said, “what did you do that you think deserves punishment?”

            “I killed people,” Barry said, “I’ve killed hundreds of people.”

            Patty just nodded. She walked forward carefully and sat down in a chair, at a small table that was in the room. Barry sat down across from her. He was trembling, incredibly tense. He was afraid of being punished, but he couldn’t stand the guilt, and he felt he needed it, deserved it. In fact, he deserved much more, probably deserved to be killed, but he couldn’t just do nothing.

            “When you were in the Thawne army, right?” she said.

            Barry nodded.

            “OK,” she said, “you know that wasn’t your fault, right Barry? You were acting under orders, and you were trained to follow orders. Even if it wasn’t right, it’s not your fault. You didn’t have a choice.”

            “I could have disobeyed,” Barry said, “I could have refused and let Thawne punish me.”

            “Yes,” she said, “you could have. But you were acting in self-preservation, and they weren’t just innocent people standing around either, they were soldiers, and you were at war.”

            “But we didn’t have to kill them all,” Barry said.

            “No, you didn’t,” she said, “I’m not saying it was right, Barry, I’m saying it wasn’t right for Thawne to give the order to have them killed. If you hadn’t killed them, Barry, I’m sure Eobard would have.”

            “I know,” Barry said, “I just – I can’t do this. I still killed them. It was me, I still – I did it, and I could have not, even if it meant Thawne killed me, I could have refused, and I – I keep having nightmares of them, it keeps – I deserve it, please Patty.”

            “OK,” Patty said, “I’ll punish you, Barry. But you need to understand I’m doing this because you feel guilty, and this will help you to cope with that, not because you did something wrong.”

            “OK,” Barry said.

            “It’s OK to need to be punished sometimes,” Patty said, “even if what happened wasn’t really your fault, or it was an accident, or you had no choice, like this. Sometimes omegas and deltas need punishment for it anyway. I just want you to understand the difference.”

            Barry nodded. “I get it. I – I’ve talked with Ben about it, about how it’s not my fault, I just – I can’t stop.”

            “OK,” Patty said. She took his hand and gave it a squeeze. “How would you like to be punished.”

            Barry’s mouth was dry. “I don’t know,” he said.

            She had never punished him before. So far everything they’d done he’d enjoyed, completely. If he didn’t like something, they stopped, which still felt kind of miraculous to Barry, and he was still getting used to having so much choice. But he’d never been punished, and he was scared now.

            “Barry, look at me,” Patty said. Barry looked up slowly. She squeezed his hand again. “We’re going to do something you’ll find unpleasant, but we’re not going to do something you find unbearable, OK? This shouldn’t be traumatic, it should make you feel better afterwards. And when we’re done, we’ll spend a lot of time cuddling, OK?”

            “I… I still get aftercare?” Barry said. “Even with punishments?”

            “Especially with punishments,” Patty said.

            “But… but it’s a punishment,” Barry said, “and I – I really like aftercare. That’s – that’s my favorite part.”

            “You always get aftercare,” Patty said, “no matter what.”

            “OK,” Barry said. He was a little relieved at that. At least it would be nice afterwards. He really did love just cuddling.

            “So what do you think would be a good punishment for today?” Patty said.

            “I don’t know,” Barry said. He squeezed his eyes shut for a second, “I… I sometimes think I deserve to be killed – executed, for what I’ve done.”

            Patty frowned. “It’s OK to feel that way, Barry, but let me make this very clear: you don’t deserve to be killed. You were put in a horrible situation and made the choice that almost everyone would make in that position. It’s not your fault.”

            Barry nodded.

            “How about,” Patty said, “I spank you.”

            “With what?”

            “What would you like me to use?”

            Barry paused. “I… they said you wouldn’t… they said you wouldn’t use a cane.”

            “That’s on your no list,” Patty said, “so no, I won’t use that.”

            “OK, I, I just… but I really hate it, so… so maybe that would be best?” He was already thinking about the pain, trying to steel himself for it, trying to get the words out of his mouth before he changed his mind or went back on it. He deserved this.

            “No,” she said.

            “No?”

            “No, it’s on your no list. So I’m not going to use it, Barry. Remember what I said – we’re going to do something you find unpleasant, not something you find unbearable. You find caning unbearable, so we’re not going to do that.”

            “But… but what if I deserve that?”

            “You don’t deserve that,” Patty said. “This is a punishment Barry, not a traumatic event. I’m not using a cane on you. Even if you tell me to, I will not use that on you today Barry. You would need to talk to Ben first, and then Monica, and have it changed from your no list, and then, if we talked about it in depth beforehand, I might give you a few strikes with a cane to start with. But that is definitely not happening today.”

            “Oh,” Barry said.

            “Let’s start with this instead,” Patty said, “what would be the next most painful for you – what do you find the next least tolerable implement?”

            “A strap,” Barry said.

            “Alright, what’s after that?”

            “A paddle.”

            “OK,” she said, “how do you feel about a spanking with a paddle?”

            “OK,” Barry said, a tone of finality to it.

            “I wasn’t asking if it was OK if I used it, Barry. I’m asking what you think about it. What’s going through your head right now?”

            Barry looked down. “I don’t know, I’m – it makes me nervous. I’m scared. It’s… it’s going to hurt, and that, it scares me. Paddles hurt, and I – I don’t know how many you’ll give me, or how hard it’ll be, or what kind of paddle and I’m scared it’s going to be like before. But I also think I deserve even worse, and I just – I need this, I really, I don’t want to do something that barely hurts and then keep feeling like this.”

            “OK,” she said, “I think, Barry, that we’ll do a paddle then. Since we haven’t done anything with pain before, I really have no idea what your tolerance is though, so can you tell me the most spanks with a paddle you’ve ever gotten?”

            “A hundred,” Barry said.

            She nodded. “And would you say that was unbearable?”

            Barry hesitated, then nodded.

            “What number do you think would be the line for that? How many do you think would be right before unbearable?”

            “I don’t know,” Barry said. “Maybe… fifty? I don’t know.”

            “OK,” she said. “Here’s what I think we should do. I’ll give you twenty, and after that, you’re going to ask me for more. You can ask me for up to five more at a time, no more than that. And when you say you’ve had enough, we’ll stop. If I think you’ve had enough, we’ll also stop.”

            “I… I get to choose?”

            “Yes,” she said. “Since this is the first time we’ve done anything with pain, I don’t know your body well enough to know how much you need, and what will be too much. So you’re going to get twenty, and after that if you want more, I’ll give you more. You decide when we stop, unless I think you’re going too far, and then I’ll stop anyway.”

            “But you won’t… if after twenty I say that’s enough… you’ll stop?”

            “Yes,” she said, “and Barry, if I get to ten, or even if I give you one, and it’s too much – if you have a flashback, or you start to panic, or the pain is more than you thought it would be and it’s too much, you can tell me to stop. For today, if you tell me to stop, I’m going to stop.”

            “But it’s a punishment,” Barry said.

            “Even with punishments, you still get an out,” she said. “Usually with omegas we use a safe word. It’s a word that makes everything stop. So if the omegas said stop, or no, or don’t, I would keep going, but if they say that word, then I would stop. Because this is very new to you, and you’ve had such a bad situation in the past, we’re not going to use one though. If you say stop or don’t or no, I’m going to stop.”

            “But what if, what if I yell because it hurts but I want you to keep going?” Barry asked.

            “That’s why we usually use a safeword,” Patty said, “specifically for that reason. But again, since this is really new for you, we’re going to skip that. If you say stop and then a second later want to keep going, you can tell me and we’ll keep going, unless I think you’ve really had enough.”

            “OK,” Barry said.

            “Are you ready to start?” Patty asked.

            Barry swallowed. “Y-yeah.”

            “Remember,” Patty said, “if it’s too much, if it’s too scary, if it reminds you too much of Thawne, you can tell me to stop and I will. This is not meant to be unbearable, Barry. I don’t want it to be. Will you tell me if it’s too much for you?”

            “Yes,” Barry said.

            “Good,” Patty said. “Remember, I don’t want to really hurt you either, Barry. I care about you and how you feel and I’ll feel really bad if I make you go through something traumatic or if I really hurt you. Please tell me if something is too much. It’s really important that you do.”

            “I will,” Barry said.

            “Good, now, how do you want to be spanked?”

            “Um, I… I don’t know,” Barry said.

            “How about over my lap,” Patty said. “I’ll sit on the bed.”

            “OK.”

            “You can get on your hands and knees if that sounds better,” Patty said, “or lean over the table. Some omegas don’t like over the knee because it makes them feel more vulnerable. Some omegas prefer it because it’s more intimate.”

            “I… I think that’s fine,” Barry said.

            “OK,” she said. “Before we start, once we’re finished with the spanking, would you like me to touch you, or do you want to go straight to aftercare?”

            “I… it’s not really a punishment if you let me cum afterwards, is it?”

            “The punishment would be over, and I’d be rewarding you for getting through it,” she said, “but if it makes you feel like the punishment is less effective that way then I won’t.”

            Barry hesitated. He wanted her to touch him, but he also felt like it wouldn’t be a real punishment then.

            “I… can you… just touch me a little? And… and not let me cum?”

            “Yes,” she said, “I can do that.”

            They had started playing with orgasm denial recently, because now that Barry had total freedom to orgasm as much as he wanted, he found it much less enjoyable than he thought he would. So far they hadn’t done much more than when Barry was with her, he had to ask before he came, and sometimes Patty would drag it out a little longer than Barry would on his own. But so far Barry liked it, in an odd, love-hate kind of way. The idea now, of her not letting him cum after his punishment sent a sharp streak of arousal through him, even though he knew he was going to be left hard.

            “But… I don’t want you to edge me,” he put in quickly. “Just… just a little.”

            “I’ll touch you for a little, and if you want me to stop you can tell me,” she said.

            “OK,” he said.

            “Why don’t you get undressed, as much as you want to, and I’ll get a paddle.”

            Barry walked over to the bed and started to get undressed. He knew he didn’t need to be all the way undressed for a spanking, but he did so anyway. He wasn’t shy, and it would be nicer afterwards.

            She opened a cabinet in the room and took out a standard wooden paddle. Barry took in a long breath. He was nervous, decidedly nervous, and a familiar dread began circling in his stomach. Patty sat down on the bed and gestured for him to come over.

            He laid down across her lap, and she pulled him a little closer with one hand, before resting it on his back, rubbing gentle circles.

            “Are you ready to start?” she asked. Barry nodded, closing his eyes. He tried to settle, to make himself as comfortable as possible. “Do you want me to count them, or do you like to?”

            “You,” Barry said.

            “OK,” she said, “remember you can tell me to stop. I’m going to start now.”

            The first smack came down with medium weight to it. Patty was strong, Barry knew, but not as strong as some of the people who had punished Barry before. The first spank hurt, but really it just stung more than anything. It wasn’t excessively painful.

            “One,” Patty said. She brought down the second.

            Barry kept his head down, eyes squeezed shut, barely making any noise for most of it. Patty started hitting a little harder as she went on, and Barry stayed still for it. It hurt, and slowly his ass burned more and more. He whimpered a little as she drew close to 20. It was hurting quite a bit by that point, but Barry could also feel a tension leaving him. This wasn’t unbearable, it wasn’t the worst he’d ever had, and it wasn’t really bringing up any unpleasant memories either. He was too aware of Patty, with her voice ringing out with each one, with her legs under him, her hand on his back, gentle and steadying.

            “Twenty,” Patty said. She paused a moment. “Barry, would you like another?”

            Barry hesitated. His ass hurt, but he wasn’t near that unbearable line yet. He didn’t feel like he needed to stop, and this was a punishment. And he wanted to be punished.

            “Yes,” he said.

            She brought another down and he closed his eyes again. His ass burned.

            “Would you like another?”

            “I’d – five more. I want five more,” he said, remembering what she had said earlier.

            She gave him five more. “I want another five please,” he said as soon as she was done, before he could think too much about it.

            By the time that was over it was starting to really hurt. He wanted to stop. He was breathing hard, flinching with every hit now. He squirmed a little on her lap.

            “I want five more,” he said again. His voice was strained.

            She gave him the first two, and it burned like fire. Barry cried out on the third, and she paused to rub soothing circles over his back.

            “Barry,” she said gently, “do you need to stop?”

            He shook his head. “No. I can do it.”

            She gave him the next two, and Barry squirmed away. He had tears in his eyes and he let out a muffled yell.

            “Are you ready to stop now?” she asked after a moment.

            Barry shook his head. “No,” he said. “I – I want five more.”

            “OK,” she said. Barry whimpered when she spanked him. His ass was burning, and every smack stung and ignited it all over again. He cried out and couldn’t stay still and after the fourth, on reflex he put his hand over his ass, covering it, almost told her to stop.

            “Barry,” she said gently. “do you want to stop now?”

            Barry shook his head.

            “Then I need you to move your hand, sweetheart.”

            Barry hesitated a moment, then moved his hand back. She hit him and he pressed his forehead into the mattress. A tear leaked down his face.

            “You’ve done a really good job, Barry,” Patty said. she trailed her hand down, rubbing gently on his ass. “Are you ready to be done now?”

            But Barry shook his head. No, he deserved more. He could take more. He could do more. “I want five more,” he choked out.

            “OK, sweetheart, but this is the last five. After this we’re done, OK? These are the last ones.”

            Barry nodded, suddenly feeling a huge relief that it would be over, and ironically that the choice had been taken from him, made for him. He didn’t have to keep pushing himself because she said that was enough.

            But she gave him one smack and his hand was back again, over his ass. He couldn’t help it. It hurt and he wanted to stop.

            “Barry, if you need to stop, it’s OK,” she said. He shook his head. “Then you have to move your hand.”

            “Help me?” he said.

            “Do you want me to hold your hand out of the way?” she said.

            He nodded. She took his wrist, and moved it up, over his back, then held it there firmly. It felt reassuring though, rather than scary. She was right there with him, helping him get through it.

            “Thank you,” he mumbled.

            “Anything,” she said. “Are you ready for the next one?”

            He nodded. She gave him the four more. They weren’t easy either, and the last one was particularly hard, but when it was all done the relief was crushing, and he felt drained. Patty put the paddle down and then pulled him upwards, hugging him.

            “You did so well, Barry, that was so good,” she said, “I’m so proud of you for getting through that. We’re all done, you did so well.”

            Barry pressed his head against her shoulder and she moved back on the bed with him.

            “You did so well, sweetheart,” she said, “you took that so well, were such a good omega for me.” She reached down and started stroking his cock. “I’m so proud of you. Gonna give you a little reward for doing so well.”

            Despite the pain he was still in, Barry got hard quickly. “You did such a good job asking for more and asking for help when you needed it. I’m really so proud of you, Barry,” she said.

            Patty kept talking while she stroked him, slowly. The touches were light, teasing, and by the time Barry was fully hard, just really beginning to enjoy the touch, to breathe a little heavier and buck into the touches, she stopped.

            Barry whimpered. He pushed his hips up, grinding against her before she moved away.

            “I know, baby, but that’s it for today. We’re gonna stop for today.”

            “No,” Barry whined.

            “Do you need to touch yourself, Barry?” she said.

            Barry whined again but shook his head. He remembered what she said before about saying no.

            “I’m OK,” he said, not sure if saying no applied to this as well, but wanting to let her know just in case. He was frustrated and horny, but he’d told her not to let him cum and as much as his cock protested it also made him more aroused thinking about being denied, and it sent a warmth through him too. He wanted her to make him stop, even as his cock ached.

            “Then we’re going to stop now for today,” she said. “You’re being a very good boy taking your denial.”

            Barry flushed, and she gently turned him around, onto his side and she spooned behind him, so his dick wasn’t touching her anymore, left to lie against his stomach, with nothing to rub against. She held him tightly and pet his hair, continuing to tell him he was a good boy and had done a good job and that she was proud of him.

            Eventually his cock softened, and Barry felt warm and safe again, and he was relaxed, more relaxed than he ever really had been even during aftercare. The guilt had lessoned, and he felt much better than when he came in. He was relieved, and felt like he’d been forgiven and accepted. He was happy.

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know, no Len. Next one though! I promise this time. I was going to have him come in at the Clinic, but then I got a better idea. It's just taking a little more set up, and anyway, I didn't want to rush Barry's recovery too much. But he'll definitely be in the next chapter. Thank you for all of your patience! Please let me know what you thought of this one!


	5. Malcolm Merlyn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a note, I don't actually watch Arrow, so while there are a lot of Arrow characters in this world, if they seem very out of place, that would be why.

            After talking with both Patty and Ben, Barry decided he wanted to be punished regularly. It was true that his session with Patty had been painful, but while he hadn’t enjoyed the paddling, he had felt so much better afterwards. He craved that feeling of relief and forgiveness.

            They decided that for every session with Patty, Barry would tell her if he thought he’d done anything that deserved punishment. If he hadn’t, she would give him twenty spanks with the paddle, and if he had then she would decide how many more he deserved, capping it at 50. After the punishment they would continue with whatever was decided for that day. They still weren’t using a safe word. If Barry said to stop, or indicated in any way that he wanted to stop, then they would. While Barry thought a safe word was a good idea neither Patty nor Ben thought he was far enough along in really understanding that he had a choice in everything they did to use one. Both were worried that Barry would get caught in his own guilt, and not safe word when he needed to, or get stuck in a flashback and not remember his safe word, or simply get stuck in his old mind frame, and forget he had a safe word, that he was allowed to stop.

            Barry also decided that he really liked orgasm denial, so he and Patty decided she would start limiting his orgasms. He was only allowed to come twice a day on days he didn’t see Patty, and only allowed to masturbate and make himself come once a day on days he did see Patty. When he was with Patty he was allowed to come as many times as she allowed, and it was different every time. He had no refractory period because of his speed, so sometimes she let him come once, other times he came as many as five or six times in one session.

            There was a routine to it all that Barry found himself taking comfort in. He saw her three times a week, and every time he came in she first asked how his day was going, then if he’d done anything he felt he needed to be punished for. She paddled him next, then always told him what a good boy he was. Afterwards they did whatever had been planned, and then he got aftercare, which was still, despite their activities, his favorite part. When they’d laid there and cuddled for at least a half hour they got up again and dressed, and then they planned what they’d do at the next session.

            At first, it was hand jobs and blow jobs, and then when Barry expressed a real desire to touch Patty, to make her feel good, and when Patty trusted that it wasn’t just Barry’s ingrained thought that he had to serve all alphas and betas or he’d be punished, that that was all he was good for, she let him. That evolved to vaginal sex, first with Barry on top, and when he was more comfortable, with Patty on top. He had been nervous about it at first, because he didn’t like being held down, but he grew comfortable quickly. It was a while before he was ready to be penetrated, and then he was extremely nervous at first.

            She had Barry finger himself first, so he was in complete control of what was happening, and then gave him slim, short dildos and plugs. That moved to her using the toys on him, while talking with him the whole time, asking constantly if things felt good or bad, if he felt any pain, and making sure to stop as soon as he asked her to. When he had grown comfortable with that she opened him slowly with her fingers, and then started using more average sized toys. Barry got nervous again, because those stretched him enough to be uncomfortable at first, to start to feel a little burn. But she always prepared him well, and he, like most omegas, liked to be penetrated, and preferred some penetration along with cock stimulation to solely having his cock touched. Patty introduced a cock ring along the way, which Barry both loved and hated.

            He was adjusting well. He was actually adjusting incredibly well, both Patty and Ben noted. His biggest issues were really the standing guilt at having killed so many people for Eobard, and the nightmares and fear of going back to him. As long as they went slowly and gently, he continued to grow comfortable with different sexual acts. He had some trouble with unfamiliar alphas and betas, didn’t like to be alone with them, but once he knew them he trusted quickly. Oliver walked him to and from training, and Sara had taken over as his semi-personal bodyguard/jailer. Oliver’s council wasn’t all as willing to allow Barry to roam free as Oliver was, so Oliver had Sara escort him most places when he wasn’t with Barry himself. It helped Barry feel comfortable walking places as well, once he got to know Sara better. He knew she wouldn’t let anyone hurt him, and would never hurt him herself.

            Training did become a little more intense, and Barry didn’t always train with Oliver anymore. Eobard had started finding ways to take out the meta power dampeners that Oliver had equipped his armies with. He had a few metas who could take them out at a distance, and he had started catapulting bombs into areas where the power dampeners were. The Star Coalition still outnumbered the Thawnes ten to one, so he had to rely on his metas to have a chance of winning.

            He was getting bolder again, and it was expected that he would try to attack the Queen stronghold again. Most of his army was currently stationed at a major city in Merlyn territory, just a few miles from the Merlyn estate. Merlyn land bordered Queen territory, and Oliver and his advisors assumed that Eobard would try to take Lord Malcom Merlyn’s estate and enslave his army before moving back to Queen land and attempt to take Oliver’s estate again.

            It was about a month after Barry had first gotten there. He was on his way down the stairs of Oliver’s estate, heading for the training yards for his morning practice, when he ran into Sara and Oliver, arguing.

            “It’s our best bet to stop this with the least amount of casualties possible,” Sara said. “Just because you have a grudge match –”

            “I do not have a grudge match, Sara,” Oliver said, “He’s a thief. I don’t trust him.”

            “More than you don’t trust Merlyn?”

            “That’s different,” Oliver said, “You know that’s different. I don’t have a choice with him, he’s part of the Coalition.”

            “You don’t have a choice with this either,” she said, “are you going to let people die instead?”

            “Don’t start there, Sara,” Oliver said, his voice going dark.

            “You know Merlyn will offer a plan. You’re not going to like that plan,” Sara said. “You need a counter one, and it’s not like you have anything better.”

            “I’m working on it,” Oliver said.

            “Oliver, the conference meeting is at noon. What exactly are you going to accomplish in four hours? We both know the Central Alliance won’t vote to back your armies. The only one who might help is Singh, and he’s currently on a campaign to take back the wastelands. Harrison Wells isn’t going to send more than a couple scientists and advisors. Who does that leave? Are you going to ask the Santini’s for help? Nanda Parbat? The Timelords?”

            “Rip Hunter –”

            “Is dealing with a massacre by Vandal Savage,” Sara said.

            “Coast City and Keystone Collective have already talked about Eobard’s threat,” he said.

            “Thawne will never invade them though and they know it.”

            “Metropolis and National.”

            “It would take three months for their armies to reach us.”

            “If Kara or Clarke came we wouldn’t need their armies.” 

            “If Kara or Clarke could get here then they already would have. Clarke’s trying to push into Gotham and National has at least four different invaders from the north trying to take their land – Kara isn’t getting here anytime soon. Plus neither of them is keen to support us when we’re working with Merlyn and Slade.”

            “Well what about the Second Earth Union?”

            “Oliver, they have their own speedster to worry about with Zoom.”

            “Argus.”

            “Still arguing with Eiling over border disputes. Plus, Eobard is not their problem.”

            “I’m going to send another telegram to Kara and the National Core’s leaders. She could fly down here in a day, we could form a mission around that, just one hit.”

            “Hi, Barry,” Sara said, finally turning to him, after giving Oliver a look.

            “Um, hi, am I interrupting?”

            “No,” Sara and Oliver said at the same time. Oliver continued, “We’re just discussing our options.”

            “Our lack of options,” Sara said.

            Oliver gave her a glare this time, then turned back to Barry. “I won’t be meeting you for training today. I have a meeting.”

           

 

 

 

            Barry went to training, but halfway through Oliver appeared. He stopped where he stood. Sara turned as well.

            “I thought you weren’t coming to training?” Barry said.

            Oliver had a scowl on his face. “Change of plans,” he said, “Barry, you’re needed at the meeting.”

            Barry’s eyes widened. He froze. “Me?” he said.

            Sara sucked in a breath. “Malcolm?”

            Oliver shot her a look. Then he gestured at Barry. “Come on, I’ll walk with you back. You need to bathe and change.”

            Barry looked at Sara, then followed Oliver.

            “Why am I going to a meeting?” Barry said, “why do they want me there? Do I have to talk?”

            “You just have to be there and answer any questions about Eobard that they have,” Oliver said. “They want to know about the estate, and his habits and his army.”

            “But I already told you all of that,” Barry said.

            “I know. They want to hear it again.” Oliver took a deep breath, then looked over at him again. “Barry, what do you know about Malcolm Merlyn?”

            “He’s a lord of the territory north of yours,” Barry said, “Eobard used to do a lot of trading with him, but then started doing less about two years ago, then cut off completely about six months ago.”

            “Yes, that’s all true,” Oliver said. “Just… Barry, I need to warn you. Malcolm’s land… it runs much more like Eobard’s than like mine.”

            Barry paused. “OK,” he said.

            “He’ll likely be rude,” Oliver said, “but he’s a lord, and he’s my ally, so I’m… limited in what I can say back. Remember, you are under my protection now, and I’m not going to let any harm come to you while on Queen land. I obviously can’t promise you won’t be hurt in battle, but no one from our alliance will hurt you under my watch. That being said, while I trust my captains and generals to not touch you, I do not trust Malcolm or his people. Sara or Diggle will stay with you when I can’t. You’ll have guards outside your rooms while he stays here. Please, try to ignore anything vulgar or upsetting he might say.”

            “You think… why would he care about me?”

            “Because you are a warrior omega and a speedster, and Malcolm has a certain… fascination with abnormal and powerful things. He is the only one in the Star Coalition who owns slaves as well, and he has the most archaic practices.”

            “You mean he treats all omegas as slaves,” Barry said flatly.

            “He treats them perhaps even worse than Eobard does,” Oliver said.

            “Then why is he your ally?”

            Oliver sighed. “Because he’s powerful and he borders my territory and to not be his ally would be to be his enemy. And I can’t fight two wars at once.”

            Barry nodded. “OK.”

            “Just… remember, I’m not going to compromise your safety anymore than I have to in battle,” Oliver said, “And no matter what he says, or what his people say, remember that you will not be harmed here.”

            Barry had a sinking feeling in his gut, but he nodded.

 

 

 

 

            Oliver was pissed.

            This entire thing was going horribly. Malcolm had showed up, had demanded Thawne’s speedster omega be present at the meeting, and then proceeded to ask Oliver if he intended to share him. Oliver knew that Malcolm was well aware of his stance on Omega rights, and he was doing it just to piss him off. And then his own council turned against him and insisted that Barry be present.

            Oliver arrived with Barry, and then had Sara stand with him, in the back, for the meeting. The first half went alright. Malcolm bitched about Eobard being on his lands, how he needed and expected back up. Oliver promised to provide infantry, and set a plan to contact Lance and Slade about also sending more infantry. There were particulars about how best to defend the Merlyn estate, about whether trying to reclaim the city Eobard was inhabiting was worth it, about the practicality of even saving the Merlyn estate, about whether they should abandon it for a military base instead, which would be easier defendable.

            And then the focus shifted to defeating Eobard. They were not making progress. Eobard was taking out their meta dampeners as fast as they could build them. Cisco and Ray were making rapid improvement, but they couldn’t churn out machinery fast enough. For instance, they had a much more stable, larger scale speed dampener created, but they only had one prototype, and it would take at least two weeks to build another.

            “We need to kill Thawne,” Malcolm said, “it’s the only way to end this, and it will end this quickly. His next in line doesn’t give a damn about this war. He’ll easily release the lands we want, and even if he doesn’t we’ll be able to take them. With no speedster, it will be a walk in the park.”

            “And how do you propose we kill Thawne then?” Oliver asked. “He’s not going anywhere near the speed dampeners. He can dodge bullets and arrows and hand to hand it’s suicide. We have no metas who can counter his abilities in any meaningful way.”

            “Really? Because I was informed you acquired a certain pet speedster, Oliver.”

            Barry fidgeted where he stood in the back, trying to look calm when dozens of eyes flicked over to him, including Malcolm Merlyn’s. It was a look Barry knew well. There was lust there, but it wasn’t in the forefront. There was a clear hunger for power which was at the center, the look of someone presented a particularly delectable weapon, a toy they couldn’t resist, and were quick to grab at. Barry had been getting the look for years, particularly from Eobard, and it made him shiver.

            “Barry isn’t as fast as Eobard,” Oliver said. “Unless we’re able to give him some other advantage then Eobard will kill him in a fight.”

            “You’re wrong, Oliver,” Malcolm said, “I’d bet my whole territory that you’re wrong. You forget, Eobard is a headstrong, prideful bastard. He’s not going to kill the omega. He’ll take him back to make him pay for abandoning him, and to steal his weapon back. He’s not going to kill that omega if it means he loses half his army.”

            “Fine, he’d capture him then,” Oliver said. “That still doesn’t help us, Malcolm.”

            “Wrong again. That is precisely what helps us,” Malcolm said. He paused for a moment then leaned back. “This is what I propose, Oliver. We take an electrical circuit fryer and implant it under the omega’s skin. We send the omega in to fight Eobard. He loses, of course. Eobard takes him back to punish him, personally. He places a power dampener on the omega and the circuit fries it, so the omega still has his speed. Then after Eobard punishes him, when his guard is down, the omega can kill him.”

            There was a collective pause. Oliver took a breath. “I’m not convinced Eobard won’t just kill Barry when he’s finished punishing him.”

            “Now why would Eobard kill his favorite toy just when he got him back?”

            “Because he’s a rage-induced bastard with a superiority complex and a temper,” Oliver said, voice raising just the slightest.

            Malcolm shook his head. “He won’t kill the omega.”

            “Alright, even if he didn’t,” Oliver said, “what makes you think Barry could then kill him?”

            “His guard will be down.”

            “Barry will be injured. Possibly passed out, even comatose.”

            “He’ll wake up eventually.”

            “Your plan relies on a severely injured, traumatized omega being able to kill a man,” Oliver said. “I’d say there isn’t a good chance in that happening.”

            “He’s used to fighting when injured, right? You can train him if he’s not. It’s a pretty damn good shot anyway,” Malcolm said, his voice rising as well.

            “No, it’s not,” Oliver said, “Right now, Barry is our best asset. We can’t just throw him away on a plan that will probably just get him killed and give us nothing.”

            “He’s not going to be killed,” Malcolm said, “and what good is an omega speedster who can’t fight anyway? As long as Eobard is alive and the omegas not as fast as him than he’s worthless anyway. We can’t send him into battle because Eobard might be there, and if we have the power dampeners to make sure Eobard isn’t, then the omega can’t use his speed either.”

            “I’m not sending an innocent man to be tortured by a sadistic psychopath on the off chance he might be able to kill him afterwards,” Oliver said.

            “So you’d rather just allow Thawne to take all our land and murder our people then?” Malcolm yelled.

            “I’d rather find a strategy that will work and doesn’t involve handing a person over to Thawne to torture.”

            “You’d rather save a whore omega from a beating than save the lives of your people.”

            “I will not condemn a man to brutality on a suicide mission, Malcolm! Barry is under my jurisdiction and I am not sending him. End of story.”

            Malcolm exhaled loudly. “You are weak-minded, Oliver, and it will be your downfall if not mine as well. This is our best shot at stopping Eobard once and for all and you are unwilling to even consider it.”

            “I have another plan,” Oliver said, “one that will actually work.”

            Malcolm leaned back in his chair again. “Do you now? And are you going to share with the rest of us?”

            Oliver let out a breath. His mouth formed to something of a grimace. “We’re going to break into the Thawne estate with a small, elite team and plant remote speed dampeners, which will initially be off. After Thawne enters the room for the night, after he goes to sleep, we’ll turn them back on, and then attack. We know where his rooms and the layout of the estate from Barry.”

            “How in the hell are you planning on breaking into the Thawne estate?” Malcolm said. “We have no portal metas, no teleporting metas, and I’m sure Thawne has taken precautions in case your speedster pet decides to come back. So how exactly are we supposed to break into the fucking Thawne estate?”

            Oliver sighed. His eyes flicked to Sara briefly before going back again. He almost grumbled it.

            “Leonard Snart.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

            Barry felt like he was going to throw up.

            Actually, he very much thought he was going to throw up. He thought he probably must be looking pretty green by now, and he was forcing himself not to gag. He was shaking. Sara had moved a little bit closer to him, and once Oliver made his announcement and the table had erupted into arguments and shouting and their eyes weren’t all on Barry anymore, she had placed her hand on his back, comforting. He still felt like he was going to puke.

            He really thought for a moment there that Oliver was going to agree. Barry would be sent back to Thawne. He’d be fucked and caned and beaten and whipped and Eobard would break his bones, speed fuck him until he was torn and bleeding, probably come an inch away from killing him, and then once he healed he’d do it all over again.

            A little voice in his head said he deserved it anyway.

            He realized after that he didn’t really think Oliver would do that to him. He trusted Oliver. But the conversation still terrified him. They were going to give him up, force Oliver to let them try it, and Barry would get no say in it at all. He wanted to leave, wanted to go back to his rooms and hide. He felt sicker and sicker the longer he stood there, started to get lightheaded. After Oliver made his case he didn’t hear much. He tuned it out. They were no longer discussing him, and while Malcolm kept mentioning his plan every once in a while, even his own advisors weren’t paying much attention to it. It wasn’t discussed in any more detail at least. The focus was on Oliver’s plan to enlist Leonard Snart, well known thief and escape artist, to help them get into Thawne’s estate unnoticed. Apparently Snart had telegrammed to offer his services, for a price, of course.

            That was all Barry really took in. He was trying not to sway, not to throw up, to push down the trembling anxiety and the sick wash of images going through his brain. It hit him all at once, how different his life was now, how much better, how much it would suddenly hurt to go back. Before, it was all he’d ever known. Now he knew better, and as a result it would be that much worse to go back.

            He’d rather die fighting than go back to being Eobard’s plaything, he realized suddenly. He could endure the fucking, he thought. He could get used to being constantly made to service alphas and betas again. But he was terrified at the thought of what Eobard would do to him. He didn’t think he could take the beatings, the daily paddling’s, canings, punishments. The training that so often left him with arrow wounds, broken fingers, gashes. The punishment sex that left him bleeding, begging for it to stop. There was so much pain there, and it scared him more now that he was away from it than it had even when he was going through it. He’d do anything not to go back.

            He couldn’t stop trembling. _Oliver won’t make me go. He won’t let Malcolm send me there. He’s not making me go,_ he told himself, over and over again. Sara’s hand rubbed slowly over his back. _They won’t make me go. They’re not making me go._

            Barry lost track of time. It seemed to take forever. When Oliver stopped and asked him a question, asked him to relay the layout of Eobard’s estate, Barry just blinked at him at first. Suddenly all eyes were on him again, and his palms went sweaty, hair on the back of his neck standing up, vision tunneling. He stuttered his way through it, heard Malcolm’s ridicule at his speech in a distant sort of way. He felt a wave of relief when they were finished questioning him.

            When they finally left Barry made a beeline for his rooms, Sara chasing after him. She was calling his name but he barely heard her. When she grabbed his arm he flinched violently away, and after that Sara just followed him. He opened the door to his rooms, walked inside, sat down on the bed, and then burst out crying.

            He shook, vision going black around the edges. They were sending him back. He was going back to Eobard. They wanted him to fight Eobard. He was going to be fucked by Eobard. They were sending him to be killed, sending him to be tortured worse than he’d ever been before. It had been punishments then, this would be actual, real torture. Eobard was going to make him suffer, make him hurt just because he could, because he wanted to. It would not be about learning a lesson, it would just be to make him hurt. He’d be caned until he passed out. Eobard would probably break his back with it. He’d be whipped until he bled buckets. And it would happen over and over again, until Eobard grew bored with him. No, Barry knew. Eobard wouldn’t want him as a weapon any longer, not when he knew he would betray him. No, he’d just break him. He’d break him over and over again, and he wouldn’t kill him even then. He’d let him live, a crippled, broken, traumatized omega to be a whore whenever he wanted one. Barry wouldn’t be able to kill him. And then that would be his life, and Eobard would make sure it was a long one.

            “Barry – Barry, please, listen. It’s OK. Everything’s OK. You’re safe.”

            Barry suddenly became aware that Sara was speaking. His eyes flicked to hers. She smiled, although it was obviously tense, trying to mask the worry there.

            “There you are. You’re OK, now, OK? It’s just me. It’s alright. Everything’s OK.”

            Barry started to come down from it a little. The panic attack had peaked and was now starting to ebb. He tried to breathe, followed when Sara told him to inhale and exhale, tried to get himself under control. He felt wrung out, exhausted, and he kept crying.

            “Barry, I’m going to hold you. Is that OK?”

            He nodded shakily. She was already rubbing his back, her other hand on his knee. She leaned forward and carefully, slowly wrapped her arms around him, and Barry leaned in. He cried against her shoulder and let her hold him. That close he could feel the alpha signals, and it helped to calm him. She was resonating safety and warmth, care, and he grabbed onto every bit of it. Oliver found them like that, when he finally came in.

            He had been trying to get away from his advisors, had seen the way Barry bolted out of there. He hadn’t been blind to how terrified he’d looked during the meeting either. It pained him to see it. He’d come to genuinely care for Barry, beyond merely feeling pity for him, after initially finding out his situation at the Thawne estate. He liked Barry as a friend, felt protective over him like a brother, and he was furious at Malcolm for making him so upset. Barry had been doing so well, had seemed to have made so much progress, and Oliver was terrified that this would knock him back again.

            Sara, similarly, was appalled at the way Malcolm had spoken. She didn’t know how alphas like him could so completely disregard an omega’s distress. They could feel it. Sara had a more acute sense than most alphas, but she knew they could feel strong emotions from omegas as well. Barry had practically filled the whole room with his distress signals. Fear and panic and pain – it had been nauseating to stand next to him, and she had wanted to take him out the second it started. She didn’t understand how alphas like Malcolm could just ignore that, could continue to hurt omegas when they could feel their pain and fear.

            He was starting to calm down, finally, when Oliver entered the room. He took one look at them and his shoulders slumped. He walked over, hesitated, and then carefully put a hand on Barry’s shoulder. He didn’t flinch though, and Oliver kept it there for a moment before taking another breath and crouching down.

            “Hey, Barry,” Oliver said. “I’m here. I’m sorry, I tried to get out of there sooner. I’m… I’m sorry, Barry, you shouldn’t have had to stand through that.”

            Barry didn’t move. He was still crying, but it was slow now, not the urgent, wracking sobs of earlier. He took a few deep breaths and then looked up again, at Oliver. His bottom lip trembled. He swallowed hard.

            “Do… do I have to…”

            “No,” Oliver said before he could finish, horror washing through him at the thought that Barry might think he was actually going to allow Malcolm’s plan to go forward. “No, Barry, you are not going back to Eobard. You do not have to fight him one on one and I am not letting Malcolm go ahead with his plan. You are not going back to that man, Barry. Never.”

            Barry let out a rasping breath. “He… if it’s…”

            “No,” Oliver said firmly. “No, we are not subjecting you to torture to kill Eobard. It’s not happening, Barry. I swear. I swear we are not just giving you to Eobard like that, Barry. We’re not going to let him take you.”

            Barry nodded, shaky. “Thank you,” he said quietly.

 

 

 

            He didn’t go to his appointment at the clinic that day. He hadn’t wanted to leave his rooms. Oliver radioed Felicity, and she came by. Sara stayed for the rest of the day. Oliver had to leave to speak with more members of his council. When Felicity realized that Barry was terrified of sleeping by himself that night, she stayed with him. Barry was horrified. She was bonded, she couldn’t stay with him, she had to go be with Oliver. Felicity brushed it off. Oliver wouldn’t die if she was away from him for one night.

            And Oliver wasn’t exactly mad. He still felt guilty about forcing Barry to be there for the meeting at all. He’d hoped Barry would be able to brush off whatever Malcolm said, but he hadn’t anticipated Malcolm’s plan to literally include sacrificing Barry to Eobard. It was the one thing Barry was still really struggling with. If he had simply said some degrading things about omegas Oliver was pretty sure Barry could have just ignored it. But Malcolm had suggested exactly what Barry was terrified of.

            The next day didn’t go much better. Oliver came by early to tell Barry he didn’t have to go to training only to find him still in bed, awake but refusing to get up. And Oliver couldn’t help, because he had more meetings to go to. He left Barry with Felicity, and when he saw Sara he told her to stay with Barry for the day as well.

            For the first time since his first meeting with Ben, Barry didn’t want to go to the Clinic. He was scheduled to see Patty, and he didn’t want to leave his rooms. Malcolm and his people were still staying at the estate. They would for a few more days. Barry was pretty determined not to leave his rooms until they were gone.

            He didn’t want to see them. He didn’t want their eyes on him. He didn’t want them to say anything to him. He was afraid they’d try to fuck him or punish him or maybe even kidnap him and force him to follow their plan.

            He knew that was pretty unrealistic. It would be a clear act of aggression against Oliver, and if Sara was with him, or really any witnesses loyal to Oliver at all, there was very little chance Malcolm or his people would do anything. But it still scared him, and he was letting his panic run a little wild. As far as he was concerned, he could just stay in his rooms until they were gone.

            Sara and Felicity managed to convince him to go to his therapy appointment though. Not until Sara radioed in and got another six guards to accompany them though, enough that Barry could hide in the middle of them all if they were to cross paths with any of Malcolm’s people. Even then he made them take a longer, less direct route to avoid the town center. He felt embarrassed about it all, but he was too scared otherwise.

            Felicity held his hand as they walked, and Sara stuck by his side, hand on the hilt of her sword the whole time, guards surrounding them. Barry walked into Patty’s room at the clinic and burst into tears. He was fairly unintelligible, but Patty got the gist that something Malcolm Merlyn had said greatly upset him. He was scared and he felt embarrassed about being so scared, when Oliver had promised him he wouldn’t be going along with Merlyn’s plan, and when he was more than safe enough with just Sara accompanying him.

            They skipped their usual routine in favor of Patty just holding him, petting his hair, and mumbling reassurances the entire time, listening to him babble about everything he was terrified Eobard would do to him, and reassuring him that it was never going to happen.

            He felt better afterwards, but he still wanted to go straight back to his rooms. Cisco offered to stay with him that night. Barry woke up screaming from a nightmare. The next day Caitlin gave him a drink she said should help relax him, that she had made more potent with his speedster metabolism in mind. It didn’t end up working very well though. He burned through it too fast, although he appreciated the effort.

            He went to his appointment with Ben the next day. Ben managed to convince him to go back to training. He said that it would be good for him, that it would get his mind off things. Oliver went easy on him, and Barry did a lot of running and then a lot of drills, rather than much practice fighting. It did help get his mind off things. He went back to Patty the following day, but again just had her hold him the whole time.

            He was the most scared he’d been since he left the Thawne estate, and even after his initial panic wore off, even after he realized Oliver wasn’t going to send him back, wasn’t going to let him go back there, the dread and fear stayed with him. He felt like he was waking up from a dream, like the last month was a nice break and now he was realizing the reality of things. Because if they didn’t win, if Eobard killed Oliver and took over, Barry was going back to him.

            The nightmares got worse. Barry barely slept. He stopped eating. He started getting headaches again. He wanted to stay in bed all day, although he kept dragging himself to training, his appointments, and his job at the library. He was so tired though, and he never slept all the way through the night.

            “Barry, do you know what depression is?”

            Barry sat slumped in the chair across from Ben. “Um, I mean, yes. Like, if you’re sad you’re depressed. Depression is when you’re sad.”

            “Yes,” Ben said, but he was frowning. “But that’s more of the colloquial term. We also use it in a medical sense. If someone is sad, and feels hopeless, worthless, or like there’s no point to life, for an extended period of time, they might be diagnosed with clinical depression.”

            Barry looked back at him. “You think I have that,” he said.

            “Yes,” Ben said, “I do.”

            “I’m just… I’m just scared,” Barry said.

            “You’re scared, and you have a lot of guilt and a lot of anxiety, both of which I think contribute to a sense of hopelessness and worthlessness that you have,” he said.

            Barry didn’t agree. He also didn’t really get it. There was no such thing as mental health counseling at the Thawne estate. The way that Ben talked about it, like it was a physical illness, confused Barry.

            Malcolm left about a week after he arrived. Barry got a little better, but remained withdrawn. His sex drive was almost as low as it had been when Eobard was driving him into the ground.

            “I don’t want to push you to do anything you don’t want to do,” Patty told him, “but you’re going to start feeling withdrawal effects if we keep only cuddling. Are you masturbating at all? That would help keep the withdrawal to a minimum.”

            Barry shrugged. He didn’t want her to get him off though, he just wanted her to hold him. He wanted to sleep. “Sometimes… not as much. I’ve been getting headaches already.”

            “How about a quick one, and then I’ll hold you,” she said, frowning. “Does that sound OK? If you’re not comfortable with it that’s OK, but you should try to touch yourself later then. Or I can hold you while you touch yourself.”

            “You can,” he said, “but… we can, you can hold me while you do it?”

            “Of course,” Patty said.

            He was training about two weeks after Malcolm came when Oliver stopped him, near the end.

            “Have you ever heard of Leonard Snart?” Oliver asked.

            Barry shook his head. He put down the sword he’d been holding and followed Oliver over to a bench.

            “He holds territory in the wastelands, which are technically held by Singh of the Central Alliance, but there are a bunch of criminal groups who hold portions of it. Leonard Snart runs the second largest, after the Santini’s, called the Rouges. He’s known as a master thief, and he has a core crew of several high power metahumans. About a month ago he sent me a telegram to offer me his help taking down Eobard, for a fee of course. He arrived two days ago.”

            Barry was tense, but he nodded. Any mention of Eobard made him tense, really, and he remembered now, vaguely, of Oliver saying Leonard Snart’s name at the meeting with Malcolm.

            “He wants to meet with you,” Oliver said. “To go over details of Eobard’s estate. I know you already told me the floorplan, but he has more detailed questions that I couldn’t answer.”

            Oliver waited. Barry’s eyes shifted to the ground. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach. “OK,” he said flatly.

            “Do you think you could do it now, after we go get cleaned up? Do you want to go to your appointment first and do it afterwards?”

            “I’d rather just get it over with,” Barry said. He looked up again. “Is he an alpha?”

            Oliver nodded and Barry felt himself tense more. He’d been avoiding unfamiliar alphas and betas even more so lately, and he wasn’t great with that to begin with.

            “I’m employing Snart though,” Oliver said, “he’s not my ally. He’s not… it’s not like with Malcolm. There won’t be a whole room of people this time. It’ll just be me and you and him if you want. Sara can come too, if you’d like.”

            Barry nodded.

            “And this time, if you need to you can leave,” Oliver said, “if you get overwhelmed or start to panic you can just say you need to leave, and Sara or I will take you back to your rooms, OK? You can continue with whatever questions Snart still has the next day.”

            “Is Snart… is he like Malcolm?” Barry asked. “Is he like Thawne?”

            “I don’t think so,” Oliver said. His voice was steady, looking straight back at Barry to try to reassure him, while also not wanting to sugarcoat things. “I don’t really know his stance on omega rights,” Oliver said, “but I know he has a couple of Deltas in his core crew. He doesn’t traffic omegas and deltas in his territory. He doesn’t have the reputation of the Merlyns or Thawnes. And if he says anything to upset you then you can leave.”

           

 

 

 

 

            Oliver got to the meeting room before Barry did. He sent Sara to pick him up at his rooms. Inside the room was Leonard Snart, Mick Rory, Lisa Snart, Hartley Rathaway, Mark Mardon, and Shawna Baez, along with a handful of his own councilors, all of whom were watching them warily.

            “Barry will be joining us shortly,” Oliver said, “but we’re going to meet privately. Just Snart.”

            “Which Snart?” Lisa said, a little too sweetly.

            “Your brother,” Oliver said flatly.

            Leonard raised an eyebrow. “Why the secrecy?”

            “Not secrecy,” Oliver said, “if you really want, then Hartley and Shawna can stay, but that’s it.”

            Leonard gave him a long look.  “That won’t be necessary,” Leonard said, “we can meet privately if that’s what you want.” Oliver’s own councilors were already filing out of the room. Leonard nodded at them. “Follow them out. Play nice.”

            The other rouges complained, all except Mick and Hartley. From what Oliver knew, he assumed Hartley had figured it out as well. He assumed Mick simply didn’t care – he followed orders. Lisa had another few words until Leonard silenced her with a look.

            “The speedster’s afraid of alphas,” Hartley said to her.

            Lisa turned and shot a look at her brother. Oliver got the sense they were having a silent conversation, and then she left with the rest of them.

 

 

 

 

            Barry walked with dread down to the meeting room. It wasn’t the same as the one he’d been in with Malcolm, thank God. This one was smaller. He still felt sick. He didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to talk to some stranger, an alpha stranger, and he definitely didn’t want to be interrogated about Eobard Thawne’s estate from one either. Sara walked next to him. She’s put a hand on his back again, trying to comfort him. He could tell she was trying, could feel the alpha signals, emanating safety and calm. It didn’t help much though.

            He walked into the room, eyes down. He didn’t look up again until he was sitting down, between Oliver and Sara, at a table. Before he even looked up he could sense that it was in fact an alpha sitting across the room. In fact, he gave off a particularly strong signal. It was similar to Sara. She also gave off a strong signal, and she had told him before that she had a particularly strong alpha sense. Barry wondered if this man did as well.

            “Leonard, this is Barry. Barry, this is Leonard Snart, Oliver said.

            Barry looked up, although he didn’t offer his hand. It didn’t appear the man in front of him was expecting it, because neither did he raise his for a handshake. Barry was struck all at once by the piercing look of Leonard Snart, sharp blue eyes and an almost smirk across his face. He sat back in his chair though, seemingly relaxed.

            “Hello, Barry,” Leonard said.

            Barry nodded, and his eyes sunk down again. He internally berated himself for not even saying hello, and at the same time couldn’t seem to open his mouth. He was sweating, hands trembling under the table. He could feel the alpha across from him, and it was an unfamiliar signal, and it set him on edge, even if there was no hostility in the signal. In fact, it was very calm and non-aggressive, he realized. Although it didn’t help much in putting him at ease.

            “Leonard just has a few questions about the layout of the Thawne estate,” Oliver said. He slipped a hand onto Barry’s back, low where Leonard wouldn’t be able to tell. Barry appreciated the gesture, but he still wished he were anywhere but there.

            “Oliver explained the main floor plans,” Leonard said, “but I’m looking to get a more complete picture. Were there servant entrances separate from the main ones, do you know?”

            Barry blinked. He looked up, then his eyes darted down again in a submissive gesture. He shook his head, and felt his heartrate go up further. He tensed.

            “Is that, there are none or you’re not sure?” Leonard said.

            Barry hesitated. He couldn’t seem to speak. “I – I d-don’t know,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

            He tensed again. He didn’t know. He expected a flare of anger, and he visibly flinched.

            Oliver frowned. He exchanged a look with Sara, and started rubbing circles over Barry’s back. “It’s OK,” he said, “we don’t expect you to know the entire floor plan. Just answer what you can.”

            “OK, Oliver also told me about the two main staircases up to the second and third floors, since Eobard’s floors are on the third floor. And there are four floors to the estate, right?”

            Barry nodded.

            “OK, do you know how many staircases go up to the fourth floor?”

            “Two,” Barry said softly. “The same… they’re the same as the other ones.”

            “A continuation of the other two staircases?”

            Barry nodded.

            Leonard scratched that down on a piece of paper. “OK, and is there roof access?”

            Barry blinked. “Um… I… I don’t know.” He tensed again.

            “OK. And there’s a balcony at Eobard’s room’s, right? Any other balcony’s?”

            Barry nodded. “A few… I… on the rooms… all on the third level. The rooms near his.”

            Leonard nodded. “Are they ever locked? Do they have locks?”

            Barry shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

            “How many windows in Eobard’s rooms? I have the floorplan of his rooms here. Any in this main room?” He showed Barry the plans he had drawn, and Barry looked at the layout, and pointed to where the windows were.”

            “Great. Now, are there any closets in here? Any small antechambers or anything?”

            “One here,” Barry said, and pointed. “And… there’s a dresser, one that’s the height of the ceiling… it’s big enough to stand in.” Leonard marked both of them down.

            “And there’s… I don’t know if there’s servant’s entrances, but there’s omega and delta entrances,” Barry said. “The Thawne family has their own – one that goes right to their hallways here.” He pointed it out. 

            “Perfect,” Leonard said.

            He asked some more questions – detailed things like the number of light fixtures and their placement, the bathrooms and any running water appliances, whether the floor was wood or tile, if the ceiling had exposed beams or not, if the roof had any side walls or if it was completely flat. Barry answered it all. He grew a little more comfortable as the conversation wore on. Leonard simply asked questions, with very little other comment, and he stayed relaxed the entire time, never showing signs of irritation or anger, even when Barry didn’t know the answer or couldn’t remember.

            He left the meeting feeling better than when he entered it, but still glad it was over.


	6. An Unexpected Meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Additional warning: disordered eating behaviors, probably more discussion to follow in later chapters

            They kept planning. Leonard said he’d be ready in a month and a half. He was sending Hartley, Shawna, and Mark to the Thawne estate to collect a little more information – guards routes, watchtowers, things of that nature, that Barry either didn’t know or couldn’t remember accurately enough. With Shawna’s teleporting ability, they’d be able to get in and out at night fairly easily. Hartley would take note of everything and relay their progress to Leonard via radio, and Mardon was there just in case they were caught. Leonard, Mick, and Lisa were staying to plan. They were staying in rooms in the Queen castle, as guests.

            Barry got a little better. Another week and he was doing much better. There was still a certain shadow that seemed to have permanently overtaken him though. He trained harder, was a little more withdrawn. The incident with Malcolm made it suddenly very clear to Barry that going back to Eobard was still a serious threat, if they didn’t win against him. And it wasn’t really until he grew comfortable, until he was happy, that he realized how bad it had been with him. And he knew it would be worse, if he went back now.

            But he was safe, for now. He talked with Ben about it, and that’s what he focused on a lot. He was safe, at least now. No, Ben couldn’t tell him he would certainly never go back to Eobard, because there was a chance he would, but Barry was safe now, and he had people who cared about him now, and he could either worry and be miserable or he could try to stay positive. So Barry trained, and he kept reminding himself he was safe there, was safe now.

            There were incidents though. Barry still had a hard time with unfamiliar alphas and betas. He had a habit of flinching from them, of keeping his eyes down, not speaking, trying to appear as submissive as possible. It seemed to get worse instead of better. He trained more, as well. He started getting ready an hour earlier than Oliver and Sara, and doing exercises in his room. When Sara realized what he was doing she starting coming by his rooms earlier to walk him down to the training fields, so he could exercise there instead. He still couldn’t even hold his own in a fight against either Sara or Oliver if he didn’t have his speed. He was always quickly disarmed, unless they were holding back on purpose. It frustrated him, and it made him feel helpless. If he had to go up against Eobard, he wanted to stand a chance.

            About a week and a half after Snart had first arrived, they were nearing the end of their training for the day and Barry passed out.

            He was only using his speed in bursts, not running, so he wasn’t injured when he passed out, but he still had to see Caitlin afterwards. He nearly threw a fit, argued with Oliver and Sara for a good twenty minutes about going, and then burst out crying and begged them not to make him. He ended up seeing her, but only after he admitted that the same thing had happened before, and they’d concluded it was a combination of stress and malnutrition, and Oliver promised there would be no tests with needles that day.

            Caitlin didn’t require any tests anyway. She listened when Barry told her about it happening before, and was pretty sure it was the same thing. There wasn’t much they could do about stress – he was already seeing Ben or Patty daily, and the idea of reducing training made him more stressed, not less. But they could work on nutrition, much to Barry’s dismay.

            Cisco made him up a high calorie bar, which helped. The shear amount of food he was supposed to eat was sometimes a problem – he simply wasn’t hungry enough to try to force twenty sandwiches into his stomach at lunch. But he also found himself resisting eating the more people tried to force him to. Caitlin put him on a scale, and he realized he’d lost weight as well.

            It got worse instead of better at first. He found he hated having people tell him to eat, and he didn’t know why. It just bothered him. It made him want to eat less. He wasn’t hungry enough to eat as much as he should, but he found himself even not eating when he was hungry.

            “It sounds like it’s become a coping mechanism,” Ben said.

            Barry frowned. “But I’m not hungry,” he said, “I mean, I just don’t get hungry enough to eat as much as I’m supposed to.”

            Ben nodded. “I think it started that way,” he said, “I think when you’re not feeling well, when you’re depressed, when you’re stressed, your appetite diminishes. That’s a pretty standard symptom of both stress and depression. But you said that when you were at the Thawne estate, Eobard had to cut down on your training, had to start treating you a little better, because you were overstressed and not eating enough. I think that maybe your body and brain have learned that if you eat less, you’ll be treated better.”

            “But I know that’s not true now,” Barry said. “I – I’m not trying to be treated better – everyone treats me well here.”

            “I know that,” Ben said, “and you know that, logically. But your body has already learned the connection. You don’t like being told to eat, right? It makes you want to eat even less, and maybe that’s because in the past, when you eat less you have more control over your environment, and when people try to force you to eat more it feels like you don’t have control over what you eat or over your environment. And I’m sure you didn’t like it when Eobard was keeping track of how much you ate – you were punished for not eating enough, so I’m sure it’s unpleasant now to be told to eat more, that you’re not eating enough. You expect to be punished, even though you know logically that you won’t be.”

            He continued to grow more comfortable with Patty. She brought up the idea of seeing a different therapist, an alpha this time. Since Barry was an Omega and because he preferred alphas to betas, he’d respond better to an alpha than to herself, a beta. Not only would it be a key step in his recovery, it could help him with the stress he was dealing with. Barry wasn’t so keen on the idea though. He had finally grown to trust Patty a lot, and he didn’t like the prospect of starting over with an alpha, someone he didn’t know. They tabled the idea after Barry said he would think about it.

            In the meantime, he passed out again. And this time he was running laps. Luckily there were no trees or other structures around, but he crashed right into the ground when he passed out.

            He woke up to pain lacing all the way up one side, but especially over his knee. He had slowed down right before he passed out, but he hadn’t come to a stop. When he fainted he had been sent flying forward, crumpling on the ground.

            He sat up slowly, groaning. He saw Oliver and Sara running towards him from across the field. He winced and brought a hand up to his head, where a small cut was. His whole right side ached though, bruising quickly developing. His pants were torn, and he was bleeding from a gash down his knee and calf. He touched it gingerly, and hissed when it sent pain down his leg.

            “Barry, what happened?” Oliver said as soon as he was within shouting distance. The two of them stopped when they reached them. A few other people who had been on the training grounds were looking in their direction too.

            “I don’t know,” Barry said. He was still disoriented, and the pain was distracting. He flinched when Sara knelt next to him. She looked over her shoulder and waved her arm at a group that had been doing exercises.

            “I need a medic kit!” she yelled.           

            Barry’s leg was covered in blood. It was soaking through his pants, pooling on the ground. He shook his head.

            “I heal fast,” he said. Sara pressed her hands over the wound and Barry turned sharply away, body going tight with pain.

            It wasn’t near the most blood he’d lost. He wasn’t in danger of bleeding out, he knew.

            “He needs Caitlin,” Sara said.

            “I’ll radio Ray – she’s probably at the workshop,” Oliver said.

            “Does anywhere else hurt?” Sara asked.

            “Wait, I – I’m fine,” Barry said. “I heal fast, remember?”

            “Did you pass out again?” Oliver asked.

            He grimaced and nodded. “I… yeah, I think so.”

            Barry was dizzy. He felt lightheaded, still disoriented. Sara frowned. He was incredibly pale.

            “Did you hit your head?” she asked, “Any pain there?”

            Barry shook his head. Besides the small cut, his head was fine. He didn’t think he had a concussion.

            “It’s already starting to close up,” Sara said, looking at the cut on his knee and leg. “But we should see Cait. I think it needs some stitches.”

            Barry’s face went white. He stilled, and then erupted into tremors.

            “I don’t need stitches,” he burst out, “I’ll heal fine. I heal fast, so I – I don’t need stitches.”

            Sara and Oliver exchanged a look. “Barry,” Oliver said, “we’ll let Caitlin take a look, OK? And then we’ll see what she says.”

            “I don’t need Caitlin to look,” Barry said, “I’m fine. It’s fine, I just – I’ll heal from it fine.”

            He started to stand up, and Oliver put his hands out. “Barry, careful. Let me help you.”

            Barry shrugged off his hand though, sidestepping. “No, it’s OK. I’m fine. I’ll get something to eat and I’ll be fine.”

            “Alright, let’s just get to the pavilion, OK? And then we’ll get some gauze from a med kit to wrap it up, alright,” Oliver said.

            Barry shifted nervously. “I… I think I’ll go back to my rooms. I – I’ll wrap it up there.”

            “Barry, I really think you should see Caitlin,” Oliver said.

            “At least let me wrap it up for you here,” Sara said.

            Barry shook his head. He was getting more nervous. He felt trapped all of a sudden. He really didn’t think his leg needed stitches, but Caitlin didn’t know his healing like Henry had, and maybe she’d say he needed them. And if she said he needed them then they wouldn’t listen to him, and Oliver would shut off his speed and then hold him down, and he’d be trapped and they didn’t understand, he – he couldn’t have stitches. He couldn’t do it. He hated them, he was terrified of them and they always hurt so much and she’d be angry at him for not eating enough and passing out again and –

            “Barry, hey,” Sara said, “we’re just gonna go sit down at the pavilion, OK? I’ll take a look at your leg, just wrap it up, and Oliver’ll get you something to eat, OK? Did you have breakfast this morning?”

            Barry shook his head – at the idea of wrapping it up, not at eating – he had eaten breakfast, just not enough. He was scared, and he didn’t want to go anywhere with them right then. He wanted to go back to his rooms, needed to be alone, where they couldn’t force him to do anything. He needed to get away.

            “We’re just going to wrap up your leg and sit for a bit,” Sara said. She glanced at Oliver. “Come on, Barr. We’ll grab a med kit and I’ll just get some bandages. Just to wrap it up. We’ll grab you one of Cisco’s calorie bars, and something more tasty too.”

            She started to lead him over, but Barry turned around to see Oliver talking into the radio. A spike of panic shot through him.

            “Oliver is just radioing the infirmary,” Sara said, seeing that he had already guessed what Oliver was up to, “we’re just going to have Caitlin take a look, OK? I’m still going to just wrap it up first. We’ll sit for a bit first, OK? It’ll take her a little bit to get here.”

            But Barry shook his head, stepping away from Sara. “No,” he said, “It’s – it’s fine. I’m fine.”

            “Barry, just –” Sara said, taking a step forward. Barry jolted back in response, unconsciously using super speed to do so in his panic. It hit him all at once that Oliver hadn’t shut off his speed yet, that when he turned the dampener off earlier he hadn’t turned it back on before rushing over to him.

            Every instinct in him screamed to run, to hide, to get away before they hurt him, before Caitlin could get there, before they could hold him down while he cried and begged them to let him go, not to hurt him, not to stab him with needles and pour burning chemicals into his veins.

            He looked up at Sara, saw the poised stance she had inadvertently fallen into, and he gave in and ran.

 

 

 

 

            Oliver saw the moment he disappeared in a gust of wind, and he fumbled for the speed dampener control. Barry was only running for about four and a half seconds, but it was long enough for him to get all the way back to the estate, albeit not into his rooms, before Oliver hit the speed dampener button. Luckily, Cisco and Ray had altered it so that it didn’t cut off all at once anymore. It took only about a second, but it was cut off in a slowing stream rather than all at one moment. It allowed Barry to slow down rather than crashing into a wall like he did when he passed out while running. He didn’t injure himself that way.

            He stopped in the main hall, suddenly alone and in the estate, still a fairly long walk from his rooms. He started to panic even more. He was never alone in the estate now – Sara or Oliver or a guard accompanied him everywhere. He tried to take deep breaths. It wasn’t like Malcolm was there anymore. It was nearing midday. He was in the back section, not near the conference rooms. There shouldn’t be many people around.

            He took a back route that Sara had taken to walking with him because of Barry’s fear of unfamiliar alphas. He passed very few people, and when he did pass them he tried to walk so as to hide the blood from view. He was leaving a trail though, of small blood spots, dripping from his knee. It was still bleeding, albeit slower.

            He was on the second floor, walking through some back hallways, ones filled with empty rooms, Sara had said. They were for guests, but no one was currently staying in them. They no longer used these rooms except for large gatherings, but used the ones on the east side for guests instead. There was no one there, and Barry stopped to slump against the wall for a moment, his leg throbbing. He took a long breath, trying to quell the bubbling panic. He wondered if Oliver had radioed the guards to look for him, or if they were just coming already. Barry suddenly felt like crying. They’d check his room. They’d go straight to his rooms.

            He didn’t know where else to go though. Maybe Felicity would help him hide – but no, Oliver would ask Felicity and Felicity would make him go anyway. He had nowhere to go though. But if he made it back to his rooms he could lock himself in. Oliver would have another key though, and even if he didn’t, they might just break the door down.

            Barry tried the door knob of the room next to him. It was locked. He pushed himself away from the wall and tried the next one. It was also locked. He thought maybe they’d have been left unlocked. Maybe one of them was. Maybe they’d missed one.

            He started checking the doors, but they were all locked of course. He felt tears well up in his eyes. Oliver was going to find him and drag him to Caitlin and she wasn’t going to listen and she’d put in stitches and Oliver would hold him down and he didn’t want stitches, he didn’t need them, he didn’t, he’d heal fine. He remembered telling Henry the same thing, begging him not to put stitches in when he’d cut himself in training, a much larger cut than the one on his knee. They’d had to hold him down then, and he’d screamed himself hoarse before passing out during the stitches. Henry told him they only hurt so badly because he worked himself up, was so scared of them, panicked so badly.

            There was a click next to him, and Barry sprang up, jumping away. The door next to him opened slowly, and suddenly Barry was looking at Leonard Snart, peering out from behind the door.

            Barry’s eyes widened. He just stared for a second, during which Leonard’s eyes raked over him, and quickly focused on the blood covering his pants, and the tear where the gash was partially visible. His face remained mostly impassive, though he let a little concern show.

            “It looks like you could use some help,” he said.

            Barry just stared for another second, and then he burst into motion, shaking his head, already starting to edge away.

            “No, I’m – I’m fine, thanks, I um – I’ll just go. I’m fine.”

            Leonard opened the door a little wider. “I saw a first aid kit earlier. I can give you some bandages if you want.”

            Barry froze. “Um, that’s OK, that’s – thanks, but um, I’ll just – I’ll be fine.”

            Barry turned, and then he heard footsteps coming down the halls. He froze again, another spike of panic. There was no one down there, not supposed to be anyone down there. If Oliver had sent people looking for him…

            Leonard raised an eyebrow. He opened the door a little wider, clearly inviting him in.

            Barry hesitated, and then walked inside. Len closed the door behind him and Barry tensed, suddenly panicking again. Hadn’t Oliver said they were thieves? Just because Leonard was civil to him during their meeting didn’t mean he wouldn’t hurt him now. He was an alpha, and now Barry was alone with him, and he was injured and without his speed, and why did he think this was better than guards finding him?

            But Leonard turned and walked away from him as soon as he was inside, going across the room and disappearing into another one. Barry heard some rummaging and he slowly walked closer to the room. He heard footsteps outside, more than one pair, and moved farther.

            Leonard reemerged a moment later with a small metal box. He opened to reveal a rudimentary first aid kit. He placed it on a small table in the room, and started pulling out supplies.

            “The water works in the bathroom,” he said, gesturing to the room he’d just come out of, “if you want to wash it out. I’d recommend it before you wrap it up.”

            Barry nodded, then walked to it, glancing behind him to see if Leonard would follow him, but he stayed where he was. Barry went into the small bathroom and rolled up his pants, above the knee, before washing it with cold water. Blood ran down the drain of the tub. He kept glancing behind him, expecting Leonard to sneak up on him, to reappear, but he never did.

            He came back out, still warry. He went carefully back towards the table, back towards Leonard. He didn’t hear anyone in the halls anymore, and he contemplated getting out then. He still didn’t know where to go though. They’d be headed for his rooms anyway if they were looking for him.

            “There’s bandages there,” Leonard said, “and some antiseptic. I’ll be right in that room if you need me.” He nodded at another side room, presumably a bedroom, and disappeared inside, leaving Barry alone.

            Barry blinked, and then moved over to the table where Leonard had left the materials laid out neatly. He picked up the bandages, and then the antiseptic. He used a small torn piece of bandage to dip in the antiseptic and then dab against the wound. The pain made him hiss but he didn’t want an infection – the very idea of it terrified him. The stinging pain brought tears to his eyes though. He fumbled with it, paused, forced himself to dab some more, and then stopped when it caused stinging pain to arch up his leg.

            He heard Leonard re-enter the room, and turned around. He walked slowly though, and stayed a good few feet away from him even when he got close.

            “Do you want some help?” Leonard asked. He gestured at the bandages.

            “I – I’m just trying to clean it,” Barry said.

            Leonard nodded. “Can I see?”

            Barry hesitated, but Leonard had his head angled down, eyes peering up at him, stance relaxed, completely non-aggressive, almost submissive. He held out the piece of cloth to him and Leonard stepped forward to take it, moving slowly, carefully. Barry shifted over. He had his foot resting on a chair, knee angled upward. Len moved next to him, inspecting the wound.

            “This looks a little deep,” he said, “you might want to have it checked out.”

            Barry shook his head, going tense. He put his foot down suddenly, stepping away. His eyes darted to the door. “No, I – I heal fast. It’s – I’m fine.”

            Leonard looked at him. “OK,” he said. “Can I see your leg?”

            Barry hesitated again. He should leave, he should just leave.

            “Barry,” Leonard said, and Barry looked over at him again. “Can I see your leg? I’m just going to clean it – to make sure it won’t get infected.”

            Barry nodded, and then put his foot back on the chair. He tensed as Leonard got close, but he was focused on his knee, bending over, and it put him in a vulnerable position if Barry were to move, rather than putting Barry in a vulnerable position. It made him relax slightly.

            “It’s going to sting,” Len said, “take a deep breath.”

            Barry took a breath, tensing. Len waited an extra second, pausing before the cloth touched his skin, glancing back at Barry. Then he dabbed at the wound. Barry jolted when it touched his skin, and he had a flash of panic.

            “Stop!” he said, and he jumped back, nearly tripping over himself, hyperventilating. His eyes darted around, to the door. He wanted to go back to his rooms, wanted to hide, wanted to get away. Tears rose up in his eyes. He just wanted to forget about the cut, wanted to stop, didn’t want the burning pain of antiseptic, didn’t want bandages pulled tight around his skin, didn’t want anyone looking at it, didn’t want to look at it himself. It all reminded him of doctors and the hospital and the burning pain, restraints all over his body.

            Len looked at him, frozen, eyes a little wider. “Are you OK?” he asked softly.

            Barry nodded, looking away for a second before his eyes darted back, not wanting to look him in the eyes but also afraid to look away, afraid to let someone out of his sight when he was injured like this, especially an alpha he didn’t know.

            He willed himself to move back, to get the wound cleaned, but didn’t budge. He broke out in a sweat. He hated having wounds tended to, and the anxiety just made the pain amplified. It hurt enough just standing there, never mind with the burning antiseptic.

            Len took a step back from the chair where Barry had put his foot up on. He held out the cloth with the antiseptic on it. “You can have it back if it’s easier to do it yourself.”

            Barry didn’t move. He was still trying to get the nerve to move forward, to try again.

            “Or I can help. I’ll go slow,” Len said carefully.

            Barry moved slowly forward, forced himself to put his foot back on the chair. He had to get it cleaned or it could get infected, and if it got infected it be much worse, he repeated to himself. There’d be real doctors and dressing wounds multiple times a day, an IV probably, maybe a scalpel to cut away infected tissue. He didn’t want that. He really, really did not want that. He had to clean it.

            “Take some deep breaths,” Len said, voice quiet, calm and slow, “tell me when you’re ready.”

            He waited. Barry tried to calm his breathing. He looked up a few moments later and nodded at Len.

            “OK,” he said. He carefully dabbed at the wound again. Barry winced and looked away, hissing out a breath. He curled his fingers to fists, clenching tightly, forcing himself to stay still.

            “That’s great,” Len said.  “Almost done.” He finished, and then nodded at the bandage next to Barry. “Can you hand me that?”

            Barry handed it to him, and Leonard carefully wrapped up his knee and leg, covering the cut.

            “Thanks,” Barry said softly when he was done. He let out a long breath, glad it was over, relieved. He still edged away, towards the door. Len was standing farther inside the room though, not at all blocking it.

            “How’d you get hurt?” he asked, nodded at Barry’s leg.

            Barry started. “I… running. I passed out.”

            Len frowned. “That happen often?”

            Barry shook his head. Len watched as he kept glancing between Len and the door, but Barry didn’t move any closer to it after initially edging backwards.

            “Well,” Len said, walking slowly around Barry towards the door, “I’m going to head out. Feel free to stay here as long as you like. I’ll see you around, Barry.”

            He gave one last final wave and closed the door behind him.


	7. Leaving

            It was pretty obvious that the kid was afraid of doctors. Len gathered that much. He was also obviously afraid of alphas, and it was easy to tell, even if Queen hadn’t essentially told him the same already.

            A part of Len wanted to stay. The kid was interesting, if nothing else. He was also so obviously in pain and scared and distressed. A part of Len’s alpha side wanted to comfort him, to offer reassurance and try to calm him. But Len knew his presence was only going to aggravate Barry’s anxiety, not soothe it. He knew the kid wasn’t going to calm down as long as Len was still there, so he left.

            He had been scoping out the Queen estate, had picked the locks of some of the empty guest rooms, snooping around. Not because he had any particular plans to rob the place, but just because he was bored and in an unfamiliar mansion. And then the speedster omega warrior had shown up, dripping blood and obviously running from someone. It didn’t take a genius to figure out he was hiding from the guards, probably hiding from Queen himself, and probably just to avoid seeing a doctor. The kid had radiated fear, bubbling up to panic at several points. It was nauseating, the strength of it when Len stood next to him, how it radiated off him so strongly. Originally Len had figured someone had hurt him, but he thought about the way Queen had been so protective of him that first day and dismissed the thought.

            So Len had left him there even though he wanted to stay, even though he would have loved to have a simple conversation with him, because he knew that his presence set Barry on edge, scared him. Len had asked around – he knew Barry was from Thawne’s estate, and while not incredibly familiar with the land this far from Central Alliance, he knew Thawne’s reputation. He knew how omegas were treated there, and he wasn’t surprised that Barry was nervous around alphas, although the degree of that fear was unprecedented. Thawne ran a very structured operation, and that included omega treatment. While Thawne’s practices were inherently unjustifiable and discriminating, omegas from places like Thawne land didn’t usually display the amount of fear and blatant PTSD that Barry did. It could be an after effect – as he got used to life on Queen land, where omegas were treated very differently, and realizing the severity of his previous situation, but it was more likely that something else had happened, and after asking around a bit, he found out that Barry had been a pet project of Eobard’s, and Len knew that couldn’t have turned out well for Barry.

            So he left the interesting speedster warrior, knowing it would be best for the kid for him to just leave, even if his curiosity and alpha sense disagreed.

 

 

 

 

 

            Barry stayed in the room he’d found Len in until his knee healed.

            No one found him in that time. At first he moved restlessly around the small apartment, then he walked to the door and locked it, and after realizing his leg hurt less when he stayed still he sat tentatively in a chair. After a bit he explored the set of rooms again, and finally decided to lie down on the bed in one of the adjacent rooms. He fell asleep there and woke up a couple hours later.

            When he woke up his leg was healed, so he unwrapped the bandages and then poked his head out of the door to the set of rooms. He went back to his own rooms, where he found a couple of guards waiting. They immediately radioed Oliver and Sara, who apparently were still out looking for him. Barry went into his rooms and waited for them, feeling at once guilty for worrying them and apprehensive about their return, although relieved that his leg was already healed. The sense of absolute relief and calm at the idea that they couldn’t force him to see a doctor, that he had escaped, that they could do nothing now, resonated. It almost was enough to drown out the growing dread of the confrontation he knew was about to follow. Sara got there first.

            “Where the hell did you go?” she said, striding into the room.

            Barry winced. “One of the guest rooms,” he said. “The ones that are empty. I found one that was unlocked,” he lied.

            Sara wiped a hand across her face. “Let me see your leg.”

            Barry rolled up his pants. He’d changed into new ones. The skin was perfectly healed over. Sara sighed.

            “I cleaned it,” Barry said.

            “Barry, you cannot run off like that,” Sara said, and there was just enough force behind the words that Barry shrunk a little. Sara saw and took a half step back, sighing at his reaction, forcing herself to reign in her frustration to avoid scaring him. “Look, Barry, I know you get scared, but you have to let us help you. If you’re hurt you have to get help.”

            Barry said nothing. He didn’t know how to explain to her that he simply wasn’t going to do that. He couldn’t. There really was nothing she could say that would change his mind, and even if there was, when he actually got hurt, in that moment, it wouldn’t matter. The panic would take over.

            When Oliver got there he said much the same thing. Barry shrank a little more. He grew more apprehensive.

            “We spent three hours looking for you, Barry,” Oliver said, “I just had my guards searching for you for three hours. Not to mention you could have put yourself in much more danger. If you had needed stitches and it didn’t heal right, or got an infection, that would mean a lot more work than just a once over, Barry.”

            “I’m sorry,” Barry said quietly.

            “You cannot run off like that,” Oliver said, “half my council now thinks you should be locked in the cells or kept on the speed dampener at all times and it’s going to take me half of tomorrow morning to convince them it’s fine. And we are trying to help you, Barry – I don’t know what else to do – you can’t run like that. You can argue and talk to us and explain but you cannot just run away, Barry.”

            Barry shrank more and more as he spoke. Oliver sighed. He walked a little ways away, pacing, still looking angry, and Barry tensed. He looked from Oliver to Sara.

            “Are you going to punish me?” he asked in a quiet voice.

            Oliver paused to look at him, and Sara’s eyes snapped up, wide.

            Oliver let out a long sigh, both hands over his face for a second. “Barry – no, Barry. No. Barry, we’re not going to punish you.”

            Barry glanced up and fiddled with his hands. “I know I deserve to be punished,” he said quietly. He’d been punished before, for running away instead of getting injuries tended to. Henry never sent him to punishments, but other doctors would – and his trainers, if he was injured during practice and they saw him run – if he told them he was going to the hospital and then didn’t and Henry found out then Henry wouldn’t tell them, but if they found out he didn’t go right away then he was usually punished. Some of his trainers had been more understanding than others, but Henry had always been nice about it, had always understood his fear, how he couldn’t control it. Even he would get frustrated with him though, exasperated and worried when he didn’t go in.

            “I am not in charge of punishing you,” Oliver said, “and neither is Sara. If you feel you need to be punished then you can talk to your therapist at the clinic, but we are not going to punish you. We just…”

            “We want you to be safe,” Sara said, “and when you run off when you’re injured you’re not safe.”

            Barry was quiet for a long moment. “I heal fast,” he said, “and… and I don’t usually need stitches because of it. But… Caitlin doesn’t know my healing like my doctors did and I… I was afraid she’d say I needed stitches, even though I didn’t, and you guys wouldn’t believe me when I said I didn’t need them and I… I was afraid you’d hold me down. I… I don’t like being held down… and, and I hate stitches, I – I can’t do them. I can’t – I panic, and I – I can’t, they – I panic and I try to get away and you’d have to hold me down and they hurt a lot and I always pass out because they hurt so much and I get scared and panic and I always have to be held down and I really, really don’t want to be again.”

            He said the last part all in a rush, and then glanced up. He was trembling.

            Sara was looking at him sadly, and Oliver had one hand over his face again, pinching the bridge of his nose.

            “Have you talked to Ben or Patty about the… about your fear of doctors and medical procedures? About when they unlocked your meta ability?” Oliver asked.

            Barry tensed again. “A little,” he said quietly, “not very much.”

            “Maybe you should try to talk to them about it,” Sara said.

            Barry paused. “I don’t like talking about it,” he said softly, “it… I don’t like thinking about it. It scares me.”

            “I know,” Sara said softly, “but it might help to talk about it… it might help make it not scare you as much.”

            Barry doubted that. He’d told Henry, a little bit. Right after he had woken from his coma, and they wanted lots of tests and he had been scared, had wanted reassurance that they weren’t going to do anything they had done in that lab, had wanted to never set foot in the hospital again. Henry had held his hand while he cried when they took blood tests, every needle prick a reminder of the IV lines and the crushing, encompassing pain they’d sent through him, hoping to shock his body into its ultimate fight or flight response: his meta ability.

            He’d been so scared when he first went in. He was sixteen and he’d heard the horror stories, and he was trembling when the woman led him into the lab and told him to undress and get on the table. Then they had strapped him down. At that point he’d been pretty familiar with restraints. That in itself didn’t scare him too much. And then one of the doctors had inserted an IV, and it had hurt a little but nothing bad – he wasn’t afraid of needles before. And then he’d just been lying there, and they hadn’t told him anything, and searing pain suddenly ran through him.

            He’d writhed, screamed, begged for help, begged them to make it stop, sure this was a mistake, he was dying, he was having an allergic reaction, his meta ability was manifesting with the first thirty seconds of being in the lab and it was presenting in an extremely painful fashion, something was wrong – but no. He screamed and writhed and after a minute the pain disappeared again. He’d panted, crying on the table. He’d asked what happened, so confused and scared and reeling from the pain.

            “We’re giving you a chemical combination to elicit prime conditions for meta manifestation,” one of the doctors had said while filling a syringe from a vial. “Today is just a preliminary round, to prime your systems.”

            He lost count of how many rounds of chemicals they’d run through his IV that day. After a couple, after he realized with sudden panic that they were all going to hurt as much as that first one, that it wasn’t a fluke, that this was what they were doing to him, he’d started sobbing, begging them not to.

            “Just try to relax and take deep breaths,” one of the doctors said, “let yourself pass out. You will eventually, anyway, and it’s better that way. Don’t worry, you’ll pass out and then you won’t feel it.”

            “But it hurts,” he’d cried, “please don’t, please, please don’t do this to me. Please, it hurts. Please, you don’t understand, it _hurts_.”

            “Relax, omega,” another doctor said, tired sounding, almost bored, “you’ll pass out soon.”

            “No, nonono, don’t, don’t, please, _don’t_!” he’d screamed when he saw them approaching with another syringe to inject into his IV.

            “Did you do a double dose?” one doctor said.

            “Yes,” the one with the vial replied.

            “Relax honey, it’s a double dose. You’ll pass out on this one.”

            He had passed out, but not until after writhing for a minute and a half on the table, screaming again.

            “I think you should talk to Ben and Patty,” Oliver said.

            “OK,” Barry said, but he didn’t plan on doing it. He didn’t like talking about it. He didn’t like thinking about it.

           

 

 

 

 

            He did end up telling Patty about hiding from Oliver and Sara the next day though, about how he’d been injured. Mostly because he was still feeling the anxiety from the whole ordeal, and he wanted to be held instead of what they had planned.

            Barry paused when he finished telling her. She was holding him, his back against her front, her arms wrapped around his stomach.

            “Are you going to punish me for it?” he asked softly.

            “Do you want to be punished for it?” Patty asked.

            Barry paused. “No,” he said.

            “Then no, I’m not going to.”

            “I ran away though.”

            “I know.”

            “I made Oliver search for me. I made Oliver and Sara worried. I caused a lot of problems.”

            “You were scared,” Patty said. “It’s not your fault that you were scared. And while in the future I think you should try to not run, because they’re right, and you need to get treated for your safety, it’s not your fault that you get scared and panic and run.”

            “Oliver held me still before – they needed a blood sample, and I… stitches are so much worse – they – I can’t even think about it, Patty. It goes on forever and it hurts so much. I just, I couldn’t. I didn’t even think, I just ran.”

            “It’s OK. You’re safe now,” Patty said.

            “I know I’m not supposed to,” Barry said. “I… Henry… he was my doctor, at… at Thawne’s. And he would always tell me I couldn’t run, that I would only make it worse. And I did, a bunch of times. And then it was always… he had to fix things and that… I broke my wrist once, and I was scared so I hid it and didn’t go in and then it healed wrong. They had to rebreak it… and it… it was awful…”

            “I’m sorry, Barry,” Patty said, “and I know this time you were scared because you thought they’d try to give you stitches even though you didn’t need them, but if something like that happens here, I do really hope you’ll try to go in to have it treated.”

            Barry shuddered. “I know,” he said quietly, “I just – I don’t want to. I mean, I know obviously no one would want to, but it…”

            “It scares you,” Patty said.

            “Yeah.”

            “It’s OK that you get scared, Barry.”

            “But I run since I’m scared.”

            “Yes, and you should try not to, but it’s not your fault you get scared.”

            “I didn’t really try not to.”

            “You panicked. It’s OK.”

            “Yeah but I… I didn’t try not to run. I didn’t… I could have gone back. I could have at least gone back a little earlier and not worried them for so long…”

            “Barry, do you want to be punished?”

            Barry paused again, but by now he could identify the guilt growing in his stomach. He knew it would only get worse. It was something he never really had to deal with at the Thawne estate, at least before Eobard made him start killing. He was punished for everything he did wrong and many things he thought he hadn’t done wrong. He didn’t know how to deal with guilt, as a result. And too often it simply festered in him.

            “Yeah,” Barry said, somewhat reluctantly.

            “OK,” Patty said. She thought for a moment. “I’m going to edge you,” she said.

            Barry whined in response. He grimaced.

            “I can spank you instead, if you want,” Patty said, “But I think this will be better. I can stay holding you, and it won’t be about pain. I think that will be good for you.”

            “OK,” Barry said. He didn’t really want to be spanked either, and Patty was usually right when she said something would be better for him. He trusted her.

            “Did you come already this morning?” she asked.

            “Yes,” he breathed out, groaning because he had and that meant he was going to have to wait until the next day. He was only allowed to come once a day on his own on days he saw Patty.

            “Alright, I’ll allow you one more orgasm today, as long as you’re a good boy during your punishment. But not until after dinner.”

            “Thank you,” he said, a rush of relief.

            He was already out of his pants, so Patty drew his cock out from his underwear, stroking until he was hard. She kept going until he started panting, and as soon as he was right on edge stopped.

            Barry groaned and pressed his head back against her shoulder.

            “Shh,” she said, rubbing a soothing hand up and down one of his arms. Barry’s cock was red and hard and dripping precum.

            She started again after a minute. It didn’t take long before he was about to cum again. Once again she stopped, and Barry whimpered.

            “I wanna cum,” he said.

            “Not yet,” she said, “You’ll do two more.”

            Barry whined again. His balls ached. She waited longer this time, let his body really calm down before touching him again. Then she moved slowly, incredibly slowly, and Barry panted and whined and wanted to beg but didn’t. His body felt hot and there was warmth low in his stomach. He held his breath when he was close, silently hoped she would accidently bring him right over the edge, but once again she stopped right before.

            “Patty,” he groaned, “please.” He squeezed his eyes shut, wanted to grab his cock with his hand but didn’t.

            “Shh,” she said, “you’re doing very well. Just one more now. Be a good boy for me.”

            She waited, then brought him to the edge one more time. When she stopped he nearly cried. His cock and balls ached, his cock nearly purple, and he wanted to cum but knew he wouldn’t be allowed. He would be denied release, and his cock would slowly go soft instead.

            “Shh, that’s a good boy for me,” she said. He whimpered, and Patty pet his hair, running her hand along his stomach. “Such a good omega. Such a good boy for me. You took that very well.”

            Barry relaxed into the praise, eyes closed, throbbing cock slowly going soft. He was still horny, but it was muted, and he relaxed further against Patty, took her arms and pulled them tighter around him. Slowly he forgot about his cock altogether, feeling safe and warm and cared for.

 

 

 

 

            “He wants to see how fast you run,” Oliver said. “He’s just going to observe, but if it makes you uncomfortable then I’ll time the trials and send him the numbers instead.”

            Barry hesitated, eyes flicking to where Leonard Snart stood, about forty yards away, looking around the training fields.

            “Um, I think it’ll be fine,” Barry said.

            “OK,” Oliver said, “Just let me know if you change your mind. First thing is just to do some time trials. Can you run the fifty mile route?”

            Barry nodded. Oliver held a stopwatch in his hand. He waved Snart over.

            “Barry’s going to run 50 miles,” Oliver said when Leonard reached them. “Ready?” Oliver asked. Barry nodded. “Go,” he said. There was a streak of lightening, a pause, and then Barry was back. Oliver hit the stop watch. “Five seconds,” he said.

            Barry grimaced. “I can go faster, I just needed to get warmed up.”

            “We’ll do a few trials,” Oliver said. “Ready?”

            He got down to three seconds and then stayed around there. Leonard wrote down notes on a pad of paper.

            “What about going up buildings?” he asked, “Do you go slower when there’s obstacles in the way?”

            “A little,” Barry said, “but normally I just phase through buildings.”

            “Phase?”

            Barry demonstrated, running straight through a shed that was on the edge of the fields. If Leonard didn’t look impressed before than he certainly did after that.

            They completed a few more trials. Len was looking to get a sense of Barry’s speed, of the assets he had to work with here. He was doubtful though. As much as he could plan now, he didn’t know how Barry would actually react, going back to his former home, going back to where Eobard was.

            When they were finished Oliver sent Barry off to see Sara, to do some sparring. Leonard watched him go.

            “Do you need anything else?” Oliver asked.

            “At the moment, no,” Len said, but he looked back at Oliver. “But my sister has sent me back some information she’s gathered on Thawne’s estate. I’m almost ready to move now. But before I can make the final plans, we’ll need to move to Thawne’s land. We’ll need to have Barry there.”

            Oliver frowned. “In what sense?”

            “I need more exact measurements,” Leonard said. “We need to do a practice run, of sorts.”

            “A practice run?” Oliver said. “Wouldn’t that put us at risk? We could be found out.”

            “It would be controlled, the timing precise, and not the full plan,” Len said. He paused. “I need to know that Barry will be able to complete his part of the plan. If he chokes, it’s over.”

            Oliver frowned. “You want to expose him to Thawne?”

            “No,” Len said, “I want to put him back on Thawne land, let him see the estate, make sure it won’t affect him so much that he can’t complete what I need him to.”

            “And if it does?” Oliver asked.

            “Then we rework the plan,” Len said. “But this will be much easier, with a much better chance of success, if Barry can help us. But I don’t like unknown variables. And no matter how many tests we run, he will still be an unknown variable until we get there.”

            Oliver was silent for a long moment. “So just what exactly are you proposing?”

            “We’ll set up camp outside the Thawne estate, far enough away that there’s little chance of our discovery. We’ll have Barry run. We’ll make a trip to the estate. With Shawna’s help and Barry’s speed it shouldn’t be very risky. Bring your meta power dampeners. Shawna has confirmed that Eobard still doesn’t have any, so we don’t face the risk of being trapped that way, and it will keep us relatively safe even if we’re discovered. Though I don’t plan on being discovered. Lisa and Hartley have found a place where they can camp out already. We’ll see how Barry does, being back there. We’ll make the final stages of our plan.”

            “How long are you planning on staying there?” Oliver asked.

            “One week, two tops,” Len said. “We’ll have to find the right day to attack.”

            “It won’t be good for him,” Oliver said, looking to where Barry was still sparing with Sara. “I thought you still needed at least another half a month.”

            “This is the last half a month,” Len said, “And Lisa’s managed to collect information faster than I thought she would. She’s made friends with one of Eobard’s guards. And Hartley’s found that their technological infrastructure is, as Barry described, much less developed than your own, or ours for that matter. It’s expedited the process.”

            Oliver sighed. “When do we move out?”

            “My bags are packed,” Len said, “just give the word, Lord Queen.”


	8. Atonement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter was originally not going to be in this story at all. It's sort of a tangent, but it's been over a month since I posted (two months?), and I already had it written, so I figured why not? Next chapter should be out soon too, because I have more tangent material I was thinking I wouldn't include but decided I would include. Anyway, hope you enjoy this even though it's not the next stage in killing Eobard.

 

 

            Barry took the news that they were going back to Thawne land pretty well. He was nervous, and it certainly didn’t help his nightmares, but the idea that they could succeed – that he could be free for real, would never have to worry about Eobard again – it was an enticing thought. It felt a little too good to be true, and of course there was the chance that their plan would fail, and Barry would be captured by Eobard. Barry tried not to think about it. He focused on his training. He had to believe that they would succeed. They scheduled their departure for one week away, which would give them enough time to collect supplies and for Oliver to make sure everything would run smoothly in his absence.

            There were a few issues that arose though, the first of which occurred only the day after Oliver told Barry the plan.

Barry was training with Oliver, and he was getting frustrated with both himself and Oliver. He couldn’t complete the exercise, which consisted of reaching Oliver without using his speed to run. He could use his speed to dodge blows and arrows, but not to run. Oliver kept firing arrows at him the whole time, and both Roy and Sara were coming at him. He was instructed to only use his speed to dodge though, not to throw his own punches and blows.

            It was frustrating, he had to continually switch from using speed to not using speed, and he was getting his ass kicked. Both Sara and Roy were much better at hand to hand then he was, and both had short swords. Barry had already gotten hit with four arrows. Only one went through, the rest just grazing him, but it was painful enough to make him want to stop for the day. He healed very quickly from arrow wounds though. It was one of the reason’s they only used arrows not guns when practicing. If he was shot then there was a good chance he’d need the bullet removed, and with how terrified he was of doctors they all wanted to avoid that. Arrows could just be ripped out though, and although it was painful it was over with quickly and didn’t require a trip to the hospital.

            Barry knew Oliver would let him stop if he really asked, if he said it was too painful to continue, but he hadn’t asked. It made him feel weak, and he knew he could continue anyway. By that point it didn’t even hurt very much. It had already healed. He was still being hit over and over by Roy and Sara though, and he thought it was stupid, pointless, since in a normal fight he’d be able to use his speed for everything.

            He got frustrated, was sick of being hit, and when Roy swung at him with his sword Barry used his speed to duck under, and then continued to use his speed when he brought his elbow around, bringing it against Roy’s shoulder blade. Roy stumbled forward at the shot, almost falling into Sara.

            “Barry, I said no offensive super speed!” Oliver said.

            Barry nearly growled. “You know, in a real fight I’d either have my speed or not, not have it for defense and not offense!” he shouted back.

            “It’s an exercise, Barry,” Oliver said.

            “It’s an exercise, Barry,” Barry mumbled under his breath. Sara heard and laughed, and Oliver frowned at him.

            “Alright, speedy,” Sara said, “let’s see what you can do.”

            There was another round of fighting. Barry got hit in the side with the sword when he tried to go for a punch himself. It was a practice sword, with a dulled blade so he wasn’t cut but he’d have a large bruise for an hour or so.

            He just had to get to Oliver though. Make it to Oliver and this stupid training exercise would be over. Barry sidestepped Sara’s next swing, and decided he’d just stop trying to fight them altogether. He only got hit when he stopped using super speed, when he tried to punch or kick or shove them out of the way. He dodged Sara’s blow, and then moved to her side, kept her coming at him, towards Oliver, ducking and dodging every blow. He had to keep an eye on Oliver of course, because he was firing arrows at him, but if he kept moving around Sara quick enough then he couldn’t get a clean shot off.

            Roy moved in as well though, and then he was dodging attacks from three people at once. In an effort to avoid an arrow from Oliver and duck a hit from Roy he got too close to Sara, and she nailed him with the sword, in the shoulder.

            Barry stumbled back, and an arrow ripped across his arm. He cried out, hand going to cover the wound. He looked down and saw blood, but the arrow had just grazed him again. Oliver wasn’t aiming to really hit him, and he had a scary accuracy. Like Barry, he was a class W1, and his specialty was arrows. Roy moved in quickly, and without even really thinking about it Barry let his frustration take over, and he sped forward to meet him, ducking under a raised sword and spinning, hitting Roy with his elbow in the back again, except this time he was using his speed, and there was a loud pop with the hit, and Roy screamed and fell to his knees.

            The blood was pounding in Barry’s ears and he watched in almost a trance, as Roy fell and everything caught up with him. His elbow pulsed with pain from the impact, and both Sara and Oliver were moving forward. Roy gripped at his arm, hunched over on the ground, still groaning. Oliver notched an arrow.

            “Barry! I said no offensive super speed!” Oliver yelled. When Roy didn’t get back up though he lowered his bow. “Roy? Are you OK?” he said.

            “Shoulder,” Roy gasped. He dropped the sword he was holding. Sara put hers away as well, reaching Roy before Oliver.

            “I think it’s dislocated,” Sara said.

            “Fuck,” Roy hissed, when Sara touched his shoulder. He turned his head sharply away.

            “Radio the hospital, tell them he’ll be coming,” Oliver said. “Can you walk OK?”

            “I think so,” Roy said. “Shit.” He struggled to his feet, holding his arm.

            Barry felt the blood drain from his face. He could still feel the dull throb in his elbow. The rest of his body felt numb. Then all at once a wave of guilt, shame, and horror washed over him.

            “Can you take him to the hospital?” Oliver asked Sara.

            “Yeah, I’ll make sure he gets there,” she said. They started walking off together.

            Oliver turned to face Barry, face angry. “Barry, this is why I told you not to use –” He cut off abruptly when he saw the look on Barry’s face, sheet white and horrified, completely still. His expression quickly morphed from anger to concern, and surprise. He took a step forward carefully, expecting Barry to flinch away from him, but he didn’t move at all, completely still.

            “Barry,” Oliver said, “take a deep breath for me, OK?”

            Barry didn’t though. He barely heard him. He started shaking. He had hurt Roy because he didn’t follow instructions. He’d hurt Roy because he let his anger get the best of him, because he couldn’t control himself. He’d used his powers to hurt someone he liked, someone he thought of as a friend, because he was angry. A flash of images swept across his eyes, killing people, following Eobard’s orders, and then the look in Eobard’s eyes as he killed. Just like Eobard, he’d used his powers to hurt someone, and completely of his own volition. This wasn’t Eobard forcing him to kill people, there wasn’t a threat of punishment, he’d chosen this. He’d chosen to hurt Roy, his friend.

            “Barry, I need you to try to take deep breaths,” Oliver said, still approaching him slowly.

            Barry suddenly felt dizzy, and then nauseous. He’d hurt someone. He’d hurt someone simply because he was angry and he could.

            “Talk to me, Barry,” Oliver said.

            He needed to go and apologize, he hadn’t even apologized. He needed to go find Roy, but they were going to the hospital, and he wouldn’t want to see him, wouldn’t want to look at him, hear from him. He had hurt him. They were just practicing and he had hurt him when he wasn’t even supposed to be using his speed. Oliver had told him not to use his speed because it could hurt them and he had. He was so stupid. He hadn’t thought.

            “I’m sorry,” Barry said, voice a whisper, wavering.

            Oliver sighed. “It’s OK, Barry. Accidents happen. People get hurt training. Roy will go to the hospital, they’ll pop his shoulder back in, and he’ll be fine in a couple weeks.”

            Barry had had his shoulder dislocated before. It hurt. It hurt badly, and then having it fixed was even worse. And Roy didn’t heal like Barry. He’d be out of commission for at least a couple weeks, possibly more.

            “I didn’t think. I didn’t – I didn’t mean to hurt him,” Barry said, but even as he said it he thought, well, what was he trying to do then? Did he really not mean to hurt him? He’d hit him with the intention of hurting him, he just hadn’t thought through the consequences.

            “I know you didn’t, Barry. Roy knows too. He’s been hurt worse in training before.”

            “But I wasn’t supposed to be using my speed,” Barry said, “this is my fault. This is… I wasn’t supposed to use my speed. I got angry and I just – and I didn’t think and I’m so stupid, I’m so stupid and I – I hurt him. I hurt him.”

            “It’s OK, Barry. You didn’t mean to. You got caught up in the moment, you guys were fighting. It happens, Barry. It doesn’t make you stupid, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. You made a mistake. It’s OK.”

            “No, it’s not,” Barry said. He felt like he was going to throw up. He looked up suddenly, at Oliver. “I disobeyed you and I hurt someone,” he said. Dread curled in his stomach.

            Oliver must have seen the change, because his expression morphed as well. “Barry,” he said, “I forgive you. Roy does too, I’m sure of it. It’s OK.”

            “You have to punish me,” Barry said. His stomach was already tying up in new knots, his throat tight. He clenched his hands to stop them from shaking.

            “Barry, I’m not going to punish you,” Oliver said calmly. “I told you I wouldn’t be doing that, and I meant it. You made a mistake. I’m telling you I forgive you, and it’s OK.”

            “You _have to_ ,” Barry said.

            “No, I don’t,” Oliver said. “I’m not going to, Barry.”

            “I need to be punished,” Barry said.

            “I don’t agree,” Oliver said. “You made a mistake. Things like this happen all the time in training, Barry. People get hurt sparring. It’s inevitable. Barry, I shot you five times today.”

            “I heal fast, Roy doesn’t,” Barry said, “and I wasn’t supposed to be using my speed. You told me not to and I did anyway.”

            “You got caught up in the fight,” Oliver said, “I’m not saying it was a good move, Barry, but you don’t need to be punished for it. You understand that what you did was wrong, and that’s enough. I know you’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again, and that’s all I need. You are forgiven, Barry.”

            But Barry shook his head. “You can’t just – I don’t accept it. You can’t just forgive me, I – I did something awful and you told me to not use my speed and I did – I disobeyed you, I broke the rules, I – you have to punish me. I deserve it. I need it, you have to.”

            “I’ve already forgiven you for it, so there’s no need for a punishment. If you need to hear Roy say it too, we can go find him once they pop his shoulder back in. I’m absolutely sure he’ll also forgive you. I’ve hurt him worse sparring, Barry. And if after that you still feel like you need punishment then you can go to the clinic later and talk to Ben or Patty about it. But I’ve already told you, I’m not going to punish you. I promised you, and I’m going to keep it.”

            “But I’m asking you to,” Barry said. “You have to. Oliver, you have to, I disobeyed – you told me multiple times not to use my speed and then I did and I hurt someone because of it, you can’t just – I’m at fault, I messed up, you have to punish me for it, you have to, I can’t just go, I – you have to.”

            “Barry –”

            “You have to!” Barry said, nearly shouting now. He was frantic, eyes wide, trembling.

            “Barry, I’m not going to –”

            “You’re supposed to, you need to.”

            “I’m –”

            “I need you to!”

            “You can go to –”

            “Oliver, please.”

            “Alright, we’re going to the clinic now,” Oliver said. He started walking off the training fields.

            “But –”

            “No,” Oliver said, “I’m not just punishing you, Barry. I will take you to the clinic and we will talk to someone about this, OK? I’m not a therapist and I’m not your alpha and I don’t want to make things worse. I know you feel like you need to be punished, but it’s not my place to do that.”

            “But I’m asking you to! I give you permission.”

            “I don’t care,” Oliver said, “Barry, please don’t take this the wrong way, but you have a really fucked up sense of what is allowable and what is not when it comes to your omega orientation, and I am not taking advantage of that. We will talk to someone before I do anything.”

            Oliver kept walking, and Barry hurried to keep up. “But I don’t want to talk to someone, I just – don’t drag this out. Please, I just – I just want it over with.”

            “And that is exactly why we need to talk to someone first,” he said, “about what is best for you.”

            “But –”

            Oliver stopped suddenly and turned to Barry. “Barry, are you afraid of being punished?”

            Barry swallowed hard. “I… punishments aren’t supposed to be enjoyable.”

            “That’s not what I asked you,” Oliver said.

            “Well… yes.”

            “I don’t want you to be afraid of me,” Oliver said.

            “I’m not,” Barry said, “I just – you don’t understand Oliver, I – I can’t be like him.”

            Oliver stared at him, dumbfounded for a second. Then he ran a hand over his face. “Barry, you think that because you accidently dislocated someone’s shoulder during a practice fight you are the equivalent to a psychotic despot ruler who enslaves his own people and kills by the hundreds?”

            Barry fidgeted. “Yes,” he said softly.

            Oliver stared at him for a moment, before turning and walking forward again. “I take back what I said – _that_ is exactly why we are going to the clinic.”

 

 

 

           

            When they got there both Patty and Ben were busy with other patients. They had to wait nearly an hour before they were both done, and even then Oliver had to have them cancel their other appointments to see them. He paid both Ben and Patty as well as the other clients though. It wasn’t like they could really refuse, seeing as he was Lord Queen.

            Barry was a ball of nerves the entire time waiting, and he felt sicker and sicker, alternatively allowing the guilt and horror to fester and then dreading his punishment, or worse, if they wouldn’t punish him and then the guilt could really eat him alive.

            Ben and Patty were both in the room when Oliver and Barry walked in. As soon as the door shut behind them, before Barry had even made it all the way to his seat he pointed at Oliver.

            “I need to be punished and he won’t punish me,” he blurted out. He couldn’t help it. He just wanted everything over with, needed the guilt to stop, needed this to be over. He felt like he was going to cry already. He never thought he’d have to beg for a punishment before.

            “Barry, why don’t you sit down. We’re going to talk a little bit about this before we do anything,” Ben said.

            Barry was obviously unhappy but he sat down. He fidgeted, tapping his foot anxiously.

            “Alright, Barry, let’s start off by having you take a few deep breaths, OK? And then you can tell us what happened.”

            “Oliver told me not to use my super speed but I disobeyed him and I did anyway and I hurt someone with it – I hurt someone because I got angry and didn’t think and couldn’t control myself,” Barry said quickly.

            “OK,” Ben said, his voice gentle, slow, “we’re going to get to that, Barry, I promise, but we really need you to try to calm down a little. I know you feel really guilty right now, Barry, and you feel very tense and on edge because of it. I promise we are going to address that, and you will leave feeling better, but I need you to slow down a little bit for us, OK?”

            Barry nodded, trying to relax. His eyes flicked to Patty though anyway. “I need to be punished,” he said, willing her to understand.

            “We know you feel that way,” Patty said, “but we want to make sure that’s the best thing for you – it’s OK, Barry. We’re not going to just leave you to feel miserable.”

            Barry went quiet for a moment, not content to really just sit through this but he didn’t have much of a choice about it. He listened to what Ben said, as he told him to take deep breaths, to try to still himself. He gave a half-hearted effort. Oliver explained what happened then, in more detail, and from his perspective. Barry couldn’t help interrupting a couple times. He was incredibly on edge. He felt like if they refused to punish him he’d lose it, but he was also growing increasingly afraid of actually being punished.

            “Alright,” Ben said when Oliver had finished. “Barry, it sounds like you got caught up in the fight and your own frustration and made a mistake. It’s really not uncommon at all for things like that to happen while sparring. I know it feels like you did something horrible, because it was a result of your speed, but the same thing happens all the time with non-metas. Someone gets carried away and hits a little harder than they should for a practice match. It’s not uncommon. Just because your speed was involved doesn’t make you a monster, OK? You did the same thing many, many young warriors do.”

            “But I was told not to use my speed,” Barry said.

            “Yes,” Ben said, “you disobeyed that order. Barry, I’m not saying that what you did was right, I just want you to think about it, and understand the magnitude of the infraction, OK? This is a common infraction. You got carried away, like many young warriors do. It wasn’t right, but it’s also not the end of the world.” He gave Barry a small smile.

            “OK,” Barry said softly.

            “I know it makes you feel worse, because your speed was involved, but you are not Eobard, Barry. You didn’t mean to hurt him badly. You were just sparring and got carried away.” He turned to look at Patty. “I think though,” he said, “that you would probably benefit from a punishment. What do you think, Patty?”

            “I agree,” she said, nodding.

            Barry felt relief and fear all at once.

            “I’m going to let Patty take over then,” Ben said, “since she’s the one that handles your punishments. What do you think is an appropriate punishment, Barry?”

            Barry tensed. He immediately thought a caning, and knew that none of them would approve of it. He felt he deserved it though.

            “The strap,” he said instead, since it was the next worst thing. He felt his heartrate speed up just suggesting it.

            “I think we should stick with the paddle,” Patty said, “I don’t think you did something bad enough to deserve the strap, Barry. But even if you did, we’ve only used the paddle so far, and I don’t think this is a good time to introduce something new.”

            “I deserve it,” Barry said.

            “No,” Patty said, “you don’t, Barry. The only one here who thinks you did something near as terrible as you are saying it is, is you, Barry. You are not going to be strapped today, Barry. You will be punished for disobeying and getting carried away, and that is not an infraction that deserves the strap.”

            Barry shifted. “But what if… I feel awful, Patty, I… I need it.”

            “Barry, you didn’t do anything terrible,” Patty said. “I know it feels that way, but you need to trust us for this, OK? You did not do anything terrible. We’re going to use the paddle today, and if you still feel bad afterwards then we’ll address it again in our next session. We’re not going to leave you feeling terrible, but we’re also not going to over punish you. OK?”

            “OK,” Barry said quietly.

            “How many do you think you deserve?” Patty asked.

            “Fifty,” Barry said.

            “I think we’ll do forty,” Patty said.

            “I can take fifty.”

            “I know you can,” Patty said, “but you don’t deserve fifty. I don’t think you deserve forty either, but I think the extra will make you feel better, so I’m willing to give you to forty.”

            “Why don’t you and Patty go into one of the session rooms,” Ben said. “And afterwards, if you want to talk more about it, then we can.”

            “I…” Barry started. “But… I disobeyed Oliver…” He looked around at all of them, and then let his eyes fall, his face heating up.

            “You think Oliver should be the one to punish you?” Ben said.

            Barry nodded.

            “And I have said already,” Oliver said, “that I am not in charge of you. You are not a slave here, Barry. I am not your master. You don’t have to obey me.”

            “I’m still your prisoner,” Barry mumbled.

            “At this point, Barry, that’s more of a technicality,” Oliver said. He frowned. “I’m sorry, Barry, if you’ve really been feeling like that. If there’s… you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Even if you wanted to back out – even if you decided you couldn’t go against Eobard, wanted nothing to do with our fight – it’s true that I can’t just let you go, but I wouldn’t treat you differently, Barry. You would not just be locked up. I know the speed dampener is… I’m sorry if it makes you feel trapped here, Barry. As soon as this mess is over I’ll take it off for good.”

            Barry shook his head. “No, I don’t… you don’t make me feel like a prisoner,” he said, “you’ve been kind to me.” He said it very softly. “I just… even if I wasn’t – wasn’t technically your prisoner, then I’d be employed in your army, and that – that still means you’re in charge of me. You could still punish me, because I hurt someone at training, because I disobeyed you. Don’t… don’t you punish people when they disobey you?”

            “Not by paddling them,” Oliver said, “If they are consistently disobeying my orders then I may suspend them from the army, without pay, for a certain period, or demote them. New soldiers are often made to do extra training, or run laps, or take on extra chores. In rare cases warriors might be whipped, but that’s only for extreme transgressions – desertion, treason.”

            “Would it make you feel better, Barry, if Oliver assigned you chores, or gave you a longer training regime today or tomorrow, in addition to the paddling?” Ben asked.

            “No, I just, I want – that wouldn’t help,” Barry said, getting agitated again. “That’s not – it would feel like I was getting off easy. It already feels like I’m getting off easy. I should be caned for this,” he burst out.

            There was a brief second of silence. “Barry,” Ben said, “I want you to think about that for a second. I know you are still deeply frightened by canes, that you have had horrible experiences with them. Do you really think you deserve that right now?”

            Tears rose in Barry’s eyes and he picked at his pants. “Yes,” he said softly.

            “Barry, no one is going to cane you,” Ben said.

            “I know,” Barry said. “That’s why… I didn’t ask. I know you won’t, even if I deserve it.”

            “Barry, you have done nothing to deserve that kind of pain and suffering and fear and misery,” Ben said, “and we don’t want to inflict that on you.”

            Barry was silent for a long moment, and then he looked imploringly at Patty again. “Please, can you at least use the strap.”

            “You’re scared of the strap,” Patty said.

            “I don’t care,” Barry burst again. Nervous trembling broke out over his hands. “I hurt someone. I _hurt_ someone.”

            “It was an accident,” Ben repeated.

            “Was it?” Barry said, “I was fighting him, I was trying to stop him, I was trying to hurt him.”

            “You were not trying to do actual damage.”

            “But I did, so what does it matter?” Barry said.

            “It matters because you are sitting here begging for a punishment and not trying to get away with it and rationalize your actions,” Patty said. “You are a good person, Barry. You have realized that you made a mistake and are seeking punishment because you understand that what you did was wrong.”

            “Please, just punish me,” Barry said. He couldn’t stand this. He couldn’t stand sitting there talking and they wouldn’t listen to him, didn’t understand. He couldn’t do this. He wanted to be beaten, suddenly. Just wanted Oliver to take a belt and beat him with it, furiously, harshly. And he was immediately terrified by the thought, immediately taken aback by his own desire. If Patty punished him it would be safe, would be controlled – he could say stop and she would. And he suddenly didn’t want that, wanted something uncontrolled, desperate, angry, violent. And then he felt as if he would throw up, terrified by the same picture, terrified of not having a choice, terrified of crying, begging for it to end and having his pleas ignored. It was a sick roll and he felt like there was no right answer, no way that this ended well, nothing that would leave him feeling atoned without it also being traumatizing. Was that the only way he could feel atonement now, he wondered suddenly, could he only ever really feel OK about things if he was treated cruelly, violently, sickeningly?

            “OK, Barry,” Patty said, “let’s go into the other room, OK?”

            “No, I – no, it has to be Oliver,” Barry said, and he was close to tears again, feeling more and more unhinged. He shook his head.

            “Barry, Oliver can’t punish you,” Patty said. “Let’s go, OK?”

            And Barry wanted to argue farther but he got up instead because he didn’t know what to do and they were finally going to punish him at least, finally something.

            “Let’s have you over my lap, OK?” Patty said, and she was speaking so gently to him. Barry started crying. “Can you get undressed for me, Barry?”

            Barry did, silent, still crying. He was afraid Patty would stop, would try to talk to him some more because of it, but she seemed to understand that at that point the only thing that would help would be the punishment. Barry lay down over her lap, on the bed.

            “Good boy,” she said, and she smoothed her hand over his back for a few moments to soothe him. “I’m going to start. I’ll count for you.”

            The first ten were relatively light and didn’t cause him much pain. They at once agitated him more and settled him. He wanted more pain, but he was also afraid, and the slow build up helped to bring him into it more. After the first ten though they quickly grew harder. In fact, Patty was hitting harder than she usually did, and Barry let out whimpers and wines. He was crying the whole time but the tears only really were attributed to pain after around twenty five. Barry was surprised by how painful it was. He hadn’t had a paddling of over thirty hits in a long while now, and Patty was quickly ramping up, hitting harder than normal. He started to wriggle, and he pinned his hands under him to keep from reaching back, to try to stop them.

            Around 35 he had the sudden flash of the earlier image in his mind, of being beaten violently and cruelly, and Patty was hitting much harder than usual now, almost as hard as she could, for the last five, and it was so painful and Barry was already worked up so much, and suddenly his chest was constricting and he couldn’t breathe, a flash of panic and a gut-wrenching wash of sudden terror, and she was hitting him again, another incredibly painful hit, or at least it seemed like it then, and he was arching, terrified, panic bubbling up his throat because it was too much, too painful and he’d done something awful and they wouldn’t stop, wouldn’t stop, and he couldn’t do it and it would keep going anyway and he screamed.

            Patty was already pausing, could feel the sudden, jerking tension roll through his body all at once, the heave of breath, and then he was flailing.

            “Stop, stop, stop please, I can’t, please stop, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he said all at once, curling into a ball and trying to get away all at once. He was shaking so badly.

            “OK, it’s all done, it’s all done,” Patty said, and she took both her hands off of him for a moment, but he didn’t jolt away from her, just out of her lap, and he was crying, shaking, going into shock probably. When he didn’t flinch from her Patty took him into her arms instead, holding him. “Shh, it’s all done, it’s all done,” she said, “good boy. Good boy, good omega. It’s all over. It’s OK. It’s all done.”

            He kept crying, whimpering. She grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around him. He was shivering, shaking. She started rocking them back and forth, continuing to repeat the same reassurances, that it was over, he was forgiven, he was a good boy, had taken it so well, was such a good omega, until Barry finally quieted down, only to burst out crying again.

            “I thought you wouldn’t stop,” he said, “It – it hurt, and then – and all at once, and I – I c-couldn’t breathe, and I thought – I thought it would keep going and you wouldn’t stop.”

            “Barry, I will always stop if you need me to,” she said.

            “I – I know,” he said in a small voice, “But I – I thought you wouldn’t, for a second.”

            “I’ll always stop,” she said, and suddenly Barry was crying harder.

            “Shh,” Patty said, holding him tightly. “It’s OK. It’s alright.”

            “I can’t even get through a punishment,” Barry said.

            “It’s OK if you need to stop sometimes,” she said.

            “But… but now I feel like I haven’t really been punished.”

            Patty paused. “Would you like me to give you the last five, Barry?”

            Barry paused, but then after a moment nodded. “Yeah,” he said, “Yes.” He bit his lip. “But… in a little bit.”

            She held him for a little longer, and then when he was ready gave him the last five smacks. Then they stayed there cuddling for a while longer, until Barry really came down from it. It all had him reeling though, feeling exhausted and shaky. He stayed for longer than he usually did after a session, eventually he left to find Felicity waiting for him.

            She took him to the hospital, where they found Roy, and Barry apologized at least a dozen times while Roy waved them all off. He was not at all angry at Barry, especially after hearing how upset he was, how sorry, from Oliver. Barry still didn’t feel entirely good about the whole thing though. He brought it up with Patty again the next day and left feeling better though.


	9. An Unfortunate Necessity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More tangential material, but there's Len in this one!

            In conjunction with their plan, Cisco and Ray had managed to fine tune a new meta power dampener. It would be a pivotal weapon for them to have, but there was a catch.

            Barry looked at Oliver with dread and growing fear and Oliver felt his stomach sink.

            “No,” Barry said. He looked from Oliver to Sara to Felicity. He was starting to get a queasy look on his face. He was already backing up from them.

            “I know it’s uncomfortable,” Felicity said, “but –”

            “It’s painful,” Barry said, shifting, arms crossed in front of him. “It’s really, really painful.”

            “I don’t think it’s that bad,” Felicity said. “Caitlin’s really good, she –”

            “No,” Barry said.

            “Barry, this is something we really need you to do,” Oliver said. “It’s going to help us –”

            “No,” Barry said again. He took another step back, fidgeting. His shoulders were hunched though, eyes darting down at the ground.

            “Take a deep breath, Barry,” Sara said quietly. “It’s OK.”

            But Barry looked ready to bolt. He kept looking over at the door across the room.

            “Let me explain,” Oliver said. “We need the samples so that Cisco and Ray can program the power dampener to exclude your abilities. Mark Mardon, Shawna Baez, Mick Rory, and Leonard Snart are doing it too. It’s going to allow us to block other people’s abilities, like Thawne’s, without blocking yours.”

            Barry shook his head. He tensed further.

            “It’s really important, Barry,” Sara said. “And it’s going to keep you safe.”

            Barry looked like he was going to cry. Felicity shared a look with Oliver.

            “It’s really necessary for the mission, Barry,” Oliver said, “we wouldn’t ask you if it wasn’t.”

            “I _can’t_ ,” Barry said, and his voice cracked. “I – I can’t do that.”

            “We’ll help you,” Sara said.

            “We can sit with you, and you can hold my hand, or Sara’s, if an alpha is better,” Felicity said, “and Caitlin will tell you everything she’s going to do before she does it. And if you need to stop and have a break then that’s OK, we can stop.”

            “Or I can get Patty to come, or Ben,” Oliver said, “if that would help. I can schedule you in to see one of them right afterwards too, if you want.”

            “Or we can go see a show, afterwards,” Felicity said, “or get you your favorite pastry, or even a cake, or something. Or we can go for a walk in the manor gardens – I know you love the gardens.”

            Barry shook his head. “I – I can’t. Oliver, I can’t,” he said.

            “I know you can,” Oliver said, “we’ll help you. You’ll get through it.”

            Barry shook his head, wiped at his face. “No,” he said, “It – it’ll hurt. It’ll hurt and I – I can’t.” He looked up. “Please, there – even a – even a blood sample would be better, would – can she use that?”

            Oliver shook his head. “No, for this one – for this they need the spinal sample.”

            Barry flinched.

            “It has to be precise, because you and Thawne have the same ability,” Oliver said. “They… they need to be able to specify it to your DNA precisely.”

            Felicity gave him a look. Oliver cringed.

            “She actually… we’ll need a blood sample too,” Oliver said.

            Barry’s head jerked up. “A – a blood sample too?” His voice went high. “That – and…”

            “She needs a blood sample, a spinal sample, and a skin sample,” he said. “But the skin one should be easy –”

            “You’ll barely feel it at all,” Felicity said, “I’ve had one – it’s not bad at all. Even the spinal sample isn’t that bad, Barry, really. Caitlin is really good. I was really scared for mine too, but it’s really not that bad. And you heal so fast – it’ll be just like one pinch.”

            “That’s too much,” Barry said, starting to shake. “No, I – Oliver, I can’t.”

            “You don’t have to do it all in one day,” Oliver said. “We just really –”

            “Why don’t we talk about it again tomorrow,” Sara said, interrupting. She gave Oliver a look. “We can talk about it tomorrow.”

            Oliver opened and closed his mouth, but he looked at Barry, and he was trembling, tears welling up in his eyes, obviously terrified, and Oliver nodded his head instead.

            “OK,” he said. “Yeah, that sounds good. We’ll talk about it again tomorrow.”

            They weren’t going anywhere with it now. All they were going to accomplish was working Barry into a panic attack.

            “I’ll take you back to your rooms, OK?” Sara said, giving Barry a smile.

            Barry nodded jerkily. He followed Sara out.

            Felicity and Oliver watched them go. As soon as the door shut Felicity turned to Oliver. “This is bad,” she said.

            Oliver sighed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

            Barry had a hard time sleeping that night.

            He was scared, and he felt guilty too. He didn’t want to have the procedure, was terrified of having the procedure, but if he didn’t he’d be putting them all at risk, himself most of all. He ended up crying for a long time, scared and dreading it, either way. Eventually he fell asleep.

            He met with Ben the next day and told him about it, although he didn’t reach any conclusion, didn’t really feel much better when he left. He knew he should do it, knew really he needed to do it, but he was terrified, and he didn’t think he could sit through it anyway, and he didn’t want to be held down. He was dreading meeting with Oliver again.

            This time Caitlin was there too. Once again, Oliver told him why it was so important. But Barry knew it was important. He knew. It wasn’t a matter of convincing him it was necessary.

            He started crying while Oliver spoke, and then felt pathetic and weak and childish for it.

            “I don’t want to,” he broke, and he put his head in his hands. “It’ll hurt,” he burst out, and felt a red flush of shame at the words.

            “It won’t hurt that much,” Caitlin said, “I promise, Barry, it won’t be that bad.”

            “I don’t want to,” he said again, and he was shaking. “I won’t be able to hold still and you’ll hold me down and I _can’t_.”

            “What if we promise not to hold you down,” Sara said.

            “But you will,” Barry said, still crying, “you’ll have to. I won’t be able to hold still.”

            “I don’t believe you,” Sara said, and she said it with such confidence and such emphasis that Barry stopped and looked up at her. “I think you can. I’m sure you can. You just think you can’t.”

            “Sara –” he said.

            “No,” she said, “I know you’re scared. I know you’re terrified, Barry. I still think you can. I know you can.”

            “If we promise not to hold you down,” Oliver said, “do you think you could try? Could you at least try to get it done?”

            “You… promise?” Barry said. He looked from Oliver to Sara.

            “Promise,” they said.

            “And… no one else either?”

            “No one else,” Oliver said.

            Barry sniffed. “If I… if I say stop…”

            “Then it stops,” Sara said. “If you decide you can’t, then we stop. If you decide you need to wait until the next day, then we stop. If you decide you need a five minute break, it stops.”

            “Do you think you can try, Barry?” Felicity said.

 

 

 

 

 

            Sometimes when omegas needed painful or unpleasant procedures, they’d choose to have an alpha get them as deep into subspace as possible first. For some omegas, it made difficult procedures and events much more tolerable. Oliver called the clinic and talked to Ben about it, about maybe having Patty go with Barry, about talking to Barry about going into subspace first.

            Ben shut him down quickly though. While it might help Barry to go into subspace first, there was much too high a chance it would backfire. When it came to medical procedures, Barry’s fear centered around a sense of helplessness and loss of control. To have Patty there, to have him dependent on her, had much too high a risk factor with it. There was a very good chance Barry would panic more, would feel like he had no choice in what was going on, and that would make things worse.

            So Oliver scheduled Barry with Patty after the procedure instead, because an alpha to cuddle with would definitely help after a stressful event. At Sara’s advice, Oliver also didn’t attend. After he had held Barry down the last time they’d needed a sample from him, Sara convinced him it would be better if he wasn’t there. Instead, Sara and Felicity would go with him.

            Barry was scared. He was extremely scared. He was trembling when they walked there. Felicity held his hand. They got there early, anticipating that it might take a while to get Barry set up and comfortable, but they were surprised to find Cisco outside the room, waiting for them.

            “Hey,” he said, offering a smile. “Snart and Rory actually came by to have their samples taken, so Cait’s in with them right now.”

            “Has she done the spinal yet?” Sara asked.

            “I don’t think so,” Cisco said, “At least, not for Snart yet. We thought you’d be a bit later.”

            “No, that’s actually – Barry, do you want to see someone else get one first?”

            Barry’s eyes widened. “You mean – Snart? To – to watch?”

            “You don’t have to,” she said, “but I thought it might help, to see someone else first, before you do it.”

            Barry hesitated. He looked queasy again. “Um, maybe. I – I don’t know.”

            “Let me talk to Caitlin,” Sara said.

            She disappeared inside and came back a couple minutes later.

            “Snart said it’s fine if you want to come in,” Sara said. “You don’t have to, but I think it could help. You can see it’s not that bad.”

            Barry still hesitated.

            “If you get scared we can leave again,” Felicity put in.

            “OK,” Barry finally said.

            They walked inside. Len was sitting shirtless on a bed. Mick Rory sat off to one side, a bandage over the crook of his arm where Caitlin had taken a blood sample. Len had one too. Caitlin stood by a tray of medical tools. Barry’s eyes immediately went to it, tensing up.

            “If you would just lie down on your stomach, Len,” Caitlin said.

            Snart laid down. He made eye contact with Barry briefly, but turned his head away from him when he laid down. When Sara had asked if they could come in and watch he’d agreed, but to be honest, he wasn’t entirely keen on getting a spinal tap himself. He was good at controlling his expression, but if he showed any signs of pain when Caitlin inserted the needle he didn’t want Barry to see, and scare him more. He wasn’t worried about yelling – he could certainly control that.

            “Barry, I just want to warn you,” Caitlin said, “it is a long needle. It’s very thin though, and the size is deceptive.”

            She pulled out what was in fact a very long needle, and Barry paled. He glanced at Felicity.

            “Just watch,” Sara said, giving his arm a squeeze. “It’s not that bad, and it only takes a minute.”

            Caitlin walked over to Len. She swiped a wipe over his back. “I’m just cleaning the area,” she said, “and now I’m going to feel around the vertebrae for a moment.” She gently pressed at Len’s back. “OK, and now I’m going to insert the needle. You’re going to feel a sharp pinch, Leonard, and then some pressure. You might feel a tingling sensation. That’s all normal. Stay as still as possible for me.”

            She picked up the needle, and Barry couldn’t watch. He turned away, hiding his face behind Felicity. Caitlin inserted the needle. Len didn’t make a sound and after a moment Barry looked up again. Caitlin was pulling out the needle. She placed a bandage over the puncture site.

            “Done,” she said.

            Len stood up and pulled his shirt back on. “Piece of cake,” he said, giving Barry a brief smile.

            “You’re all set to go,” Caitlin said, “you might get a headache later. I’d recommend lying down for a while as soon as possible and drinking plenty of water – that will help with the headache.”

            They left and Caitlin turned to Barry. His face crumpled.

            “Do you think you’re ready, Barry?” Sara asked.

            Barry shook his head. He was still trembling. His face broke. “I don’t wanna do that,” he said. He took a step backwards. “I – I can’t do that.”

            “How about we start with just getting you lying down,” Sara said.

            Barry shook his head. “I want to leave,” he said.

            Barry’s chest felt tight, and his body was hot. He wanted to run. He didn’t want to do this. He wasn’t going to be able to hold still anyway. He didn’t want a needle in his back – he didn’t want a needle anywhere in his body but in his back – he would feel so helpless, lying down like that on the bed. Even if it didn’t hurt that much – Leonard hadn’t looked like it hurt very much – but even if it didn’t hurt very much it would still be awful.

            _“No, no, please. Please not again. Please!”_

_“Can we gag him? They have gags in room 7B, right?” one of the doctors said._

_“Don’t be an ass, John,” another replied. She patted Barry’s arm. “Just a few more for today. You’re doing fine, omega.”_

_Barry saw her come over with a large needle. He pulled against the restraints, his heart beating so fast he thought it would explode. His vision danced with spots as he hyperventilated._

_“No, no, please – don’t, don’t!”_

_“Don’t look, honey,” she said, but Barry saw as she pressed the needle into his stomach. He screamed._

            Barry shook his head. No, he couldn’t do this. No, he was too scared.

            “How about we sit down for a minute first,” Sara said. She took his hand, and pulled him over to a chair but Barry shook his head.

            “No – I, I want to leave, I -” his voice cracked. He looked back, at the table with Caitlin’s supplies on it – long needles, sterile cloth, a scalpel. They’d cut into him too, there, but only a few times.

            “Just take some deep breaths first,” Sara said, “if you still want to leave after then we will.”

            Barry calmed down a little bit at that. “You won’t hold me down, right?” he said.

            “No, Barry, we’re not going to hold you down,” Sara said.

            He looked anxiously at Caitlin, and then back. He sat down next to Sara. Felicity pulled up a chair as well.

            “I’m sorry,” Barry said. He had tears in his eyes now. He wasn’t going to be able to do it. They wouldn’t be able to set the device to exempt his powers. He was going to put them all in danger. He could cost them the mission. All because he couldn’t do a spinal tap. He was going to let himself get captured by Eobard again because he couldn’t do a spinal tap.

            “It’s OK, Barry,” Felicity said. She squeezed his hand.

            “I can’t do it,” Barry said.

            “Let’s just take some deep breaths,” Sara said, “we’re taking a break, OK? Just going to take some deep breaths.”

            Barry tried. Ben had been helping him – had been teaching him breathing techniques and ways to help calm himself down. Eventually he was able to calm his breathing, to slow down his heartrate.

            “OK,” Sara said. She took his hand, leaned in and gave it a squeeze. “Do you think you could try sitting on the bed instead?”

            Barry looked over, then looked back. Dread came rising back in his stomach. He shook his head.

            “We’re just going to sit there,” Sara said.

            “Sara, I – I can’t do this,” he said.

            “I’m not talking about getting anything done now,” Sara said, “just, can you sit on the bed over there with us instead?”

            “But – I, Sara I can’t get – I wanna go home,” he said.

            “I know,” Sara said, “can you sit on the bed with us first?”

            “I can’t do this today,” he said.

            “Barry,” Sara said, her tone gentle but firm, “I’m not talking about the procedure. I just want to know if you could come sit on the bed with us.”

            “Well… yeah, I… OK,” he said. He let Sara take him by the hand to the bed instead. He Sat down on it, looked nervously up but then Felicity and Sara sat with him, on either side of him.

            “Take some more deep breaths,” Sara said.

            A couple minutes passed, and he had relaxed again. He was still tense, but he was breathing evenly and he had stopped shaking.

            “Do you think you could lie down now?” Sara said.

            “I don’t want the spinal tap,” he said.

            “I know, but do you think you could lie down?”

            “Sara, I don’t want to do this – I – I can try tomorrow,” he said, although even as he said it his stomach swirled. He didn’t really think he could ever. But he wanted to leave. His stomach felt sick and he just wanted to go and curl up and sleep somewhere – somewhere safe, somewhere away from Caitlin’s tools and the threat there.

            “But can you lie down today?”

            “Sara –”

            “Humor me, Barry,” she said. “I just want you to lie down. Do you think you could lie down?”

            Barry’s face twisted, but after a few moments he nodded. Felicity and Sara moved and he laid down, on his stomach. He turned to look at them, and Felicity kept holding his hand while Sara moved to rub his back instead.

            “That’s great,” Sara said. “I’m really proud of you.”

            Barry huffed, felt embarrassed, and was still so scared.

            “I don’t want to get it done,” he said. He shifted, tilting his head up. “You – you’re not – you promised you wouldn’t hold me down.”

            “I’m not going to hold you down, Barry,” Sara said, still rubbing circles over his back. “Why don’t you close your eyes. Just relax for a minute.”

            “Are you trying to make me fall asleep? I’m not going to fall asleep. You can’t do it when I’m asleep – that – I’d move, and you, don’t do that, I – you can’t do that, it be just as bad, I’d wake up and be terrified and then –”

            “I’m not trying to make you fall asleep, Barry,” Sara said, “I’m definitely not going to ambush you while you’re asleep with a needle. I just thought it would help you relax. You don’t have to close your eyes if you don’t want to.”

            “OK,” Barry said, face flushing red. “I just – OK.”

            “Deep breaths.”

            So Barry took deep breaths. His heartrate calmed.

            “I’m going to pull your shirt up,” Sara said, and then Barry’s shirt was being hiked up, to the middle of his back. Barry tensed.

            “No,” he said. “You – I don’t want to.”

            “We’re not,” Sara said. “But Caitlin’s going to wipe down your back. It’ll be cold. Just a practice run.”

            “But I don’t want to –”

            “So you’ll already know what it feels like, if you try again tomorrow,” Felicity said.

            “Can you stay lying down for that? Just for Caitlin to clean the area?”

            Barry let out a whine, but he laid his head back down. “OK,” he said quietly.

            He tensed when Caitlin came over, looked back to make sure she didn’t have the needle with her, but she only held a damp cloth. He laid his head down again and took a deep breath. He jumped when Caitlin touched him, but settled after the initial cold of the cloth on his skin.

            “Are you still doing OK?” Sara asked. She kept rubbing his back.

            “Yeah,” Barry mumbled. “Can we go now?”

            “I want to know what will be best for when we actually do it,” Sara said. “Do you want me to rub your back like this? Would you rather squeeze my hand?”

            “Me and Sara can trade,” Felicity said, “it might be better since Sara’s an alpha.”

            “I think this is fine,” Barry said.

            “Cait’s going to press around your back a little now,” Sara said.

            Once again Barry tensed and looked back, but she didn’t have the needle. He laid back down again. He felt her hands on his skin this time. It wasn’t a particularly pleasant feeling. It reminded him too much of the doctors – it was the same clinical touch even if Caitlin was being gentle. He found it uncomfortable, and it made his anxiety worse.

            “I don’t like that,” he mumbled once she finished. He let out a long breath.

            “All done now though,” Sara said. “You’re doing really good, Barry. A few more deep breaths for me?”

            Barry took them, focused on relaxing his body. He’d calmed down some since they first arrived, but he was still tense. He just didn’t want to think about it anymore. He wanted to leave.

            “Barry,” Sara said, taking a long breath, “It looks like you’re pretty relaxed now, and you’re already all set. I really think we should get the procedure done now.”

            Barry tensed up. “No,” he said. He started to sit up.

            “I’m not going to make you, Barry,” Sara said firmly, “I’m not going to hold you down. I’m not going to force you. But if you leave now, you’ll have to come back tomorrow, and do this all over again. You’ll worry about it tonight. You’ll have to go through the anxiety all over again tomorrow. Even if you end up not doing it then either. Or we can just get it over with right now, really quick for you. Caitlin will go right ahead, and then it’ll be done and over with and you won’t have to worry about it anymore. You saw with Snart – it will take one minute, just a few seconds of pain, and not that bad either. We’ll be right here with you.”

            “No,” Barry said, but his stomach twisted. “I – you said I didn’t have to.”

            “You don’t,” Sara said, “but I think it’ll be a lot better if we do it now anyway. Just don’t think about it. You’re already here. You’re already set up. Caitlin can get it done in one minute, and then it’ll be over.”

            Barry was trembling. He didn’t want it done. But it would be over. He didn’t want to come back tomorrow. He didn’t want to do it now. He was scared. If he didn’t do it he’d be endangering everyone. But the thought of doing it was horrifying. He couldn’t. But he had to – he had to do it to get Eobard – he had to do it to be free. He wanted to leave – he wanted more than anything to leave.

            “Can you try?” Sara said. “Just lie down, and we’ll try.”

            He found himself lying down, muscles tense, stuck. He couldn’t do this. He was hyperventilating, and Sara was rubbing his back. He tried to look up as he heard Caitlin walk over and Felicity pressed a hand to his face.

            “It’s OK,” she said. “Deep breaths.”

            Barry was shaking. He started shaking his head. “I can’t,” he said.

            “You can,” Sara said, “you’re doing it right now. You’re doing so well, Barry.” She spoke slowly, calmly, her hand still rubbing circles over Barry’s back but Barry felt numb, vision tunneling.

            He felt Caitlin touch his skin, and he burst into sobs. He was terrified, but suddenly he couldn’t get a word out.

            “On three, OK, Barry?” Caitlin said.

            “You’re doing great,” Felicity said.

            “One, two, three,” Caitlin said.

            Barry felt a piercing pain in his back and he jolted, crying out. Caitlin’s hand held his hip for a moment.  
            “Stay still, stay still, I’m almost done,” she said. The hand came off his hip, but Sara’s hand stilled, pressing down in the middle of his back.

“Easy,” Sara said, “that’s great. That’s great, Barry.”

There was a burning pressure, and Barry’s vision was spotty and he was sobbing and he wanted it to stop and he couldn’t speak, couldn’t do anything. “There,” she said, and the pressure was lifted and Barry was still shuddering but a moment later he realized he could move and he sat up just to almost fall over, the world spinning.

“Easy,” Sara said, “it’s OK.”

He was still crying harshly. Caitlin pressed a bandage to his back and he flinched away. Felicity moved next to him on the bed and he turned and when she opened her arms he pressed his face against her shoulder, sobbing. She wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly.

It took a while for him to stop crying. It took even longer for him to calm down enough to leave. They took him straight to the clinic, where Patty was waiting. He burst out crying again when he saw her, and she gently led him over to the bed where they lay down and she held him.

 

 

 

            He had a nightmare that night.

            He dreamt they were at Eobard’s estate, on the mission to kill him. They stormed in, and Barry zipped upstairs to Eobard’s room, but suddenly when he got there he couldn’t use his speed anymore. Eobard was waiting for him, standing in front of him, but suddenly there were bodies everywhere.

            “You’re here to kill me then?” Eobard said. “You’ve had lots of practice, haven’t you? Well, go on then.”

            But Barry couldn’t move. He was stuck suddenly, just like he suddenly didn’t have his speed.

            “Did you really think you could kill me?” Eobard said. “Barry I own you. You can’t kill your master. You can only kill who I order you to. Go on, kill him.”

            There was another man there, a child really. And Barry, to his horror, moved towards him, and with a vibrating hand killed him. The boy screamed, and Barry watched blood wash over, and he joined the heap of bodies.

            Suddenly Eobard had him by the throat, and then he was strapped down to the bed again, facedown, and Eobard was whispering in his ear.

            “Do you remember, Barry? The first time I did this. I’m going to cane you until you pass out this time. I’m going to cane you until I spill as much of your blood as you have spilled of other people’s. All of these bodies, Barry – I’m going to cane you until you bleed for all of them.”

            Barry tried to move, but couldn’t, tried to scream for help but couldn’t.

            “First, I’ll fuck you,” he said, and Barry looked to see Eobard’s cock. He had never actually seen Eobard’s cock in all their encounters. He had always been tied down, and he was always fucked, rather than made to suck his cock. Eobard’s cock was huge here, inhumanly so, and Barry tried to tell him no, it wouldn’t fit, he’d be torn apart.

            “I’ll start making you bleed now,” Eobard said. “And then I’ll cane you until you wish you were one of the people you’ve killed. I’ll make you beg to die.” Barry felt Eobard’s cock at his hole, and tried to struggle, tried to move, but he was frozen. He felt it begin to enter him and he thought desperately no, don’t, it won’t fit, don’t, you’ll rip me in two. “And then I’ll let you heal,” Eobard said, just as he started to push in. Barry felt white hot pain at his hole. “And we’ll do it all again the next day.” He thrusted in and Barry opened his mouth, but no sound came out. The pain was blinding, and it felt as if he could feel him all the way into his stomach, under his ribs, a pain that went through his ass and to his insides. “And I’ll keep you like that, Barry. I’ll keep you as my pet, omega. Forever. You are mine. I own you.”

            He began fucking him. Barry tried to scream. Suddenly Eobard was caning him while he fucked him.

            “You thought you could get away? Stupid child. Fucking stupid omega. It will cost you your life. Worthless omega.”

            Barry woke in a cold sweat, twisted in the blankets and thrashing. He got up immediately, walked across to the bathroom and splashed water over his face, watched sweat drip from his skin. He started to cry, trembling from the dream. He changed into new sleep clothes, his drenched in sweat.

            He didn’t want to go back to sleep. He was afraid of having another nightmare. He felt horribly alone there in his rooms. He didn’t want to be alone. He was still shaking, still scared, and he wanted desperately to not be alone.

            In a rush, he pulled on shoes and grabbed a jacket instead of his robe. He left his rooms and started walked down the hallway.

            But where to go? His first thought was Oliver, because he often felt safest with Oliver when Eobard was concerned. But Oliver would be with Felicity, and he didn’t want to bother them. He could find Sara. She wasn’t bonded. But her rooms were outside the main building, and he didn’t want to go outside alone. Cisco, as a guest of Felicity’s, was there though. He was staying relatively close to where Barry was too, in the guest wing. Barry headed that way.

            When he reached Cisco’s room he hesitated and then knocked. When there was no answer he knocked again, a little louder. That got no response as well. He tried the door, but it was locked. He knocked again, even louder.

            “Cisco?” he called, feeling desperate now.

            He turned around and leaned against the door, felt ready to cry again. He should go back, try to sleep, he told himself, but the idea of going back to his room, alone, filled him with dread.

            A door across the hall and a couple down opened, and the noise of it made Barry jump. His eyes widened, and he froze.

            Leonard Snart stepped out, looking around and quickly focusing on Barry. He was dressed in day clothes, rather than sleep ones, and he looked wide awake. He looked somewhat surprised to see Barry there.

            Barry just stared, frozen, surprised and unsure what to do.

            Leonard took in his appearance, and stepped back, staying in the doorway to his room.

            “Everything OK?” he asked.

            “Y-yeah,” Barry said, “I um, I was just, I was looking for Cisco.”

            Barry pointed to the door and Len’s eyes slipped over it. He looked back at Barry and raised an eyebrow. “At one in the morning?”

            Barry flushed. “I um… I had a nightmare,” he mumbled, looking down.

            But Len just nodded. Then he nodded at the door. “He not there?”

            “I don’t know – or, er he’s not answering,” Barry said, gesturing vaguely.

            Len nodded again. “Would you like something to drink?” he asked.

            Barry blinked at him. “To drink?”

            Len gestured inside his rooms. “I was making tea.”

            Barry hesitated. He looked back at Cisco’s room. He wasn’t answering. Sara was in a different building. He didn’t want to bother Oliver and Felicity. Caitlin was in that hallway too, but while he liked Caitlin, he didn’t want to see her right then, not after the spinal tap. He didn’t want to be alone. But he didn’t really know Leonard. But he’d been nothing but nice to him so far. If he wanted to do something he could have before, when Barry was injured, but he’d only helped him.

            “You don’t have to come in, if you don’t want to,” Leonard said, “I have an extra mug. I can just give you some tea to take with you.”

            Barry suddenly felt very rude. He took a step forward. “No, that’s – that’s OK, I mean, I’ll come in, if – if that’s OK.”

            Len opened the door wider, and took a step back from the entrance. Before he could think about it much Barry walked through the door. Len closed it softly behind them, and then walked past Barry into the room.

            “Feel free to take a seat,” Len said, “tea will be done in a moment.”

            Barry gingerly sat down. Len’s rooms were similar to Barry’s. There was a small stove, a table, and two rooms to the sides, presumably a bedroom and bathroom. Len had a teakettle going over the stove. He pulled out two mugs and a small box of tea bags before pouring hot water into the mugs. He walked back and handed one to Barry.

            “Thank you,” Barry said quietly, taking the mug. Len sat down across from him with his own.

            “What was your nightmare about?” Len said. Barry tensed and Len backtracked. “If you’d like to talk about it. You don’t have to.”

            “It… it was Eobard,” Barry said, “he… if we fail… I imagine things will not go well for me.”

            Len nodded, took a sip from his mug. “I try to make a habit of not failing.”

            Barry smiled, just a little. “I heard you’re the best thief on this side of the mountains.”

            “Best on the other side too probably,” Len said, smiling now as well. “This is a little different then my normal gig of course, but breaking into places – I’m good at that.”

            “Yeah,” Barry said absently, but his eyes were down, on the table then.

            “How did the spinal tap go?” Len asked carefully after a moment.

            “Um, bad,” Barry said, shifting again. He kept fiddling with his hands and the cup. “It’s done though.”

            “Then we’ll have the power dampener,” Len said, “that will make things much easier for us.”

            Barry nodded. That seemed to make him perk up a little more, and then all at once he realized he’d still have to have a blood test and the skin sample. Len saw the quick change in his demeanor but didn’t say anything right away this time.

            “Did you…” Barry started. He glanced up. “Did Caitlin… did she take all three samples from you today?”

            His voice was tight, and he’d tensed up again. Len nodded. “You?”

            Barry shook his head. They’d told him he didn’t have to do them all in one day, but now he didn’t know how he was going to go back there, even if a blood test wasn’t as bad as a spinal tap.

            “What’s the… the skin sample?” Barry asked.

            “She takes a sample from your arm,” Len said, touching his briefly, his upper arm, near his shoulder. “It’s a tiny, tiny sample though. The tool she uses looks a little like a needle, but it’s not really one.”

            “Does it hurt?” Barry asked.

            “Feels like a little scratch,” Len said, shaking his head. “It barely leaves a mark afterwards – no blood, just a scratch on the surface.”

            Barry relaxed a little. That didn’t sound too bad at all. “But it’s a needle?”

            “No,” Len said, “it looks kind of like a needle – a really small one, but it’s not actually.” At least, that was what Caitlin had told him – he was pretty sure it was a technicality, that this was a different type of tool but really functioned just like one, just wasn’t called it, but he decided not to explain that.

            “OK,” Barry said. “I… I’m really bad with needles.”

            Len nodded. “I guessed,” he said.

            Barry’s face flushed and he shrunk a little, and Len mentally cursed himself.

            “I just meant, you seemed really averse to getting stitches before,” he said, “not that anyone really likes stitches.”

            Barry took in a sharp breath. “I… I hate them,” he said, and there was so much repressed fear there – Len could hear it, could hear Barry trying to hold it back.

            “Is there a reason why?” Len asked.

            Barry bit his lip. “I… they ran these… they gave me IV’s, and then… it’s the worst pain I’ve ever been in.” He shuddered. “It was… my meta ability didn’t manifest on its own.” He looked down. “They made it manifest.”

            Len felt sick. He was shocked. He’d never heard of something like that. Normally, meta abilities manifested by the time kids hit puberty, but if it didn’t by fourteen, it was very unlikely that it would at all. When it did, it was usually the result of extreme emotion, a traumatic experience, or a near death experience. But it was fickle, and hard to predict. He had never heard of people purposefully trying to make a meta ability manifest.

            “I’m sorry,” he said. He didn’t know what else to say.

            Barry looked down at his tea. “I’ve been afraid of them since. I’ve been… I’m afraid of medical procedures. They did a few things. The IV’s were the worst, and the injections, but… they did surgery – they took out my appendix. They said sometimes that does it. It didn’t, for me. But I passed out for most of that.”

            Len would hope so. He was sickened, listening.

            Barry left shortly after that. He finished his tea, and was feeling a little calmer than before. It was still a little nerve wracking, being near an alpha he didn't know well, but Leonard seemed to always present himself as non-threatening as possible, and it put Barry more at ease. He still left fairly quickly. He didn't linger to talk after he finished his drink, but he also wasn't running to leave. He went back to his rooms, and eventually fell asleep again. 

 

 

 

            The next day Barry went to training. It helped to get some of his anxiety out. But then Oliver broached the subject of getting the blood draw, and Barry made a hasty exit before he could continue.

            Of course, then Oliver just went up to his rooms after him, and waited until Barry had bathed and changed again.

            “When are we leaving?” Barry asked. “For Thawne land?”

            “The end of the week,” Oliver said.

            “Saturday?”

            “Yes.”

            “Then I’ll go Friday.”

            Oliver sighed. “Barry, I really don’t think that’s a good idea. Why don’t –”

            “I’m not going today,” Barry said.

            “I really –”

            “I need a break,” Barry said.

            Oliver let out a breath, and then looked at him for a long moment. It made Barry want to squirm and fidget.

            “Thursday,” Oliver said.

            Barry frowned. “Why can’t I just –”

            “Because if something happens Friday, and you panic, and you can’t do it then, then we’re out of time, and we’ll have to delay leaving,” Oliver said. “If you go Thursday, then you give yourself some room.”

            “Fine,” Barry said. And at that moment, he was completely resolved to go to the appointment Thursday and simply refuse to have it done, and go back Friday. And he wouldn’t let Sara trick him this time. He would get it done on Friday.


	10. Thawne Land

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (hi it's been forever sorry, here have a chapter)

            Barry had taken the news that they were going back to Thawne land pretty well. He did not, however, take the news that this meant he had to stop seeing Patty and Ben very well.

He argued with Oliver over it, said he could just run back and forth for his appointments, but Oliver didn’t want him streaking across Thawne land, where people might see and report it. Eventually Barry acquiesced, but he still wasn’t happy about it. Patty and Ben couldn’t go with him there, but there was one clinic worker who was also a statistician for Oliver, and was technically an officer in the army. Oliver offered to ask him to come, and Barry could see him.

            He was an alpha, in his mid-thirties, and Barry was very hesitant. He didn’t like the idea of seeing someone new, especially when his anxiety was going to be ramped up from being back on Thawne land. Then again, his anxiety was going to be ramped up, so he really did want someone to talk to about it. He decided to meet him, with Ben, before they left, with the thought that even if he wasn’t comfortable doing anything sexual with him, it would be good to have a therapist to talk to.

            His name was Aaron, he was pretty quiet, and he was very friendly. Barry talked with him for a while, and decided that yes, he would like Aaron to come. He wasn’t sure he’d be comfortable doing anything with him beyond talking, but he wanted someone there who he could see. Barry knew that they were planning on spending at least a week there before attacking though, and he was not looking forward to it. After a week with no touch from an alpha or beta, his body was not going to be happy. He knew he’d start feeling touch-starved, not to mention the pounding headaches he got. It would be better than before, since he was used to seeing Patty, a beta – he’d already weened himself off alphas – but it was still going to be uncomfortable.

            Sara, Oliver, and a handful of soldiers were going, plus Leonard Snart and his crew, half of which were already there. Oliver insisted they all go at a normal pace, so Barry wasn’t allowed to run ahead. He found the pace astronomically slow, but he went with them. He was provided a horse, but he spent half the time letting Sara lead his horse and running off by himself, zipping around and being careful not to do so in front of anyone they passed. It would take a few days to reach Thawne land, and then another to get to the estate.

            Barry did mostly alright for that part. He spent time running, and stayed with Sara most of the time he wasn’t. He had his own tent, and Sara put hers up right next to his each night, so if he got scared or had a nightmare she was always right there. He appreciated it.

            He jerked off by himself, at first twice a day, and then after a couple days three or four times a day. At first it wasn’t that bad, and then he started craving an alpha’s touch.

            He talked to Aaron, and while he grew more comfortable with him, he still didn’t want Aaron to touch him. He didn’t take to him as quickly as he had with Patty, mostly because Aaron was an alpha and a man, and both made Barry nervous. On the fifth night, when they were just outside the Thawne estate, just another couple hours ride the next morning to where Lisa Snart had set up camp, he broke. He was getting really nervous now, the reality sinking in, and he was missing Patty. He lay in bed awake in his tent at night, and then after a while crawled out and over to Sara’s.

            “Sara? Sara… are you awake?” he said softly.

            “Mmhm,” Sara said.

            Barry paused. “Can… can we talk?”

            A moment later Sara appeared in the opening of the tent, a concerned look on her face. “What’s up?” she said.

            Barry hesitated. “Um… I, I’m not feeling great,” he said. He paused. “Um… would it… could you… could um, could you… hold me? For just – just a little bit, just because I – I’m getting really jittery and it’s –”

            “Sure,” Sara said, “come on in.”

            Barry blinked. “Oh, thanks,” he said, and crawled into the tent after her. Sara took his arm and guided him down, wrapping her arms around him, so they were spooning. Barry relaxed and sighed. “Thank you,” he said again.

            “Anything you need, Barry,” Sara said. “If you want me to, I can jerk you off too.”

            Barry’s face went red. “I, but – I don’t think –”

            Sara laughed lightly. “It’s just if you need it, Barry. You’re not really my type.”

            Barry blushed again. “I wasn’t assuming you were offering because –”

            “I know,” Sara said, “but I like women, and I like deltas. But I know you were worried about withdrawal. If you need someone, just let me know. It’s not a big deal for me, and if you’d be more comfortable with me than Aaron, then just ask.”

            “Thanks,” Barry said, “but I think this is good for now.”

            “Then we’ll stick with cuddling for now,” she said.

            It helped, but Barry was still undergoing withdrawal. He was too nervous with Aaron to let him touch him, and he was too embarrassed to take Sara up on her offer. He was managing though. He was back to jerking off at least four times a day though, usually coming multiple times in each session. Besides an Alpha’s touch, it was the only think that really helped.

            When they finally reached Thawne land, Barry was antsy. They took off from the border at daybreak, and went on. Barry spent very little time on his horse. He was too jittery to sit still, and while Sara and Oliver tried to convince him to stay close to the group, to talk to them, he insisted on running circles around them, zipping from one place to the other, never too far away but usually out of sight.

            It was late afternoon, the sun not yet going down but while they were nearing where Len and Oliver planned to set up a base camp, when Barry sped ahead of them. He was being careful, had been very careful the whole time to make sure no one would see his lightening trail, but in short bursts, it wasn’t nearly as visible as when he was streaking across a long distance. He was looking for people though, constantly scanning, which might have been why he missed the bear trap.

            Barry screamed as he crashed to the ground, metal teeth slamming into his leg, just above his ankle. A metal chain attached to the trap and then tied to a tree sent him sprawling, the device ripping his flesh further when the chain went tight, his body catapulting forward with his momentum. Luckily, he wasn’t going too fast, and he had instinctually slowed the second the pain hit.

            For the first twenty seconds or so, all he could do was scream. Tearing, agonizing pain in his leg. He threw up, and his vision danced with spots but he didn’t pass out. His vision cleared enough that he realized he was lying on the ground, staring upwards, and then he reached for his leg on instinct. His fingers were met with the slide of blood, and cold metal. He forced himself into a sitting position, and then spat up more bile when he saw the metal teeth embedded in his leg. He recognized it as a bear trap.

            For another minute, he just panted and let out cries of pain and groans. Then he pushed himself up again, sitting, and looked at the mess of his leg, metal still forced into it.

            Barry’s eyes watered. He took in the blood and the metal and almost fainted again, then his whole body started to feel numb.

            _I’m going into shock_ , he though. _I’m going into shock_. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, and then opened them again and grit his teeth. He forced himself to concentrate beyond the mess of panic and pain. He vibrated his hand and brought it to the edge of the metal, intending to cut himself free.

            He screamed instead, the second his hand touched the metal, and stopped. A few moments later he tried again, screamed again. He started to feel cold all over.

            He couldn’t cut through it. Every time he tried it sent shockwaves up his leg, causing him to stop immediately. He yelled, pounded his fist into the ground, bit down on the sleeve of his shirt, and still couldn’t get past the pain to actually cut through it, although he kept trying at first. He finally passed out trying.

            He woke only a few minutes later, though he had no idea how much time had passed. He scrambled up again, tried again. It didn’t work. Barry lay back down, back against the cold earth, could feel it seeping into his clothes and then his skin. He closed his eyes.

           

 

 

            It only took them about fifteen minutes to realize something was wrong. Barry had been speeding back and forth, but there was always some sign of him every twenty minutes or so – Oliver demanded it, not wanting Barry to get too far away, and both him and Sara (and Len for that matter) were watching him carefully, finally being back on Thawne land. They immediately noticed his absence.

            “We’re going to fan out,” Oliver said. “He was headed ahead of us, so we’ll start in that direction. “Everyone be wary. He might just have stopped somewhere, or he might have encountered Thawne men. Keep sharp. Meet back here in one hour.”

            They spread out, fanning through the woods that was around the path they were following. A few people stayed behind with the horses and supplies, in case anyone came by, but only enough people to defend it. Everyone else was sent searching. And while Oliver was worried that he was overreacting, that Barry merely got overwhelmed and stopped some place to be by himself for a while, he still didn’t want the kid to be alone, and he’d never forgive himself if something did actually happen and they didn’t respond quickly enough.

 

 

 

            Barry had been lying there for approximately forty five minutes, although he really had no idea how long it had been. He’d dozed off, or passed out, he wasn’t sure, and was still somewhat dozing. He was freezing, and the pain was still agonizing, but the rest of his body felt numb. He groaned every minute or so, but besides that was quiet.

            Which is how Len all but stumbled over him. The second he saw him, he knew something was very wrong. He had expected to find the kid sitting, balled up, probably crying, maybe having a panic attack – he had figured that the kid had gotten overwhelmed on Thawne land and broke down in some fashion. At first all he saw was a body lying down in the leaves, however, and it startled him.

            “Barry? Barry!” Len said. He jolted when his eyes landed on something metal and a mess of blood. His body went cold and he darted forward.

            Barry jerked up at his name.

            “Fucking Christ,” Len said, kneeling down next to Barry, frozen over the sight of his leg. It was gruesome. He looked back at Barry then, who was only just recognizing him.

            “L-len,” he said. He struggled upwards again, onto his elbows.

            “Yeah, I’m here, it’s – Christ, it’s OK, alright? We’re gonna get you out of this mess.”

            And oh, fuck, he did not have any tools to cut through something like this, Len realized. He looked for the chain next, went over to it, Barry’s eyes following him. It was a long chain and doubled over, oddly enough, and he followed it to the tree it was wrapped around, but it wasn’t bolted with a padlock, and Len cursed again. The chain had been fed through a loop of itself before the trap was set, so it was all one continuous chain, no where for Len to pick a lock or find a weak point.

            He swore, rummaged through the leaves to find a suitably sized rock, and then went back over to Barry.

            “I can’t cut through it,” Barry said. “I tried – tried to vibrate my hand, to cut it, and I – I passed out.”

            “It’s OK,” Len said, “We’re gonna get you out of it, OK? Don’t worry.”

            Barry nodded, but his face was so pale. “I’m healing with it inside me,” he said in a whisper thin voice.

            Len froze. “What?”

            “I heal too fast,” Barry said, and Len knew that, but he was only now catching up with what that would mean. “I’m healing around it.”

            On the bright side, it meant blood loss was probably not an imminent danger. That did not really negate the fact that Len realized his plan of smashing through the chain and carrying Barry back, a hike which would take another half hour at least if not longer, since Len would be carrying all of Barry’s weight, was probably not the best plan.

            “OK,” Len said, “OK, OK, we’re gonna get you free here then, OK?”

            Barry watched him with wide eyes. Len looked down at the trap. He didn’t know how the hell he was going to get the thing off of him. A rock was not about to break any part of it – it was new, that much he could tell, nothing rusted or worn yet. He took a deep breath and wrapped his fingers around the metal, as close to Barry’s skin as he could get, fingers inlaid with the spikes.

            “Ah – ah,” Barry said, reaching suddenly forward, face twisting with pain.

            “Easy,” Len said. Barry didn’t go so far as to actually grab at him, but his hands hung there, and his face twisted. “I’m going to try to pry it off,” he said.

            He pulled the two pieces of metal away from each other, but it didn’t budge. Not a millimeter.

            Len panted. He was putting all his strength into it and it was doing absolutely nothing. He felt his stomach sink. He looked back at the rock he was going to try to break the chain with. It was looking more and more like that might be the only option.

            OK, OK, Len could do this, he could think of something. He looked down at the trap, then back at Barry.

            “You said you tried to cut it?” he asked.

            Barry nodded.

            “Can you try again?” he said.

            Barry’s face twisted again. He took in a long breath and reached forward. Len watched Barry’s hand start to vibrate and he held his breath. And then Barry howled in pain and his back was thudding back into the round, upper body twisting, eyes screwed shut.

            “OK, it’s OK,” Len said, and he reached out and grasped Barry’s hand, his alpha sense screaming at the sudden jump in pain – it was so strong he gagged, feeling Barry’s distress radiating in a visceral, nauseating field.

            Barry gripped hard on his hand, and came back down a few seconds later, still panting. He shook his head.   

            “I can’t,” he said, his voice shaking.

            “What if I cool it down?” Len said suddenly. The thought entered his head all at once, almost in desperation. “If the molecules are moving slower, would that make it easier?”

            Barry hesitated. “I don’t know,” he said, “I… maybe. I can try.”

            Len let go of Barry’s hand to place his palms against the metal. He let power out slowly, cooling it, freezing it over without freezing Barry’s skin, though he shivered.

            Barry watched in a disconnected kind of awe. He knew that Len was a class M too, that he had cold powers, but he’d never seen him use them. He watched frost appear on the metal, felt the cold against his skin.

            “OK,” Len said, moving his hands back.

            Barry took a deep breath, fully anticipating the rocking, searing pain again. His stomach was a tight knot. He reached over, vibrated his hand and grit his teeth again, and attempted to cut the metal.

            And it worked. Barry felt his hand slide through, a sharp pain spreading from where the metal broke, but nothing like before. He let out a short cry and stopped, staring in amazement. He really hadn’t thought it would work.

            Len let out a long breath. “Oh thank God,” Len said, breathing out. “Alright, you up for the other side?”

            Barry had to make four cuts, two on each side, and then came time to actually pull the pieces out of his leg.

            Barry lay down flat again, one arm brought over his face. “Just do it fast. Please.” His stomach was rolling. He half wanted to beg Len not to touch it at all but he knew it had to come out.

            “OK,” Len said. His own stomach tightened, knowing how much pain he was about to cause the kid, especially considering he had started to heal around it, and how Len couldn’t simply pull the pieces straight out – it would have to be at an angle because of the way Barry had cut the metal.

            He jerked one out. Barry jolted, screamed through where he was biting on his shirt sleeve, and then he jerked the other free and Barry’s body seemed to spasm. Len heard him gag, but he was busy tying his shirt, which he had taken off prior to starting, around Barry’s leg, as blood gushed from the newly opened wounds. Barry screamed and rolled and then reached upwards, hands scrabbling at Len’s.

            “It’s OK, I’m just tying it up, it’s OK,” Len said, finishing it off and then grabbing Barry’s hands to keep him from tearing it off again. “All done – I’m all done, breathe.”

            Barry slowly calmed down. The kid looked miserable, pain etched across his face clearly, but there was an exhausted weariness there too.

            “It’s all done,” Len said. “You’re out, it’s OK.”

            Len took the bear trap with him. He didn’t know what else to do with it – it was evidence, and he couldn’t just leave it there. If someone found it, they’d see the sharp, find cut and know something was up, and if they reported it, then Eobard would most definitely suspect, if not be sure, that Barry was back.

            Barry tried to walk at first, with one arm over Len’s shoulder, not putting any weight on his injured leg, hobbling, but it was too painful. He made Len stop, and he slid down the side of a tree to sit on the ground. He looked down at his leg, where blood was seeping through Len’s shirt. He knew it wasn’t enough blood loss to kill him, not with how fast he regenerated blood, but it was enough to bring his blood pressure down, to leave him lightheaded and shaky.

            “Let’s just wait,” Barry said. “Let’s just…” he panted. “Let’s wait. I’ll heal a little, and then I’ll be able to walk.

            Len shook his head. “I’ll carry you,” he said, “we’re not that far now. We need to get you medical attention.”

            And that’s all it took for Barry to freeze, the reality of the severity of his wound sinking in. He fought to hide it, forced his expression neutral as soon as he realized, and shook his head almost calmly.

            “No, it’s fine. I’ll heal fine on my own. We should wait.”

            Len did not miss Barry’s reaction though, no matter how hard he tried to conceal it. He remembered suddenly Barry’s fear of medical procedures, and his inability to receive any pain relief due to his metabolism.

            “Barry,” Len said slowly, “You really need to see a medic.”

            Barry shook his head, but his façade started to crack. “No, it’s – I heal really fast, I – I heal better too, better than most people. I swear, I’m not making that up, because I heal fast I also heal better, so it – it’ll be fine. Really.”

            “Barry, it’s not just a cut this time,” Len said, “We have to get you back.”

            Barry started shaking, all pretenses gone. He was silent for a second, and Len felt his fear permeate the air. He opened his mouth, closed it. “No,” he said finally, and his bottom lip trembled.

            Len crouched down then, his stomach once again tightening. He put his hand at Barry’s knee. “Barry, I promise it’s going to be OK,” Len said, “but we have to get you back. I’m sorry. I know you’re scared, but you’ve made it through the hard part already. We got you free. You got _yourself_ free, and you can do this too.”

            But Barry shook his head, and he started shaking harder, and then he started crying, and it struck Len because Barry hadn’t cried through the whole thing, not when he was cutting through the metal, not when he tried that first time and it caused him so much pain, not when he was swearing and yelling, trying to hobble his way back.

            Fucking hell Len wanted to kill the bastards who unlocked his meta ability.

            He briefly entertained the thought of taking a detour when they went to kill Eobard, but then Barry started hyperventilating, and his shaking got harder, and suddenly the kid had his face pressed down in his arms against one knee, his good leg, and he was sobbing, shaking his head.

            “Hey, it’s OK, it’s gonna be OK,” Len said. It had escalated so quickly, and Len wasn’t really surprised, not with how skittish Barry had been before when he’d hurt his leg, or with how the last hour must have completely drained him and frayed his nerves to shit, but he didn’t know what to say to make it better, what really anyone could say.

            “They’re g-gonna p-put s-stiches,” Barry gasped out between breaths. He shook his head, and then all of a sudden there was a fresh, harder wave of crying. “What if i-it n-needs s-surgery.”

            “Whatever has to be done, you’ll get through it,” Len said, but when Barry looked up there was a stark, uncontrolled fear in his eyes, so strong that it shocked him. He could feel it in the air too though – a field of scared omega that was so strong it seemed tangible.

            Len just crouched there, repeating that it would be OK at intervals, trying to get Barry to breathe deeply, for another five minutes. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to hug him, but he was wary of scaring him worse, knowing Barry was afraid of Alphas. Instead he just kept his hand on his knee, while Barry sobbed, and he felt useless.

            Eventually Barry quieted a little bit. Len thought it was mostly exhaustion.

            “How about I help you up,” Len said.

            Barry shook his head, burying his face once again. Len looked up, at the sun. It was getting late now. Barry needed to see medical attention – he really did, and they couldn’t wait there much longer. Len knew he was already healing, and Len was worried about debris in the wound, or if he did need any surgery, opening it back up to perform it.

            “Come on, Barry,” Len said, as gently as he could. “We’ve gotta get you back up.”

            Barry shook his head again. A moment later he said something into his arms.

            “What?”

            “Imstayinhere,” he said, the sound muffled.

            “Barry, we can’t stay here,” Len said.

            Barry sniffed, then looked up again. His eyes were red rimmed and puffy. He was still so pale. “No. I’ll heal fine. I’m gonna heal here.”

            “Barry, we have to go,” Len said.

            He shook his head.

            “If something is wrong, it will only be worse to delay treatment,” Len said.

            Barry shook his head. Len considered his options. He could pick him up, but Barry wasn’t a small guy. It was going to be difficult for Len to carry him all the way back as is. He doubted he could do it if Barry was actively fighting him, despite how weak he currently was.

            “Alright, kid, what needs to happen for you to come with me now?” Len said.

            Barry looked confused. “I’m not going.”

            “You sure, I’m giving you a pretty good bargaining chip here,” Len said.

            Barry stared at him.

            “I need you to go,” Len said, “what can I do to make that happen? What do you need when we get back?”

            Barry watched him carefully. “I’ll go if I don’t have to see a medic.”

            “Can’t do that,” Len said, “You really have to be seen, Barry. But I can talk to the medic. I can go with you, if you want.”

            Barry shook his head. “I’m not going then.”

            “Barry, whether you want to or not, you are going to have to see a medic. That leg is not going to heal on its own, at least, not correctly. You can wait, and we can go back and you’ll have to see them afterwards, when I am positive the damage will be worse and it will end up being more painful, or you can go back now, and I can do everything I can to make it as comfortable as possible for you.”

            Barry eyed him. The fear was back though. Len was hoping his words were sinking in. Barry looked at him for a long time. He held eye contact, and it almost felt like a starring match.

            Barry finally took a deep breath. “They have to listen to me,” he said quietly.

            Len felt a huge amount of relief. “OK,” he said, “done.”

            “I mean about my healing,” Barry said, “I do heal better than most people – they have to listen.”

            “You have to not lie then,” Len said, “no telling them it’s just going to heal on it’s own.”

            Barry hesitated. “OK,” he said quietly.

            “Deal,” Len said.

            “I’m not done,” Barry said, “they can’t hold me down.”

            Len hesitated. “That might… be difficult, Barry.”

            “They can’t hold me down,” Barry repeated again. “I can’t… I can’t do that.”

            “How about, no full body restraint,” Len said. “They can hold your leg still, but no touching your other leg or your arms.”

            Barry hesitated. “OK… but if I say stop they have to stop.”

            “If you stay stop, they have to pause, and give you a break, and if they can they have to do it immediately, but they might have to take a few moments,” Len said.

            “But if they can they _have_ to stop,” Barry said. “You… you have to make sure they do.”

            “I will,” Len said, “I promise.”

            “And… minimum stitches. I don’t care about scarring, and I heal fast. I don’t need as many as most people. I mean that. I’m not lying.”

            “OK,” Len said.

            “And they have to tell me everything they do before they do it.”

            “OK,” Len said.

            “And… you’ll stay? To make sure they do?”

            “Yes,” Len said, “I promise.”

            “OK,” Barry said quietly.

 

 

 

 

 

            Len carried him. It was exhausting, and Barry kept groaning from pain and his breath kept hitching the whole time. He only made it about halfway back when he ran into one of Oliver’s soldiers.

            The rest of them had converged back at the meeting place in an hour and when Len didn’t show up Oliver sent them all in that direction. They ran into a few more people, and made it back to the camp, where quickly everyone else returned too. Len explained the bear trap hastily, and brought Barry to the medic who was with them. They took over Oliver’s tent, the only one large enough to accommodate several people standing up, and set Barry down on an overturned cart, to use as a table.

            Barry was terrified. He was panicking again. It was Len, the medic, Sara, and Oliver inside the tent. Sara had taken Barry’s hand, and Oliver was watching with a strained look on his face. Barry’s leg looked terrible.

            Oliver explained Barry’s fear to the medic, quietly, his voice low so Barry wouldn’t hear. When he came back Len stopped him.

            “Before you start, Barry and I made a deal,” he said, “for him coming back with me.” He explained what Barry had said. The medic nodded.

            “I’ll do my best,” he said.

            Barry trembled. Len put his hand up. “No,” he said, “You will follow those terms exactly.”

            The man gave him a look, but Oliver nodded. “Do as he says,” he said.

            “Alright,” the medic said, and he took to looking at Barry’s leg.

            Barry was crying again, scared. He held tightly to Sara’s hand.

            “Shh, it’s OK,” she said, smoothing back his hair. “It’s alright.”

            “First, I’m just going to clean the wound,” the medic said. He brought a washcloth and water over, and started.

            Barry jerked, crying out, then whimpering, twisting on the bed. Sara continued to try to soothe him.

            “Little bit of dirt in here, I’m gonna flush it out,” he said. After a moment he sighed. “Alright, it’s not coming out easy. I’ll need to use some tweezers here.”

            He kept going, narrating as he cleaned. Barry stayed mostly still and mostly quiet.

            “OK, bone looks good… tendons look mostly intact. I’m assuming with your healing they’ll be fine, and there’s not much I could do for it anyway. There’s just one part it looks like something might have been severed… I’ll need to do some reattaching of sorts… it shouldn’t take me long, but I’ll need you to be very still for it.”

            Barry’s breathing kicked up. He shook his head. Oliver stepped forward. One hand came down above the wound, under Barry’s knee and Barry jerked.

            “No!” he said suddenly, jolting upwards but Len moved to intercept him, holding up his hands, not grabbing Barry, but just blocking him from reaching for Oliver.

            “It’s OK, it’s OK,” Len said as Barry struggled to move, to get around him. “Hey, it’s OK, Barry, look at me.”

            Barry’s eyes rose, terrified, panicked.

            “It’s alright, it’s OK. Just your leg, remember? He’s just going to hold your leg, nothing else, I promise.”

            Barry trembled. Sara squeezed his hand. “Let’s lie back again, OK? Just relax. Take deep breaths. It won’t take long.”

            Barry went, shakily, and squeezed his eyes shut again.

            “A bite might me best for this part,” the medic said softly.

            Barry let out a sob. Len reached for a small cloth, and folded it over. Barry turned his head away from him, shaking it.

            “Barry, this is gonna happen whether you take it or not – it’ll be better if you take it,” Len said.

            Barry hesitated. “If I say stop it stops,” he said.

            “If you say stop it stops,” Len said back. Barry took the bite.

            “OK, I’m just going to reach in now,” the medic said.

            Barry arched off the table, screaming through the bite. Oliver pressed his leg against the table to keep it still.

            “Keep him steady,” the medic said, “I’m attaching now.” Barry sobbed, shaking. “Just a quick stitch here.”

            Barry yelled something that sounded like “no” but it definitely wasn’t a “stop” and Len held his breath.

            “OK, now just a few stitches to close it.”

            “Stopstopstop _stop_!” Barry yelled, having spit out the bite.

            Len looked at the medic, but he paused. Barry panted for breath, shaking his head rapidly.

            “I donneed stiches, I don’t,” Barry said quickly, between gasps for breath. “I don’t, I don’t need them, I’m done, it’s done.”

            “Barry,” Len said, but then Barry broke out in sobs again.

            “I wanna stop,” he said, and it came out so broken, “I can’t do any more. Don’t make me do any more.”

            “It’s almost over, Barr,” Sara said. “Just take a breath, OK? You can have a break now.”

            He kept crying, and Sara tried to comfort him. Eventually the medic cleared his throat and spoke.

            “I’m going to close up this section now,” he said softly. “I really need to start on the stitches now in order to close them all up in time.”

            “He does need fewer than most people,” Len said quietly. “He wasn’t lying.”

            The medic nodded. “I was briefed by Dr. Snow before we left. I will do the minimal amount.”

            Len nodded. The medic started.

            Barry cried and groaned and pleaded his way through it. Oliver had to hold down his leg. Sara kept trying to comfort him. He yelled stop several times, and nearing the end he just kept saying it, not allowing the medic to start again.

            “Barry, we have to get this done,” Len said. “You’re almost there. It’s really almost done, I promise, but we’re going to have to keep going for a bit and then you can have another break, OK?”

            “I don’t need it, I don’t need it,” he insisted, and Len didn’t bother trying to remind him of their conversation earlier. It was clear he was too far gone – that he wasn’t intentionally lying, he really was telling himself as much as the medic that he didn’t need the stitches.

            “We’re pretty sure you do, Barry,” Len said, “and we have to let the medic finish. It’s almost over though.”

            So the medic would work for a bit, then Len would tell him to stop, and Barry got a break, and the cycle would repeat. It was grueling, and it was long, but finally the medic had finished and bandaged up Barry’s leg.

            Len left then. Both him and Oliver did. They helped lower him onto the ground and Sara brought her stuff in there for the night. She’d stay with him. He’d be healed by the next morning.

 


	11. Delay

 

            The next day, Barry only left his tent to go to the bathroom. No one saw him except Sara, and Oliver briefly. His leg had healed and healed fine, back to normal. Oliver held an emergency council when Barry fell asleep, so Sara could attend.

            “We’ll postpone at least two days,” Oliver said, “is there any recon we can do without him?”

            Len shook his head. “My team is all set up – they should meet us here today. I’ll need to go myself to get a look at things, but that’s all I can do without Barry.”

            “OK. We wait then,” Oliver said. “Sara, any updates?”

            Sara took in a slow breath. “Your two days might be a little optimistic,” she said.

            “Well, we’ll see how it goes,” Oliver said.

            “We might have another problem,” Len said. He pulled out the bear trap from the day before and dumped it on their table.

            “The bear trap?” Oliver said.

            “A Barry trap,” Len said.

            “What are you talking about?” Oliver said, stiffening.

            “How fast do you think a standard bear trap closes, Lord Queen?” Len tapped the broken pieces of metal. “I’ll give you a hint – not as fast as a speedster.”

            “It shouldn’t have been able to catch him,” Sara said.

            “Maybe he was walking when he got hit,” Oliver said. “We can ask him.”

            “Go ahead, but I doubt it,” Len said. “The metal – Barry couldn’t cut through it –”

            “He was in pain,” Oliver said.

            “I have a suspicion that he wouldn’t be able to do it now either,” Len said, “what finally did it – I cooled it down first, made it frozen. I thought maybe the molecules moving slower would make it easier to cut – but I didn’t really think it through, I was desperate. On further consideration, there is absolutely nothing I can think of that would mean freezing the metal would make it easier to cut through.”

            “So what, it was a placebo effect?” Sara said.

            “The chain is also longer, longer than any bear trap I’ve ever seen – almost like someone was expecting a person to be moving at a high velocity, and didn’t want to cut their leg clean off.”

            “You think Thawne planted these,” Oliver said.

            “Barry traps,” Len said.

 

 

 

 

 

            Sara asked Barry, and he confirmed he had been running. They brought a small piece to him, and again, he couldn’t cut it, even when it was causing him no pain. It was like the restraints they had used on him at the Thawne estate, although it didn’t have the same speed dampening abilities, it just couldn’t be cut through.

            They still didn’t know why freezing it had worked, but Oliver planned to send a sample back to Cisco to find out. In the meantime, it didn’t particularly help Barry’s spiraling thoughts.

            He stayed in the tent and alternated between desperately wanting Sara to hold him and pushing her away entirely and curling into a ball by himself. He was upset, scared, and spent the day crying on and off. He refused to leave the tent and then also refused food. Some of the soldiers Oliver had with him might have been resentful that he was holding them up, except that a field of distress radiated so strongly even beyond the tent that they could all feel it when walking by.

            It was late afternoon when Sara was trying to get Barry to eat something again, and he was curled up in a blanket, back to her. She was frustrated, but also so saddened by how upset he was. She touched his shoulder gently, and suddenly stopped.

            Heat was radiating off of him. Barry ran warm anyway, but this was worse. He was so hot. Her hand slid from his shoulder to his forehead, which was burning. Barry curled away from her, making a noise in his throat at the touch.     

            “Barry, I’ll be right back, OK?”

            Barry was startled at that, but nodded. She came back a moment later.

            “Barry, can you put this in your mouth for a second.”

            Barry turned. It was a thermometer. He felt cold suddenly, and shook his head.

            “Barry, I think you have a fever. Can you please let me check this?”

            Barry shook his head again. He started to tremble. If he had a fever they’d make him leave the tent, make him do more tests. He broke out sweating.

            Sara left again. A moment later the medic was there. Barry jolted upwards and scrambled away.

            “Barry, he just needs to look at your leg. Just for a second, OK? He’s just going to look, not touch.”

            Barry protested, but ultimately Sara got him to lift up his pant leg, while the medic stayed at the entrance of the tent, far enough away. Sara looked in surprise.

            His leg was completely healed, and there was absolutely no signs of infection.

            “Barry,” the medic said, “could I touch your neck for a moment? I just want to check something. I promise I’m just going to touch for a few seconds.”

            It took some more coercion, but Barry let him. The medic nodded, and Sara went out with him. Oliver was waiting outside as well. (Len was lurking around a corner, trying to seem like he wasn’t blatantly listening to their conversation.)

            “It’s a fever heat,” the medic said.

            “Fuck,” Oliver said.

            “It’s why his field is so strong,” Sara said, realizing suddenly that Barry was not actually as distressed as his field would suggest, though she knew he was still incredibly upset and scared.

            “OK, what do we do?” Oliver said, looking at the medic.

            The medic cringed. They all knew there were not a lot of options. Fever heats were not real heats – Barry was not emitting any of the pheromones that would sexually attract alphas, and his field was completely devoid of anything that would attract them sexually either. Fever heats usually occurred when the omega was already ill, usually already had or was getting a fever, but it could happen when they were distressed as well, it was just rarer. Like a regular heat, it was meant to attract an alpha or beta, but instead of arousing sexual instincts, it aroused protective ones. Real heats only occurred once an omega was beginning to be mated. Fever heats could happen at any time.

            “We just have to wait it out,” the medic said, “Unless he’s willing to have sex with an alpha.”

            “How long would you expect it to last?” Oliver asked.

            “That entirely depends on him and how much alpha contact he’d allow,” the medic said. “Theoretically, if he had sex with an alpha whom he felt safe around and who provided contact afterwards, he’d be fine by morning. If he wasn’t around alphas at all, it could drag on for as much as two weeks.”

            Oliver scrubbed a hand over his face. “OK,” he said. “What would you expect… what about with Sara – he’s letting you hold him, right?”

            Sara cringed. “Sometimes,” she said.

            “With an alpha in close proximity, such as in the tent – a week?” the medic said. “He’s been going through withdrawal too, right? He should reach orgasm as much as possible. That will help. Even better if he can do so around you, or another alpha, even if you aren’t touching him. If he had been orgasming regularly, and then suddenly stopped after yesterday, that would have made a fever heat more likely too.”

            “Great,” Oliver said, teeth set.

 

 

 

            Barry felt horrible.

            His whole body ached and even though his leg was no longer injured he swore he felt phantom pains there. His stomach was rolling and he felt numb all over, and he was freezing. He felt hollowed out, exhausted and completely drained. He wanted Patty. He wanted to go back to his rooms in the Queen estate. He just wanted to sleep.

            And then he started feeling hot instead of cold, and he didn’t recognize it as a fever until Sara brought a thermometer in. He didn’t know why he was sick. His leg was healed, no signs of infection, and he rarely got illnesses with his speedster healing. He wondered if he had set it off somehow himself, if he was in shock still, and had somehow developed a fever from it.

            And then Sara and Oliver came in, and Barry just wanted to be left alone. He realized he was sweating, but he kept alternating between hot and cold, and he held a blanket tight to him.

            “Barry,” Oliver said, “we think we know what’s causing your fever.”

            Barry didn’t say anything. He curled in on himself. He didn’t want any tests, didn’t want any treatment, couldn’t stand the idea of anything medical right now.

            “It’s a fever heat,” Sara said. “Do you know what that is?”

            Barry froze. Yes, he knew what that was. Some of his friends back on the Thawne estate had gotten them. He shook his head. “I’m not… I don’t feel like I’m in heat…”

            “Have you ever had a fever heat before?” Oliver asked.

            Barry shook his head.

            “Felicity has had them a few times,” Oliver said, “you probably won’t feel the ‘heat’ aspect for another few hours at least. It’s not like a heat once you’re mated – you won’t get anywhere near that.”

            “What do I have to do?” Barry said, suddenly feeling his stomach drop more.

            “You don’t _have_ to do anything,” Oliver said firmly. “It’ll go away on it’s own, it just… it might not be comfortable, and you can shorten it, but only if you decide to. We’re not going to make you do anything.”

            “What do I have to do to shorten it?” Barry asked. He knew they didn’t want to stay here too long, knew that the longer they stayed on Thawne land the greater the risk of being found was. He also knew he needed to be in the best shape possible when they finally attacked.

            Oliver hesitated, and then started to explain.

 

 

 

 

            Barry let Sara hold him. Oliver had gotten halfway through his list and Barry had stopped him, told him maybe tomorrow but definitely not that day. He mentioned that even having an alpha close, an alpha to comfort him, would help though, and Barry didn’t want to be sick, so he let Sara hold him. And anyway, he did find it comforting.

            Barry woke up in the middle of the night. He’d shifted over onto his stomach at some point, and Sara was asleep, one arm thrown over him. Barry’s skin was hot and damp, and he woke up to find that he was hard and grinding down against the mat he was sleeping on.

            He groaned. He didn’t want to deal with this then, but he also suddenly found himself incredibly aroused. It felt like he hadn’t come in days, and he realized he hadn’t at all the day before, which would probably have caused his current predicament on its own even without the fever heat.

            He tried to extricate himself carefully, but Sara still woke up.

            “Be right back,” he said, and then sped out. He went just far enough that no one at the camp would see him, and then jerked off multiple times. He was used to not being satisfied after one orgasm, but as he hit numbers three, four, and then five, he realized something was wrong. He was still just as horny as before he started. There was no relief.

            He swore, frustrated and upset, and kept jerking off until he felt completely oversensitive and his cock was rubbed raw. He wanted something inside him, but he was out in the middle of the woods and it was cold and he didn’t have anything to put on the ground to lie down on. It was not exactly an ideal scenario for fingering himself.

            He had brought two toys with him, but so far he’d been too embarrassed and afraid to use them. It was just a simple dildo and a plug, but Barry couldn’t run with the plug in, and he had mostly been running out into the woods to jerk off. He was too afraid of someone popping their head into his tent, or hearing him, to use them there. Patty had insisted he bring them, and he knew it would probably help, but so far he hadn’t used either.

            He thought of them then, debated it, but as his cock grew hard after nine orgasms and his body still felt flushed with heat, he finally caved and ran back, got the plug and some lube, and then ran back outside the camp again. He managed to open himself up enough to get the plug in. He immediately felt some relief, although it was laced with more arousal as well. He immediately wanted to jerk off again, and he wanted to press and play with the plug as well.

            He did both, but once again he found himself enjoying a brief moment of orgasm, before the same heat just curled in his stomach once again.

            “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he said, feeling incredibly frustrated.

            He walked back to the tent this time, albeit quickly. Sara was sitting up waiting for him.

            “You’ve been gone for a while,” she said, looking concerned. “Everything OK?”

            “Can you jerk me off?” he blurted out. He immediately looked down, but he was wide awake now and practically vibrating with energy. “Sorry, I – if it’s OK, I know you said, but you don’t have to, and I wasn’t going to, just, I – I feel really sick, I –”        

            “Yes, Barry, I can,” she said, interrupting him, “you don’t need to be sorry. It’s not a problem, OK? Hey, look at me.” She waited until his eyes went up. “It’s OK,” she said, “I offered. I wouldn’t have if I didn’t want to, OK?”

            He nodded, looking both nervous and ashamed and very frustrated.

            “Come here,” she said.

            He went quickly, positioning himself so he was lying with his back against her chest, and her arms came around him. Barry still had the plug in, and he felt it nudge against his prostate. He waited though, and she pushed down the top of his sleep pants, and pulled out his cock. She paused, craning her neck to look at him. His cock was an angry red color, and Barry had already rubbed it raw.

            Barry silently pulled out his bottle of lube and handed it to her. She took it without saying anything, for which he was grateful. He was still feeling incredibly embarrassed when her hand wrapped around him, and he couldn’t help the sudden moan that followed.

            Yep, an alpha was definitely, definitely better than his own hand, Barry thought. It surprised him, how much better it was, how suddenly the arousal in his gut was both sated and intensified, how good it felt. It took five strokes, and then he was coming.

            “Oh, fuck, again, please, again,” he heard himself say, babbling, as soon as he came down. He needed more, he needed so much more.

            She made him come three times, and then she stopped.

            “More, please, more,” he said, and he bucked his hips upwards, trying to get her to touch him.

            “Shh, we’re gonna take a break,” she said.

            Barry whined. “Please.”

            “I want you to eat and drink something for me, and then you can come again.”

            Barry whined. He was in a haze now. She moved out from behind him to get the food and water, and Barry started to palm at himself. He wanted so badly for her to touch him more. His embarrassment was completely forgotten.

            Sara paused when she came back, and then she gently, albeit firmly took his hand and moved it away from his cock.

            “Barry, you’re giving yourself friction burns. You need to take a break.”

            “Hurts,” he whined. His cock ached.

            “Food and water, and then you can come again,” she said. She handed both to him.

            He ate and drank, and then she jerked him off again, twice, before stopping.

            “You need to take another break,” she said. “This time you need to sleep for a bit.”

            “No,” he whined again. He wanted to come again. He really, really wanted to come again. He was hard. He was so hard. He was so hot. He needed to come. He needed her to touch him.

            “Lie down,” she said, and there was just enough of alpha command there that he obeyed instantly, lying down on his stomach, and then he grinded his hips down again.

            “On your back.”

            He whined in protest but obeyed that as well. She placed a blanket over him.

            “You’re not to touch yourself until you sleep for a bit,” she said, “understand?”

            Barry pouted but mumbled a yes. He wanted to touch himself. He wanted to come.

            “Alright, sleep now,” she said.

 

 

 

 

 

            “He took a nosedive into subspace,” Sara said. “And he was acting like he was in a real heat. I don’t know how many times he jerked off before he came back, but I got him off at least five times and it didn’t even phase him.”

            “It might be his speedster metabolism,” Aaron said, “He has no refractory period. It makes sense that a heat – even a fever heat – might affect him more strongly.”

            “It also means it might not last as long,” the medic said. “He might be burning through it faster.” He paused for a second. “It also might mean he’ll need more alpha attention to shorten it though.”

            “I’ll jerk him off, but I’m not having sex with him,” Sara said. She sighed. “He’s so far gone that he’d probably have sex with Aaron, but I don’t know how he’d feel about it afterwards.”

            “Maybe we can catch him when he’s a little more lucid,” Oliver said, “ask him what he wants to do.”

            “We can try when he wakes up,” Sara said, “he started pretty lucid – he was embarrassed when he came back, but not for very long.”

            “What do you think would be the best thing for him, if he’d agree to it?” Oliver asked. “Short of having sex with someone.”

            Aaron and the medic looked at each other.


	12. Fever Heat

            Barry woke slowly. The first thing he noticed was that he was hot, and he remembered the fever. He pulled a blanket that had been on him off. The next thing he noticed was that he was hard, and incredibly horny, and then he remembered the night before.

            He felt instantly ashamed, and surprised, at his behavior. He couldn’t believe he’d acted that way with Sara. The only one who’d seen him like that since he was at Thawne land, the only one he’d allowed himself to go into subspace with, was Patty. He was surprised at how easily he’d slipped into it the day before.

            And he was still hard. And he was still horny. And he knew that if he jerked off it would only make him want to jerk off more. It would give him no relief. He wanted so badly for some relief.

            Frustrated tears rose to his eyes. He just wanted to come and for it to stop after that, wanted the relief, wanted this heat to go away.

            “Hey, are you awake?”

            Barry looked over to find Oliver, peaking in from the tent. He quickly swiped at his eyes.

            “Yeah,” he said.

            “How are you feeling?”

            “Not great.” His voice cracked, and despite himself he felt more frustrated tears rising in his eyes.

            “Hey,” Oliver said, reached out. He put his hand on his shoulder but it only made Barry shiver. “It’s OK,” Oliver said. “You’ll get through this.”

            Barry nodded, swallowing hard.

            “I talked with Aaron and our medic,” Oliver said, “they… they think they have an idea which might help.”

            Barry looked up, waiting.

            “You don’t have to do it, though,” Oliver said, “we’re not going to make you do anything you don’t want to. It’s completely up to you. It would need to be with Aaron, and I know you weren’t completely comfortable with him yet.”

            “What is it?” Barry said. Oliver was right that he didn’t feel entirely comfortable with Aaron, but he was too desperate to really care now. He didn’t think it would bother him once it started. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to do anything sexual with Aaron on principle, it was simply that it made him nervous, and right now, Barry was so desperate he didn’t think he would really be nervous at all.

            “It… you probably wouldn’t like it,” Oliver said, “but it also would most likely give you some actual relief, as well as shortening the fever heat. They think the best thing would be to do a prostate milking.”

            Barry grimaced.

            “Sara could get you into subspace first,” Oliver said, “if that would be easier. If you’re nervous she can come with you, or I can, but Aaron would have to actually perform it.”

            “OK,” Barry said.

            “OK?”

            “Yeah, I…” Barry paused, feeling some anxiety flounder up in his chest. “I think… if Sara could… yeah, could start, but then… I think that would be OK. She doesn’t have to stay. But maybe… just… check in on me?”

            “I think she’d be more than happy to do that,” Oliver said. “I just want to make sure – you’re OK with Sara getting you into subspace? And then letting Aaron take over? He’ll only do the milking, nothing else, and you can still say stop at any time.”

            Barry nodded.

 

 

 

 

            There was a part of him that recognized he was out of it. That part just didn’t actually _care_ that he was out of it.

            Sara jerked him off once. It had the same effect as before, leaving him completely unsated, but it did help lower him into subspace. She had him lean over a table then, on his knees with his chest resting against it, arms folded with his head in between. Sara pet his hair.

            “Aaron’s going to touch you now. Is that OK?”

            He nodded. God, anything. He would take anything.

            He felt one hand on his hip, sliding gently. He spread his legs a little wider. Anything for one of them to just touch him already.

            “I’m going to start opening you up, OK, Barry? Is it OK if I touch your hole?”

            Barry nodded again.

            “Can you say it out loud for me?”

            “Yes, please,” Barry said.

            “OK, Barry.”

            Barry felt lubed fingers at his hole, and gentle pressure. Aaron started to open him up. He whined and pushed back. It felt good, and he wanted more. And then Aaron had two fingers in him, and he started rubbing his prostate, while putting gentle pressure behind his balls with his other hand, and Barry moaned.

            “The longer you let me do this, the more relief you’ll get,” Aaron said, “but if you need to stop, for any reason, just say so and I will, OK, Barry?”

            Barry nodded.

            “Out loud,” Sara said.

            “Yes,” he said. “Yes, just please, more.”

            Barry forgot entirely about everything else. It was just the incessant rubbing against his prostate. He whined, jerked his hips, pressed back, but Aaron just moved with him, never giving him more, never giving him less.

            “Please,” he said. “Please more. Fuck, I need more.”

            “Just relax,” Aaron said. “Stay still for me.”

            Barry whimpered and whined. He felt precum dripping from his cock. He felt right on edge, but couldn’t come.

            “Wanna come,” he said, “Please, wanna come.”

            “Do you need to stop?” Aaron asked.

            “No,” Barry whined, “I just wanna come, please make me come.”

            “You can when we’re finished,” he said.

            “Please touch my cock.”

            “Not until we’re finished.”

            “Please.”

            “Try to relax, Barry.”

            Barry whimpered again. He felt so hot, so on edge.

            He started begging, but didn’t dare try to touch his cock himself, no matter how much he wanted to. He knew he wasn’t allowed, knew the alphas didn’t want him to. He pleaded though. He was so oversensitive, the fingers in his hole becoming an almost numbing presence, as if his prostate was being rubbed raw as well. It was almost painful, and his cock and balls ached so badly that they were painful, and there was a tight, hot tension in his lower stomach, a mess of arousal that wouldn’t let up at all.

            He was obviously distressed, and it set Sara on edge. Aaron calmly denied his pleas over and over again, but Sara didn’t like the way Barry was falling so fast. He was completely in subspace, and she didn’t trust his ability to tell them when he needed to stop, not when he was like this. Barry had told her she could leave after they got started, but she didn’t. She stayed near his head, petting his hair and hoping to calm him a little, and making sure that Aaron continued to ask if Barry needed to stop at intervals.

            It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him. She knew all alpha clinicians were screened incredibly thoroughly, and it was very rarely that any abuse occurred with them. But she also knew Barry much better than Aaron did, and while she didn’t have his training, she trusted her instincts. That, and she didn’t feel good about leaving him when he was like this, even if Aaron were the most competent clinician in the world.

            “How long were you planning on?” she asked quietly, over Barry’s moans and pleas.

            “Normally, we’d do an hour,” Aaron said. “With Barry’s metabolism it’s hard to say if he should do more or less, but I think given the circumstances we’ll cut it to a half hour and if he doesn’t feel the effects afterwards then we can try again.”

            She nodded, satisfied with the answer. It had already been twenty minutes.

            Barry barely heard them. He was still completely focused on the clawing heat in his stomach, the ache in his balls, and the same, consistent, circular rubbing inside him. It was too much. He needed to come. And he didn’t think about it, he was just reaching downwards, and his fingers brushed his cock and it was like his entire body lit up. He grasped it and before either of the alphas could tell him not to he was pumping, everything else forgotten, one stroke, two, and then he was coming.

            Sara and Aaron both saw, but it was too late. Sara sighed. She knew it was more effective if he didn’t come until the end. She was about to tell him to put his hands back up at his head when he suddenly went completely stiff. She felt the change in the air – while there was a layer of distress emanating from him before, it was benign in nature, a heavy, frustrated feeling that was uncomfortable but not overwhelming, and that changed in an instant to fear and dread.

            “Barry –,” she started, but he was already gone.

 

 

 

 

            “You’re being creepy,” Lisa said.

            “I am not being creepy,” Len said back, steadfastly ignoring his sister’s presence next to him, keeping his eyes forward.

            “You’re standing outside the tent of an omega in heat,” Lisa said.

            “First, I am standing over fifty feet away, where there are seats set up, which, I will remind you, is far enough that I can’t feel his signature, and I can’t see or hear anything going on, and second, he’s not in heat. It’s a fever heat.”

            “A fever heat that he’s having a normal heat reaction to,” Lisa said, unimpressed. “You’re lurking.”

            “I am not lurking,” Len said. “I am sitting at the fire.”

            “You’re lurking.”

            Len let out a huff and ignored her.

            “You know, if you like him, you could try, I don’t know, actually talking to him.”

            “I have talked to him.”

            “I mean when he’s not in pain or terrified.”

            “He’s scared of alphas, Lis.”

            “He doesn’t seem scared of you.”

            “Well, maybe that’s because I’ve only met him when he’s been more afraid of something else.”

            “You should talk to him. And stop creepily staring at the tent he’s in.”

            “I am not staring.”

            “You’re staring.”

            “I’m thinking.”

            She rolled her eyes. “It’s not going to –”

            “Alright, fine, I’m leaving, happy?” he said, throwing up his hands. It wasn’t worth it, and he wanted to take a walk anyway. He got up, and headed out of camp, walking close enough that he could easily see the smoke of their fire through the trees, but not so close as to have their tents immediately visible.

            He wasn’t being creepy. There just wasn’t a lot of places to sit in camp. It was a small camp. He stopped, and was just going to undo his belt to take a piss when suddenly there was a flash of lightening streaking by him so close he felt the wind from it. He nearly screamed.

            And then it was gone. He stopped, looked forward, then back, and got a sinking feeling.

            No, he was not going to follow Barry’s lightening trail. The kid was probably just using the bathroom himself, or maybe he was going to jerk off. Len was not going to be the creep that went and followed him.

            But what if something was wrong? He had been moving fast, the lightening trail a testament to it. No, he was probably fine. Len was being paranoid, or worse, an actual creep.

            But maybe he’d just wander a little in that direction. Just in case. And if he spotted him and he didn’t immediately look to be in trouble then he’d turn right around. If he was pissing then he’d be gone in another moment anyway, and Len didn’t know why he’d be coming out here to jerk off – he knew the clinician had been in that tent, that they were trying to shorten the fever heat. So really, either he’d find Barry and something would be wrong, or he’d be long gone before Len ever got there.

            Len took a slow, meandering path. He had been walking for about fifteen minutes, about to head back, when he heard what distinctively sounded like a sob.

            His stomach tightened. He followed the noise and a second later Barry came into view, curled up on the ground, wearing only a pair of sleep pants and a loose shirt. His feet were bleeding. It took all of five seconds for Len to realize from his omega field that he was terrified, and that he was still deeply in subspace.

            The realization was a shock. Len paused. Then he took a long breath and stepped forward, speaking softly.

            “Barry?”

            Barry’s head jerked up. His eyes were long gone, and if Len hadn’t been able to tell that Barry was in subspace from his alpha instincts, then the look on his face definitely confirmed it. Barry scrambled backwards, so his back was against a tree. He looked at Len in clear fear.

            Len stopped where he was. He crouched down slowly, so they were at the same level. Although Barry had often displayed anxiety around him, especially at first, this was different, and it shocked him.

            “Hi, Barry,” Len said. “I’m… do you know who I am?”

            Barry was shaking. He nodded jerkily. “Alpha,” he said raggedly, voice quiet.

            That was not what Len wanted to hear. He felt his stomach twist again, and cursed himself for having the audacity to follow Barry out when he knew he was reacting badly to the fever heat and he knew he was afraid of alphas. He should have gone back, should have gotten Hartley, who was a delta, or the one soldier Queen had who was a gamma.

            But now he was there, and he couldn’t just leave him there either.

            “Yes,” Len said slowly, “But I’m Len. Do you remember, Barry? My name is Len.”

            Barry nodded slowly.

            “You don’t need to call me alpha, you can just call me Len,” Len said. “Can you tell me why you ran all the way out here?”

            That got another sob, and the fear in the air intensified.

            “I’m sorry,” Barry sobbed. “I didn’t – I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. Please.”

            “It’s OK,” Len said, “it’s OK, I’m not mad, Barry. Can you tell me what happened? I promise I won’t be mad.”

            But Barry shook his head and kept repeating that he was sorry.

            “OK. Barry, I really want to take you back to your friends, in camp. Do you think you can walk for me?”

            But Barry curled farther into a ball, and shook his head.

            “No, please,” Barry said. “I’m sorry. Please don’t make me go.”

            “OK, OK, we don’t have to,” Len said. He crouched there, lost as to what to do. He needed to either get him back to camp or get him out of subspace. “Barry,” Len said, “what’s your favorite color?”

            Barry looked blankly at him for a second. “Red,” he said finally.

            “Hm. Mine’s blue,” Len said. “What’s your favorite season?”

            “Spring,” Barry said, after another pause.

            “Mine is winter,” Len said, “but that’s probably a given. Have you ever travelled up to Nanda Parbat? They have brutal winters there.”

            Barry shook his head.

            Len kept going on, asking easy, non-intrusive questions, and rambling about his own answers. Slowly, he watched Barry calm down and rise at least a little bit out of subspace. He only talked for about ten minutes. He was worried about Barry’s feet, and how they were covered in dirt and debris, and no doubt already healing.

            “Barry,” Len said, “Do you think you can walk with me to a little river near here? You can wash your feet there, so they can heal.”

            Barry looked scared. He tensed up again. “I have to, Alpha?” he said quietly.

            Len had been hoping he had come farther out of subspace than that, but apparently he was still pretty deep, if he was calling Len Alpha. Len realized it also meant that he could probably order Barry to do just about anything and he would obey.

            “I would really like you to,” he said carefully. He didn’t want to order Barry to do anything, but he also really did need to get Barry either to the river or back where someone could look at his feet. The river seemed easier.

            “OK,” Barry said.

            He got up slowly, and barely seemed to notice the pain in his feet, though he was leaving a trail of blood. He followed behind Len and Len led him to the river – just a small brook really, and Barry dipped his feet in.

            “Can you wash the dirt off for me, and clean them?” Len asked. He didn’t want to scare Barry by touching him.

            Barry did as he was asked, and then they sat there, because Len didn’t have anything Barry could put on his feet, except to give him his own shoes, so he figured the best thing to do would be to wait for Barry’s feet to heal before walking back. He didn’t expect it would take long.

            “How are you feeling, Barry?” Len asked.

            “I… I’m hot, Alpha,” he said.

            Len could see sweat on his forehead, and he noticed that Barry was also clearly hard now, although he made a point of not looking there as soon as he noticed.

            “Alpha, are… are you going to punish me?” Barry asked in a tiny voice.

            “No,” Len said, “no, I’m… you haven’t done anything wrong, Barry. I’m not going to punish you. I’m not mad at you for anything.”

            “I… I broke a rule,” Barry said.

            “That’s… that’s OK,” Len said.

            “They’re going to punish me,” Barry said, obviously scared at the prospect, and Len wondered if this is what he’d been scared about the entire time.

            “No they’re not,” Len said, “they know you didn’t mean to.” He had no idea what Barry did, but he couldn’t imagine Sara or Queen punishing him for anything, especially not in the state he was in.

            Barry shook his head. “I didn’t have permission, the alphas will hurt me.”

            “No one is going to hurt you, Barry,” Len said. “I promise, OK? No one will hurt you.”

            “I’m so hot,” Barry said. “I… I want… but I’m not supposed to. They’re already going to punish me.”

            “No one will punish you, Barry,” Len said.

            “I’m so hot,” Barry repeated, and Len had the sinking realization that he seemed to be going farther into subspace rather than coming out of it more.

            “Barry, I think we should get back to camp,” Len said, “how about I go with you, and I’ll make sure no one tries to punish you, OK? Can you come back to camp with me?”

            The fear in Barry’s expression deepened. He wrung his hands. “I won’t be punished?” he said in a small voice.

            “No, I promise,” Len said.

            “Can… can I touch again then?”

            Len was momentarily confused and then Barry reached down to palm at himself, and Len’s eyebrows shot up.

            “You can touch yourself when we get back to camp,” Len said.

            Barry whined. “It hurts.”

            “Let’s get back to camp then.”

            “Can I run?”

            “No,” Len said, mindful of Barry’s bleeding feet before. “We’ll walk. It’s not far.”

            Initially, Len had been keeping a lot of space between him and Barry, but now Barry followed right behind him, and they moved quickly. When they came back Oliver, Sara, and Aaron were in a tight circle, talking. Sara saw them first, and then the other two quickly turned around. Barry froze, and then Oliver locked eyes on Len, and started to storm over there, and Barry whimpered, stepping more firmly behind Len, and grabbing onto his shirt.       

            “Snart, I swear to God if you touched h-”

            “Oliver,” Sara said, her tone biting. She grabbed his arm and stopped him. He spun to glare at her. “You’re scaring him,” she said, softer this time.

            Oliver turned again and looked at Barry, who was all but cowering behind Len.

            “I didn’t touch him, Lord Queen,” Len said, voice cold, “I was taking a walk when I found him outside camp. I brought him back here, that’s all.”

            There was still something in Oliver’s eyes that told Len he didn’t trust him, but he turned his attention to Barry instead.

            “Barry, are you OK?” Oliver asked.

            Barry looked at Len, but Len was looking at Oliver. Barry kept his head down. “Y-yes, Alpha,” he said quietly, then chanced a glance up.

            Oliver seemed taken aback.

            “He’s in deep,” Len said.

            Oliver let out a breath. “Barry, why don’t we go back to your tent now, OK?”

            They all felt the rush of fear that elicited. Barry went stiff behind Len, and the grip on the back of his jacket tightened.

            “Alpha,” he said, nearly whimpered, this time clearly speaking to Len.

            “He’s afraid you’re going to punish him,” Len said, his tone softer this time.

            A few emotions flickered over Oliver’s face. Sara simply sighed.

            “We’re, Barry, we’re not going to punish you,” Oliver said. “No one is going to do that. I promise.”

            Barry still seemed wary, though some of the fear decreased. He looked at Sara.

            “Ditto,” she said, “we’re not going to hurt you, Barry.”

            “Other alpha,” Barry said quietly.

            “Aaron?” Sara said. Barry nodded. “Aaron isn’t going to either, Barry. None of us are mad, OK? You’re not going to be punished for anything.”

            Barry still looked hesitant. “Alpha?” he said, again to Len.

            “Do you want me to come with you?” Len said, after a moment.

            Barry nodded quickly.

            Len wanted to roll a smug smile onto his face at the look Queen gave him at that, but he managed to simply raise an eyebrow. He did not actually want Queen to think he was taking advantage of the kid, if only for Barry’s sake.

            Len followed them back to Barry’s tent, Barry always a step or two behind him.

            Once inside, Barry looked between Sara and Len, eyes wide. “Can I touch now?” he asked quietly.

            Len looked at Sara. She had a strange look on her face.

            “I think Len needs to leave before you do that, Barry,” she said.

            “No,” Barry said, fear entering his expression again.

            Sara took in a breath, the only indication that his words did hurt. She told herself it was just because he was scared, that she and Aaron had been the ones telling him not to touch himself when he had, and now he expected them to punish him. She knew he wasn’t really himself, knew he was afraid and probably regressing back to when he was on Thawne land, but it still stung that he now trusted a convicted thief he barely knew more than he did her.

            “Barry, I’m not going to hurt you. I would never hurt you. I promise,” she said.

            Barry looked hesitant.

            “I’ll be right outside the tent, how about that, Scarlet?” Len said.

            Barry hesitated, and then nodded. “OK,” he said.

            Len left the tent. Barry turned his eyes on Sara. “I can touch?”

            “Would you like me to do it? You can yourself if you’d rather do that.”

            He hesitated again. “You,” he said, “please?”

            She jerked him off twice, then told him he needed to take a nap. He complained, but eventually settled down. He was exhausted, and fell asleep quickly, even though he was still hard.

            Sara left the tent to find Len standing a bit away from it. He knew that Sara wasn’t going to hurt the kid, and while he felt a little bad about not following through on what he said, he also didn’t want to stand there listening to him when he knew Barry was going to be embarrassed if not horrified about this once he wasn’t under the influence of the fever heat anymore.

            “He’s asleep,” Sara said, when his eyes met hers. She found Oliver next.

            He was standing with Aaron and the medic again.

            “Please tell me we’ve figured out something else,” she said.

            “We didn’t manage to do the milking for long enough – it will probably still shorten the fever heat, but it’s not going to provide much relief,” Aaron said.

            “At this point, either we send him back to the Clinic, he agrees to have sex with Aaron, or we wait it out,” the medic said.

            “I don’t want him running all the way back to Star when he’s like this,” Oliver said. “What if he runs into another one of Thawne’s traps? Or he lets someone see his lightening trail because he’s not focused? Or something else happens – we’d have no way of knowing that he was safe or needed help.”

            “I agree,” Aaron said.

            “I don’t think he should have sex,” Sara said, “even if he’d agree to it – he just had a panic attack because he thought we were going to punish him. He’s acting like he’s back at Thawne’s estate.”

            “I also don’t think it’s a great idea,” Aaron said.

            Oliver wiped a hand over his face. “So how long do you think this is going to last then? We can’t wait that much longer. At some point we just have to figure something out that doesn’t involve Barry.”

            “It’s really hard to say,” the medic said, “he won’t let me take his temperature, and that’s really the only way to tell.”

            “And he runs warmer,” Sara said, “so the usual markers won’t apply to him anyway.”

            The medic hesitated. “This also… the fever heat came on because he was upset and scared, and this panic attack… as much good as the milking might have done, the panic attack could have set him back again too.”

            “Great,” Oliver said.


	13. Queen and Snart

“Hey, Barr, how are you feeling?” Sara asked.

            Barry groaned. “Like shit,” he said. He was just waking up, and he was hard, of course he was, and his whole body ached. And it all came crashing back, and he groaned again.

            He couldn’t believe he’d called Leonard Snart “Alpha.” He couldn’t believe he’d called Oliver and Sara “Alpha” either. He really couldn’t believe he’d tried to jerk off in front of Leonard Snart. He felt humiliated, and he decided that he absolutely, completely, hated heats.

            “Is it almost over?” he said, voice muffled into his pillow.

            “We’re not sure,” Sara said. “How with us are you, right now, Barry?”

            Barry started to sit up then, and he looked at Sara. “I’m back,” he said, “I’m not in subspace. I feel like shit and I’m really horny but I’m me.”

            “OK,” Sara said, “how are you feeling then?” She spoke carefully. Barry leant against a trunk, sitting up, and put his head in his hands.

            “I can’t believe I said all that stuff,” he said, “I’m sorry I freaked out.”

            “You don’t need to apologize,” Sara said, “it’s OK.”

            “So what’s – what’s next, then?” he said, “if it’s not over, then what do I have to do?”

            “Right now you have to eat,” she said, and produced a tray.

            Barry sighed but took it. He still wasn’t really hungry. As he ate the ache in his groin got worse. He was hard. He wanted to jerk off. He knew as soon as he started he’d begin to fall into subspace though, and he really wanted to be completely lucid for a little bit. It scared him how quickly and deeply he kept falling into it. He’d never gone down that fast or hard ever before, and certainly not for that long.

            He felt miserable. None of his friends who had fever heats before had described them like this. Oliver had told him he wasn’t reacting normally to it, probably a side effect of his speed metabolism. He hated it. He wondered briefly if when he mated, if he mated, his heats would be like this, or worse. He hadn’t known many mated omegas since owned omegas weren’t allowed to be mated on Thawne land, but the ones he did talk to had described their heats dually as enjoyable and frustrating. This was turning into a lot more frustrating than enjoyable though. He wanted more and more for it to just be over. He couldn’t get any relief, and there was as much pain as there was pleasure.

            Oliver popped his head in soon after, and sat down with them inside the tent. He had a strained expression on his face, and it did not make Barry feel better.

            “Alright, what’s next?” he said when he had finished eating.

            Oliver sighed. “There’s… really not that many options.” He looked at Sara, then back at Barry. “The only way to definitively make the fever heat stop is to have sex with an alpha, but we don’t think that’s a good idea.”

            It would have to be Aaron, Barry realized. His stomach turned a little. He didn’t like that idea. He was lucid enough now that the idea of it made him nervous, and he was scared with how quickly he kept going under. Last time he had freaked out and was completely convinced they were going to hurt him, and he didn’t want to go through that again. He really didn’t want to freak out in the middle of sex. He hadn’t had sex with a man since he was on Thawne land, and he really did not like the idea of it now. He was too afraid he was going to start dropping and he’d think Aaron was one of Thawne’s men again. He would probably be too out of it to tell him to stop too – if something happened, he’d probably just go silent.

            “I… I don’t really want to do that,” Barry said.

            “You don’t have to,” Oliver said quickly.

            “Then… what else is there?” he asked.

            Oliver hesitated. “You can just wait it out,” he said.

            “How much longer would that be?”

            “We don’t know,” Oliver said. “It could be a day or two, or it could be more like a week.”

            Barry put his head in his hands again and groaned. He did not want to do this for another week. Even another couple days sounded like hell.

            “No,” Barry said, shaking his head.

            “Other than that…” Oliver said, “Aaron can try milking you again. That’s about it.”

            Barry groaned again. He hated being milked, and he was really not keen on having another episode like the last. He didn’t want to go into subspace again. It scared him, how not in control of his own actions he became. And he was afraid of freaking out again, of panicking, especially after last time. He didn’t know if once he got into subspace again if he’d start thinking Aaron and Sara were going to punish him again. But he didn’t want to go through the fever heat any longer.

            “OK,” Barry said, teeth set.

           

 

 

 

 

            “Patty gave me a box before I left,” Aaron said, “just in case.” He then proceeded to pull out an imitation knot, a dildo, and a cock cage.

            Barry’s eyes widened.

            “Have you used an imitation knot before?” Aaron asked.

            Barry nodded.

            “It can be helpful for normal heats, and because yours is presenting almost like a normal heat, it might be helpful now. How do you feel about using it on the smallest setting?”

            “Just the smallest?”

            “Unless you want to go larger.”

            “I’ll do the smallest.”

            “Are you sure?”

            “Yes.”

            He said it with enough conviction, because Aaron nodded and placed it beside the cot.

            “Is a dildo OK?” Aaron asked.

            It was small, and fairly thin. Barry nodded.

            “Great,” Aaron said. And then he held up the cock cage. Barry grimaced. “It’s so you can’t come without permission. Not that it’s super important that you don’t come during the session, just so that you don’t get scared like last time. You won’t think you’ve done anything wrong because we’ll make sure you don’t do anything that you think is wrong.”

            “OK,” Barry said after a moment. He really, really hated cock cages. But they weren’t scary, just unpleasant, and Aaron was right, if he couldn’t come without permission, then he wouldn’t freak out over it if he did. And this way they wouldn’t have to restrain him, which definitely would scare him. If he tried to touch himself, it simply wouldn’t do anything.

            “Remember, if you tell me to stop, I will,” Aaron said. “I’m going to open you up, use the dildo, and then the imitation knot. I’m going to take a while. You’ll get to come at the very end, but just once, unless you tell me to stop. It’ll be more effective if you only come once for this.”

            Barry nodded.

            “If you do manage to come while in the cock cage, that’s OK. That’s allowed. It won’t mess with the effectiveness. You are allowed to come in the cock cage, OK?”

            Barry nodded again, knew this was more for once he was in subspace than for him right now.

            “Does that all sound OK?”

            “Yeah,” Barry said.

            He must have sounded uncomfortable though, because Aaron paused.

            “Barry, you really don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. We aren’t going to try to make you. If you want to just wait it out, that’s OK too,” he said.

            Barry shook his head. “I don’t want to keep dealing with the heat. I want it to be over.” He just also didn’t want to have to do something to get rid of it, really didn’t want to descend into subspace again, where he was vulnerable and unthinking. Not to mention he got so aroused it was painful.

            “Do you want to talk about it first, then?” Aaron said.

            Barry paused. “I just… I don’t like being in subspace. Not like this. And it’s not… like it feels good, it all feels good but it also hurts and I get so on edge it’s awful. I don’t really want to do this I just don’t want to deal with the fever heat more. I want it to be over. I hate feeling like this, like I can’t get any relief.”

            He was hard then, even as they spoke, and he was consciously ignoring the desire to reach down and palm at himself. He could feel it already intensifying, arousal curling in his stomach listening to what Aaron was going to do, having an alpha so close even.

            “Is there anything I can do to make it easier?” he asked.

            “I don’t think so,” Barry said. He paused. “Maybe… you were really… like, clinical, almost, last time? And… you don’t have to be.”

            “You want me to talk to you more?” Aaron asked, “I was trying not to make you uncomfortable last time, but if you want me to talk to you more, I can definitely do that.”

            Barry nodded. He felt his face heating up, and he looked at the ground, but he explained how he liked to be praised, liked affection, and that it was OK if Aaron told him what to do and what not to do a bit more firmly, if he used more of an alpha tone, as long as it was still in an affectionate manner.

            “OK,” Aaron said, “I can do that.”

            Barry had decided that he didn’t want Sara to be there this time. He thought that once he dropped into subspace he found it overwhelming, to have two alphas there, and that might have contributed to his panic attack. He was feeling a little better about having Aaron touch him too, now that he’d already done it once, and they’d talked a little more about it.

            He lay down on the cot this time, a couple pillows under his hips and with the cock cage on. It was uncomfortable already, his cock still trying to get hard, and he knew it was going to hurt once they started. At the same time, there was a significant part of him that wanted Aaron to touch him. He was craving an alpha’s touch, and he wanted stimulation even if he knew he wouldn’t come for a while.

            He started by just opening him up, and Barry quickly dropped into subspace. He pressed with his fingers on his prostate for a while, until Barry was moaning and grinding down, pushing back, anything to get more. He stopped before it really got to that numbing oversensitivity this time though, and started using a dildo instead. Barry was relaxed enough and open enough already that it slid in easily. That went on for a while, and Barry started begging.

            He wanted the cock cage off, wanted to touch himself, wanted the alpha to touch him, wanted to come. He pleaded, and then ground his hips down into the pillows, searching for friction and finding none. His balls ached and his cock was painfully straining against the cock cage. A tension started to slip into his body as the dueling sensations overtook him. By the time Aaron put the dildo down and took the imitation knot out Barry was close to tears, feeling overwhelmed and oversensitive.

            “Alpha, please,” he said, “please, don’t stop, please, please let me come.”

            “We’re getting there,” Aaron said, and he slid his hand over Barry’s back in a comforting gesture.    

            “Please, please take the cage off, please I wanna come, I’ll be good, I’ll be so good, please,” Barry said.

            “You are being good, omega, you’re being very, very good, and I need you to be good for just a little bit longer now,” Aaron said, voice smooth.

            Barry let out a noise like a sob. “Please, alpha, I want to come.”

            “Be a good omega, and you’ll get to come once we’re finished,” Aaron said. He slid in the imitation knot then. The imitation knot looked like a normal dildo at first, but with a small tube running from it and a bulb attached at the end. It was to be inflated once already inside an omega, locking it in place the way that a knot on an alpha would. When Aaron slid it into Barry there was no knot at all, and it was completely smooth.

            Barry didn’t recognize it as the imitation knot. He simply thought it was the dildo again. He tried to press back onto it.

            “Stay still,” Aaron said, “you’re being very good, keep being good for me, Barry.”

            “I wanna come, Alpha, please.”

            “You can’t come just yet,” Aaron said, “you’re going to be a good boy and not come for me, aren’t you?”

            Barry whined but let out a resigned, “Yes, Alpha.”

            “Good boy,” Aaron said, “since you’ve been such a good boy for me not coming so far, I’m going to reward you with an imitation knot to fill you up. How would you like that, Barry?”

            Barry moaned. “Yes, Alpha.”

            “Good omega,” Aaron said. He pressed the imitation knot far enough in, and then slowly pressed down on the bulb to inflate the knot.

            Barry moaned. “Oh, God, Alpha, please more.”

            Aaron pressed the imitation knot farther into Barry, then pulled it out a bit. It couldn’t move very much like this, just a little back and forth, almost rocking. The knot was only inflated a tiny bit, so Aaron could have pulled it all the way out without hurting Barry still, but he didn’t. After a couple of those shallow thrusts he inflated it a bit more. He repeated the process until it clicked into the first setting, the smallest setting. It was at a size where he could still get it out of Barry without deflating it and without tearing him, but it would probably hurt some.

            “More, Alpha, please,” Barry said, grasping at the sheets on the cot.

            “We’re just going to the first setting, Barry,” Aaron said.

            Barry whimpered again. Aaron rocked the imitation knot forward and back inside of Barry. He kept it up for a while. Barry continued to ask for the cock cage to come off and for him to be allowed to come. Tears rose to his eyes and a few slipped down his face.

            “Barry, omega, do you need to stop?” Aaron asked gently.

            “No, no, don’t stop, I wanna come, don’t stop, please, Alpha.”

            “Ok, just a bit longer than, omega. You’re being a very good boy for me.”

            After what felt like an eternity to Barry, Aaron had him roll over onto his back, knot still inside him, and Aaron removed the cock cage.

            “Yes, thank you, thank you, Alpha, please, please,” he said, babbling.

            “You’ve been very good, omega. You have permission to come now,” Aaron said, and he gave a few strokes to Barry’s cock before he was coming.

            For a moment, there was the euphoric bliss of orgasm, although more than the pleasure itself was the stark relief, after so long being on edge. And then it all came crashing down. All at once it hit him that his penis _hurt_. His balls did too. He’d been straining against the cage for so long, on edge for so long. And there was still arousal low in his stomach, still a desire to grab his cock and pump until he came again and again. He was exhausted. He didn’t want to touch himself, he wanted to sleep, wanted to be done. But the arousal was there, flaring up just as strong the second after he came, and he needed it again, needed more.

            He hurt, the relief only lasted a second, and while normally a good orgasm would lift him up out of subspace, this was tearing him down farther. He needed more, wanted more, and his cock hurt, and he found himself reaching down for it.

            “We’re going to stop at one, Omega,” Aaron said firmly. He grasped Barry’s hands with his when he reached down for his cock. Barry’s erection never went down, and he whimpered. Aaron pressed Barry’s hands against the side of the bed, and then quickly deflated the imitation knot and slipped it out of him.

            “Alpha, please, more,” Barry begged. He lifted his hands, then let them drop again. He let out a sob. “Alpha, it hurts.”

            “It’s OK,” Aaron said, trying to soothe him, and suddenly Barry was crying hard.

            Barry curled into a ball, away from him. He kept crying, but he wasn’t trying to touch himself anymore. “Hurts, Alpha, please,” he said, and then started babbling between sobs.

            He was dropping. Aaron recognized it easily, felt the switch in Barry’s field if nothing else. “It’s OK, Omega, it’s OK,” Aaron said, and went to touch him, to pull him into a hug, but Barry flinched away, pushing himself into the corner of the room made by the tent.

            “Alpha,” Barry said, kept saying, but when Aaron tried to talk to him or move towards him he visibly recoiled. “Alpha,” Barry whimpered.

 

 

 

 

 

            Len was eating when Sara approached him.

            “Can you come with me?” she said. “It’s Barry.”

            Len got up and followed her.

            They walked a little way away, out of ear shot from anyone else. Sara was tense. She took a breath before speaking again.

            “They tried something else with Barry and he dropped hard. We think he’s asking for you.”

            “You think he’s asking for me?” Len said, one eyebrow raised.

            “He keeps saying ‘Alpha,’” she clarified, “and he’s not responding to any of us. We think he means you.”

            Len suppressed a look of surprise. “OK,” he said, and then waived an arm forward, indicating Sara to lead him there.

            She did, to the tent. He could feel Barry inside, feel the distress waves. She grabbed his arm before he went in and he turned to look at her. She searched his eyes, for an uncomfortably long time, and Len just looked back.

            “You care about him,” Sara said, “or you at least find him interesting. I just can’t figure out if it’s for good reasons or bad ones.”

            “I’m not going to harm him,” Len said. “If I can help then I will.”

            “He’s going to ask you to jerk him off,” Sara said, “maybe to fuck him. Don’t do either.”

            “I wasn’t going to,” Len said. “Sara, don’t talk to me like you don’t know –”

            “That was a long time ago, Len,” Sara said. “We were practically children.”

            “I haven’t changed so much that I’m about to assault an omega while he’s high off heat hormones,” Len said, with just enough of an edge.

            She gave him one last long look, before letting go of his arm. “I’ll be right outside the tent,” she said.

            The message was clear: she’d be close enough that she’d feel any distressed signals, or any sexual signals, from Barry. Len sighed, but went into the tent.

            Aaron was there, but he left as Len entered. Barry was curled in a ball, wearing a pair of sleep pants that Aaron had managed to coax him into, in the corner of the tent. The second he saw Len he sat up.

            “Alpha,” he said.

            Oh, God, he was in deep, Len realized. Even worse than last time. It was obvious he had dropped too – deep in subspace but in a distinctly negative fashion. When Omega’s dropped while still in subspace their fields took on a distinctly chaotic feeling, a wrongness to it, layered within the overall distress.

            “Barry,” Len said, “do you know my name? Could you say my name, please?” He approached carefully, but Barry opened his arms and moved towards him, clinging the second he came into contact with him. Len almost flinched at the contact. His perception of Barry’s field intensified drastically, and his own instincts skyrocketed. He swallowed hard, and then relaxed, allowing Barry to nestle closer to him while Len wrapped his arms around him.

            “Alpha,” Barry said.

            “Yes, I’m an alpha,” Len said, “but do you know who I am? Can you please say my name, Barry.”

            Barry was quiet for a second. “Len,” he said.

            “Yes, that’s right, I’m Len,” he said. “Can you tell me how you feel, Barry?”

            Barry shook his head against him, almost panting into his shoulder. “Too much.”

            “OK, do you want anything, Barry? Water, or some food, or…” Len looked around, spotted a pitcher of water and some bread on a nearby table.

            Barry shook his head. “Alpha.” Barry’s hands tightened on him, fists where they grasped at his clothing.

            “I’m not leaving. I’m right here,” Len said. “You don’t look like you feel very good. Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

            Barry shook his head and let out a sob. “Too much. Wannit to _stop_.”

            “Want what to stop?”

            “ _Hurts_.”

            “What hurts?”

            Barry’s hand snaked down, rubbed at his erection through his pants. Len took a breath, was about to say something along the lines of leaving that alone for now, but then Barry let out another sob. His hand moved to his stomach, rubbed there for a second, and then moved to his chest, where he tapped, and then to his head.

            “Your stomach hurts too?” Len said. He got a nod. “Your chest and your head?” Another nod. “Is it… is there any sharp pain? Or does it ache?”

            “Aches.” Barry said.

            Len sighed. There wasn’t much he could do for that, it was just the heat.

            “So hot,” Barry said.

            “Do you wanna lie down, Barry?”

            Barry shook his head, tightened his grip on Len’s clothes. “Don’t leave.”

            “I’m not going anywhere.” He reached over though, getting a whine from Barry who grasped at him, and took the water pitcher. He let just enough cold seep from his hands into the water, enough to cool it, but not enough to freeze it. “Drink some of this, Barry. It’ll help with the heat, OK?”

            It was the first direct statement he’d given, and Barry’s mind would probably interpret it as an order, he realized belatedly. Barry took the pitcher and drank from it, first a few sips, and then gulps.

            “OK, easy, you can have some more in a minute,” Len said, taking it back.

            “Alpha,” Barry said, and it was so pleading, so broken. “Too much.”

            “Why don’t you try to sleep,” Len said, “I’ll lie down with you, and you can sleep. You’ll feel better when you wake up.”

            “No, no, please,” Barry said.

            “OK, you don’t have to,” Len said. “We can stay like this.”

            “Can’t, can’t, please, too much,” Barry started mumbling, getting more agitated, tenser.

            “Shh,” Len said, “it’s OK.”

            But Barry started crying, started rocking almost. “Too much, too much, too much,” he said, voice getting louder.

            “Barry, omega, what’s too much? The pain?” Len said, alarmed at how Barry was rapidly growing more distressed all of a sudden.

            “Hurts and – I can’t,” he started stuttering, shaking his head, “Alpha, help. Don’t wanna. Please. Hot. Wannit to stop.”

            “What do you want to stop, Barry?” Len said.

            “Heat. And… fuzzy.”

            Len looked down at him. “Barry,” he said, “do you… do you mean subspace?”

            “Fuzzy,” Barry said, but it sounded like a confirmation.

            “Barry, I really think you should try to get some sleep,” Len said, “how about we take a nap, I’ll take a nap with you.”

            Barry shook his head. “Fuzzy, make – make the fuzzy stop.”

            “Sleep will get rid of the fuzzy,” Len said, feeling a little ridiculous but trying to get through.

            Barry shook his head again. He looked up suddenly, his eyes right there in front of Len’s and they were so wide, and red rimmed and green.

            “Touch me, please,” Barry said.

            “I’m not gonna do that right now,” Len said.

            “Please,” Barry said, and he took Len’s hand, gave a tug towards him.

            “No,” Len said, firmly but without putting any Alpha strength into it. Barry whimpered.

            “When you wake up, if you want me to touch you then, I will,” Len said, “but you have to sleep first.”

            “Can’t sleep,” Barry said, “gonna… can’t.”

            “Just lie down, here, I’ll lie down with you.”

            Len moved slowly, tilting over with Barry until they were lying down, Len still holding him.

            “There, now just relax, omega,” Len said.

            Barry shivered. “Alpha.”

            “Shh.”

            Barry kept mumbling, kept repeating him self, but he seemed much calmer at least. Eventually he quieted, and then fell asleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

            Barry woke up to a headache and a soft dick and he’d never been happier about that combination in his life. Then he remembered what happened, and felt a wave of shame and humiliation.

            “Oh, fuck,” he said to himself, head in his hands.

            Once again, he couldn’t believe how he’d acted around Len. He couldn’t believe he’d asked for him in the first place. And then he’d asked him to touch him. Oh, God, how was he going to ever talk to him again?

            The fever heat was ending. Barry didn’t think it was completely gone yet. He still felt sick, and he was pretty sure he still had a fever, but he did feel much better. The arousal that had been a constant since it started was gone. Either the milking had worked this time or it had just run its course. He stayed in the tent until Oliver came to check in on him. By the end of the day the fever itself had gone down too.

But Oliver had a pit in his stomach, the second he found out Barry’s fever heat was ending. He talked to the medic and Aaron again.

“It’s possible the fever heat was ending,” the medic said, “and it’s possible that Barry’s speedster metabolism just means he got through the end of it faster.”

“He was still asking to be touched after the milking though,” Aaron said. “He wasn’t coming out of it. He only started coming out of it after Snart was with him.”

“Like I said, it’s possible the fever heat was going to end anyway.”

“But not likely,” Oliver said.

“Well, no,” the medic said.

            Oliver’s teeth clenched. “You’d need a blood test to be sure?”

            The medic cringed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

            Barry stared at him with wide eyes. “What?”

            “We need to make sure there’s not a complication with the fever heat,” Oliver said.

            “But – but I feel fine,” Barry said, “I feel completely fine, Oliver.”

            And he did. He was confused. He had woken up the next day with the lingering effects of the fever heat completely gone, and he felt completely back to normal. He was ready to move ahead with Snart’s plan. When Oliver came in asking for a blood test he’d been shocked.

            “I know, we just need to make sure,” Oliver said.

            “Make sure of what?”

            “Make sure there’s no complications from the fever heat.”

            “But I feel completely fine, Oliver – why would there be complications?”

            “Just, the way you came out of it, so quickly, that was unexpected.”

            “It’s probably just my speed,” Barry said.

            “We just need to check.”

            “What are you even looking for? What do you think is wrong?”

            Oliver sighed. “Barry, we just – we’re looking to make sure there’s nothing abnormal about your hormone levels, compared to your levels earlier, when Caitlin took the blood test at my estate.”

            “Why do you think they’re off? Why does it even matter if they’re off – I feel better.”

            “Because it could have consequences for you in the future.”

            “What kind of consequences?”

            “We just need to make sure you’re not going to get sick again.”

            Barry felt a jolt. “You think I’m going to get another fever heat?”

            “Not necessarily,” Oliver said, seeing the sudden fear on Barry’s face. “Just, there’s lots of things that could happen. We need to check.”

            “I don’t understand why this can’t at least wait until after we’ve finished with Thawne,” Barry said.

            “Because we should know early, there’s no reason to put it off,” Oliver said. “Barry, please, let’s just get it over with. We really need to see the results, OK?”

            Barry looked at him for a moment.  “No,” he said.

            “Barry, this is import-”

            “You won’t even tell me what you think is wrong,” Barry said, crossing his arms. “I’m not letting you stab me with any needles without even knowing why it’s happening.”

            “I told you, it’s to check your hormone lev-”

            “You haven’t told me why that matters,” Barry said. “I had friends who had fever heats before, Oliver. None of them had a medical check afterwards.”

            “Barry, we really need it,” Oliver said.

            “Well my answer is no,” Barry said.

            And that was when Leonard Snart came into view, frost climbing up the edges of his wrists and a look in his eye that clearly told everyone that he was pissed.

            “Queen!”

 

 

 

 

            Leonard Snart was not a stupid man. But he acknowledged that he really should have seen this coming. The odd way Len just kept happening upon Barry when he was in distress, how Barry was comforted by him even though they didn’t know each other well, the fact that Barry had asked for him when in the fever heat. It was not outrageous for them to come to this conclusion

            Oliver Queen, the idiot, turned towards him as Len strode forward, and as much as he usually tried not to scare the kid with an angry disposition, he couldn’t really help it this time. He hoped Barry would recognize that it wasn’t aimed at him.

            “Snar-” Queen started.

            “You know, Queen, when you want to find something out, the first thing to do is generally to ask the person involved,” Len said, voice icy, “instead of going and sticking people with needles.

            Queen bristled. “You’re a thief and a liar,” he said, “and you think I would trust your word?”

            “I think you would trust a blood test,” Len said, “and there are two people here who can provide that. One of them is terrified of needles. Excuse me if I don’t quite understand your choice then.”

            Oliver’s teeth clenched. “Are you saying you’d give a blood sample then? Willingly?”

            “See, you can start with a question. Yes, I will give you a blood sample. And while we’re at it, how about I start with no, I did not imprint on the kid.”

            Oliver tensed, then his eyes flicked to Barry, and Len saw it, was confused, and then it dawned on him. Queen hadn’t even told the kid what he was looking for.

            “You wanted to check if he _imprinted_ on me?” Barry yelled.

            “Barry,” Oliver started, “look, I didn’t want to scare you if –”

            Len was surprised at Barry’s anger, especially directed at an alpha. And then suddenly the change in Barry’s field hit him, and by the looks of it hit Queen too, and it washed over them in a shocking, unsettling wave. Barry was livid.

            It was odd. Len had rarely felt such anger coming from an omega before. Coming from Barry, who was generally very timid around him, it was shocking.

            “No,” Barry said, voice raised, face getting red, stance leaning in, “you do not get to decide what I am and am not allowed to know. You do not get to stick needles in me and lie to me about why –”

            “I didn’t lie,” Oliver said, “Barry, I –”

            “No, you just talked around in circles, hoping I’d acquiesce anyway, trying to bully me into it, manipulating me, telling me there could be something wrong, making me think that I was sick, making me afraid and trying to use that to get me to do what you want!”

            “Barry, that’s not –”

            “He didn’t fucking imprint on me, Oliver,” Barry yelled, “and if you had just fucking told me that’s what you were worried about then I could have just told you he didn’t. And instead you were going to make me do a blood test – a blood test when you know, _you know_ , how bad that is for me. When all along I could have just told you. Because you wouldn’t tell me the truth.”

            “Barry, you wouldn’t necessarily be able to tell if he imprinted on you,” Oliver said, “otherwise I would have asked. I just didn’t want to scare you if he didn’t imprint on you, I didn’t –”

            “I can tell,” Barry said, voice stony. “You don’t need to make Len get a blood test. He didn’t imprint me. I can tell.”

            “Barry, omegas don’t usually know if they’ve been imprinted on unti-”

            “I’ve been imprinted on before,” Barry said.

            Oliver went silent. Len looked at him in shock.

            It was very, very rare for an alpha to imprint on an omega and have it not result in a bonding. The omega and alpha would be drawn together the second the alpha imprinted, and it would only become more and more intense over time. If the alpha and omega didn’t bond for six months after imprinting then the tie was broken, or if one of the two died. But it was near agonizing to go through. Imprinting was illegal on Queen land because it gave the omega very little choice.

            “Barry, I…” Oliver said.

            “Which I would have told you, if you had asked,” Barry said, eyes narrowed. “I know what being imprinted on feels like, Oliver. I haven’t been imprinted on.”

            And then Barry turned on his heal and walked away.

            Sara came up around them. She tossed Oliver a look. “I told you that you should have told him,” she said, before hurrying after Barry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, ever wonder why Sara was willing to trust Len and bring him on board to help out against Thawne when Oliver was so adamantly against it? Well, they might just have known each other at one point...
> 
> Also, if you're wondering if I'll ever actually get back to the main plot line, don't worry, I've been asking that question too. 
> 
> (Hopefully next chapter. But no promises.)


	14. Basically, Everything Goes to Shit

            “Barr-”

            “I don’t want to talk.”

            Barry sat in his tent, still angry, and on top of it he was upset now too. Sara stood just outside, crouching down but not trying to go in.

            “Barry, I –”

            Barry ran. He flashed out of the tent and ran outside the camp. He didn’t go far. They’d found a couple more of the traps Thawne set, but there could be more still there. He knew that close by the camp was safe – they’d scoured that area.

            He took a walk. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gotten that angry at someone. He couldn’t believe that Oliver was going to lie to him like that. He couldn’t believe he was going to make Barry do a blood test without even asking Len for one.

            Barry supposed that if it had turned up positive then Len could have claimed he’d imprinted on someone else. Then they’d need Barry’s to be sure he had been imprinted on too. But if it came up negative, which it would have, then there’d be no need.

            He was angry, and it brought up bad memories. He didn’t like to think about it. He’d never even told Ben or Patty because he hated even thinking about it much less talking about it. It was maybe the one thing his friends and trainers had actually tried to get him to talk about after it happened, because while the punishments and fucking and control were all normal on Thawne land, imprinting was not.

            It was illegal to imprint on owned omegas because it was illegal to mate owned omegas, and imprinting led to mating, almost always. Among free men and women it was seen as in bad taste, but not illegal. It was cruel, because the omega had no choice then and it could not be undone, but that didn’t mean it didn’t happen. There was also very little punishment for family members who retaliated against an alpha who imprinted on an omega though. If an alpha of a lower class was brazen enough to imprint on a wealthy omega the alpha often turned up dead.

            It was Henry who had told him. He was seventeen, about six months after he woke up from his coma with superspeed, and he’d only just been fully inducted, only about three months after he’d first been fucked, first started being sent to alphas. He’d woken up that morning and his overseer had stopped him on his way out, told him to go to the hospital, not to training.

            Barry had been terrified. He was terrified of the hospital and his overseer wouldn’t tell him why he needed to go or what was going to be done when he got there, just that he was to head straight there, and if she found out that he hadn’t been then he was going to be punished severely.

            Barry had gone. He got there and asked for Henry. He was the only doctor that Barry would see, and Henry had arranged it with the front desk staff, had told them that he was to always be called for when Barry came in, for which Barry was very grateful.

            He went in. Henry said he needed a blood test, that was it. Henry didn’t know why he needed it done. He’d gotten a message the previous day saying it needed to be done, and to send it to the lab. The message was from Thawne’s director of owned individuals. So Barry had the blood test done after about fifteen minutes of crying and pulling back his arm at the last second.

            Henry had told Barry to stay, that he’d find out what it was for when he went to drop off the sample. He came back an hour later with a grim look on his face and Barry’s stomach dropped.

            “Barry, I’m so sorry,” Henry said, “they were testing to see if you had been imprinted on. It came back positive.”

            Barry sat there, dumbstruck. “Imprinted?”

            “Yes,” Henry said.

            “I’m… someone imprinted on me?”

            “Yes, son,” Henry said. He’d put a hand on Barry’s knee and Barry felt numb.

            “But that’s illegal.”

            “Someone did it anyway,” Henry said.

            “But… does that… I’m going to be mated?”

            Henry’s face seemed to sag, the frown there deepening. “Probably not, Barry.”

            Barry stared at him, and then he swallowed hard. His voice came out tiny. “What’s going to happen now?”

            “Now… now we try to figure out who it is,” Henry said. “The director sent you to be checked for it, so he probably knows who it is. The alpha probably either came forward himself or else someone else found out and reported it.”

            “I… I don’t k-know who,” Barry said. He was starting to breathe fast.

            “Can you think of anyone who you’ve felt drawn to?” Henry said, “Anyone who’s shown an interest in you, shown more interest then he or she should?”

            “I – I don’t know,” Barry said, but he had a sinking feeling. He didn’t want to face it. “M-maybe. Just – I don’t know.”

            “OK,” Henry said. “Well, how about this. We’ll go over to the director’s office – I’ll go with you – and we see what this is about. He probably knows who it is, and then we’ll figure out how it’s going to affect you.”

            “OK,” Barry said. He still felt numb.

            Henry stood up and Barry froze, still sitting. “Barry?” Henry said.

            “You… don’t leave me there,” Barry said quietly, anxious. “Don’t – please, just, please don’t leave.”

            “I’ll stay with you for as long as I can,” Henry said, and Barry swallowed. “I won’t leave unless the director orders me to.”

            Henry was a freeman, a beta, and a respected doctor. But the director was ultimately in charge of all owned persons, and he had a higher status than Henry, if only barely.

            They went there. Barry was scared, and still numb. He didn’t know what to feel. He didn’t want to be mated, had always hoped that once he finally finished his time under Thawne he might get to mate someone of his own choosing. He’d be about thirty five before he’d be a freeman, and there was always the stigma that being owned brought, but he would legally be allowed to mate whoever he chose. It would be hard to find an alpha interested in a thirty five year old omega who was previously owned, but he’d always thought he’d meet someone, probably someone who had also been owned, and they might be happy together.

            But he also knew what happened if you didn’t mate after being imprinted on. It was torture. That’s what he’d been told. And there had been rumors. Once right before he went into the coma, and once when he was younger, maybe 13 or 14 years old. Rumors that a wealthy alpha had imprinted on an owned omega, but changed their mind soon after, and the omega was killed so that the alpha wouldn’t have to endure the process of breaking the imprint.

            Henry and Barry were let in to see the director, and he took one look at them and sighed.

            “So I’m assuming the test came back positive then?” he said.

            “Yes,” Henry said.

            “Alright,” the director said. “Thank you, Dr. Allen. I’ll take it from here.”

            “Actually, I’d like to stay, if it’s all the same to you,” Henry said. “Barry’s asked me to stay.”

            The director glanced between them but shrugged. “Fine,” he said. “It will involve you anyway, since I understand you’ve taken primary care of Barry since his meta ability manifested. Barry, I’m very sorry. You have a long road ahead of you.”

            Barry swallowed again and said nothing.

            “Tony Woodward is the alpha who imprinted on you, if you didn’t know already,” he said.

            Barry felt dread rise up his throat. It was with a sinking feeling that he took it in. It was the alpha he’d thought of when Henry had asked him if he knew.

            “Do – do I have to mate him?” Barry asked, his voice tiny.

            “No,” the director said, “no, we’ve already informed him that he will not be allowed to mate you, despite the imprint. He’ll be kept away from you except for scheduled instances. If he even so much as comes within sight outside those times then you are to tell the nearest trainer or overseer available. Later, he’ll be watched. To make sure he doesn’t go near you.”

            To make sure he didn’t try to mate Barry by force. Normally both the omega and the alpha had to willingly have sex for a mating to occur. It was a process, and if an omega was raped or if the omega was hesitant then it wouldn’t stick. The alpha could make a claiming bite, but it wouldn’t matter. If an omega did not want to be mated while the mating process was taking place, then no bond would form.

            The imprint was nature’s way of getting around that. It essentially made both parties fall in love with each other, at least on a physical level, and until the mating occurred or the six month mark was passed. So if Tony was able to get to Barry before that point then Barry might just be out of it enough to agree.

            The director then started outlining what would happen. Barry was dazed. Apparently Tony had imprinted on him about a month earlier – just enough time for the imprint to start to intensify. And Barry could recognize it, looking back. He had started to be drawn to him, to crave his touch, but only when in subspace so far. Logically, he really didn’t like Tony, so it only really came out when Barry was very calm, in subspace, or when feeling very vulnerable. That would change, as time went on. They’d be allowed to see each other twice a week at first, but more frequently later on.

            For the next month, it wasn’t that bad. Barry did find that he started craving Tony’s attention during the day, but his twice a week meetings were enough to keep it mostly at bay. The fact that he thought Tony was an asshole and generally dreaded their meetings did a lot to offset the initial effects of the imprint.

            Barry had always dreaded seeing Tony. He was a young alpha, only 20, but the son of a fairly high ranking general. He had an immediate fascination with Barry as a speedster warrior omega. He knew that Barry was powerful, and he got off on being able to control that much power. He’d developed an infatuation, and had been requesting Barry as often as he could since Barry was first inducted.

            Barry hated seeing him for a variety of reasons, but the biggest was that Tony never let him cum. The rest he didn’t enjoy, but Tony had caught on pretty fast that Barry’s increased sex drive made him desperate for orgasms, and Tony loved that desperation. He liked watching Barry squirm, and he liked making him cry.

            Every time before Barry went to see him he had to go to his overseer and have a thick collar locked over his neck. It was irritating, and Barry found it very uncomfortable, but it meant that Tony couldn’t try to claim him. The collar had metal plating, and it covered his scent glands.

            At first, it wasn’t so different. Barry continued his life as normal except that twice a week he went to see Tony. He still saw other alphas as well, though not as often as before. He found his growing attraction towards Tony somewhat repulsing, but it didn’t actually bother him that much. He was starting to think that what he’d been told about imprints was exaggerated, or maybe he was different with his metabolism, or even that he simply disliked Tony enough that it wasn’t working as well.

            But it got worse. Not really until it had been two months, one month since he found out. He started getting withdrawal symptoms. The cravings got noticeably stronger the longer he was away from Tony, to the point where while he still didn’t enjoy the time he spent with Tony, there was a certain relief to going. He started feeling sick when he spent more than two days without seeing him.

            They increased the times they could see each other to three times a week, but that only helped for one or two weeks more. They started letting him have more orgasms next, although Barry had been and continued to secretly jerk off much more than he was allowed. Then they had him see other alphas more frequently. When that failed to help they tried medication, at least to negate the physical withdrawal symptoms, but it didn’t work with his metabolism. By the time it had been three months the aches started. By three and a half he was too sick most days to go to training.

            He knew Tony felt it too, probably even worse than he did since Tony was actually attracted to Barry. At first Tony kept treating him as he always had, but then he started cuddling and holding him a lot more afterwards, and fucking him sooner and more often. It meant he got rough. Barry started preparing himself before going, because Tony started fucking him right away upon seeing him, whereas before he had often toyed with Barry for an hour or more before actually fucking him. And then he started to get mean.

            Barry supposed it was just Tony’s previous desire amplified by the imprint. He was rougher and rougher with him, and where before Tony was often calm and methodical, he became almost unhinged, so much that it scared Barry. He started physically hurting Barry much more often. Before when Tony was in the mood to hurt Barry he often devised clever and somewhat horrifying ways of doing it. He didn’t usually just spank Barry. It wasn’t the pain that he liked, it was the desperation, and pain was just a tool to get to it.

            But the finesse went out the window as the imprint became more intense. He started spanking Barry more, and he would slap him too.

            Eventually he went too far. He was spanking Barry with a paddle, and Barry was crying and starting to struggle. He reached a hand back to cover his ass and Tony grew even angrier at it.

            “You want me to spank your hand instead, is that it?” he said. And before Barry even knew what was happening he was dragging him upright by the wrist, and then pressing his hand down, flat against Tony’s thigh. And then there was a crack as Tony hit his hand with the paddle.

            He broke a finger. Normally Barry stayed the night with Tony, but this time he waited only until Tony fell asleep and then immediately got up and got dressed before slipping out. He walked back to his dorm and knocked on his overseer’s room until she woke up and answered the door.

            “He broke my hand,” Barry said, the second she answered it, holding it up to show her. And then he burst into tears.

            “Oh, Barry,” she said, and then put a hand on his shoulder, drawing him into her room. She gave him a blanket while she got dressed, and then walked with him to the hospital. Barry begged her to let him stay, to not make him go to the hospital, but she wouldn’t let him. He hadn’t actually broken his hand, just a finger, and it only needed to be splinted and iced. She called the director’s office in the morning.

            After that Tony was no longer allowed to use any toys at all while seeing Barry, and their sessions were chaperoned by two guards. That also meant that Tony was not allowed to use a cock cage or a cock ring on Barry, so Barry finally got to orgasm while with Tony, although he always punished him when he did.

            That went on for two weeks, and then Barry was in bed, around midday, when a sudden piercing pain shot from his neck down his back. Barry screamed, but there was no one in the dorms during the day and no one heard him. He passed out, and then woke up an hour later, shaking and disoriented. He’d managed to walk as far as his overseer’s room, before slumping down against the wall and passing out again. He woke up to a group of omegas shaking him, his friends who lived in the same dorm. Someone ran and got the overseer just as the director walked in looking for Barry.

            Tony Woodward had died in a hunting accident.

           

           

 

 

            Barry still didn’t know if Tony’s death had actually been an accident or not. He tried not to think about it. He wondered sometimes if it was a suicide – it wasn’t that uncommon if imprints lasted past the three month mark. He hadn’t asked for details when he found out. He’d been in a lot of pain for a couple of days afterwards, but after a week he felt better than he had in months and had just wanted to put the whole ordeal behind him.

            Barry walked back towards the camp, having cooled off a little. Looking back, he wondered now if Eobard was responsible for Tony’s death. If he’d heard Barry had to stop training because of how sick the imprint was making him – although he’d been 17 at the time, three years before the Star Coalition started to become a threat and Eobard became so interested with him. Maybe it was just a hunting accident. Maybe someone had killed him for reasons other than the imprint.

            He walked straight for his tent when he got back. He wanted a nap. Oliver saw him though, and while Barry increased his pace he resisted the urge to just flash there.

            “Barry –”

            “I don’t want to talk to you,” Barry said.

            “I’m sorry, Barry, look, I’m really sorry, I didn’t –”

            “Oliver, I don’t want to talk,” Barry said, teeth gritted.

            “OK, but look, this is important –”

            “Go away.”

            “Barry –”

            “I don’t want to talk to –”

            “I know, OK, listen –

            “No, I’m –”

            “We think you and Snart started a soul bond.”

            Barry stopped short. He turned slowly. “A _what?_ ”

 

 

 

 

 

            “How sure are you?” Lisa said.

            “Pretty fucking sure,” Len said, head in his hands.

            “What are you moping about, you like the kid,” Mick said, from where he was sharpening an axe.

            “Oh, like Queen will let him anywhere near me now,” he said.

            “How long have you known?” Lisa said.

            “I didn’t know,” Len said, “I still don’t _know_. I think. I suspected. After he stopped getting nervous around me, even though he doesn’t really know me and he’s scared of alphas, it was a theory. Then he asked for me when he was out of it and I suspected. And then his miraculous recovery afterwards, when all I did was hold him, now I’m pretty sure.”

            Mick snorted. “And Queen thought you imprinted on the kid.”

            “And were you ever actually planning on telling him?” Lisa asked, one eyebrow raised.

            “No,” Len said, “don’t give me that look, it was never going to go anywhere – we were going to finish the mission and then I’d never see him again, it doesn’t matter. He’d feel a little sick afterwards and assume it was from battling Thawne, some PTSD or anxiety or something, and in another week he’d feel fine and get on with his life. That’s what’s still going to happen.”

            “Why you so sure the kid doesn’t like you back?” Mick asked.

            “Yeah, it’s a bond, Lenny – he has to reciprocate to some degree.”

            “Queen hates me,” Len said, “And I didn’t exactly leave Sara on good terms last I saw her. He’s not going to go anywhere near me once they tell him. Even if he did like me, and it wasn’t all biological, what is he going to do? He only got away from Thawne a couple months ago, he’s not going to abandon Queen and his friends to come with me, and you know I can’t stay here.”

            “You could,” Mick said, “not like Lisa can’t run things for a while.”

            “I’m not looking for a mate,” Len said.

            “Would a mate really be the worst thing in the world?” Lisa asked.

            “Don’t start,” Len said.

 

 

 

 

 

            “It was probably when he got you out of the bear trap,” Oliver said. “He was focusing a lot of energy on saving you, and your omega side saw him as a rescuer, plus you both probably had a lot of adrenaline in your systems, and you were alone together in a crisis scenario. Assuming you two already had fields that mixed well, that your individual omega and alpha sides were naturally compatible, it would have been easy for a soul bond to start.”

            “Yeah, I know how a soul bond works, Oliver,” Barry snapped.

            “We don’t know for sure,” Sara said, “but there’s nothing we can do to test for it. It makes sense with how the fever heat ended though.”

            “You should stop having any contact with him,” Oliver said. “Obviously you’ll need to be around him so that we can actually enact his plan, and kill Eobard, but besides that we’ll help you stay away from him. I’ll make sure he doesn’t go near you. Any more contact is just going to strengthen the bond, and that will make it harder on you when it breaks.”

            Barry looked up then, and Oliver had a second to take in the odd look on his face, set and angry and dark. “Why are you assuming I want to break it?”

            Oliver stared for a second. “Barry, he’s a thief.”

            “Yeah, and I’m a killer,” Barry said, snapping again.

            “Barry,” Oliver said, expression softening. “That is not the same. You’re not a killer. You did what you had to in order to survive. He chooses this. He’s not a good man.”

            “He’s always been nice to me,” Barry said. “He’s never lied to me. He wasn’t going to jab a needle in me without even telling me why,” he mumbled.

            “Barry,” Oliver said with a sigh.

            “In fact, he actually stopped you from doing that,” Barry said.

            “Barry, he’s not someone you want to mate. Do you honestly want to mate right now?”

            “No,” Barry said quietly. No, he wasn’t ready to mate someone, anyone. “You don’t have to mate right away with a soul bond,” Barry said quietly again.

            “The longer you stay with him the harder it would be to break,” Oliver said.

            “I know that,” Barry said, “I fucking know, Oliver, OK? I’m not a child and I’m not an idiot, I understand how this works.”

            “Barry –”

            “Stop trying to make my choices for me,” Barry said.

            “We don’t want to see you get hurt,” Sara said, quietly, calmly.

            It helped Barry slow down and take a deep breath for a moment.

            “Right now, it’s so thin that it would be easy to break,” Oliver said, “a couple weeks without contact once this is all over, you’d get sick for a little but nothing bad, just a cold most likely. You let it get any stronger and it’ll be another fever heat. If you saw Snart once this was all over then you could wind up with pain during the sickness.”

            “Barry, even if you decided to see him, if you decided you wanted to see Len and he wanted to see you, if you wanted to date, you still could,” Sara said. “You can break the soul bond and then still see him afterwards – it’s just, it would be easier to change your mind that way – there would be less pressure.”

            Barry watched Oliver give Sara a look like she was crazy. He opened his mouth but closed it again, glancing at Barry. Sara turned and shot him a look.

            “If you want to mate Leonard that’s up to you and him,” Sara said firmly, “but a soul bond is going to put unnecessary pressure on you both.”

 

 

 

 

 

            Soul bonds, simply put, were bonds that took place without an actual claiming. Similar to imprints, the two with the soul bond would feel drawn to each other. Unlike imprints, it never progressed past that stage. There was no sickness, no insistent pull, no pain, no addictive need to be with them and no withdrawals, at least, not as long as the people in question saw each other at least once every few days. After about five days without contact the bond would start to break down, and then there was sickness.

            They were relatively rare, and generally only occurred when an alpha and omega had little to no contact with other alphas and omegas for an extended period of time. The process could be sped up if they were alone together during a particularly stressful time, such as during a crisis.

            Still, it usually had to be longer than the hour that Barry and Len were together for when Barry got stuck in Eobard’s trap. Len wondered if it had anything to do with Barry’s metabolism, if he had pulled Len into a soul bond in the short time frame because he processed everything faster. Or, it could have nothing to do with the bear trap. It was very rare, but soul bonds could form regardless of circumstances. Sometimes they just popped up, and no one really knew why.

            It was a process though. Len and Barry were not bonded, did not have the connection that a mated pair would. They had started a bond, but it was weak still, very weak or they both would have noticed sooner.

            Len was waiting for Queen to come talk to him again. He hadn’t gotten the speech about staying away from Barry yet, and he knew it was coming. Queen had told him curtly what he and the medic discussed, and then left to find Barry.

            Len was waiting outside his tent when Shawna Baez appeared, literally, out of thin air.

           

 

 

 

 

             

            “I’m not trying to control you, I’m trying to look out for you!” Oliver said, finally loosing his cool and letting his voice raise.

            “It’s my choice,” Barry said.

            “I know it’s your choice, Barry, I’m saying you should make the right fucking choice,” Oliver said.

            “Oliver,” Sara said.

            “You don’t know what the right choice is for me,” Barry said, also yelling at this point. They were both standing, and they were making a scene, some of Oliver’s soldiers peering over. Neither of them seemed to care or notice. “Maybe I like him,” Barry said, “did you even consider that? Maybe I –”

            “If you like him it’s just because you don’t know any better. If you like him it’s just because he’s one of the first alpha’s you’ve ever met who’s had an ounce of respect for you and didn’t immediately try to fuck you,” Oliver shouted. “And you know what, he probably knows that, he probably has been using it this whole time to manipu-”

            “Fuck you!” Barry yelled. “You don’t know what alphas I knew when I was with Thawne and you know what, I can tell which alphas are assholes and which aren’t, and guess what Ollie, you’re a fucking asshole!”

            “I’m sorry, I’m just the asshole who took you in, who didn’t throw you in jail, who –

            “Who what? Acted like a decent normal person? You want a fucking medal? You want me to follow your every whim and let you control my entire life because –”

            “I’m not trying to control you I’m trying to fucking help you, you didn’t even know what rape was when I met you, you don’t know what you’re talking about, and you –”

            “You’re not my fucking therapist!”

            “No, I just pay for yours.”

            “OK, that’s enough,” Sara yelled, standing, moving between them.

            Barry was close to tears, and he couldn’t tell if he was hurt or just angry. He knew he’d be hurt later, that he’d be upset by Oliver’s words, but at that moment he mostly just wanted to punch him in the face.

            “You both need to calm down,” Sara said, hands out between them. “Take a breath, both of you.”

            “No,” Barry said, “no, this is my life, this is –”

            “Breathe,” Sara said.

            She said it with a growl, before she even realized what she was doing, and her voice was all alpha. Barry froze, and his face paled. He flinched, and it was a testament to the warrior training he’d gone through that he didn’t instinctively do as she said. A second later visible, shocked hurt crossed his face, and he took a couple steps back.

            “You,” he said, but suddenly he was quiet. “You’ve never done that to me before. Not since I was in your jail.”

            “I’m sorry,” Sara said, “I didn’t mean to do that.”

            Barry was starting to scowl again though, and this time it was distinctly hurt, betrayed. Even Oliver hadn’t used an alpha tone with him, throughout all that yelling.

            “Snart, this is not –” Oliver started and they both turned, to see Len walking quickly towards them, followed by Shawna.

            “We have a problem,” he said, “we need to attack tonight.”


	15. Attack on Thawne Estate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So that battle, the one that I have been talking about since chapter... 3? 4? Yes, I finally stopped writing tangents, and actually got to that. I'd just like to say, the imprint, the soul bond, the traps, the fever heat, all of that? Not in my original plan. All because I was procrastinating writing this chapter. So, I hope you like it :)

            “Thawne’s men found Hartley’s set up – I had him closer to the estate, trying to pick up any radio. They don’t know it’s us yet – Mardon was able to kill all three and we don’t think there were anymore, but they’re going to turn up missing, and then Thawne will know something’s up,” Len said.

            “He won’t know it’s us though,” Oliver said.

            “No, but it will put him on guard anyway. He’s obviously preparing for Barry to come back considering all the traps, I’m sure he’ll at least suspect it could be us,” Len said.

            “We’re not ready to attack,” Oliver said, taking in a breath.

            “It’s either tonight or not at all,” Len said. “It’s too dangerous to wait – he’ll start sending out groups of soldiers, and we’ll be cornered here. He has a portal meta – the second he finds us he can have his entire army here in an hour. We either need to attack tonight or leave now.”

            Oliver was silent for a moment. If they went now, they increased the risk of something going wrong, and that meant putting all of them in danger. If the plan didn’t work, then Thawne would kill them all, except maybe Barry, Oliver was sure. If Oliver went forward, he was knowingly putting them all at risk.

            But if they didn’t do the mission, then Thawne would continue to attack Queen land as well as the entirety of the Star Coalition, and the death toll from the fighting rose every day. He didn’t know when he’d get another chance to stop Thawne.

            “How confident are you that we can pull this off tonight?” Oliver asked.

            “We have a good shot,” Snart said, “I wouldn’t be going in if I thought we didn’t.”

            “OK,” Oliver said, “let’s get ready.”

           

 

 

 

 

            Barry focused on taking deep breaths. He needed to be clear headed. He needed to focus.

            He stood about a hundred yards from the outer wall of Thawne’s estate. It was larger than Oliver’s, more spread out, an entire town within the confines whereas Oliver’s was a single, albeit huge, building, with a town surrounding it. Barry waited by himself, wearing the single piece suit that Cisco had made him, after Barry expressed a dislike for the friction proof clothing he’d been wearing when he and Thawne attacked Oliver and he was captured. The new suit had a built-in radio at his wrist. He was waiting for Len’s signal.

            “Peek-A-Boo has all gifts in place, Piper has confirmed that point C has radioed in,” Len’s voice came through the device. They all had codenames just in case anyone managed to get onto their radio channel, though Felicity and Ray had said they shouldn’t be able to. Len didn’t want anyone overhearing and figuring out who it was on the channel. “Arrow, proceed to point B. Canary, Weather Wizard, point C, radio as soon as you finish.”

            Oliver was on the other side of the estate, the west side, where Thawne’s personal building was. Barry knew he’d be moving in, jumping the outer wall and getting within twenty yards of the building, where there was a small storage shed which blocked the view from the guards. That was point B. Sara and Mark Mardon were heading in as well, though they were headed in from the north, to take out one of four watchtowers there. Hartley had already disabled their radios remotely, so they wouldn’t be able to signal once Sara and Mark got in.

            “In position,” Oliver’s voice said.

            There was a tense few minutes, and then Sara’s came through. “We’re all clear here. Setting up the last of the gifts. OK, gift is on.”

            “Do you have visuals on the north side?” Len said.

            “Yes.”

            “There should be four, do you see all four?” Len said.

            “Yes. All four, north side.”

            “Copy. Weather Wizard?”

            “Bout to get stormy,” Mark said.

            Barry looked up. Mark had started hours earlier, using his powers to collect rain clouds over the city. A light drizzle started just as his voice came through.

            “Great, Arrow, how are the windows?”

            “Give it a minute more.” Another minute passed and Oliver’s voice came through again. “Alright, we’re set.”

            Mark was fogging the windows of Thawne’s building as well, obscuring visibility as much as possible.

            “Alright, Piper?”

            “Check in was right on time, all towers sent through,” Hartley said. He’d tapped into the Thawne radio broadcasts. The guards sent a check once an hour, and they’d all just responded. Which meant they’d have another hour before anyone knew that the main watchtower had been compromised.

            “OK I’m headed to point E with Heatwave and Glider,” Len said. “Flash, you still good?”

            “Clear,” Barry said.

            Len, Mick, and Lisa were on their way in, taking a specific path through the houses that used the blind spots of the three towers still in operation, as well as a few other places Thawne had guards posted. There was no way to get through the town with all four towers in operation, but that was part of the reason Sara and Mardon had taken out the north one.

            “In position,” Len said, “splitting from Heatwave and Glider.” A minute later. “In position.”

            Mick and Lisa were staying out front, because if things turned south and Eobard managed to yell or radio for help, they were to stay in front of the building and stop any guards from coming to his rescue. Len was at the servant’s entrance, ready to go in.

            “Alright, Peek-A-Boo, final confirmation?”

            “Reverse is awake, at Point Z.”

            “OK, retreat back to base.”

            “With Piper,” Shawna said a minute later.

            “Alright, I’m headed in.” Another tense minute, then Len’s voice, hushed. “In position. Final check – Arrow?”

            “Clear.”

            “Flash?”

            Barry’s heart was thundering in his chest, his body vibrating with adrenaline. His hands shook.

            “Clear,” he said.

            “Alright, when Piper says set, we go. Piper?”

            There was a long pause. “Set.”

 

 

 

 

 

            Oliver stepped out from behind the shed and within a second fired a grappling arrow up to the balcony of Eobard’s room. He slung the bow over his shoulder and was climbing in another second. It took him ten more to get to the building, five to climb over it, and throw the door open, arrow notched.

            Len let ice cover his hands, the temperature in the air around him dropping ten degrees, mist rising from the ice. It took him five seconds to get the rest of the way up the stairs, six to run the length of the hallway to Eobard’s room, two to blast both guards there, both of them dropping instantly, another 4 to blast the door open. Just as he did so, he saw a flash of red.

            Barry counted to 12. It might have been the most tense 12 seconds of his life.

            And then he ran.

            Len and Barry burst through the door at the same moment as Oliver came in through the balcony. Eobard Thawne was standing in the middle of the room, and as Barry sped in behind Len, as everything was going in slow motion, Oliver’s arm drawing back, Len’s ice blast just at the edge of his fingertips, about to leave, Barry locked eyes with Eobard, and it took less than a millisecond, a speedster’s moment, to realize Eobard was looking at him, looking directly at him, with recognition. And then he realized something had gone terribly wrong.

            Len’s ice blast shot across the room and Oliver’s arrow released just as Eobard shot forward and Barry ducked, but it was too late, Eobard slammed him into the wall, hand at his throat.

            “My pet,” he said, and Barry knew he was speaking too fast for anyone else to hear him, “how good of you to come back.”

            The grin on his face was demonic and Barry struggled against him only to, a moment later, swallow his panic long enough to think, and he vibrated his body, and phased through the wall that Eobard had been holding him against.

            Eobard followed him through. Barry only had time to scramble backwards before he was there.

            “One of the gifts is coming up as out of range, something’s wrong,” Hartley said through the radio, but Barry didn’t hear it, the voice too slow, too drawn out, with how fast he was moving.

            “Did you really think I wouldn’t notice that child popping in and out of here,” Eobard said, as Barry pushed himself upwards. He threw himself forward, aiming a punch that Eobard easily dodged, only to elbow him square in the back, knocking him onto his hands and knees. “Did you really think I hadn’t thought of this?” Eobard said. “Wouldn’t be prepared?”

            With a yell Barry swung around, still on the ground, with a vibrating hand, hoping to cut Eobard’s legs. He was out of reach in a second.

            “Your precious power dampeners are sitting in a steel box, far enough away that they can’t affect us,” Eobard said.

            It would only take a moment, Barry realized. Eobard would have searched every inch of his rooms when he got back, then deposited them all somewhere, after Shawna was finished placing them.

            “My little speedster omega,” Eobard said, voice almost affectionate, right before he punched Barry in the face, sending him stumbling, another punch and he was on the ground.

            Barry’s head spun, vision dotting black. He tried to get up, tried to think, tried to do something besides lay there on the ground as panic flared in every part of his body.  

            “I no longer have a use for your speed,” Eobard said. “Do you know what they do when birds try to fly away from their masters?” Eobard was crouching now, and he held up a vibrating hand. “They clip their wings.”

            The next thing Barry knew he was screaming, thrashing. A blinding pain tore through his leg, just below his knee. He tried to get away, tried to kick, tried to grab at Eobard, anything. Barry felt tendons and muscles severed, and then the bone, splintering.

            Eobard was cutting his leg off. He was doing it slowly.

            It felt like a saw, like a grinding pressure, back and forth, jagged and excruciating. Barry’s head thudded back against the floor and then suddenly it stopped.

            “Oh no, don’t pass out now,” Eobard said, “this is just the beginning of the fun. What do you think? Should I take both your legs? Just one? I wonder how fast you could speed hobble.”

            They were moving again at real time as Barry lost hold of the speed force, and then suddenly Len was standing out there. Barry’s head turned, tried to scream a warning, and he saw Eobard move, running towards Len, everything slowing down again as Barry accessed the speed force too, trying to get up, to move. Len had one hand by his side, the other slightly raised, but not even a defensive position, barely any ice even there, and Barry was screaming, and then suddenly, with a breath-taking sharpness, he lost all connection to the speed force.

            Eobard barreled into Len, losing his connection at the same time, so the vibrating hand he had at Len’s chest merely pushed against him, and they both went down, though Len recovered faster, rolling to his feet and moving his stance, going between Barry and Eobard.

            “What did you do?” Eobard said, staring at his hands before looking up, livid. But then his eyes trained in on the small, black metal object that had skittered across the floor, out of Len’s grip when they both had fallen. Len saw it a second too late, and Eobard was already by it, a food stomping down on it.

            The speed force came back in a rush. Len’s ice powers flared back to life.

            They all had them, small, portable power dampeners. They weren’t as good as the ones they’d placed in Eobard’s rooms. Those ones were much larger, and they were able to exempt people’s powers, provided there was a blood, skin, and spinal sample to code from. The smaller ones simply cut off all meta abilities within a small radius. They were a last resort, in case something went wrong.

            Both Barry and Eobard turned as Oliver came into view, coming out from the room the way Len had, and they both saw as he was about to press down on the same device. Eobard turned, and a second later Barry was being grabbed by the arm. And right before Eobard was able to tear him away, Barry reached out as well, grabbing Len’s outstretched arm.

            And then they were traveling at superspeed, and Barry was too weak to process it as fast as Eobard was, the whole thing a blur. But he did feel, for a second, how he almost lost connection with the speed force. He knew Eobard must have run too close to the north tower, where they also had a meta dampener. And it seemed to be for that reason that Eobard left the estate entirely.

And suddenly they were outside, trees surrounding them, with no buildings in sight, and Eobard stopped, and seemed to notice for the first time, that Barry had grabbed onto Len, and Eobard had unwittingly brought him as well.

            Barry watched him see, and move towards Len, who appeared frozen, Eobard was moving so fast. Barry used all his strength to access the speed force again, moving as quickly as he could, and reached into the pocket built into the side of his pants. He pulled out the power dampener, his one, and pressed down.

            “Oh for the love of God,” Eobard said, and had turned on him in a second, eyes searching for the dampener. It only took that moment for Len to get up though, taking no time to reorient himself, and Eobard was darting forward just as he reached out, and grabbed his shoulder. Eobard spun, and Len punched him in the face.

            Eobard let himself fall to the ground, next to Barry, and Len was moving forward but Eobard had already found Barry’s hand, was prying at it with one, his other hand finding his wounded leg, pressing fingers into it.

            Barry screamed, nearly blacking out. His fingers loosened. Eobard pressed the button.

            As soon as he had his speed again Eobard destroyed the device. He pressed his face only an inch from Barry’s, and his eyes were wild, his mouth a bloody grin from where Len punched him.

            “You will pay for that insolence, omega, and I will enjoy it,” he said. He took one last moment to punch Barry in the stomach. And then he was moving towards Len again, the third time, a vibrating hand.

            Barry was gasping, struggling to breathe, and Len was going to die. He curled upwards, moving at superspeed, adrenaline surging through his body and everything was silent except for the pounding of his heart, he could hear it, was all he could hear. He couldn’t breathe. But Eobard was going to kill Len, Len who was frozen, speed force showing as he moved a hand upwards, and Barry could see the individual bits of frost as it materialized, and he wasn’t going to make it. Barry curled upwards, and then he was heaving forward, onto his knees, and he felt nothing, could feel nothing with the panic, and suddenly he was pushing up, the foot of his good leg planted on the ground, pushing him upwards, unable to walk, just lunging. And Eobard must have heard him, must have sensed it in the speed force, because he turned. He turned, just as Barry’s vibrating hand went straight into his chest.

            Eobard was able to get his hands onto Barry’s wrist, shoved him away, and Barry fell to the ground, landing hard on his bad leg. But it was too late. Eobard stumbled back, and Barry saw his face, the fury in his eyes, and then the sudden fear. He had never seen Eobard afraid. The look was wrong on his face, was somehow more haunting than the anger, the terror that replaced it, suddenly. Fear, shock, and desperation, it was the desperation, that terror of death, clinging onto anything, the second of realization. And Eobard fell to his knees, hands pressed to the blood bubbling out of his chest. His mouth opened, teeth red. And then he slumped onto the ground.

 

 

 

 

 

            “Kid, kid, Barry, hey, look at me,” Len said, was suddenly next to him. And Eobard was dead, was dead, Barry killed him. He realized it suddenly. He killed him.

            “I killed him,” Barry said.

            “Yes. You did. He’s dead,” Len said, had confirmed it first, had gone to him, but there was no pulse, his eyes glassy.

            “I… I…” Barry said, and he couldn’t comprehend it. He was free. He was free, Eobard was dead, he was free. “I’m… I’m a freeman.”

            Len almost laughed. “Yeah, kid, you’re a freeman,” he said, smiling.

            But as the adrenaline started to fade, suddenly the pain came crashing in. Barry started shaking. He felt nauseas, head spinning, dizzy. The pain was blinding, and the more Barry started crashing from the sudden depletion of adrenaline and panic the worse it got.

            “M-my l-leg,” he said.

            “Yeah,” Len said, and he took in a breath, moving quickly back down, quickly going to Barry’s leg. “Yeah. It’s OK. You’re gonna be OK.”

            “Did he… d-did he, I’m – I’m not gonna be able… t-to run again.”

            He wasn’t panicking at the thought though, everything was starting to spin, starting to go blurry.

            “No, you’re gonna be fine,” Len said. “It’s gonna be fine.”

            Len surveyed the damage. There was a lot of blood – way too much blood. Len quickly took off his jacket, getting at his shirt underneath, starting to wrap it around the wound, apply pressure. He didn’t think Barry was going to lose the leg though. It was an awful injury, but considering how Barry healed Len thought he’d recover – that was assuming they got him somewhere with medical equipment before he died of blood loss.

            “Ah – ah-h,” Barry said, jolting at the pain, hands wrapping around Len’s wrists, slippery with blood.

            “I know, I know, I’m just wrapping it up,” Len said, ignoring Barry’s shaking hands.

            Barry let out a yell when Len tied it off. Then Len looked around, and for the first time it started to really sink in that he had no idea where the hell they were.

            “OK, let me just, let me…” Len went to his radio, and then suddenly found it wasn’t in his pocket. He searched frantically around in the grass, but couldn’t find it. He must have lost it in his initial fall, back at the estate. He moved to get at Barry’s, which was built into the suit of his wrist. He found that it was cracked, and when he tried to use it he got no sound, no signal, nothing. “OK…” he said, and Len was reminded of the bear trap, of finding Barry there with a sickening Déjà vu.

            “L-len,” Barry said.

            “I’m here. It’s OK. We’re gonna get you somewhere safe, Barry.”

            “I c-can’t walk,” Barry said.

            “I know, it’s OK,” Len said, and he scanned around him, but it was all trees. He looked for smoke, for mountains, for anything, but saw nothing. “OK,” he said. “Queen will be looking for us. They’ll all be looking for us.”

            Len let an ice blast collect between his hands. Then he sent it up into the sky. It created a bright flash above the tree line. He sent up a couple more, but summoning that kind of power and then releasing it took a lot of energy. He was panting when he stopped, exhausted.

            Barry was sniffling, fidgeting restlessly from the pain.

            “OK,” Len said, “hopefully… hopefully they saw. In the meantime, we need to try to find some help. OK, I’m gonna pick you up, Barry. I’m gonna need your help. Can you sit up? I need you to stand first.”

            Barry swore and groaned as he moved, but Len managed to help him up, so he was standing on his one good leg. Then Len crouched down, and Barry got onto his back, arms around his neck, Len’s arms under his thighs.

            Once Barry got there he laid his head on Len’s shoulder. As Len started to walk, Barry whimpered. He was in so much pain, and every step Len took jolted his leg.

            Len set off in a random direction, praying to God that someone had seen the blasts he’d sent up. He half wanted to just stay there, but they had no medical supplies, no food, no water. He couldn’t just sit there. He knew he couldn’t carry Barry for long though. He was exhausted from using his powers, and he wouldn’t be able to keep this up for long.

            By some miracle, they stumbled across a trail. It wasn’t a very wide one, not a road, but it was fairly well worn down. Len followed it. He followed it for a long time. It was slow walking, and he had to take a couple of breaks, though he tried to keep that to a minimum. Every time he stopped, he had to help Barry off and then back onto his back, and it was always painful for Barry. He was just about to give up and spend the night on the trail when he finally saw smoke above the trees. Soon after the trail opened to a road, and there was a small town in sight.

            Len knocked at the first house he saw. When no one answered he kept knocking. Finally, a flustered and tired-looking man opened the door. His eyes went wide with surprise when he saw them.

            “Oh!” he said, “oh my God, give me – Margaret, Margaret wake up! Come in, come in, my God.”

            Len was so tired, could only nod and follow him. A woman came out of a side door, and had a similar reaction.

            “Paul, what is – oh my goodness. What happened?”

            “Margaret, move, a bed, they need a bed, the boy’s hurt,” the man, Paul, said.

            “Yes, I can see that, what happened? Wait, Paul, get James, tell him run for the doctor, quickly.”

            Paul disappeared and the woman showed them to the bed, her bed, Len assumed, gesturing. “Right here, you can put him down right here, my God, what happened?”

            “We were attacked,” Len said. “Traveling near here, we were robbed.” He moved, and found Barry limp. He’d passed out, or fallen asleep. Len laid him down gently. The woman, Margaret, helped him.

            “James will get the doctor right away,” she said, and Paul entered the room again.

            “I’ve sent him,” he said. “My God, what happened?’

            Len repeated the same story, said they’d been out camping in the woods, but everything was stolen now. He said he was a travelling merchant, from the Central Alliance.

            “Here, lie down, it’s alright,” Margaret said, “you look exhausted, there. Paul, why don’t you heat up the leftover soup and get some bread and water.”

            Barry woke up then, shifting, then eyes blinking open. He saw Margaret and fear crossed his face.

            “L-len?”

            “I’m right here,” Len said, “It’s OK.”

            “Where – where are we?” Barry said.

            “A village,” Len said, “I found a village. Do you remember what happened, Barry?” Before Barry could respond, Len continued. “We were attacked, by a band of robbers. They took the merchant cart.”

            Barry looked at Len, confusion, and then comprehension, and Len was just glad Barry wasn’t so out of it that he didn’t understand. He nodded slowly.

            “Y-yeah, I – I remember.”

            “James, that’s my son, is out getting a doctor for you right now, dear,” she said. “He’ll be back soon.”

            Fear lit in Barry’s eyes, and Len sucked in a breath. He’d been avoiding saying anything about getting medical help. “Barry –” he started.

            Barry was already shaking his head, eyes wide with fear. “No, Len, no,” he said.

            “It’s OK, Barry, it’s going to be OK,” Len said.

            “No, they, they won’t – Len, no, you can’t,” Barry said, and Len could see the desperation there. “My – my healing,” he said, voice quiet, thin, eyes glancing at Margaret.

            Len sucked in a breath, kept one hand on Barry’s shoulder, comforting, and then turned to her.      

            “Barry has… Barry’s a class M. He has fast healing,” Len said.

            “Oh,” she said, surprised, looking down. “Does that – should I send the doctor away, does that mean you don’t need him?’

            “No,” Len said, at the same time as Barry said “yes.”

            She looked confused, and Len opened his mouth but Barry was already talking. “I don’t need one,” he said, “I’m – sorry, thank you, I mean, thank you but I really, it’s unnecessary I heal so fast, it’s –”

            “He needs to see a doctor,” Len said firmly, to Margaret. “I can pay for it. I had a purse hidden in my boot, they didn’t find it. He needs to see someone. It’s a bad wound.”

            “No, I don’t,” Barry said, half talking to Margaret, half to Len.

            “He’s afraid of doctors,” Len said, his voice dropping, speaking to Margaret.

            “Poor thing,” Margaret said, her expression showing genuine pity and care.

            “Len,” Barry said desperately.

            “It’s OK,” Len said, turning his attention back to Barry. “You’re going to be fine.”

            He asked Margaret then if there was an inn in town, anywhere they could stay for longer, but Margaret said there wasn’t. She offered them the bed though, for as long as they needed it, and Len thanked her, offering to pay her for their stay. She was hesitant to accept the money but Len insisted, pulling a few coins out to show he was sincere. The whole time Barry kept giving him panicked looks. Paul came in with the soup then, and while Len was starving Barry didn’t touch his, just drank some water. Then the doctor arrived.

            “Is it alright if I ask you to stay outside for this,” Len said to her, “it’ll be easier for Barry the fewer people there are.”

            “Of course,” she said, and went out, shutting the door softly behind her.

            Len explained Barry’s fear in hushed tones to the doctor, before then explaining his healing factor. The doctor nodded, seeming intrigued. From Len’s quick assessment, the doctor seemed nice enough. He went back over to Barry, sitting on the bed beside him, while the doctor began to untie Len’s shirt from Barry’s leg.

            Barry whimpered and turned his head sharply over, towards Len, the second the doctor touched him. He was trembling all over and Len could feel how scared he was, how much pain he was in. Len took his hand and Barry squeezed down.

            “Oh,” the doctor said, and it was not a good sound. Len tensed. “What kind of weapon made this cut?”

            “I’m not sure,” Len said, “it was dark.”

            Barry started crying silently, tears leaking down his face from how scared he was.

            “Alright, I’m going to clean it up first,” the doctor said. He took a cloth and dipped it in water. Barry screamed when he touched him with it.

            “Shh, it’s OK, it’s OK,” Len said.

            “Have you given him any liquor?” the man asked.

            “It doesn’t do anything, not with the speed healing,” Len said.

            The man nodded and went back to cleaning. Barry started shaking harder, started shaking his head. He opened his eyes and looked up at Len.

            “H-hurts, Len,” he said.

            “It’s OK,” Len said, and he shifted over, closer. Barry leaned into the contact, and Len said fuck it and helped Barry lean upwards a little, just enough that Len could lean down, and Barry could rest his head on Len’s stomach. Len kept holding one of his hands, stroking his hair with the other. “It’s OK, this part’s almost done,” Len said.

            “Len, could I speak with you outside a moment,” the man said.

            Len’s stomach went cold and Barry looked up at him, shaking his head.

            “Just one second, Barry. I’ll be right back, I promise.” Barry whimpered but Len slipped out, going out the door for a second.

            Margaret and Paul where there, looking concerned. Len knew they must have heard Barry screaming. The doctor had a grave look on his face.

            “I can finish cleaning the wound, and I can stitch it back up, but you should know, there’s a very high chance of infection, and I don’t know if when it heals he’ll be able to walk.”

            Len’s stomach dropped. He swallowed.

            “If you were able to get him to a larger town, or in to the estate,” the doctor said, “then they could probably help him more there. I don’t have the equipment though, nor the training. I can tell there’s damage in there that requires more extensive surgery, but I can’t provide that myself.”

            Len nodded, swallowing. “His healing –”

            “You said he was injured tonight, right?” the doctor said. “It looks like it happened several days ago. If that’s his rate of healing –”

            “He won’t make it to another town,” Len said, “the wound will already be sealed up. Unless there’s one close by that will have a medical facility.”

            He shook his head. “Closest one is at least a day’s travel. But afterwards, well it depends, because they can be expensive, but if you have the money, they might be able to fix it anyway, to go back in and repair the damage. And who knows, with how quickly he heals there is a chance he could still walk.”

            Len hoped so. “Alright,” he said, “do what you can then, and I’ll take him somewhere else afterwards.”

            Len went back in with him, Barry was there, looking worried. Len went to sit next to him again.

            “What is it?” he asked. “Len, tell me.”

            Len took a long breath. “It’s… it’s a bad wound, Barry. I’m hoping with your healing it’ll be fine, but…”

            “Do they… they might… have to amputate?” Barry said, fear rising in his expression.

            “No,” Len said quickly, “No, they… they think you might not be able to walk very well afterwards.”

            The reaction that got was not much better. Barry swallowed thickly. “Oh,” he said.

            “But they also think you’d probably be able to fix it, after,” Len said, “we’d just need to go somewhere else to get it looked at.” Barry still looked very scared at that prospect. “It might be fine though,” Len said, “this doctor doesn’t know your healing. You said you heal better right? It might be fine.”

            Barry nodded, swallowed again. The doctor sat by his side again.

            “OK, Barry,” he said, “I’m going to have to disinfect the wound now. It’s going to sting for a second.”

            Barry tensed completely up, but Len touched the side of his head, drawing Barry to look at him.

            “Take a deep breath, it’s OK,” Len said.

            Barry did, and then the doctor started to dab the alcohol around the wound and Barry’s body tensed up further and he yelled through his teeth.

            “There, easy, it’s OK,” Len said. When he finished the doctor took out a suture set and Len felt his stomach tighten again. Barry saw it a moment later.

            “No,” he said, “no, I don’t need them, Len, I don’t.”

            “We’re gonna let him put in a few,” Len said.

            “No, no, Len, don’t, _don’t_.”

            His expression was so pleading, so desperate. Len looked at the doctor, and then at the wound. He’d watched the medic stitch up Barry’s other cut. This one was just as deep. Barry definitely needed stitches, he was still bleeding way too much, and while Len knew he did need fewer stitches than most people, Len was not a doctor, and he didn’t know where that line was. He wasn’t willing to let Barry get an infection, or have it heal wrong, if he told the doctor to do too few.

            “It’s gonna be OK,” he said to Barry.

            “No, no,” Barry said, and he was starting to sob, crying harshly. “Please, please don’t.”

            “Look at me, just look at me,” Len said, trying to get his attention, his stomach rolling in sick waves at how distressed Barry was, and to have that distress directed at him, to have Barry begging Len to make something stop, was awful.

            “Not stitches, not stitches, please,” Barry said.

            “I’m gonna need some help,” the doctor said apologetically, before going and getting Margaret. She came back in and took in Barry’s expression, his frantic pleading.

            “Oh sweetie,” she said, but Barry didn’t seem to hear. He was still crying and pleading with Len. He was so scared. He was already in so much pain. He couldn’t handle stitches, he couldn’t. All he could think of were all the hands holding him down, Henry’s gentle voice, begging and begging and having no one listen. He didn’t want to do that again, would do anything not to go through that again.

            The doctor directed Margaret, and she pressed down on Barry’s thigh, holding him in place. Barry screamed.

            “Why don’t you have him lean against you, at your front,” the doctor said, “if you get him to sit up, yes, just like that.”

            Len maneuvered the way he wanted him to, leaning against the wall and getting Barry to sit between his legs, so Barry’s back rested on Len’s chest. Len could wrap his arms around Barry that way, could keep him immobile, but with a hold that Len hoped would be more comforting.

            “I don’t wanna do this, please, Len, anything, I’ll do anything, please,” Barry said.

            “It’s OK,” Len said, “it’s gonna be OK, Barry. You’re OK.”

            The doctor started setting stitches. Barry screamed. He put in about three, Barry yelling and crying and thrashing the whole time, and then Barry passed out. Len wasn’t sure he’d ever been more relieved in his life.

           

 

 

 

 

            Barry woke with a jolt, scrambling up. A second later Len was there, hands on his arms.

            “Hey, it’s OK, it’s OK, you’re safe,” he said.

            Barry slowly stilled, but kept looking around. It was daytime, the sun was out, a window open. There was a blanket over him. Barry threw it to the side, revealing his leg. He was in just his underwear, the sheets changed from the bloodstained ones. The stitches had already been removed. There was a scar below his knee, the skin shiny and red, not quite done healing. He moved it hesitantly, and winced. The pain was nothing like the day before, but he could still feel it. It was sore.

            Before he said anything, Barry was swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He took a breath and tried to stand.

            He managed it, though it hurt his leg. He took a shaky step. Yes, he could walk. He took a few more steps.

            “Take it slow,” Len said, “I don’t think you’ve healed all the way yet. How does it feel?”

            “Hurts,” Barry said, “but, I can walk, it’s… it’s sore.” He went back to the bed and sat down.

            Len looked over at him hesitantly. “How are you feeling?”

            How was he feeling? Barry’s hands trembled. He felt shaky. He felt fragile, like he wanted to curl into a ball and not come out for days. There was something chaotic going on in his stomach. He felt numb.

            “I don’t know,” Barry said.

            He’d killed Eobard. He’d done it. He’d killed the man who tortured him, who owned him. He’d… he’d killed him. He was free.

            His hand went behind his ear, where the raised brand of the T for Thawne was. He could get it branded over now, if he wanted to. Oliver had offered it to him while he was still on Queen land, but Barry hadn’t taken him up on it. It was half the fear of pain, and half feeling like it would be a lie.

            But he didn’t really feel happy, or free. He mostly felt scared. Still numb, still processing. He wanted to go back, wanted to see Oliver and Sara, no matter how angry they had made him the day before. He didn’t like being in a strange place.

            “You should rest for a little longer, but we can leave tomorrow if you want to, or you can go whenever you feel healed. If you can walk, then you can probably run. I found out where we are. I can show you on a map.”

            But suddenly the prospect of leaving Len there didn’t really appeal to him either. Barry didn’t want to leave him there.

            The realization was met with a swirl of emotions. He was angry at Len for the night before, for making him get stitches, and while Barry could recognize now that it was over that Len had been right, a cut that big did need stitches, it didn’t stop the nauseating hash of images from replaying in his mind, of begging for them not to and having his pleas denied by someone he trusted.

            And he trusted Len. And that was a startling realization as well.

            He wondered if it was just the bond, if it was just the bond, not really him. But that wasn’t really how soul bonds worked. It might amplify the feelings a little, but it didn’t create the feelings themselves.

            Barry settled back down in bed. He had to stay a bit longer anyway. He couldn’t leave yet, his leg wasn’t healed completely.

            “Are you hungry?” Len asked.

            Barry shook his head.

            “You should eat something anyway,” Len said, “you used up a lot of energy yesterday.”

            Barry allowed Len to hand him a piece of bread. He ate it mechanically. Len didn’t push for more. He got up afterwards though.

            “Where are you going?” Barry said.

            “I was going to take a walk around town,” Len said.

            Barry felt a pang of hurt, and then berated himself for it. Len wasn’t his alpha, and even if he was, Barry couldn’t expect Len to just stay inside there all day because he had to.

            Len noticed the look though and paused. He shifted in the doorway. “I… Barry, I’m sorry. After yesterday… the soul bond probably got a lot stronger. I don’t want to make it any harder for you when it breaks.”

            And he could just be saying that, could just be phrasing it that way to make it seem like he was thinking about Barry, when really he didn’t want it to be harder for himself, and Barry felt guilty, because he didn’t think Len really wanted to go anywhere with it, and Barry would be making it worse for Len if Len stayed too.

            But Barry was tired and upset and scared, and feeling maybe a little selfish. “Please stay,” he said softly.

            And Len walked back and got into bed without another word.


	16. Clipped Wings

            Despite the fact that Barry had slept into the afternoon, he took another nap, finding he was still exhausted. Len dozed as well. When they woke up again it was dinner, and Barry was able to walk to the dining table. His leg was still a little sore, but much better. Barry’s appetite was still pretty small, but he was feeling weak, and if he wanted to run later than he was going to need a lot more energy.

            They talked with Paul and Margaret, who were both very talkative. Margaret was a beta and Paul a delta. Their son, James, was a gamma.

            “And how long have you two been together?” Margaret asked.

            “We’re not mated,” Len said quickly.

            “Well we can tell that,” Paul said with a laugh. “But you obviously know each other.”

            Len tensed a little. “It’s ah… fairly recent. We were just traveling together.”

            “We have a soul bond,” Barry said.

            Both Paul and Margaret’s eyes widened. Len was surprised that Barry had told them, not that he particularly cared if they knew. He just wasn’t going to mention it. They kept talking for a while, and when Barry offered to sleep on the floor so they could have their bed back they wouldn’t let him. They had been sleeping in James’s bed, and he’d taken up with a few blankets near the fire.

            So Barry and Len went back to the bed, and Len thought about how bad it was, that sleeping in the same bed, so close to each other, again, was going to make the soul bond even stronger. He was going to regret this later.

            But Barry looked at him with such a hopeful expression, as if he knew exactly what Len was thinking, and Len climbed into the bed anyway. Barry hesitantly moved closer to him, not touching, but very close. Len tried to sleep, and found he couldn’t until Barry’s breathing turned even and slow, calm.

 

 

 

 

 

            When Barry woke up the next morning, Len wasn’t there. For a second he was afraid Len had left the village entirely, but then he heard Len’s voice coming from the kitchen, as well as Margaret’s laugh. Barry shifted, not sure he wanted to get out of bed just yet, and his knee throbbed.

            He paused, and suddenly was wide awake. He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, standing. His leg gave a painful twinge. Barry felt his heart start hammering faster.

            When Barry came out of the bedroom, Len looked up, and immediately knew something was wrong. Barry’s face was white. And then Len noticed the limp.

            He didn’t say anything about it. Barry ate very little of the food put in front of him. Margaret and Paul obviously noticed as well but also didn’t bring up Barry’s ashen face and his quiet. Afterwards, Len thanked them for all their hospitality, paid them for some food and supplies that they’d gotten them, and Len and Barry left. They walked in silence until they disappeared from sight of the village, back in the woods. Then they stopped.

            They hadn’t talked more about where they were going yet, about whether Barry was going to run or stay with Len. Len supposed Barry could also run Len somewhere as well, but one nauseating trip via speedster was really enough for him. Despite the time it would take, Len thought he’d prefer to walk. He didn’t have enough money left to buy a horse.

            But Barry had a limp. He was walking, but it was obviously still hurting him at least a little. Once they were out of sight, Len turned to him, but there was a flicker of red lightening and he was gone.

            Len blinked, had just enough time for the thought to process that Barry could run, and then Barry was back, to Len’s left, and he was screaming.

            “Barry,” Len said, turning, but Barry wasn’t looking at him, Barry was on his knees, hands fists, head down, yelling. Len reached for him and there was another red flicker, Barry suddenly twenty feet away, skidding across the ground. And then he was gone, appearing again ten feet behind Len on the ground, then ahead again, leaning against a tree, screaming, banging a fist against it, bad leg raised so no weight was on it, and then twenty feet farther, on the ground again.

            And he kept going. Back and forth, so fast Len was almost dizzy from it, kept getting snatches of Barry’s field whenever he was close enough, distress and pain and anger and disbelief, so chaotic, unusual for an omega, unusual really for anyone.

            “Barry, Barry!” Len said, trying to get his attention, but it went on for a full minute, Barry zipping around, mostly appearing on the ground, sometimes leaning against a tree, always gone again in another second, until finally he came into view ten feet away, head in his hands, sobbing, and didn’t move.

            “I can’t run,” he said, “I can’t run.” He kept repeating it, the words garbled, louder and louder until he let out another scream, and Len went to his knees next to him just to have Barry jump up a second later, flickers of red around him as he used his speed without actually moving far. He seemed to be unconscious of it, speed walking, flickering in and out.

            “Barry,” Len said again.

            “He can’t do this to me,” Barry yelled, and he met eyes with Len for one second, speed force flickering yellow and red across them, hands vibrating. “He’s taken everything from me! He’s taken everything from me, he can’t have this, he can’t have this too, he fucking gave it to me, he ripped it out of me –”

            “Barr-”

            Barry slammed his fist into a tree. “He can’t have it back,” Barry said, “He’s dead and it doesn’t fucking matter. He’s dead and I killed him, I killed him and it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t –”

            He hit the tree again before Len could get to him, and Len could see the blood on his hand, bits of bark falling from the tree. Just as Len was going to grab his arm Barry flashed away another step.

            “He’s taken everything, he’s taken everything,” Barry said, and he zipped away again, appeared on the ground thirty feet away with a howl, agonizing. Appeared in three more places, one after the other again, and settled at one to punch another tree, over and over, and when Len finally reached him, finally got his hands on Barry’s shoulders and pulled him away Barry collapsed against him, driving them both to the ground.

            Barry’s fingers scrabbled and clutched at Len’s clothing, tearing. “He can’t have it, he can’t have it,” he said, words garbled from sobs, “he took my speed – he took my speed, he took everything, he trained me and beat me and caned me and fucked me and made me kill, he hurt me. He hurt me and I killed him and it doesn’t fucking matter –”

            Len pulled him in tight to his shoulder and Barry beat his hand against Len’s back and Len just held him.

            “He raped me,” Barry said, “he raped me and let other alphas rape me and he sent me to those doctors – he sent me to be tortured.” He let out a sob. “And now it doesn’t fucking matter. Because he took it back anyway.”

            And then Barry just sobbed, and Len held him tighter.

 

 

 

 

            When he’d finally calmed down, when he’d stopped crying, and Len could only feel the rise and fall of his chest against his, he slowly loosened his hold on Barry. Barry didn’t look up.

            “Barry,” he said, “I know you were scared and in a lot of pain… you remember what I said when the doctor was there, about there being the possibility of surgery fixing whatever he couldn’t, later.”

            Barry nodded against him.

            Len took a breath. “So I think we should head back towards the Thawne estate. I’m sure Oliver is still looking for you. We can find him. They have a good team at the Queen estate. There’s a good chance they can help your leg.”

            Barry let out another muffled sob, and shook his head.

            Len rubbed one hand along his back. “There might be other things they can do. Dr. Snow – Caitlin, she might be able to help you in other ways. Medicines, or physical therapy, or something.”

            Barry didn’t respond, and Len just sat there for another minute, debating what to do.

            “Barry, I really need to take a look at your hand.”

            Barry only tightened his hold at that, and shook his head again.

            “I’m sorry, Barry. I really need to look.”

            Len untangled himself, and Barry stopped protesting and released his hold on Len’s jacket. Len carefully took Barry’s right hand and Barry stared blankly down at it. His face looked awful, eyes red rimmed and skin puffy.

            Barry’s hand was covered in blood and bits of tree bark. Len felt around the fingers first, and Barry let out a sharp exhale and tensed.

            There were definitely broken bones. Len would have been surprised if there weren’t. But nothing was skewed, nothing looked like it would need attention in order to heal correctly. He just needed to wash Barry’s hand before it sealed up around the debris and he wound up with an infection. He took out a bottle of water and used a bit of cloth to clean it. He didn’t have anything to bandage it with.

            “Did you get hurt anywhere else?” Len asked.

            Barry shook his head. Len looked him up and down anyway. His pants were torn, and both his knees were bleeding. Len said nothing, and just washed them as well. Len was sure Barry would be covered in bruises too, was just glad he hadn’t managed to break an ankle or wrist the way he’d been falling.

            “How bad’s your leg feeling?” Len asked.

            Barry shrugged.

            “Can you walk?” Len asked. “We’ll have to walk for a few hours to get to the next town.”

            Barry nodded, and started to stand. Len helped him.

 

 

 

 

 

            Barry didn’t say a word the rest of the day, and Len found it both sad and fairly unsettling. They stopped at the next town and Len got them a room at an inn. Len was half certain the innkeeper would throw them straight out when they got a look at the blood that was now covering both their clothes, but Len repeated the story of the robbery and he eventually let them in. When Len put food in front of him, Barry got up and laid down in bed. There were two beds, and Len ate, and then paused.

            He should take the second one. He’d gotten two beds. He should not spend another night next to Barry. Breaking the bond was going to be hell now as it was. Len had accepted that. After Barry’s breakdown in the woods and how Len comforted him the bond had to be pretty strong by now.

            But his eyes kept going to Barry’s form, curled up on the bed, facing the wall, alone. And then his shoulders shook, and a noise that was obviously Barry trying to muffle his crying came out.

            And Len thought fuck it. It was already going to be hell, what was a little more? He slowly sat down on the bed next to Barry, and then laid down, prepared to leave if Barry made any indication that he didn’t want him there. But instead Barry turned around, facing him, and met his eyes for one moment, and Len opened his arms and held him again, and didn’t fall asleep until Barry did.

           

 

 

 

            The next day Len put food in front of Barry and Barry just looked up at him.

            “You need to eat something, Barry,” Len said. “You really, really do.”

            Barry picked up a piece of bread dejectedly. He ate a couple bites.

            “Can you walk again today?” Len asked. He had noticed the way Barry’s limp got much more pronounced the day before the longer they walked, and he could feel the way pain laced itself into Barry’s field.

            Barry nodded.

            “How bad is the pain?” Len asked.

            Barry shrugged.

            “Barry, I need an answer,” Len said. “I don’t want you to be in pain. I can get us a horse.”

            Barry shook his head.

            Len feigned needing to go to the market to buy food so he could see if there were any horses around anyway. Unfortunately, it was a small town. He didn’t have the money to pay for one, so he’d have to steal one. Most of these people were just farmers though, none of them remotely wealthy, and he didn’t want to steal from someone who’s livelihood depended on having that horse.

            So they walked. They went through another town around noon, and when they went to get lunch Len managed to coax out some actual words from Barry, though he was still not talking much at all. They went on after that, and finally reached the Thawne estate in the afternoon.

           

 

 

 

            Oliver and his soldiers, as well as all of the rouges, had been searching for four days, and found nothing. Oliver had already sent one of his men back to the Queen estate – a message to Diggle to send the army. Thawne was gone, and Oliver wanted to press the advantage. The army would be ready.

            But they still hadn’t found Len, Barry, or Eobard. Such a long absence from Eobard had Oliver hoping that they’d managed to kill him, but Barry’s disappearance had him fearing the worst for the same reason.

            When he got back to their base camp the fourth day to see Len and Barry sitting in the camp, he felt a huge wash of relief. The first thing he did was go straight to Barry and hug him.

            Barry managed a shallow smile, and Oliver went cold.

            His first thought was that Snart had claimed him. But he looked at Barry’s neck but saw no marks.

            “Where have you been?” Oliver said, a flood of questions. “Barry, I’m so glad you’re safe, what happened?”

            “Lord Queen,” Len said, “could I speak to you for a moment.”

            And Oliver found himself following Len away from Barry. Then he explained it, from Barry killing Eobard to the doctor and them traveling – walking.

            “Caitlin is still at my estate,” Oliver said. “She’s the best doctor on the continent, if the doctor you saw thought there was even a chance that it could be fixed later than I’m positive Caitlin will be able to come up with something, especially considering his healing anyway.”      

            Len grimaced. “I’m not so sure he wants to get it fixed.”

“No, I’m sure he doesn’t right now,” Oliver said, “but he will.”

            Len raised an eyebrow.

            “He’s a warrior,” Oliver said. “He will.”

            Len shrugged, and then turned to leave. He wasn’t so sure. He’d seen firsthand how terrified Barry got, when the panic really took over. He thought it was more fifty-fifty, whether Barry decided to have surgery to fix it – he thought it would probably depend on what actually would need to be done. But Queen seemed certain, absolutely convinced.

            “Snart,” Oliver said, and Len turned back again. Oliver had an odd look on his face. “How strong is the bond now?”

            Len tensed and grimaced. He tried to sense it out. He could consciously tell it was there now. When it had been weak he hadn’t even noticed it, would have suspected nothing if it weren’t for how Barry had responded to him in the fever heat. But now… now he could feel it. It wasn’t obtrusive or overbearing, but if he focused, he could feel it.

            “It’s stronger,” Len said. He paused. “It’s a lot stronger.” And with that he finally left.

 

 

 

 

 

            Len went back to his tent. He needed a break.

            It had been draining, being around Barry the past couple days. The constant, oppressive field of despair and pain over the past two was enough, and then having Barry beg him to stop the doctor – that had been distinctly painful. So he’d stopped by with Lisa and Mick, told them about what happened, told them they’d head back to the Central Alliance the next day, and then retired to his tent.

            He was about to start dozing off when he heard a voice.

            “Len?”

            His eyes snapped open and he looked up to find Barry’s face peeking through the entrance.

            “Is it… can I come in?”

            Len just nodded, confused for a moment, before sitting up and making room. It was a single person tent, just a small one, and Barry had to crawl inside. Barry just sat there for a moment, a semi-awkward silence, until Len sighed.

            “What are you doing here, kid?”

            Barry flinched, almost managed to hide it. Len took in a deep breath.

            Barry shrugged. He made a vague hand gesture. “They all… I don’t wanna talk.” Barry was silent for another moment. “Are you… are you leaving soon?”

            “I’m going back to Central,” Len said. “I need to get back to my own territory.”

            Barry hunched farther, seemed to deflate. “Oh,” he said.

            “The bond won’t start to break for five days,” Len said. “That’ll give you enough time to get back to Queen’s estate, where you can use the clinic and be more comfortable.”

            “So you… you _want_ to break the bond?” Barry said, eyes down, before looking up.

            Len took a sharp breath. “Barry… the longer we wait, the worse breaking it will be.”

            And it would probably be worse for Barry than for Len. Barry would go into fever heat – there was no such thing as fever rut. Sure, it was still going to be hell for Len too, he’d still get sick, still be in a lot of pain, but for Barry it would be worse, especially considering that no painkillers worked on him, and his fever heat had been so intense.

            “You didn’t answer my question,” Barry said quietly.

            “Barry, you barely know me,” Len said, voice low.

            “Yes, I barely know you,” Barry said after a moment, softly again. There was a long silence. “You don’t want to break the bond.”

            And Len looked up and Barry’s gaze was piercing, almost hopeful, surprised.

            “That’s what me and Oliver were arguing about, when you came and told us that we had to attack that night – he wanted me to break the bond, and I… I didn’t know if I wanted to,” Barry said.

            He was too young. He was too unstable still, in too much pain, too unsteady, to be making these decisions, Len thought. And he knew Barry was strong, but he also knew that Barry was still raw in so many ways.

            “I am not a good idea, Barry,” Len said.

            And that’s what it ultimately came down to. Len wasn’t stable either – Len was too raw in places too – places Barry just hadn’t seen yet. He was not a good influence, not a good idea. Barry needed stability before he could think of being bonded, needed to find some solid ground for himself first, because Len could not be that solid ground.

            “I’m a thief Barry, I run a criminal organization that only has footholds in actual land. I’ve killed people, I lie –”

            “I’ve killed hundreds of people,” Barry said, and it was quiet, and it shocked Len, “probably thousands – when I was still in Thawne’s army. He hurt me when I didn’t.”

            “Barry –”

            “Have you ever lied to me?” Barry asked.

            Len let out a breath. “No,” he said. “Barry, it doesn’t matter. I live in Central. Central’s my home. And you – you just left Thawne, you need, you need something I can’t give you right now. You need your friends.”

            Barry looked down. “I would have… I would have been able to cross the distance in minutes, from the Central Alliance to Oliver’s estate… it wouldn’t have been a problem.”

            “You can still get that back,” Len said, “if you want to.”

            Barry shook his head.

            “Would you see me?” Barry asked. “If I had been able to run back and forth would you let me see you?”

            “Something tells me that I wouldn’t really have been able to stop you,” Len said, a smile quirking up on one side.

            Barry smiled too, just for a second, before it was gone. “I wouldn’t though, if you asked me not to. If you didn’t want to see me.” The look faded from his face completely, and he looked back up at Len. “I don’t want to break the bond,” he said, “I… especially right now, with… with my leg…”

            Len’s stomach twisted. He opened his mouth to speak.

            “You have to go back to Central though?” Barry said. He let out a long breath. “I don’t… you’re right, about… about needing my friends right now, needing… the familiarity, I think. I can’t go to Central.”

            “Barry, if… if I… if we were to see each other, after today… you know it will make it worse when it breaks, you know… you know how bad it could get, right?”

            Barry nodded. “I know, pain, sickness, another fucking fever heat. I get it, it’s going to be miserable.”

            “You… why?” Len said. “Why do you not want to break it?”

            Barry traced a pattern on the floor. “I… I like you. I like how you treat me. I feel safe with you. I just… why break it, when maybe… even if it didn’t, even if… I guess, I just think, it’s going to be miserable already, when it breaks, and I’m, I’m sick of being afraid, and if… I mean, I – I like you, and if you… if you don’t want to break it either, then maybe, we could just try, and see… and if we decide later not to, then it will be hell, but it’ll only be two weeks, right? Two weeks of it being bad, and I…” Barry shrugged.

            “You might not feel that way when it’s actually breaking,” Len said, “you might regret it then.”

            Barry shrugged again. He looked up.

            “Central is my home,” Len said. “I will be going back there. I can’t stay away indefinitely. I need you to understand that, Barry. I will leave, I will go back.”

            Barry nodded, looking downcast.

            “I want you to talk to Caitlin,” Len said.

            Barry frowned, shook his head. “I don’t – I can’t… I just… I can’t do –”

            “I want you to talk to her,” Len said, “I want you to ask her, to find out what you’d have to do, to find out if there are any noninvasive procedures that could help. What you do afterwards is up to you. But I want you to talk to her.” Len took a deep breath. “And I’ll go with you.”


	17. Fall, Then Stand Again

            “You are so fucked,” Lisa said, and she said it with a grin.

            “It’s temporary,” Len said, “I’m still not mating him. I told him I would be leaving for Central soon, and before you ask, no, he does not want to go to Central, so it’s just temporary. I’m going to help him with his leg, be there if he decides to actually do the surgery, and then I’m leaving.”

            Mick had just given him a sly look, grinning, and shook his head. “You’re full of shit,” he said.

            Len was making a huge mistake. He was sure he was making a huge mistake. He was going to regret this. Barry was going to regret this. It was only going to end badly for both of them.

            “Yeah, just make sure to stock up on pain killers and fever meds before I get back,” he said.

            He hoped Barry was telling Oliver, because Len had no intention of having a conversation with Queen about him going back to the estate – hell, Oliver could out right refuse to allow Len to come back – it was his land after all. He had a feeling that Oliver wouldn’t, if only because Barry would start another screaming match, he was sure, but that didn’t mean Oliver would be very hospitable. Len had been staying in Queen’s personal estate too, in his home. He’d probably need to get a room at an inn when he went back.

            He told himself he was just doing it to help the kid with his leg. It would be cruel to force him to break the bond now, to put him through that pain when he was already so distressed. Running was a part of him, and if he didn’t find something to fix his leg, then he wasn’t going to be able to run anymore.

            When they left the next day, Queen said nothing to him, didn’t even look at him once, so Barry must have told him. Barry seemed a little bit better that day, a little less morose, probably because Len agreed to go with him, he realized.

            Len told himself he didn’t feel it in his chest when Barry smiled at him. He told himself he didn’t look at him and notice, as he had the first day he saw him, how attractive Barry was. He told himself that the soul bond formed because Len had saved Barry, not because their fields interacted well together, not because they had a natural rhythm.

            Len would only end up hurting Barry. He would only end up making this worse for both of them.

            Barry didn’t know him, had even admitted it. And he didn’t really know Barry. Every time they’d been together had been when Barry was in distress. You couldn’t form something on that. Pain and crisis and distress did not make a good foundation, was not a foundation at all. It was a swamp. And they were going to sink in it.

            “Hi,” Barry said, that night, while Len was pitching his tent. It would take four days to reach Queen land. Barry fiddled nervously with his hands. “Can um… I wanted to… thank you, for… I know you’re doing it because I asked you to… thank you, for coming back with me.”

            And Len wanted to tell him, no, Barry had it all wrong. Len wanted to go back, Len wanted to see him longer, and Barry had merely given him an excuse to do so, a rationalization.

            “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to,” he said instead.

            “Can… you said that I didn’t know you, and that’s… that’s true. I… so I wanted to talk. Can we talk?”

            “Sure,” Len said. He finished pitching the tent, and they wandered over to a couple of trees. Barry slid down against one, and Len sat as well.

            “Tell me about Central,” Barry said.

            So Len did. He told him first about the different Lords, an overview of sorts. The Central Alliance was comprised of  three main Lords who all held extensive land, power, and wealth – Harrison Wells of Star, David Singh, and Tina McGee of Mercury. Then there were several smaller Lords who individually held land scattered between the three major players. A strip of land which had borders on all three areas was known as the wastelands, though it was not any less inhabitable than other land, and that was where Len held territory. Technically, the area Len held belonged to David Singh, but he had very little control over it.

            “Have you always lived there?” Barry said.

            “Always around there,” Len said, “not always technically in the wastelands, usually in Singh’s area, but not always. I have a lot of safe houses, some in Central, some not. I never stay away for long.”

            “How do you rule?” Barry said.

            Len made a face. “I don’t really rule, per say,” Len said, “I’m not a Lord… it’s different. I hold territory, but I didn’t inherit that territory – I took it. There are no true Lords there, only Families and gangs, and I carved out some territory there. The wastelands are much more heavily populated than it is here. I control part of it, but borders are always shifting.”

            “OK, well how do you… I don’t know, how do you run things?”

            So Len explained about his core group, the Rouges, how Lisa liked to call their area Rougesville. “I spend a lot of time intimidating people,” Len said. “It’s unstable there, because there’s always someone new who wants some power. I’ve hurt a lot of people, Barry.”

            “Your people?”

            “No, not really my people,” Len said. “People who would try to harm my people. I took over the area originally because I was sick of the families hounding me. I wanted a space that I could control. It turned out I wasn’t the only one who wanted safety from them.”

            “So you protect the people in your area from the families?”

            “And from Singh,” Len said. “He loves to send soldiers in there – he has a warrant out for me, you know.”

            “Why?”

            “Well, I’m technically holding his land,” Len said, “I’ve also killed some of his soldiers who wouldn’t back off from my people. I might have also stolen from several wealthy noblemen in his court.”

            “Do you…” Barry bit his lip. “Are there… slaves, there?”

            “No,” Len said, expression darkening. “I don’t permit slaves on my territory. I can’t say there aren’t any, because there are slave markets with the families, and that can bleed over into my territory, but if I find out, it’s not tolerated. Singh doesn’t allow slaves either – none of the Central Alliance officially does.”

            “Is it… is it like with Oliver? It’s… Thawne wasn’t… I mean anyone could be slaves, it didn’t matter your orientation, like there were alpha slaves too, or… we didn’t call them that, we – we were owned, but we didn’t say slaves, no one called us slaves. But… there were a lot of owned omegas, more than other orientations. And even the free ones, it’s not… it’s not like it is at Oliver’s. Is it…”

            “Singh’s land in general is about the same as Queen’s,” Len said, “it’s a little worse with Mercury. And Wells is… Wells is odd. There’s definitely a pecking order with Star, but they tend to care less about orientation and a lot more about class. Intelligence is favored highly, leadership and warriors next, but workers are seen as second class citizens, and if you have a low number than it’s just as bad. In the wastelands it’s worse, there’s… more backward thinking there. Omegas and deltas are treated pretty badly, in general. Better on my territory, but it’s still not great. People know not to do anything overt in my presence, because I won’t stand for it, but it seeps in anyway.”

            They kept talking. Len told Barry about living in Central, about what he did, even shared a story about a heist he’d pulled. Barry told Len about how he’d grown up, although Len got the impression that Barry was picking and choosing what details to include. He didn’t know exactly how Thawne ran things, but he had a general idea. He knew that Barry was painting a much better picture than it really was.

            Len didn’t mind. Barry told him anecdotes instead of an overview. If Barry wanted to talk about the happy things right now, then that was fine. He deserved to be able to remember those too. Barry told him about his classes, about his love of chemistry, how he was hopeless in warrior training despite being a level one before he got his powers. He told him about his friends, how him and the other omegas would sneak into town on weekends whenever they managed to get their hands on any money, and they’d go into the one bar where the owner pretended not to know they were owned at, and would serve them anyway.

            They talked until the sun went down and everyone else was going to bed. Barry left for his own tent like he wanted to stay.

 

 

 

 

            And so it continued. The next night they talked again, and then the day after that Barry, on horseback, stuck close to him, and they talked on and off throughout the day as well. Len found himself trying to make Barry laugh.

            And damnit, Len liked him. Len liked talking to Barry. Len liked the way he got excited, how he could be so open, even with everything that had happened to him. Len liked Barry’s stubbornness, liked the way he didn’t let his own vulnerability stop him, liked that while he could get incredibly nervous, incredibly distressed, could go through so much fear and pain, he could still somehow laugh, could still argue with him, could still smile. There was light in him in a way Len had become unfamiliar with, couldn’t understand, but it was tempered with so much fight and stubbornness too, so much humor and sarcasm.

            By the time they reached Queen’s estate, Len knew Lisa was right. He was completely, utterly, fucked.

 

 

 

 

            The first few days back at Oliver’s estate was a relief for Barry. Oliver wasn’t there – he had left the group the second day of traveling, meeting his army which was already on it’s way to the Thawne estate. But Felicity, Cisco, Caitlin, Roy, Sara, and Ray were all there, and he was finally able to see Patty and Ben again, and Barry’s hadn’t realized how much stress he’d been holding in until he got back.

            It didn’t truly start to set in until then either – that Thawne was dead, that he was free. He found he was exhausted, and he felt like he had so much to tell everyone, and wanted to tell almost none of it. He didn’t know what to talk about with Ben or Patty – it felt like there was so much, from the fever heat and the soul bond to actually killing Eobard to finding out about his leg – it was too much to focus on.

            He didn’t want to talk to Caitlin. He met with Len each day after his therapy appointment, and they would get dinner and talk. He hadn’t brought it up yet, and Barry was in no rush. He knew once he saw Caitlin that Len would probably leave, and he was enjoying spending time with him more and more. Not only was it simply fun, it was also relaxing – stabilizing. Len was always so calm, and it helped Barry to calm too, and he knew that part of that was the soul bond, but it didn’t much matter – either way, spending time with Len made him feel better.

            On the fifth day, Len broached the topic.

            “Yeah,” Barry said, staring down at the table. “She’s… brought it up, a couple times. I’m sure Sara told her. They haven’t pushed yet. Mostly she… it’s still hurting me. I mean, it’s not bad, but it always aches. She wants me to try some stretches, some exercises.”

            “Why don’t you want to do that?” Len said.

            “I don’t want to think about it,” Barry said. He let out a sigh. “I don’t want to acknowledge there’s anything wrong with it.”

            “That’s not really going to get you anywhere, Barry,” Len said.

            “I know,” Barry said, “I just… don’t want to.”

            “How about we go see her tomorrow,” Len said, “just to ask about the stretches, nothing else yet.”

            So Barry agreed, and talked with Caitlin. The next day they went, and Barry found himself nervous despite the fact that he knew they weren’t doing anything really medical that day. When she asked him to take off his pants, so she could feel around the injury, he refused.

            “She just needs to get an idea of what’s wrong,” Len said. “She’s only going to touch, no tools, no needles.”

            “That’s right,” Caitlin said. “And I’ll be gentle.”

            Barry shook his head, rigid.

            Len frowned. “Does it still hurt that much? Is it tender, when you touch it?”

            “It’s not… I just don’t want her touching,” he said.

            “Do you want me to leave the room?” Len asked.

            Barry’s eyes widened. “No,” he said quickly.

            “OK,” Len said, “would it be easier if you just tried to roll up your pants.”

            “No,” Barry said, because it wasn’t about his pants, wasn’t about being exposed, it was just about her touching him, touching a wound, touching an injury.

            “Barry, she’s not going to hurt you,” Len said, “and I promise that all we are going to do today are stretches and exercises. Nothing medical. She just needs to touch your leg first. If we start, and you get overwhelmed, you can tell her to stop, and she will.”

            Barry finally acquiesced. He held Len’s hand, and Len put his other hand on Barry’s shoulder, and Caitlin touched gently around his leg and knee. Barry felt very little pain – it really didn’t hurt unless he put pressure on it – but he was still tense.

            When she was done she stepped back, a frown on her face. “OK, I have some preliminary things you could try. If you wanted to come in a different day to have some scans taken then I could probably give you some more targeted exercises. I’m not sure exactly what’s wrong with your leg right now. It’s probably the ligaments, because the bone appears fine.”

            Barry listened to her explain the exercises and then tried some of them. They all hurt his leg more, so he wasn’t quite sure how it was supposed to help, but Caitlin insisted it would. It wasn’t like the pain was bad or anything – it wasn’t anything that made Barry nervous, but it did aggravate the injury a bit.

            It was two days later when Len suggested he go back to get the scans done. Barry argued a little but ultimately agreed to that as well. He knew they wouldn’t hurt, and there were no needles involved. He didn’t like the machinery – it made him nervous – but it wasn’t bad. He went with Len again, and when Caitlin came back she wasn’t frowning this time, just had a look of concentration on her face.

            “It’s the ligaments,” she confirmed. “You said your leg kept buckling whenever you tried to run, right? But you can run at normal speed, at least, sort of – it’s the impact I think – your body can’t handle the superspeed running impact. The injury is at your leg, just below your knee, but it’s actually a tear that affects up into your knee as well.”

            “What does that mean?” Barry said.

            “It means we should work on strengthening your knee,” Caitlin said. “That will probably help with the pain, given time.”

            “But I won’t be able to run,” Barry said.

            “Not with only the exercises, no,” Caitlin said. She looked up from the scans. “Barry, I know how to fix this. The way you sustained it is abnormal, and would require me to make some adjustments to the usual procedure, but with a surgical team, I can fix this permanently.”

            Barry’s mouth clamped shut. He’d tensed, but it wasn’t panic, was a swirl of different emotions.

            “What would the procedure entail?” Len asked quietly. He glanced at Barry. “In general terms. How long, for instance?”

            “Normally, it would take me a little over a half hour,” she said, “for Barry, because of the way it was torn, it would be longer. Probably about an hour. Possibly a little less.”

            “I can’t do that,” Barry said.

            Caitlin paused. “Me and Cisco have been working on something. The power dampeners that we use – they don’t block innate abilities. Like, Len wouldn’t be able to use his ice powers, but his body temperature will stay colder than a normal person’s. So you can’t access your speed, but you still have speed healing. We’re trying to come up with something that would block the innate abilities too.”

            “You could give him painkillers,” Len said.

            “We could knock him out,” Caitlin said, turning to Barry, “you’d just have to do an IV, and then we could sedate you, for most of it.”

            “Most of it?” Len said.

            “There’s one part of the surgery where… there would be only about, maybe a twenty percent success rate. With Barry’s healing, that would jump to almost a hundred percent.”

            “You think you can create this device though?”

            Caitlin was hesitant. “We’re working on it. There’s a lot of issues with blocking innate powers – it’s a different process completely, and I’m worried about the physiological effects.” She paused. “We’re actually, me and Cisco are headed back. We’re going back to Star – but we’re going to keep working on it there. We have better resources there, and if I were to actually do the surgery, it would need to be there.”

            “When… when would the device be ready?” Barry asked.

            “Cisco thinks that once he gets back to Star he can get a working prototype finished in about a week,” Caitlin said. “We’re leaving for Star in a couple days. It’ll take us a week to get there, so we’ll have a prototype in two and a half weeks.”

 

 

 

           

 

            Barry missed running.

            Barry really, truly, and desperately missed running. He felt trapped and confined and useless. He had never been a great fighter without his speed, at least not a level 1 Warrior level fighter, like his class dictated, but now he wasn’t even cut out to be a level 16 Warrior, the lowest level – he could barely fight at all with his bad leg hindering his movements. He trained with Oliver anyway because training was a constant – it was familiar, was something he was used to. Oliver focused on drills that would allow him to stay as still as possible, and Barry started to relearn his fighting technique. He had always been quick, and so his fighting style had always hinged on that, on a lot of movement, and now he was relearning it completely.

            It frustrated him, and it made him sad, made him feel keenly the loss over and over again. Despite that, he refused to stop training. He had accepted that he may never get full use of his leg back, and he was unwilling to give up training completely. He wanted to at least learn to defend himself if he needed to.

            Because of his limited motion, Oliver introduced several long range weapons. He taught Barry to shoot with a bow and arrow, first. Barry was OK at it – he’d used them before but because he’d never had an aptitude for it he’d never trained extensively with them. Barry threw himself into it, because he recognized it as a valuable skill that his leg could not hinder him in.

            But he missed being able to run. His missed the power, the freedom, the electric adrenaline. He was constantly restless now, unable to burn off energy by running. Oliver helped him to devise some exercises which helped – ways of using his speed that didn’t involve running. When he found the speed force buzzing through his veins, almost painful in it’s insistence, he took to phasing through objects.

            But he wanted to run. And Caitlin’s promise of a device that could block his speed metabolism sparked an almost terrifying hope in him.

            He realized the moment she said it that he would agree. He knew that. He could not imagine ever willingly agreeing to go through an hour long surgery while he was awake, but if Caitlin was able to sedate him for most of it – it was still terrifying, but every day his desire to run grew.

            He didn’t agree right away though. It was the kind of decision where he knew, in the back of his mind, that he was going to agree eventually, but the fear was so large, so forefront, that he balked at it anyway. He’d still have to get an IV to get a sedative and painkillers. He’d still have to be awake for part of it. He was still going to be in pain, still going to be terrified.

            He talked with Ben about it. He said exactly what Barry expected him to say, not telling Barry directly what he should do, but asking very pointed questions, the questions Barry didn’t want to think about.

            He talked with Len the next day, over dinner, and Barry picked at his. He sat at a corner to Len, and Len eyed him quietly.

            “Have you decided then?” Len asked.

            Barry fiddled with his hands. He took a deep breath. “I want to run,” he said quietly.

 

 

 

 

            Felicity went with them, because Barry was going to be away for a while, and he was serious when he told Len that he needed his friends, needed stability, right now. She volunteered, since Oliver was still traveling with the army anyway. They left in the same convoy as Cisco and Caitlin. Sara expressed regret, but she had to stay since she was in Oliver’s army as well.

            Len travelled with them as well. He said simply that he could stay until Barry got the surgery, that Lisa had written and said the territory was fine, there was still no urgency for him to be back. It took a week to travel to the Central Alliance, another two days to cross into Harrison Well’s territory. Felicity, as the Delta of a Lord, was welcomed by Harrison Wells himself and given rooms in his estate. Len and Barry got rooms at an inn just outside it.

            Barry was scared. But he was also hopeful. He wanted to run again, was so excited to run again. He’d been devastated when he realized he couldn’t, had completely broken down, had really believed he’d never run again, even if a surgery might fix it.

            Caitlin and Cisco needed to finish the power dampener, and then they’d test it on him, and Caitlin was going to outline the surgery, go over it with her team, and then she’d tell Barry the details, and then they would perform it. And Barry was scared.

            Before they left Sara had given Barry a large amount of money, and told him that it was Oliver’s payment for helping his army defeat Thawne. Barry had it now, and he had cautiously gone up to Caitlin on their way over, and asked if there were clinics on Well’s land too.

            “Yes,” she said, “although the ones on Oliver’s land are better, I’ve heard. I’ll ask around and see if anyone knows of a good one.”

            A week of traveling and no alpha or beta contact except for a few brief touches from Len had left Barry with headaches and an increased sex drive though. His withdrawals were not as bad as the first time leaving Patty, but it was still uncomfortable. He commiserated with Felicity, who was experiencing something similar after being away from Oliver for so long. Although, she was a delta and was more used to long absences, so they weren’t as bad for her.

            The day after they got there Cisco gave them a tour of Star Labs, where Barry briefly met Harrison Wells. That night he knocked on Len’s door.

            Len let him in, and silently handed him a cup of tea, his own in his hands. Len sat on his bed, and gestured at a chair for Barry. Barry sat, sipped his tea, felt a rising nervousness in his chest, and then looked up all at once.

            “You know, after this, I’ll be able to run, from Central to Starling.”

            “You will,” Len said, and Barry searched his expression but it was carefully blank.

            Barry looked at him for a long time, their eyes locked.

            Barry had not romantically liked very many people. There were a few crushes, when he was still a child, but as he grew older he understood his situation – he was going to be sent to alphas and betas, and he was going to continue to be sent to them for as long as he was desirable or until he earned his freedom around age thirty five. He would not be permitted to mate anyone until then, and the only people who wanted to date an owned omega, an omega who they knew would be continuously fucked by other alphas and betas, were other owned persons. That left a slim dating pool, as there were many more owned omegas and deltas than there were owned betas and alphas. But alphas and betas dispositions were not made for slavery, and more often than not owned alphas and betas grew bitter quickly, and it had the potential to warp them. On top of it all, owned individuals were not allowed to have sexual relationships outside of what was mandated by the director. Owned alphas and betas were allowed to fuck owned omegas and deltas occasionally, to keep the worst of any urges at bay, but if they were caught otherwise having sex, they were punished. There were not very many owned alphas or betas that Barry would ever want to have a relationship with.

He had never had a serious relationship. There had been a couple of flings, but nothing serious, nothing that lasted more than a month really. There was very little opportunity for romantic feeling to grow for owned persons on Thawne land.

            That didn’t change the fact that Barry found himself falling for Len. He wasn’t so inexperienced that he couldn’t recognize the feeling, understand that it was more than just a crush, more than a fleeting attraction.

            It was the first time Barry had ever really wanted a relationship with someone, had ever really wanted to keep someone romantically in his life, and the understanding now, the realization that he could, that he was free, that there was no one to stop him, was dizzying, was so freeing, filled him with so much joy. And it was that dizzying lift, the fact that he could have this, that he had a shot at this now, something that was always denied him, and he wanted it – he wanted it. He’d never allowed himself to want that before.

            He’d fought so hard to even earn the chance of a romantic relationship. And now that it was possible, he couldn’t stand to just watch it slip by, without even trying. He was afraid, suddenly, that that was exactly what was about to happen.

            He surged forward, and he kissed Len.

            Len was shocked. Barry could feel it, could feel it in his field and in the way his body tightened, lips pressed closed, and Barry had a sinking feeling, just as a new wash spread through, a warmth, body relaxing, mouth opening, and Len’s hands came up, behind Barry’s head, and he pressed into the kiss.

            For a minute they kissed and said nothing, and Barry was alive with warmth and surprise, surprise that this was happening, that this was working, that he could have this – had the dizzying realization that he’d never kissed someone and wanted it this much before.

            Len leaned back then, searched his eyes. “Barry –”

            “Tell me you don’t want to see me once the surgery is over,” Barry said in a rush, all at once, words tumbling out, insistent.

            Len blinked back at him. “Barry, it’s just – it’s not a good idea, this isn’t a good –”

            “Tell me you don’t want to see me once the surgery is over.”

             “I’m a liar, Barry. I’m a thief, and a killer, and a liar and –”

            “Then why aren’t you lying to me?” Barry said. “Why aren’t you telling me you don’t want to see me?”

            “Have you considered that what I want and what’s best for both of us might not be the same thing,” Len said.

            “Yes,” Barry said, “but I’m not convinced that you’ve considered that they might just be the same thing.”

            “I don’t want to hurt you,” Len said.

            “What do you want?” Barry said. Len looked at him again, and Barry pressed forward, a rush of breath, hands almost trembling, heart beating fast, “Because I want to keep the bond. I want to keep seeing you. I want to see where this goes. I want to kiss you.” He paused. “What do you want?”

            Len clenched his teeth, sucked in a breath. “Barry, that’s –”

            “What do you want?”

            “I want to see you not get hurt,” Len said.

            “And your solution to that is to not see me at all?” Barry said.

            “No, Barry, you know what I –”

            “I don’t know why you think I’m more likely to get hurt with you than without you,” Barry said. “You’ve helped me more than anyone.”

            “I’m not a good idea, Barry, I’m not – I’m not like Oliver, not like Sara or Cisco or Felicity, I’m a thief, I hold land I don’t own, I like stealing, I like what I do, and you –”

            “What do you _want_ ,” Barry said quietly.

            And Len’s body seemed to freeze for a moment. And then his mouth was on Barry’s like he was trying to devour him, like he was trying to press a lifetime into just a few seconds, like he was trying to remember it all. It was only a few seconds, scorching, burning few seconds, and then he was gone again.

            “I want this, Barry, I want you, I want the bond, I want to see you, and you – you know that, Barry, I know you know that, but I can’t, we can’t, I can’t let you do this, you don’t know, you –”

            “ _No_ ,” Barry said. “You _don’t_ get to do that – you don’t get to make my decision for me, Len. I told you what I want, and I’m telling you that I have listened and I know what it would mean, I understand – I know it wouldn’t be easy, I know it might not work out, and I’m telling you I want it anyway, I want to at least _try_ , and you – you don’t get to take that away from me. No one gets to take that away from me anymore. I’ve _made_ my decision, Len. I’m asking what yours is.”

            _Warrior_ , Len thought. He looked up slowly, made eye contact, and he could see a flicker of yellow lightening across Barry’s eyes. That was why Len liked him, that was why Len was so drawn to him. A warrior omega. Barry had turned his own vulnerability into a weapon, let it grow into a strength of its own by feeding it openness, resolve, acceptance. Suddenly, Len realized that Queen was wrong – Barry may never have gotten his leg fixed if Caitlin and Cisco hadn’t found a way to block his speed metabolism. But Queen hadn’t made the mistake of thinking Barry was stronger than he was, he’d made the mistake of thinking Barry was dependent on his running ability. Len didn’t know if Barry would have chosen the surgery, but he knew that if Barry didn’t, he would have found a way to be happy anyway, would have found a way to take it and accept it and move on. He was a warrior not because of his skill in combat. He was a warrior for his _resilience_.

            Len kissed him again. Slower this time, deep but not desperate, a slow, accepting, burning kiss.

            “OK,” he said. “I’ll try. I’ll try this with you, Barry.”

            Barry smiled and kissed him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't super happy with this chapter but to be honest I couldn't come up with a better scenario/better way to write it. Let me know what you guys thought :)


	18. Forty Percent

 

 

            The first thing Barry did the next day was meet Felicity for breakfast and tell her everything.

            “Oliver is going to kill you,” she said, but she was grinning. Barry just grinned back.

            That night Barry went back to Len’s room after dinner and they started kissing, and it had been a week and a half since he’d had Patty touch him, and he was hard, straddling Len on Len’s bed, and he was so happy.

            “You know how when I was in fever heat and I kept trying to touch myself in front of you and then asked you to touch me and it was really embarrassing?” Barry said.

            “Mmm,” Len hummed, sucking a mark into Barry’s neck.

            “Well I’m definitely not in fever heat and definitely one hundred percent lucid, so can I unbutton this?” Barry touched at Len’s pants, where he could feel that Len was hard too.

            Len pulled back for a second though, a concerned look on his face. “Are you sure?” he asked. “I thought you might want to take it a little slower?”

            “Um, no, not really,” Barry said, “I mean, um, I… I don’t want to have sex, not – not yet, I kind of haven’t had sex with a guy since I got away from Thawne, and I’m – I’m a little worried about that, but just, we can, you know, I could touch you… if you want?”

            “Mm, I definitely want,” Len said, and Barry grinned and started undoing Len’s pants. Len helped him with his afterwards. They’d already taken their shirts off, so then they were just in their underclothes. “Come here,” Len said when they were done, and he moved to flip Barry, so Barry was lying down against the bed, head on the pillows. Barry laughed. Len ran a hand across Barry’s stomach. “Before we start,” Len said, “is there anything I should know? Anything I shouldn’t do?”

            “Um…” Barry said, and he tried to remember, his brain feeling foggy with heat. Len’s fingers continued to trace circles over his stomach, fingers cold. He wasn’t using any ice power, but Len’s body ran cold, and the difference was just that more startling since Barry’s ran warm. Barry watched Len’s fingers, trailing over his stomach, distracting. “Just, tell me if you’re going to touch my hole, and um, being held down is still a little… a little hit or miss, I guess. Oh, and um, I guess I should… so the speedforce has some, er, side effects?”

            “Oh?” he said, and there was a wicked grin on his face.

            “I vibrate,” Barry said, “and I have no refractory period.”

            Len’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh, Barry,” he said, “we will be making use of both of those.”

            Len got Barry off once with his hands, and Barry came embarrassingly quickly. Then he sucked Barry off, and afterwards asked if he could finger Barry, and Barry just nodded. After three orgasms Barry sat up, and started touching Len. He vibrated his hands, and Len moaned. Barry wanted to suck Len off then, wanted to make him feel good so much, but he started to get nervous.

            “It’s um – I really want to blow you,” he said, “but it’s been a while and…”

            “You can take it as slow as you want,” Len said, “and don’t worry about it being a while, I’m sure I won’t be complaining.” He smiled.

            Barry smiled, but the anxiety was still there. “I just, I don’t know how much… I just really don’t… I don’t like breath play,” he said very quietly.

            It took a second for Len to understand, and then he was nodding and moving around, going to lie flat on the bed.

            “How about you lean down on my hips,” Len said, “I’ll try to stay still, but that way I can’t surprise you. And you don’t need to take anymore than you’re comfortable with, OK?”

            And Len didn’t move very much at all, and Barry grew more and more comfortable, adjusting quickly until he could take almost all of Len’s cock into his throat. He was not the biggest that Barry had ever taken in his mouth, but he was also definitely not small. Barry’s own cock was quite small, although that was normal for an omega.

            When they were done, Barry fell asleep in Len’s bed, curled around him.

 

 

 

 

 

            Over the next few days, Barry had very little to do. Cisco showed him to a training facility that was open to the public, and Barry did some exercises, even managed to get Len to spar with him a little bit. Len was not a warrior, but he was by no means defenseless, even if he wasn’t using his powers. Barry also hung around Star Labs, intrigued by just about everything. And he also continued to get off with Len, though they didn’t progress any farther than the first night.

            He also looked at the clinic Caitlin gave him the name of. He didn’t tell Len about it, and he felt a little guilty, but when he walked in he wasn’t actually planning on doing anything, he just wanted to be able to talk to someone, and from there decide if he was comfortable doing anything sexual with them. He was thinking more that he’d like a punishment, because he wasn’t quite comfortable yet asking Len for that.

            When he entered the clinic though, he immediately realized it was different from the one on Queen land. He knew Caitlin said they weren’t as good there, but he wasn’t expecting the cold, perfunctory atmosphere. He went in though, and explained that he was new, and that he’d like to talk to someone.

            “We don’t do talk therapy,” the woman told him, “you’ll need to fill this out, and we’ll give you an appointment based on what you want in the session.”

            Barry took the clipboard that was given to him. On it was a list of activities, all with checkboxes, and instructions to check whatever he wanted in his session. He looked back up.

            “Is there anyway I could talk with the clinician before I see them?” Barry asked.

            “We don’t do it like that,” the woman said, “you can’t pick your clinician. You fill out the boxes and we’ll tell you when the next available appointment is.”

            Barry had thanked her and left without filling anything out.

            Later, Len asked where he went, because Barry got back later than usual, and Barry had squirmed, talked around it for a minute, and then felt guilty about it and told him.

            “I went to a clinic today,” Barry said.

            Len tensed just slightly, but his face stayed blank. “Yeah?” he said.

            “I didn’t make an appointment,” Barry said, “they wouldn’t let me meet with the person ahead of time, and I don’t want to do anything with a stranger.”

            Len nodded, then paused, and spoke carefully. “Is there… a particular reason why I couldn’t give you whatever you needed?” Len asked, “Not that you can’t see anyone else, and I’d understand if you wanted to, especially when this is so new, but if you’re not comfortable with the clinic…”

            “Um, I just… I don’t want to put that on you,” Barry said.

            “I don’t think I’d mind,” Len said.

            Barry thought about it. There was something about the idea that didn’t appeal to Barry. He was afraid, he realized, and embarrassed – afraid that Len would think he was weird, or that Len wouldn’t want to do what Barry wanted. Barry knew that many alphas enjoyed giving punishments, but he hadn’t really known that it was something omegas could like until he went to Queen land. He still didn’t really know if it was common or if Barry was weird, and he was self-conscious about it. It seemed a big step from blow jobs to asking Len to spank him. It seemed too fast, too much to ask of him.

            “What do you like?” Barry asked instead. “Like… what do you like doing?”

            “You mean, sexually?” Len said, looking weary. “I like a lot of things, Barry. But I like what we’re doing right now just fine. We don’t have to do anymore than that, and we don’t have to do things that you don’t like just because I like them.”

            “No, I know,” Barry said, “I…”

            “Can you tell me what you went to see a clinician about?” Len said.

            Barry tapped his fingers together and looked down. “It’s, it’s embarrassing,” he said.

            “I won’t laugh,” Len said, seriously.

            “I just…” _I don’t want you think I’m weird_ , Barry thought. “I don’t want you to do it if you don’t want to – I don’t want you to do it if you won’t enjoy it.”

            “If I’m not comfortable with it, I won’t do it,” Len said, “but if it’s something simple then I’d be OK doing it even if I wouldn’t necessarily enjoy it. If it’s something you need and I don’t mind doing it then I want to give that to you, Barry. I promise that if I dislike it or it makes me uncomfortable then I won’t though.”

            “OK…” Barry said, “I just… it’s also not because of Thawne.”

            Len’s brow furrowed.

            “I just mean, I talked to Patty about it, and it’s not… it’s normal, at least, she said it’s normal, it’s not just – I’m not damaged.”

            “I wouldn’t think that of you,” Len said. Barry was silent for a moment.

            “I wanted a punishment,” Barry said quickly then, before he lost his nerve. “I went to the clinic to find someone who would punish me.”

            “What do you want to be punished for?” Len asked.

            “Being late to meet Cisco, skipping training the other day, skipping breakfast yesterday, just – little things. And I know, like, I know they’re all little things, and I know it doesn’t really matter, it just, it helps. It helps me feel grounded, when… when there are consequences.”

            “Oh,” Len said, letting out a breath. “OK. Do you want to do that now?”

            Barry looked up suddenly. “Now?”

            “Yes,” Len said, “I can do that now if you want. How are you normally punished?”

            “Um, Patty usually uses a wooden paddle,” Barry said, “Or um, sometimes she edges me, or just doesn’t let me cum. But you would – you would do that? You don’t have to, I can – I can go back, or just, I don’t need to be, like I’ll live you know, it’s not –”

            “Barry, I can absolutely give you a punishment,” Len said, “I don’t mind. At all. In fact, the idea of it is pretty hot.”

            Barry perked up a little at that. “Yeah?”

            “Yes,” Len said. “If that was what you were looking for when you asked me what I enjoy, then yes, I enjoy that. I don’t have a wooden paddle, but –”

            “I have a hairbrush,” Barry said.

            Len smiled. “I was going to say I could just use my hand, but a hairbrush would work fine.”

            “I um, I tend to not find hand spankings much of a punishment,” Barry said, face heating up.

            “Oh, I’m going to remember that,” Len said, and the heat in his eyes made something curl in Barry’s stomach.

            Barry got the hairbrush. When he came back Len was sitting on the chair in his room instead.

            “How many do you usually get?” Len asked.

            “More than twenty, not more than fifty,” Barry said.

            “And what’s your safe word?”

            “I don’t use one,” Barry said.

            Len looked shocked. “They didn’t give you a safe word at the clinic?”

            “No, well – if I said stop, they just stopped,” he said, and Len calmed again, letting out a breath.

            “Oh, OK. Any reason for that? Normally, you’d use a safe word.”

            “They… they were afraid I wouldn’t use it,” Barry said, “I wanted one – but Patty wouldn’t let me. They were afraid I wouldn’t remember it, or I’d feel like I couldn’t use it.”

            Len frowned. “OK,” he said, “How about this. You can pick one, and if you say it I’ll stop, but for now, if you say stop, I’m going to stop too, and at least check in with you. Like a safe word with training wheels. We’ll see how you do with it, OK? Before we just use the safe word.”

            “OK,” Barry said. “Oh, um… Starling?”

            “Sounds good,” Len said. “Is there anything else I should know before we start?”

            “Um…” Barry said. “I um, I really like aftercare, if that’s…”

            “Of course,” Len said, “always.”

            “OK,” Barry said, “then… um, I really like to be praised, afterwards… and I might cry, that’s OK, you don’t have to stop… if that’s, unless that would make you…”

            “As long as you’re OK, I’ll be fine,” Len said, “it doesn’t bother me.” Len fought back the arousal that image brought, not wanting to scare Barry, but… the image of him crying, in the right circumstances of course, was enticing.

            “OK,” Barry said, “then I think that’s… that’s all.”

            “OK,” Len said, “come here and take off your clothes.”

            Barry shivered and did as he was told. Len had the hairbrush in his hand, and Barry felt a jolt, wondered what it would feel like, wondered how hard Len hit, wondered if he’d touch him in between, how it would feel over Len’s lap.

            It sent much more arousal through him than it did fear of the punishment.

            “OK, so you skipped breakfast, were late to meet Cisco, and skipped training, is that right? Anything else?”

            “Um… I cut my hand training and didn’t get it checked out…” There was a flash of genuine worry in Len’s eyes at that. “It wasn’t deep, it didn’t need stitches, I just – I meant to wash and bandage it but I got caught up and then it was healed,” Barry added quickly.

            Len let out a breath. “OK, anything else?”

            Barry shook his head.

            “Alright, over my lap.”

            Barry went, felt his face heat up at the position, but his cock also hardened, and he knew Len would feel it. Len shifted him gently and then Barry felt the hairbrush over his ass.

            “What do you say if you need to stop?” Len asked.

            Barry was taken off guard, but then he remembered, and said, “Starling.”

            “Good boy,” Len said, and Barry felt another flush of arousal.

            “Use your word if you need it,” Len said. “I’m going to punish you from least infraction to greatest. First you’ll be punished for skipping training.” Barry already knew what was going to be counted as the greatest infraction. “This will be five. I want you to count them.”

            Len gave the first smack, Barry let out a breath, had a second to register the sting and the spreading warmth, the curling arousal, and then remembered he was supposed to count. “One,” he said.

            The first five weren’t very hard. They did more to arouse Barry than to punish him.

            “Now for being late to meet Cisco. This will be ten,” Len said.

            They got a little harder, enough that Barry started to flinch and tense at the pain. By the end his words were getting shaky. Len paused when he was done.

            “Still good?” he said.

            “Yes, Alpha,” Barry said, and then flushed at his own words.

            “Good boy,” Len said, “Now for not eating. Another ten.”

            These ones were definitely harder though, and Barry whimpered the numbers out, squirming on Len’s lap. When the ten were done Len checked in with him again, and told him he’d get another fifteen for not washing and bandaging his hand. Those ones were quite hard, and Barry found tears rising to the corners of his eyes and his cock starting to soften, though it stayed at least half hard. He counted off the last few with a shaky voice, yelping at the hits. When it was done Len brought him up gently and moved the two feet to the bed, where he wrapped his arms around him as Barry shivered, curling into Len’s warmth.

            “Good boy,” Len said, “I’m very proud of you for taking your punishment like a good omega.”

            Barry was hard again quickly, and he grinded down against Len’s thigh.

            “Does my good Omega want to cum?” Len asked, teasing.

            Barry let out a whine. “Yes, please, sir,” he said.

            Barry felt the shot of arousal in Len’s field at the word. Barry reached down and palmed at Len through his clothes.

            “OK, Omega,” Len said, “since you were so good.”

            He started undoing his own pants, and pulled out his cock, then positioned Barry so that he was straddling Len. Len took both their cocks in his hand and started stroking.

            “I- I’m gonna cum, Alpha,” Barry said, only a couple minutes later. “Oh, shit, Len, I’m –”

            “I want you to try to hold off. Can you do that for me, Omega?”

            “Fuck, but, please, I’m so close –”

            Len adjusted his stroke, curving his hand more fully against his own cock, only letting his finger tips slide across Barry’s.

            Barry whimpered. “Oh,” Barry said, “I – please, sir?”

            “Not yet.”

            “Please? Please, sir, please, I’m gonna –”

            “OK,” Len said.

            Barry came a moment later, and Len followed with a few more strokes. Afterwards they both collapsed back down, Barry cuddling close to Len despite the sticky mess.

 

 

 

 

 

            “Do you like that?” Len asked later, when they had both cleaned up and come down from it. “Orgasm denial? I probably should have asked first, before I threw that in there.”

            “No, I – I like it. I… I like it a lot, actually.”

            “It’s something I really enjoy,” Len said, “controlling it, I mean.”

            Over the next couple nights they experimented with that too – Len telling Barry not to cum, and Barry having to ask permission to cum, Len dragging it out. When he came without permission Len punished him. They talked a little more about what they liked, Barry feeling a little bit better now that he knew Len liked at least some of the same stuff as he did.

            Len admitted that he did very much like breath play, and then reiterated that that did not at all mean he expected Barry to do that, or that he would even ask Barry to, knowing that he didn’t like it. Barry told him he didn’t like heavy impact play, that he’d be willing to try a strap or a belt, but only for bad punishments, things that Barry felt really guilty over – that he’d never actually enjoy using them. And he never wanted to use a cane. Len said he loved temperature play, and Barry said it wasn’t something he’d done extensively before, but he’d like to try it.

            They were pretty compatible, over all. They didn’t go much farther than orgasm denial, spankings, and blow jobs and hand jobs, in that first week though. Barry found that he wanted to try everything, that he couldn’t wait to try so many things with Len. He wondered if they were moving too quickly, but Len had done absolutely nothing to indicate that he thought so, and Barry found he didn’t really care as long as Len was OK with it.

            And then Caitlin told him that they had the prototype ready, and that she’d like him to come in to test it.

 

 

 

            Barry was nervous, but not overly so. They weren’t actually doing the procedure that day. They were just trying out the device. Len went with him, and it was the first time Len had gone into Star Labs, because he hadn’t exactly been welcome there the same way Barry had. But Barry wanted him to come with him, and Wells hadn’t explicitly said that Len couldn’t, so he went.

            Caitlin had Barry sit down in a chair, and then he attached a monitor to Barry’s wrist, to track his heart rate and blood pressure, and then Cisco took a metal cuff and attached that to Barry’s other wrist.

            “OK,” Cisco said, “I built it with a dial, so it’s going to shut off your innate speed in increments, not all at once.”

            “We want to make sure there’s not any negative effects,” Caitlin said, “it might make you feel sick, and there might be some pain.”

            Barry frowned and his eyes widened worriedly. He glanced at Len, who was also frowning.

            “How much pain?” Len asked.

            “I don’t know,” Caitlin said. “I don’t think it will be bad, but there’s no way to tell. I’m hoping it’s not bad and it doesn’t last, but I wanted to warn you, just in case. If it hurts, we can flip the dial right back again and shut it off.”

            “OK,” Barry said, taking a deep breath.

            “I’m just gonna shut off your speed first,” Cisco said, “this switch is just like the normal dampeners.”

            He flipped it, and Barry felt his connection to the speed force get blocked. It was not a good feeling, as always, but it wasn’t any worse than it normally was.

            “OK, and now I’m gonna bring you down to 80 percent power,” Cisco said. “Ready?”

            Barry nodded, and Cisco turned the dial so it clicked into place.

            Barry gagged, nausea ripping up his stomach, a horrible, crawling wrongness under his skin. He yelped, whole body tensing as pins and needles erupted up and down his limbs. A dull pain throbbed through his chest and he suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe, like he’d had the wind knocked out of him. He gasped and sucked in air. His ears rang.

            “Easy, hey, you OK, man?” Cisco said, crouching by him, looking concerned. “Need me to flip it back?”

            But Barry shook his head. It was already clearing. It felt like his body had been put through a sudden lurch. But everything lessoned in a few moments. He still felt off, didn’t feel good. His stomach was churning a bit and his chest ached. He rubbed at it with his hand, trying to get rid of the feeling. But he could breathe again, and the pins and needles filtered out.

            “You OK, Barry?” Len asked.

            Barry nodded. “Yeah, that… yeah, I’m OK now,” he said.

            “Can you describe what you just felt? Any pain?” Caitlin said, glancing at the readout from the monitor. “Your blood pressure dropped for a second and your heartrate sped up, but they’re both levelling out now.”

            Barry told her, and she frowned but nodded.

            “OK,” she said, “are you OK to do the next one?”

            Barry nodded. He still felt odd, but the worst of it was gone.

            “OK, I’m gonna drop to 60 percent,” Cisco said. “If you need to go back up just tell me, alright?”

            Barry nodded, and then tensed this time in anticipation. Cisco turned the dial.

            This time was worse. A wave of nausea ran up his stomach and his head spun, dizziness crashing in while a pressure suddenly exploded inside his head. A sharp stab of pain went through his chest and down his spine this time, instead of the ache of before. Another jolt of pins and needles, worse this time. He struggled to get in breath, hands going up to his throat. Vertigo ripped through him so badly that he would have fallen over in the chair if Len and Cisco hadn’t reached out to steady him.

            “Oh, God,” he said, and then another wave of nausea. “I’m gonna throw up,” he said.

            Something was pressed in front of him and when Barry vomited Cisco and Caitlin held a bucket up to his head. His vision was swimming, could barely hear or see anything. He whimpered, hand rubbing at his chest again, trying to dispel the pain. It took a minute for the symptoms to go down this time, and even afterwards he felt sick, his head fuzzy, chest aching. His breathing leveled out though and he came back to himself.

            “Hey, buddy,” Cisco said. “You with us? How you doing?”

            “That sucked,” Barry said. He felt Len’s hand on his shoulder, wanted suddenly the comfort of Len’s arms wrapped around him.

            Caitlin was frowning. Actually, it was more of a grimace. Barry saw it and his stomach sank. She once again asked him how he was feeling, and Barry explained. As he talked the symptoms got a little better, but he remained feeling somewhat sick.

            “Your body is going into shock each time,” she said, “It looks like you’re moving back to a baseline now, but I don’t think it’s going to get completely normal either. I don’t think we’re going to be able to get you down to zero percent power – it’s too risky.”

            Barry sat there, numb. “Does that… that means I can’t do the surgery?”

            “No,” Caitlin said quickly, “we can still do the surgery. I mean, it’ll be up to you of course, but I can absolutely still do it. It… I probably won’t be able to knock you out for it, but I can still give you a sedative, and I can still give you pain medication. It’s not going to be as effective as it would be if we got you to zero percent, but it will still work to some extent. It depends… I don’t want to go past forty percent. I wouldn’t be comfortable with going past forty percent unless I did more extensive testing first. We can do that but… I’d need a lot of blood tests, and to check to see what the medications would do ahead of time, so IV’s too, and –”

            “No,” Barry said, shaking his head. “No, I – I can do once, but not… no.”

            “Then I want to go down to forty percent now,” Caitlin said, “and check how your vitals even out at that level. If it’s safe enough, then I think we can do forty percent. And I think that will be enough for the sedative to make you calmer, and the pain medication to negate the worst of it. You will be awake though, and you’d still feel some pain.”

            Barry felt dizzy. “But it – how bad would it be?”

            “I don’t know,” Caitlin said, “I don’t think it would be bad – I could give you a lot of it, since you burn through it fast – I think your metabolism would be slow enough that if I gave you a lot of pain killer you’d be able to get through it. It wouldn’t be pleasant, but it wouldn’t actually feel like you were having surgery – not anywhere near as bad as that, I think.”

            Barry took a deep breath.

            “I could tell you for sure,” Caitlin said, “but that would –”

            “More testing,” Barry said. He put his head in his hands. Len squeezed his shoulder. When Barry looked up he was pale, and his voice trembled a little. “If… if I went and… if we started, and it – it didn’t work enough, it was – it was still bad, could you… could you stop?”

            “In the beginning, yes,” Caitlin said. “The first thing I’d need to do is make an incision, and that would be about on par with the rest of the pain in the procedure, so if that first incision was too much, then I could stop there. I’d still need to put stitches in, but those wouldn’t be as bad as the incision, and it would only be a few. I could do just a part of the incision first, so it would only need a few stitches, and if that was too much then I could stop there.”

            Barry nodded. “OK,” he said, taking another deep breath, looking a little bit better at that reassurance. “OK, I’ll… I’ll do that then. I can… OK.”

            “Are you ready to try it at 40 percent?” Cisco asked.

            “Fuck,” Barry said. “Yeah. Yeah, OK.”

            Cisco turned the dial and Barry threw up again, right away. All the symptoms came back, intensified and worse than the previous one. Barry let out a cry. For one awful second he felt completely disconnected from his body, like his insides were trying to rip apart and reform, and then the sensation faded. He fought back tears. It wasn’t pain so much as it was an awful, unbearable feeling inside him.

            “It’s OK. It’s OK, Barry, it’s done,” Len said, and Barry opened his eyes, the world spinning, to see Len there, crouching down, looking worried. Barry dry heaved again.

            It took about ten minutes, but the symptoms faded again. Barry’s vitals evened out, and Caitlin said it was good, that forty percent would work. Then they flipped him back up to 60 percent.

            Barry wasn’t expecting it, and that almost made it worse. He had the same nausea inducing, painful response going up to 60 percent as he had from going down to 40 percent.

            When he became aware of his surroundings again he realized his face was wet, that he was crying, and he had his head gripped between both his hands, face tilted down, and Len had both his hands on Barry’s wrists, speaking softly, soothing words, telling him it was OK, the feeling would pass, he was alright.

            “Your body is struggling to adjust back as well,” Caitlin said after another minute, when Barry had wiped the tears off his face and looked up again. She had a pained look on her face. “I’m sorry, Barry. I didn’t realize the adjustment would happen both ways. I thought it would be much easier, because your body is moving back towards it’s natural state, rather than a suppressed one.”

            “It’s OK,” Barry said. He took deep breaths, willing his body to calm.

            They got through the last two changes, up to 80 and then 100 percent. It got easier as they got higher up. They set the date of the procedure at another week out, because Cisco wanted to see if he could make the transition process easier, and Caitlin needed to schedule the surgery in with her team.

Afterwards Barry was exhausted. He felt shaky, similar to how he felt after medical procedures, like he just wanted to curl into a ball and hide, except not quite as bad. He felt like he’d been trampled, his whole body wrung out. Len walked with him back to the inn, arm around his shoulder the whole time. When they got back they went into Barry’s room, and Len got into bed with him, holding him, hand rubbing smoothly across his back.


	19. Glass

The next week was tense. Barry tried to keep his mind off the approaching procedure. He trained, sparred with Len, spent time in Star Labs, and wandered around the city with Felicity. Len comforted him at night, and they started sleeping in the same bed. Barry woke with nightmares often, but Len always managed to help him fall back asleep quickly. He got more nervous as the date approached, kept reminding himself that if it was bad he could still back out from it, but of course that came with the realization that his leg would not get fixed, and he wouldn’t be able to run.

He’d been so hopeful, had started to really look forward to running again, allowed himself to think about it again, that it was all the more disappointing at the prospect that he may not get it back after all. He wanted to do the surgery. He wanted it to work.

But he knew he wouldn’t if it was overly painful – he knew he’d say no, get too scared in the moment, too panicked. It didn’t have to be the end though – Caitlin said she could do more tests, try to see if it was safe to bring the percentage lower, and with time, Barry thought maybe he could do those, depending on what they were, depending on how slowly they could do them. There was always the possibility of Cisco improving the device as well, even if it was weeks, months, even years in the future.

            He tried not to give up hope, tried to think positively. And he tried not to think on it too much.

            The day after they tried to the prototype he went to the training grounds alone. He’d taken to going there at around eight each morning. He had his own sword, something Oliver had given him months before, when he first started training with him, and he brought it with him as well as a bow and arrows, which Oliver also gave him.

            He had fallen into a routine. He went to the training grounds at eight, and spent about an hour just exercising and warming up, first the stretches that Caitlin had showed him, and then his normal exercises. Then he practiced with the bow, and afterwards did some drills with his sword, practicing the limited movement ones. By the time he finished that Len was usually arriving, and they’d spar a bit. Barry liked that a lot – Len was challenging because of his cold powers, but he didn’t have the training or the technique that Barry did.

            In the week that Barry had been there though, he’d amassed a bit of a following. When he’d first gone, he’d thought he’d try to keep his powers a secret, to avoid attention, but he couldn’t do any of his speed drills then, so he’d given that up quickly. Just like when he was at the Thawne estate and again when he went to Queen land, he found people staring. If they got close enough to tell he was an omega it was even worse, and he’d gotten a couple of people who’d flat out asked him what an omega with a limp was doing training so hard. When he told them he was warrior class they didn’t believe him, but Barry just shrugged.

            He’d made a couple friends too though, or at the very least acquaintances, and he had sparred with several. Barry was in the middle of his sword drills when one of them, Morgan, went up to him and asked if he wanted to try hand to hand.

            She was a young warrior, only about sixteen, and hand to hand was her specialty. Barry smiled wryly. His best weapon was a sword, especially now that his leg was an impediment, but he’d done a lot of hand to hand combat because fighting with a sword at superspeed was significantly harder than fighting with it at normal speed – the momentum that a sword picked up made it hard to handle.

            “I’m not sure that’s a great idea for me,” he said.

            “Oh, come on, I sparred with swords for you,” she said.

            She had, and Barry had easily bested her. She hadn’t had much training with swords yet. He knew she’d be much better at this.

            “Alright, fine,” he said, because if nothing else it would be interesting. “Just be careful with my leg – no knee shots, you’ll break me.”

            She laughed and he smiled, and they began.

            People started watching, after a bit. Barry was used to it. As soon as he started using his speed for anything he got stares, and he was using a lot of it. Even though he couldn’t dart around on his feet, he could still use speed in his arms, and that gave him a big advantage.

            Not enough of one though. Morgan was a fast learner. She had taken Barry’s speed in stride and because she knew Barry couldn’t move his legs quickly without his knee buckling, she danced around him, staying just out of reach most of the time, but Barry didn’t tire easily, another side effect of the speed, so she couldn’t hope to tire him out like she might with another opponent. Instead she just waited for opportunity before moving in. She got him into a choke hold a couple of times, and while if Barry was actually fighting he would use a vibrating hand to cut the attackers hand or arm, he was forced to tap here.

            She brought him down the same way for a third time, getting him on the ground, but this time when Barry’s back hit the ground he felt a sharp, slicing pain in his shoulder and cried out.

            She stopped, freezing, before a frown went over her face. “Are you OK?” she asked.

            Barry was already sitting up, hand going up to his shoulder, only to feel something sharp. He turned his head and craned his neck to see a piece of glass protruding from his shoulder.

            “Fuck,” he said.

            Morgan was already in back of him. “Oh, shit,” she said, “it’s glass, but it – I don’t see any more of it in the grass – I think it’s just one piece, here do you want me to –”

            He nodded. “Yeah, can you pull it out? Did it shatter?”

            “No, it’s just one piece, I think,” she said, and then carefully started teasing it out. “Do you have any bandages?”

            “I got some,” a man said, one of the onlookers, Barry assumed, and he handed it to Morgan.

            Barry hissed as Morgan removed the glass. She started bandaging the wound for him immediately after pulling it out.

            “You’re gonna need to go to the hospital, or a clinic,” she said. “It’s pretty deep. I think I got all the glass though.”

            It felt deep, more like a stab wound than a glass shard. He looked at the piece she held up and saw that it was long, but not wide. He shook his head.

            “I heal fast, it’ll be fine,” he said. But he hissed again when he stood up, the pain flaring at even the slightest movement.

            He got out of there quickly after that. Several people at the training yard had told him he should go to the hospital for his arm, and one had even said a friend of his was a field medic and he could get him instead, but they all took his excuse of fast healing pretty quickly too. His heart was starting to pound faster, but he took deep breaths as he walked back to the inn. He’d let it heal. It would be fine. He should probably wash it, to prevent infection, should probably get something to sterilize it, but he didn’t have any liquor at the inn.

            He was halfway back to the inn when he realized he was heading straight back to Len, who would take one look at him and insist on seeing the wound, if not dragging him to the hospital. Barry took a deep breath. He wasn’t able to get a good look at the wound, so he didn’t know how deep it was really, how big. He didn’t know if it would warrant stitches, with his speed healing. He was hoping not, and he didn’t think it could possibly be in real need of stitches, not just from the piece of glass. But Len might insist on it anyway. Barry didn’t think the wound could possibly be _threatening_. He’d run away and not gone to doctors before while he was with Thawne and let wounds heal without stitches when he needed them. Once it had resulted in a bad infection, and once he’d actually had to have it cut open again, and stitched up, because it hadn’t healed right, but normally they just left a bad scar and he got a lecture about how it could have been much worse.

            He’d clean it, he’d clean it and it would be fine, he decided.

            He turned off the path then, deciding he wouldn’t go back to the inn for another couple hours, when the wound was healed. He’d go to the market instead and buy a bottle of alcohol, something strong to use as a disinfectant, and some more bandages. Then he’d find somewhere he could use it and rebandage his arm.

            “Barry!”

            It was Len’s voice, and Barry tensed, had a sudden flash of fear, and then immediately tried to hide it. He had a jacket on now – it was hiding the bandages. If he could just keep the fear and pain out of his field then he could hide it.

            “Hey,” Barry said, and turned around. Len must have been on his way to the training field. Barry had only just turned off the path – Len must have spotted him.

            “How come you’re headed back?” Len asked, frowning.

            “Um, I…” Barry trailed off, frozen, searching for an excuse. 

            Len frowned. “Are you alright?”

            “Yeah, I’m fine,” Barry said.

            “Did someone say something to you?” Len asked, and Barry could see a sudden protective streak coming into Len’s expression.

            “No, it’s – I’m fine,” Barry said. “I just, um. I’m tired. I wanted to head back.”

            Len frowned. “You seem scared,” he said, “are you sure no one was bothering you?”

            Barry had been worried, when they first got there. He still didn’t like being around unknown alphas and betas. But he hated making Len escort him everywhere, and while it still made him a little nervous when he sensed alphas and betas around him and he was alone, he’d been doing a pretty good job of handling it, at least he thought so. But Len had been concerned, especially with the way people tended to gawk at Barry when he used his speed. He drew a lot of attention.

            “Um, there was just, there was a lot of alphas there today,” Barry said, and instantly felt bad about lying, nearly wincing.

            Len’s face curled farther into a frown but there was a sudden realization that crossed it as well. He looked Barry up and down suddenly.

            “Did you get hurt?” he asked.

            And that was the moment that Barry realized that Len could most definitely tell when he was lying, and internally swore.

            “No,” he said anyway.

Len’s face seemed to harden and soften all at once, like he’d tasted something unpleasant while at the same time relaxing, the tenseness falling out of his limbs. “Where’d you get hurt?”

            “I didn’t,” Barry said, but he tensed, and his shoulder flared and he winced.

            “Barry, what did you hurt?” Len said again.

            “I’m fine,” Barry said. “It’s not a big deal. I’m fine.”

            Len’s voice softened, and Barry could tell he was doing it on purpose, could tell he was carefully controlling his voice as Barry’s own fear ratchetted up. “Barry, I really need you to tell me where you’re hurt. I’m not going to do anything right now, I just want to see.”

            Barry looked around. They were in a wide space, a few other people milling around. He couldn’t run now, couldn’t just zip away.

            “Barry,” Len said, and he touched Barry’s shoulder and Barry flinched back.

            Len drew away quickly, and then his eyes flicked to Barry’s shoulder. “Your shoulder?” he said.

            “No,” Barry said, and then swore internally again – he didn’t know why he kept trying to lie. Len wouldn’t have believed him just from the look on his face, never mind his field.

            “Do you know what you did to it?” he asked. “Did you just pull it?”

            Barry said nothing, was growing more and more scared.

            “Did you dislocate it?” Len asked.

            “No,” Barry said quickly to that.

            “You cut it?”

            Len took in a sharp breath then, even though Barry said nothing. “OK,” he said, “OK, I’m gonna need to see it, Barry.”

            Barry shook his head. “It’s fine. It’s not deep, it’s fine, a scratch.”

            “Barry, I’m gonna need to see it,” Len said again.

            “No, it’s fine. I – I was going to get bandages. I was going to buy bandages and something to sterilize it, and that – that’s all it needs.”

            “Barry, Barry, look at me. I need you to look at me.”

            Barry did, finding Len’s eyes clear, his face serious. “I have a med kit at the inn. I have bandages and antiseptic and sutures. I need you to tell me if this is something I can treat there, or if you need to go to a hospital.”

            “I just need to clean it,” Barry said, “that’s all – that’s all it nee-”

            “Barry, do you need to be treated at a hospital? I need you to tell me the truth. I promise I’ll help you get through whatever needs to be done and I promise it’ll be OK. I need you to take a deep breath though, and think, and tell me if you need to go to a hospital – no, Barry, look at me, please.”

            “I… I don’t need a hospital,” Barry said.

            Len searched his eyes for another few seconds and then let out a breath. “OK,” he said, “I believe you. Let’s go back to the inn, OK?”

            And Barry found himself following, Len’s hand around his waist and every step had the panic increasing. They got back to the inn and Barry sat down on Len’s bed and Len produced a med kit, one Barry hadn’t known he had.

            “Can you take your jacket off, Barry?” Len said.

            Barry shook his head. He was trembling. He stared at the ground.

            Len sighed. “I have to look at it, Barry. Even if it just needs bandages and the antiseptic.”

            But Barry stayed frozen, afraid.

            Len sat next to him and put a hand on Barry’s knee. “Barry, it’s OK,” Len said. “It’s gonna be fine.”

            But Barry couldn’t move. He felt like he was frozen. He was scared, an irrational, overwhelming fear. He didn’t want Len to look at the wound, was terrified of what Len would say when he did. He wasn’t even thinking about stitches or about cleaning it or about going to a hospital – he’d just been sucked in by it, towed under.

            “Barry what can I do to make this easier?” Len said. “I need you to talk to me, Barry.”

            “Please don’t look,” Barry said quietly. He trembled where he sat.

            “I have to look,” Len said. “Can you tell me what happened?”

            “I was sparring… there was a piece of glass on the ground. We didn’t see it in the grass… I fell on it.”

            “Is… is the glass still in it?” Len said, alarmed.

            “No,” Barry said.

            “Are you sure?”

            “Morgan looked, she said – she said there was just the one piece.”

            “OK. Can I look too? To check?”

            “Please leave it alone.”

            “Barry, I have to look at it. I have to. Please, I need you to take your jacket off.”

            Barry didn’t move, and Len pushed a hand over his head. Len didn’t want to try to forcibly get Barry’s jacket off, but he had to see the wound, and he had to do it soon before it healed too much, and he didn’t know what else to do.

            “Barry, I’m gonna help you take your jacket off,” he said, as gently as he could.

            Barry tensed. Len carefully reached over and began unbuttoning Barry’s jacket. Barry stayed completely still, not impeding him directly, but not at all helping. When Len got it unbuttoned he took Barry’s good arm gently in his and started pulling it out, so he could slip the sleeve off. Barry made a whimpering noise.

            “We’re just gonna get this off,” he said, and with some trouble managed to slide the one sleeve off. He stood up and moved to the other side of the bed then and gently did the same, taking care not to bump or jostle Barry’s shoulder. There was a bandage wrapped tightly right over Barry’s shirt there, and Len began unwrapping it.

            The glass had cut through Barry’s shirt, and someone had widened the rip to make the wound more visible. Len took in a long breath when he saw it. It was pretty big, but not horrible. It had bled a lot, and it was still bleeding though. If it were any normal person Len would assume it needed stitches. With Barry’s healing – Len tried to think, remembered back to that first time that he’d seen Barry injured, back when they were at Queen’s estate and the kid had been hiding from the guards. Barry had said he didn’t need stitches for that one, but this cut was definitely bigger. It wasn’t nearly as bad as when his leg had been torn up from the bear trap or when Eobard cut his leg, though. Those it had been easy to see they needed stitches. This one… Len wasn’t sure. His gut told him it needed at least a few in the middle, but he didn’t want to put Barry through any unnecessary pain. He wished he’d brought him to Star Labs instead. Caitlin might have known better. But by the time they walked all the way down there now it was going to be half healed.

            Len stood up. “I’ll be right, right back,” he said to Barry, and then quickly went into Barry’s room next door and grabbed the small mirror that was in his room. He came back and handed it to Barry. “Hold this,” he said, and then took his own mirror and held it up to Barry’s back. With the two, Barry was able to see the wound clearly, and Len was able to watch Barry’s face as he saw it.

            Barry’s face paled just a little bit. Len had a sinking feeling in his stomach. “It’s still bleeding a little bit,” Len said. “Barry, I need you to tell me if this is something your doctors at Thawne’s would have put in stitches for.”

            “It – it doesn’t need them,” Barry said.

            Len’s stomach sank a little more. “Would your doctors have put them in?”

            Barry wouldn’t answer, but that was an answer in itself. Len took a deep breath. “OK, Barry. I’m gonna clean it up a little, alright? Can you help me take your shirt off?

            Barry shook his head, sitting completely rigid.

            “I can cut it off you,” Len said, “between the rip and all the bloodstains it’s pretty much ruined anyway.”

            Barry didn’t move, didn’t say anything. Dread and fear swirled in his stomach. He didn’t want to do this, didn’t want Len to clean it, didn’t want to have him put in stitches, something he was increasingly afraid was about to happen. He didn’t want to be held down, didn’t want to do this, just wanted to be left alone.

            “Please don’t,” he said.

            “Then I need you to lift up your arms,” Len said, misinterpreting. Barry didn’t move. “Alright, Barr, I’m gonna cut the shirt.”

            Barry saw him take a knife from his boot, and then he was behind him, and Barry felt his shirt being pulled away from his body, and then the sound of it ripping where Len cut it. Then Len pushed both sides down, so Barry’s back was completely open but the shirt was still hanging on him.

            “I’m going to clean it now,” Len said. “Just some water first.”

            Barry winced and flinched when the cloth touched his back.

            “I’m sorry,” Len said, “I’ll be done in a second. Almost there.” After a minute he was done, and then Barry watched him pick up the antiseptic and he tensed. “This one’s going to sting,” Len said. “I’ll be fast.” He reached over, and Barry found Len’s left hand in his, grasping it.

            Len started dabbing at his back then and Barry sucked in a breath, flinching away and squeezing down on Len’s hand. Len waited for him to settle back into place before going back to dabbing. When he finished, he put the cloth down.

            “OK,” Len said, “I’m gonna have to put in a couple stitches now.”

            Barry tensed, shook his head, and erupted in more trembling. “No,” he said.

            “I’m sorry, Barry,” Len said, “it needs some. I’ll be as fast as I can. If you need a break you can tell me and I’ll stop, OK?”

            “No, it – no,” Barry said.

            “I think you should lie down for this part,” Len said.

            “No, I’m not, I’m not doing it.”

            “Barry, you really need these.”

            “No, I don’t, it’s fine, it’ll – it’ll be fine.”

            “I need you to lie down, Barry.”

            “No,” Barry said, “no, I won’t.”

            “Barry –”

            “I won’t, I – it’s fine, I –”

            “You need them, I know that you know you need them, Barry, it’s –”

            “I don’t, it’ll be fine, it’ll –”

            “If you don’t do it now it’s only going to make it worse later.”

            “You don’t know that, it’s not, it’ll probably be fine.”

            “Do you really want to run that risk?”

            “Yes.”

            Len didn’t know what to do. He didn’t actually know how badly Barry needed the stitches, and he didn’t actually know what the consequences would be if he didn’t get them. He was assuming whatever it was would mean more medical work, but if what Barry said was true when he said that it would probably be fine, and the stiches would simply protect against a risk rather than a guaranteed problem, then Len didn’t know how much of a risk it was, and if the outcome was mild or more threatening. He could not actually restrain Barry and put stitches in at the same time though, so even if it was something bad, he couldn’t force Barry to get the stitches.

            “Barry, please let me help you,” he said.

            Barry shook his head. “It’s fine, it’ll be fine.”

            “What would make it easier?” Len asked. “Is it lying down? You could sit backwards on the chair. I could do it that way. I need two hands to put the stitches in, but you can squeeze my knee. We can pause between each stitch if you need to – I don’t think it will need a lot.”

            “No,” Barry said.

            “I’ll hold you afterwards, as soon as we finish,” Len said. “We can just sit together, for as long as you want. You can take a nap and I can get food for us from the place next door if you want, whatever you want, I’ll even go get a cake. Or I could jerk you off, blow you, whatever you want, as soon as we get done.”

            “I’m not doing it,” Barry said. He was still tense, scared, and Len wondered if Barry thought he was going to force him. Len was wondering if he could get someone from the inn to come in and help him restrain Barry, but the idea left him feeling sick, and he wondered if he could actually go through with it. He just didn’t know how serious it was – didn’t know how important it was that Barry got the stiches, and he could not justify traumatizing Barry that way without a really good reason. He didn’t know if it was a good enough reason.

            “Barry, please, you need them,” Len said. “I know that you know you need them. Please, it’s not worth the risk.”

            “It’ll be fine,” Barry said.

            “And what if it’s not?” Len said. “And then we’ll be taking a trip to the hospital, and we both know that will be much worse, Barry.”

            Barry said nothing, and Len took a breath.

            “And it will be my fault,” Len said, “Because I let you do this. I took you back to the inn instead of going to a hospital. Please, Barry, don’t make me watch you hurt yourself.”

            Len hated going for a guilt trip, but he didn’t know what else to do.

            “It’ll be fine,” Barry said.

            “Let me fix it now,” Len said, “when it will be easier, when it won’t be as bad. Barry, let me help you. Please, Barry, I don’t want to see you get hurt. I don’t want to see you have to go to the hospital tomorrow because it didn’t heal right or it got infected or something. I know you’re scared, I know it’ll hurt, but it’ll be OK, Barry, it’ll be OK, I promise. I’ll be here the whole time and I will listen and we will get through it.”

            Barry’s mouth was a thin line and Len didn’t know what else to do. He was realizing that he made a mistake. He should have taken Barry to a clinic. He thought that if they went back, if it was just the two of them, it would be easier, but he was realizing he was wrong. If Len had to be the one to stitch Barry up then he couldn’t focus on comforting him, not the same way he could if someone else was stitching.

            “OK, OK,” Len said, and then he was in front of Barry, leaning down, taking both his hands. “Barry, I need you to look at me again. I need you to – thank you. I’m going to leave for a minute, and I will be right back, I promise. I promise I’ll be right back, but I need you to promise me that you’ll stay here, that you won’t leave.”

            Barry was silent, and his eyes held so much fear, wide. “What – where are you going?”

            “I’m – I’m going to get someone to help me,” Len said.

            Barry went rigid. He pulled his hands away. “You’re getting someone to hold me down,” he said.

            “No,” Len said quickly, “no, I want – I swear that’s not it, Barry. I want to get someone who knows how to put in stitches, so that I can hold you instead, so I can help you.”

            “So you can hold me down,” Barry said.

            “Barry, I am not going to hold you down,” Len said, and wondered even as he said it if he was going to regret that, because he wasn’t about to break a promise like that.

            “You… promise?”

            “I promise.”

            Barry still looked unsure. “You mean it?”

            “I’m not going to break my word, Barry, not to you.”

            “OK,” Barry said quietly.

            “You’ll stay?”

            “… Yes.”

            “Promise me?”

            “Promise.”

            “OK, right back, alright? I’ll be right back, don’t move.”

            Len ran. He ran down the steps, to the innkeeper and asked if he knew of any doctors, anyone with any medical training at all, someone close by. The innkeeper told him there was a clinic just down the road. Len ran.

            He got there, they informed him that if it wasn’t life threatening then he needed to bring Barry in, that there was a line, and after throwing a significant amount of cash down on the table a young nurse was brought out and told to go with Len.

            He was a delta, Len took in with a breath of relief. They hurried back to the inn, the whole thing taking maybe fifteen minutes. Len threw the door open, more than a little worried he would find Barry gone, but no, he was there, sitting in the same spot, and his head snapped up when Len came in.

            “This is Jamie,” Len said. “He’s going to help us. I told him about your healing, about how you don’t need as many stitches.” He fought to get his breathing and heartrate down, after running around everywhere, hoping to appear calmer in front of Barry.

            Barry’s eyes were wide. He started trembling again.

            “Len –”

            “Shh, come here,” Len said, and he got onto the bed. Barry kept glancing over at Jamie, who moved carefully into the room, seeing the med kit and moving towards it. “Hey, look at me,” Len said, carefully putting one hand to the side of Barry’s face. Barry’s eyes flicked back to his, fearful. “There, that’s it,” he said. “It’s OK now, OK? I’m here.”

            “Len, I don’t, wait –” Barry said, as Len tried to draw him in. Barry pulled back.

            “Jamie will tell you before he starts anything,” Len said. “Let’s just get comfortable, OK?”

            “No,” Barry said, almost whimpering. He turned scared eyes back to Len.

            “Hey, it’s OK,” Len said, and he drew his hand through Barry’s hair. “It’s alright. I’m right here. I’m not going to let anything bad happen.”

            Something broke and tears spilled down Barry’s face. “I don’t want to,” he said, shaking, terrified, “please, Len.”

            This time when Len drew Barry in he went willingly, and Len wrapped his arms around him, carefully going lower than the wound while Barry cried against him.

            “Shh,” Len said, “It’s OK. Everything’s OK.” After a minute, when Barry had stilled a bit more against him, he kept going. “Can you try to take deep breaths for me, Barry?”

            Barry shuddered against him, but Len could feel Barry trying.

            “That’s it,” he said, “that’s perfect. That’s such a good job.” He ran smooth circles across Barry’s lower back, the shirt gone now, fingers against his skin. “Here,” Len said, and he took one of Barry’s hands in his, the other still wrapped around him. He gave a nod to Jamie and Jamie moved in, needle already threaded. When the bed dipped Barry flinched violently. “Easy, easy,” Len said.

            “No, no,” Barry mumbled.

            “Deep breaths,” Len said, and he put alpha tone behind it. Barry obeyed him, as much as he was able anyway. Len was hoping the alpha tone, coming from him, would be soothing and not more frightening. It appeared to be working anyway. “Barry, Omega, Jamie’s going to touch your back now. Just touch, nothing else.”

            Barry curled up farther against Len, and Jamie reached out, following Len’s lead, hesitantly laying his fingers of one hand on Barry’s skin, a very light touch. Barry flinched.

            “No, no, Len, I can’t,” he said, jolting.

            “Easy, easy,” Len said, in the most soothing voice he could. “I’m gonna try something, OK? I want you to keep taking deep breaths, and if this doesn’t help, we’ll take a break, OK? Alright, but I need you to try for me, Barry.”

            Barry let out a sob. He was so damned scared, and it broke Len’s heart. Len carefully leaned down then, and opened his mouth, and then gently, carefully, pressed his teeth to the juncture of Barry’s neck and shoulder, over his scent gland.

            Scent was a bit of a simplistic term for it. It sent out Barry’s field, the general cloud of emotion and arousal that other people could sense, especially those of the opposite orientation. Len was doing a mock claiming bite, pressing just hard enough to set off all the receptors, without actually making a claiming bite. It was something that mated pairs would do, to cause either comfort or arousal, depending on the situation. Len wasn’t sure, but he thought that since they had a soul bond, it would work as well, or at least that it might help. He wasn’t sure how much, not with how distressed Barry was, but it couldn’t hurt to try.

            Barry went stiff for one moment, rigid. “You’re – oh,” he said, and it was one of sudden fear, followed by realization, calm. He’d felt Len’s teeth and for a second thought that Len was trying to claim him right there, which didn’t make any sense whatsoever, and then a wave of calm washed over him, and he melted against Len.

            Barry was suddenly so aware of Len, Len all around him, right there, face pressed to his neck, chest against his, one hand gripped tightly, the other still on his back, tracing slow, calming circles. His mind was drawn there, the slow, steady circles, and how comforting it was, how calming in the pattern of it. He was momentarily distracted, and while the wash of calm swept through him and then began to dissipate, it was enough to bring him a little ways down, to lesson the worst of the panic.

            Len moved away from Barry’s neck then and went up, placed a quick kiss to his forehead. “OK?” he said. “Barry, I’m gonna do that again, and Jamie’s going to start this time, OK?”

            And Barry was still scared, was still very, very scared, but the wave of connection, of calm was still echoing in his veins as well. The frown on his face deepened, and he whimpered.

            “I know, I know,” Len said, “you’re being so brave for me. We’re gonna get this done nice and fast for you, and then I’ll hold you, OK?” Len moved down again, and Barry buried his head against Len, and Len gave a nod to Jamie, before going down to gently bite at Barry’s neck again.

            His teeth settled against Barry’s skin, and he felt Barry’s body calm for half a second, and then Jamie must have begun the first stitch, because he went completely rigid again, and let out a cry, and his field – his field went so distressed, in an instant, and because Len was biting him, not only was it all completely directed at Len but Len felt it much clearer than normal, and it was enough to make Len’s stomach turn so badly he thought for a second he was actually going to throw up over both of them.

            Instead, he released the grip on Barry’s neck, and a moment later bit down again, just a bit firmer, pressing indentations into Barry’s neck but not breaking the skin, and Len felt the resulting wash of calm, although it didn’t negate the terror so much as it mingled with it, softening it a bit, directing it towards Len instead, turning mindless terror into a distinct and desperate attempt to seek protection from Len.

            Which again resulted in a dizzying urge to get Barry as far away from the nurse as possible, but Len fought to breathe, to keep calm, because Barry would feel that as well. Len moved up again, letting his jaw open.

            “Len, Lenny, please,” Barry said, clinging to him.

            “Shh, you’re OK. You’re OK,” Len said. Barry was shaking badly.

            “It _hurts_ ,” he cried, “it h-hurts.”

            “I know, sweetheart, I’m right here,” Len said, “it’s gonna all be done in a minute. It’s almost done. It’s OK. You’re OK.”

            “I don’t wanna do this,” Barry cried. “Alpha, please, I don’t want to.”

            “It’s OK,” Len said, and had the distinct and sudden worry that Barry had fallen into subspace, because of the use of the term Alpha, although hadn’t Len just called him Omega? He’d only meant to comfort him. Maybe it was just from the mock bite, maybe it was just because Barry was seeking protection and comfort. “It’s OK, I’ve got you. I know it hurts, Barry, I know it hurts, Omega, but it’s OK. It’s gonna stop soon.”

            Barry whimpered in response. When Len lowered his head to bite again at Barry’s scent gland, Barry shuddered, and then his body stilled a bit more.

            “That’s my good Omega,” Len said, remembering suddenly that Barry said he liked praise in aftercare, and figured then he’d like it as comfort as well, “that’s good. So good for me.”

            “ _Len_ –”

            “Almost done. Everything is OK. I’ve go you. It’s OK.”

            If it would help, Len would have simply bit down on Barry’s neck and stayed biting for the whole procedure, but it didn’t really work like that. The mock bite would send a shot of comfort through Barry, and then would dissipate slowly. The more Len bit at him in a short time period, the less potent the comfort would become.

            “Stop, stop, I can’t,” Barry said, and his shaking grew more pronounced. “ _Len_.”

            Len bit his neck, and this time it seemed to do very little. Barry shook his head against him.

            “No, no, stop, _stop_ ,” Barry cried. He started to pull away. Len let go of his neck before he accidently tore the skin. If there was blood then it could count as a claiming bite, although Len would be very, very surprised if a mating bond were to occur while Barry was so distressed, soul bond or no soul bond. Barry started pulling away then, moving too much. Len saw Jamie pull back.

            But Len had said he wouldn’t restrain Barry, and he knew that Barry’s ability to feel safe around him, to find comfort in him, while in medical settings was carefully balanced on a fine line of trust. Len loosened his grip on Barry’s back, allowing him to move back, although Barry merely pulled back.

            “OK, we can take a break, we’ll take a break,” Len said gently.

            Barry was shuddering, tearstains all down his face, eyes red rimmed, mouth open.

            “No, no, I can’t do more, can’t do more,” he said, “Len, I –” And then he burst into another round of crying, sobs racking through him.

            “It’s OK,” Len said, still rubbing his lower back, other hand against his thigh now, then reaching to card through his hair. “It’s OK.”

            When Barry closed his eyes, Len looked at Jamie.

            “Nearly there,” Jamie said, “four more.”

            “No, I can’t do more, I can’t,” Barry said, “Len, they hurt, they _hurt_.”

            “I know, sweetheart,” Len said, “I know. You’re doing such a good job. We’re gonna take a break. Can you try to take deep breaths for me, Barry? Please?”

            Barry shook his head. “I don’t wanna – I can’t, I can’t, Len, please, I just, I need to stop, I have to.”

            “I know you can do it,” Len said, “I know you can, Barry. I think you need a break first, but I know you can do it.”

            Len waited another couple minutes, while Barry managed to calm down at least marginally. Len got him to take some deep breaths, and the crying quieted.

            “Barry, I think we’re gonna let Jamie –”

            “No,” Barry said, “no, I can’t, Len, I can’t take it, I can’t do four, it’s –”

            “How about just one? How about just one stitch and then we’ll pause again?” Len asked.

            Barry shuddered. “No,” he whimpered.

            “Do you want me to bite again?” he asked.

            “Yes,” Barry said.

            “OK. One stitch. I’ll bite first, OK? It’s gonna be OK.”

            Without waiting further Len bit at Barry’s neck. After the break, even such a short one, the response was back, not as strong as when they first started but still something to dull the worst of Barry’s panic. Jamie put in one stitch. Barry let out a sob, clawing at Len’s back.

            “Easy, easy, just the one,” Len said, “it’s OK. I’m here.”

            They repeated the process, taking a moment to breathe and then Len biting, followed by the stitch. It got progressively worse as they proceeded, Barry already way past the end of his rope and Len’s bites doing less and less to help. But three was an easier number to handle than four, and two more so than three, and then there was just one left.

            “All done, all done,” Len said, as soon as Jamie had tied off the last stitch and moved back, quickly getting off the bed. Barry cried against him, sobbing into his chest and Len quickly reached a hand into his pocket fishing out another few coins. “Thank you,” he said to Jamie, and the boy just nodded, a quick, understanding smile, and then left. Len looked up at Barry’s shoulder. A row of neat stitches ran across the wound, just in the middle area where it was worst. Len breathed a sigh of relief.

            Barry kept crying for a while. Len kept trying to comfort him, rubbing his back, holding him, petting his hair. Barry trembled for a while as well, and didn’t really quiet down until about a half hour after Jamie left. He seemed to have exhausted himself completely after that. At some point Barry fell asleep curled against him.

            He woke up when Len tried to extricate himself from bed. Barry grabbed onto him tighter, making a noise in his throat, still half asleep.

            He felt a faint kiss at the back of his head. “I’m gonna grab some food, Barry,” Len said.

            Barry made another noise, not letting go.

            “I’ll be right back. You’re gonna need something to eat, and I’m starving. I’ll be right back, promise.”

            Barry reluctantly let go. He bundled farther under the blankets, heard the door shut softly and dozed some more until Len came back.

            “Barry, time to eat,” he said, and Barry smelled something but didn’t move. He shook his head.

            “Come on, Barr, sit up for me,” Len said.

            Barry refused. He curled towards Len and stayed firmly under the blankets.

            “Alright,” Len said with a sigh. Barry heard rustling, the sounds of Len chewing. “How about some water? Can you drink some water for me?”

            Barry still refused to move. He didn’t want to sit up, didn’t want to do anything.

            Len let him sleep a while longer. Eventually Barry sat up, and Len handed him the food, now cold, and some water. Barry ate very little, but Len didn’t comment.

            “Do you want to go out for a walk?” Len asked. “I’m sure Felicity is wondering where we are.”

            “Can we just stay here?” Barry asked, voice small. He still felt shaky, still felt scared.

            “Yeah,” Len said softly. “That’s fine, Barry.” Without being asked he went to hold him again, and Barry relaxed against Len’s chest. “I’m really proud of you,” Len said again, running a hand through Barry’s hair, “you did so well. You got through the whole thing.”

            “You bit me,” Barry said, and Len couldn’t recognize the tone. It wasn’t accusatory, more shocked, almost confused.

            “I didn’t claim you,” Len said, “I was being careful, don’t worry. Not that a mating bond would have taken, not when you were so scared. I just figured it would still work to calm you down, since we have the soul bond.”

            Barry shivered. “Yeah, it… it worked.” He was quiet for a while. “Do you… do you think we could try that when I… when I have the procedure for my leg?”

            “Yeah,” Len said, “Yeah, we can try that.”

            “It did help,” Barry said, “not… it was still bad. I don’t…” He shuddered.

            “I know. You did so well. I know it was painful, and scary. Do you want to talk about it?”

            Barry was quiet for a moment again. “I get… I don’t know why stitches are so bad. They… I just panic, all at once, like… instantly. I mean, they hurt, they hurt a lot, but… I usually pass out…”

            “Has it always been this bad?” Len asked quietly.

            “Since I got my speed unlocked,” he said.

            “Maybe it’ll get better,” Len said. “You didn’t pass out this time.”

            Barry snorted. “I’m pretty sure I would have preferred it if I did.”

            “Maybe Caitlin will figure something out,” Len said, “maybe once this is over you can take one of their cuffs with you, along with some sedatives and painkillers.”

            “Maybe,” Barry said.


	20. Discipline

            They spent a while longer just sitting in bed, and then Barry’s stomach grumbled, and Len offered to get food, whatever he wanted. Barry still didn’t really feel much like eating, but Len convinced him to go to the bakery with him, and told him that if all he wanted for dinner was sweets and cakes than that’s what they’d have, which was just enticing enough that Barry agreed to go. When they were done eating Len held him again for a long while, until Barry fell asleep. The comfort did a lot to help him relax after the stitches.

            It wasn’t until the next day that Barry grew anxious.

            He realized, suddenly, how much he had lied to Len the day before, or at least tried to lie. And he had run, was completely ready to avoid all medical treatment, was going so far as to hide from Len to do it. If Len hadn’t run into him he no doubt would have gone to the training yard to find him absent, and probably would have asked people where he’d gone. And then they’d tell him that Barry was injured, and Len would have been frantic, worrying about him.

            In his fear, he really hadn’t thought about any of that.

            If he had done any of that with an alpha on Thawne land, an alpha who he was dating, he’d have been punished severely already. And he didn’t really know what Len expected. At the clinic on Queen land they only punished him if he asked for it, but what if he was dating someone on Queen land? Did alphas normally discipline their omegas? Did alphas normally discipline their omegas in Central, in the wastelands where Len was from?

            Barry thought about asking Felicity, but he was too embarrassed. He hadn’t told her about what happened, just apologized and said that he’d gotten a cut the day before and had gone home instead of meeting her for lunch.

            But Len hadn’t punished him yet… and he’d had plenty of time. But maybe he was just comforting him first, maybe he was waiting until the next day. But Barry went to training as normal, and Len met him there to spar with him then had lunch with him and Felicity. And then Barry was off to Star Labs for the afternoon. By the time he got home it was around four, and Barry was a tight ball of anticipation.

            He found Len there, reading a book. Barry slipped off his jacket and boots and then fiddled with his hands for a minute before finally going and sitting on the chair next to the bed, and Len looked up at him.

            “Um…” Barry said. “I was… I was wondering if… um, if in the wastelands alphas usually… if an omega does something wrong and the alpha is angry, if… if the alpha will punish them.”

            Len put his book onto the side table. “There are alphas in the wastelands who will do that,” Len said. “I’m not one of them.”

            Barry let out a breath. “Oh, OK, I just… I didn’t know, if…”

            “It’s OK,” Len said. “I’ll punish you if you feel you need to be punished, and I like giving discipline, especially as part of scenes, but I’m not going to just punish you when I don’t like your behavior. Not unless you ask me to.”

            Barry let out another breath. “What if… what if I… wanted you to.”

            “Then I will,” Len said.

            “No, I mean…” Barry trailed off. “If… if there was something and I said… I said that every time I did that thing, I – I wanted you to punish me for it.”

            “I could do that,” Len said.

            “Because I… there’s things like… like you have been doing, where… if I’m late to something without a good reason, or if I skip meals, or if I skip training then, then I want you to punish me. And if… if I lie to you, or if I… if I don’t get wounds treated…”

            “Barry,” Len said, and his expression changed. “You know I’m not angry with you, right? I know you were just scared. I know it was just because you were scared.”

            And Barry felt a wash of relief because Len’s voice was so genuine, sincere.

            “Yeah,” he said, “I… yeah, it just – I still need… I feel bad. I just… I need it. Like… I wouldn’t want – I don’t want you to punish me when it’s happening, not when I’m hurt, but afterwards, I… afterwards I need it.”

            “OK,” Len said, “Is this something you want me to take the initiative on, Barry? Or do you want me to wait until you come to me.”

            “Um, if it’s – you can punish me, or tell me you’re going to as soon as I do it, like if I’m late you can spank me right then if we’re alone, but um, not with injuries. If… I’d want you to wait, until later, or maybe the next day, but then, no, like you don’t have to wait for me to tell you I want to be punished. I think… I think I’d probably like it better if you didn’t.”

            “OK,” Len said, “I just want to make something clear. If I do that, and you’re not ready to be punished yet, or it’s something you don’t want to be punished for, you can always say the safe word, OK? And I’ll stop.”

            Barry nodded. “OK.”

            Len wondered as Barry spoke if this was really only to assuage Barry’s guilt and give him a sense of being grounded, or if it would actually work as a deterrent. Because while Len was being truthful when he said he wasn’t angry, if there was anything he could do to make sure Barry didn’t run from him while injured then he would take that. He was very aware that if he had not happened to run into Barry when he did, then he probably wouldn’t have gotten treatment.

            But with how scared Barry was, Len really wasn’t sure any punishment would deter him from not seeking medical help. Len assumed that his own reactions during the ordeal would be much more likely to sway him. He didn’t doubt that if he broke Barry’s trust once, then it would be very hard to gain back.

            “How do you think you deserve to be punished for yesterday, then?” Len asked.

            Barry fiddled with his hands, foot tapping anxiously. “Um, probably – probably worse, than… than anything we’ve done so far.”

            Len nodded slowly, tensing a little.

            This was difficult, he realized. If it had been someone else, if anyone else had refused medical treatment, lied to him, run from him, he would be angry. And if they had an understanding that Len would punish them for these behaviors than yes, Len would punish them harshly. But Len knew intimately that all of Barry’s decisions were based on pure, irrational fear, and Len had absolutely no desire to punish Barry for being afraid. But then again, if he could do anything to deter Barry from lying to him about injuries in the future, he wanted that too.

            Because of Barry’s past abuse it made it difficult to figure out what he needed. Len had never had a partner who had experienced such a systematic form of abuse since he was a child.

            “Barry,” Len said, “I want to reiterate that I am not angry at you for anything you did yesterday.” He took a breath. “But I won’t lie and say it didn’t hurt a little, when you were lying to me, or that I wasn’t disappointed that you wouldn’t come to me when something like this happens. I know you were scared though, and I know it has nothing to do with me, that it was because you were afraid. It’s not your fault that you made me feel that way, and I can still punish you for it if that’s what you need, but I don’t blame you for it.”

            Barry was looking down at the floor still, and Len reached out, put a hand on his knee.

            “However,” he continued, “I really, really need you to tell me when you get hurt in the future. That’s all I’m going to ask right now, is that you tell me and don’t try to hide it. Let me help you. And I know that will be very difficult, and if you can’t do that then I still won’t be angry, but if I were choosing, then that would be the only thing I would punish you for – not seeking me out and telling me what was wrong. Because next time, that is what I need you to do, and then the rest of it we can figure out together.”

            Barry took in a slow breath. “So you wouldn’t… you wouldn’t punish me for not cooperating yesterday, I mean once… once you found out. And I wouldn’t take my jacket off, and I wouldn’t let you put the… put them in at first, you wouldn’t punish me for that?”

            “I can punish you for that if that’s what you need,” Len said, “but no, I would not choose to punish you for that. You weren’t being obstinate, Barry, you were just scared.”

            “But you would… you would punish me for… for trying… I wasn’t going to go back, to the inn, I had been… I was going to hide, until I was healed. You would… you would punish me for that, and for then lying?”

            “Yes,” Len said, “because, while I know that you still did those things out of fear, it’s a behavior that I really, really don’t want you to repeat, because it could wind up with you hurt.”

            “OK,” Barry said, “OK, I want, I want that, then. You can… you can punish me for that, and… not the rest.”

            “Are you sure?” Len said. “I can, if you need me too.”

            Barry shook his head. “No, I… I get it, and I… I don’t really want to be punished for things that I do during it, things… I’m not really, I can’t think straight. I wasn’t… I don’t think I was able to do anything but what I did. I’m not sure… I’m not sure I could have just told you either. It didn’t even really cross my mind, to be honest. I’ve… spent a lot of time hiding injuries, it’s… it’s really the first thing I think of, and… and I mean, it’s hard to… because they punished me for so many things I didn’t think I deserved, on Thawne land, so it was, I was used to trying to avoid punishments, avoid them, and I don’t have to do that anymore… So I could, I could _try_. I could try to tell you.”

            That… was a lot more than Len was expecting, honestly. He didn’t really think Barry would try – he figured it would be a while before Barry grew comfortable enough, began to trust him enough, that he would even be willing to try to tell him when he was injured. He thought it would take a lot more of Len reiterating that it was important before that would actually sink in.

            “That’s… that’s all I’m going to ask,” Len said, “and I’m proud of you, I’m – I’m really proud of you for trying.”

            “Well, I haven’t yet,” Barry said, smiling for a second. “I’d wait a bit before you say you’re proud. It might… I’m not gonna make any promises, Len.”

            Len leaned in to hug him. “I know. I’m still proud. It’s a first step, Barry.”

            Barry felt a warmth seep into his chest, and he had trouble identifying it, whether it was Len, saying he was proud, or the idea that maybe he could move forward from this. Len’s words from the day before rang in his head again, that maybe it would get better, maybe he wouldn’t always be so afraid of needles and doctors. He’d given up on ever really getting less afraid years before.

            “Do you want me to punish you now, or do you want to wait?” Len asked.

            “Now,” Barry said, and a new wash of nerves sprang through him.

            “You said you think it should be a harsher punishment,” Len said, rubbing his back smoothly, helping to rid Barry of the worst of the anticipation. “What exactly does that mean to you?”

            Barry shrugged. “I don’t… I don’t know. They only ever used the paddle on me, at the clinic, but I think… I think maybe something else would be good.”

            “The only other thing I have here would be my belt,” Len said, “and that’s a hard limit for me. I don’t do belts.”

            “Oh,” Barry said numbly. He was surprised.

            “I could use a strap, if we had one,” Len said. “If you want to wait I could buy one at the market tomorrow, but there are plenty of other ways I could make a hairbrush spanking more painful. Or I could do something besides spanking you. I could milk you and not let you cum.”

            That was a very unappealing prospect, and despite that Barry’s cock twitched anyway. Barry would never understand how he could hate things and then still find them arousing.

            “How would you make the spanking more painful?”

            Len smiled. It sent a twin shot of arousal and fear through Barry.

            “Well, there are several ways. But considering what we have available, how do you feel about cock and ball torture?”

            Barry’s eyes widened. “Torture?” His voice squeaked, just a little.

            “Just a manner of speaking,” Len said, “I mean, squeezing, pulling, that sort of thing.”

            “Oh,” Barry said, “um, yeah, that’s – that’s fine. I mean, I’d… I’d still have the safe word, right?”

            “Always,” Len said firmly. “You always, always have the safe word.”

            “OK,” Barry said, “I’ll try it then.”

            Len grinned. “Get undressed, then get on the bed on your hands and knees.”

            Barry did so, and watched curiously as Len went to his bag and shuffled through it before pulling out some rope. Barry went still.

            “Um,” he said, “I’m um, not always great with… with being restrained…”

            “I’m not restraining you,” Len said, “if I get going and you still find it’s too much, then just say the safe word and I’ll get rid of the rope, but it’s not to restrain you.”

            Barry waited, on hands and knees now, and Len’s hand skimmed over his back, before guiding him farther backwards on the bed, so Barry’s feet were against the crossbar at the foot of the bed. Then he felt Len’s hands on his balls, gentle, and the smooth slide of a high quality rope.

            Len wrapped it carefully around his penis, half hard, and then more thoroughly around his balls, separating them and looping several times above them, so they were pulled down, away from his body. It wasn’t painful, but it was uncomfortable, and if Barry got more aroused he knew it would become a lot more uncomfortable.

            “I don’t think I’m going to let you cum today either,” Len said, and Barry let out a huff but accepted that. Len pulled the rope down, and Barry felt his balls being tugged backwards. Len put a hand against Barry’s ass, and then pulled the rope farther, until Barry whined a little, the discomfort growing. It still didn’t hurt, but it wasn’t particularly pleasant either.

            “Your feet stay there,” Len said, tapping his feet where they rested flat against the crossbar. Barry looked back, over his shoulder, shifted and caused his balls to be pulled a little bit.

            Len had tied the rope leading from his balls to the crossbar that was part of the frame of the bed. The rope was taunt if he kept his knees bent at a right angle and kept his feet and knees where they were, rather than shuffling backwards. But if he tried to move forward at all, if he let his knees bend more to move forward, he got a sharp tug to his balls.

            Barry realized, very quickly, how this was going to make a spanking more painful.

            “Oh, God,” he said, head hanging down.

            Len’s hand trailed over his back and Barry looked up to find him grinning, before his expression softened again. “This still OK?”

            Barry nodded.

            “Good. What do you say if you need it to stop?”

            “Starling.”

            “Good boy.”

            Len moved back around, and Barry’s heart beat a little faster. He felt the back of the hairbrush rest against his ass.

            “I’m punishing you for not seeking me out when you got injured, and then for lying to me and not telling me you were injured. You’ll get 40, and you’ll count. If you miss a count, we’ll do it over again. Understand?”

            “Yes, sir,” Barry said.

            “Good boy.”

            Barry was ready for the first one, and he tensed, not moving forward, so it didn’t pull on his balls. He said the “one” clearly.

            Len wasn’t starting off as gently as he usually did, but he still hit lighter at first, before gradually getting harder. By ten Barry’s hips were stuttering forward with the smack, causing a sharp pain to spread from his balls. He whimpered but still called out the number. As Len’s smacks got harder he actually had to push back against them if he wanted to avoid the pull on his balls – his body jolted forward just from the impact. The dual pain was dizzying and he felt a hot flush of arousal in his stomach even as his cock softened.

            “Tw-twenty-t-two,” he stuttered out with a whine. His balls _ached,_ the pain building over time. He realized that forty was going to be a lot, that they were only halfway through. He struggled to get out each number, not wanting to add extra to his count. He started crying at twenty-six, letting out a short sob. Despite the growing pain spreading across his ass and through his balls, though, he felt oddly secure, oddly _safe_. He recognized distantly that 40 should be too much, that he wouldn’t think he could do 40 of this, but he really didn’t have much of a desire to stop, despite the pain. He felt wonderfully, completely grounded, secure. He realized he liked the tie on his balls.

            When he’d first started his training, at 14, he’d actually loved restraints. They made him feel safe and calm, grounding. But then he’d had his meta ability unlocked, and he’d been restrained countless times while having medical procedures, and then it got touchy. Sometimes it was great, and other times he panicked, and it depended on the situation and what type of restraint it was.

            But Barry found that, despite the pain, this was perfect. Because it wasn’t a restraint in the sense that he wasn’t held down, but it was still keeping him anchored in place, and in a way that allowed him to move, but with consequences.

            He was drifting down into subspace by the time they got to thirty, and Barry was fisting the sheets, trying to stay still and finding his hips moving forward anyway. It was harder and harder to keep still as the pain over his ass got worse.

            “Th-thirty-one,” he choked out, and then the next hit came and he let out a sob and a long whimper, hands clawing as a sharp pain ran through his balls when he inadvertently pushed forward to escape the stinging smack over his ass. He shook his head, pressed against the bed now, having lowered to his elbows a while ago. His toes curled, body tensing, and it was a hard hit, hard enough that the pain in his ass was temporarily greater than his balls, so much so that he stayed pressed forward in an attempt to get away from the next smack, letting his balls be stretched away from his body.

            Len waited a moment but he didn’t move back and he didn’t say the count. Len smacked him again.

            Barry cried out, the pain even sharper, quickly moving backwards to release the strain on his balls. He’d been pushed even farther forward with the hit, stretching them farther than he had yet during the session.

            “Alpha,” Barry whimpered.

            “Say the count, or I’ll just keep going,” Len said.

            “Thir-thirty-two,” Barry got out. Len took a moment to run a hand over Barry’s ass, now very red, speed-healing not being able to take care of much yet. He gave him a moment, and then delivered the next smack.

            “Forty,” Barry breathed out when Len delivered the last one. Barry sagged, exhausted, covered in sweat, pain still radiating.

            “Good boy,” Len said, “you took that very well. You’re forgiven now. Let’s get you cleaned up, OK?”

            Len carefully untied Barry’s balls. Barry whimpered at the touch. Once Len was done he stripped out of most of his own clothing, and then got into bed with Barry, allowing him to lie almost on top of him, head pressed to Len’s chest.

            “Good Omega. You did so well for me. I’m so proud of you,” Len said, repeating the reassurances and praises that he had learned Barry liked.


	21. Surgery

            The day of the procedure, Barry was nervous. He was very, very nervous.

            He didn’t want to go. He couldn’t stop thinking about the IV he’d have to get. He _hated_ IV’s. They were arguably just as bad as stitches. He wasn’t sure which was really worse. Stitches hurt more, but IV’s were… IV’s were terrifying. When he was in the lab where they made his meta ability manifest the first thing they’d done was use an IV to put through burning, agonizing chemical compounds in his blood. It was the worst pain he’d ever been in.

            The only reason he had agreed was because Caitlin had said she could use it to give him a sedative, and she could give it to him immediately after putting the IV in. So he just had to go through the terror for a few seconds, and then he should be fine.

            He was scared that with 40 percent of his speed the sedative wasn’t going to work well enough, but he at least could stop it then. If he was still terrified he could make her take it out. That’s what he told himself. He didn’t have to do this, it was his choice.

            He still knew it was going to be awful, those first few seconds. The uncertainty around how well the speed dampener was going to work, how much the pain meds and sedatives would work, scared him too, but it was mostly the thought of the IV. He tried not to think about the fact that he would then have surgery afterwards. Hopefully he’d be sedated enough that it wasn’t terrifying, even if it was painful.

            Barry actually had a very high pain tolerance. It was hard not to, when he’d been subjected to punishments and warrior training his entire life, and hadn’t been able to have any type of pain killer for about four years now (not including the coma). He could take a hit, and he could take punishments, and he didn’t complain. The problem only arose when he was _scared_. And then suddenly it was like the pain was magnified, completely overwhelming, agonizing. He _knew_ that stitches weren’t actually that bad. He knew that he’d gotten injuries that should have been much more painful that hadn’t bothered him nearly as much. It was just the fear.

            And he knew that. He knew that he had a good pain tolerance as long as he wasn’t scared, so he figured if the sedative worked while he was having surgery then it wouldn’t be the end of the world if he felt some pain. As long as he was calm enough and the pain was even relatively manageable then he could deal with it.

            He went to training like always the day of the procedure, because he couldn’t just sit in the inn and wait, even when Len suggested that maybe he sleep in, or that they go for a walk instead. He refused, although that day Len walked with him in the morning to the training yard, rather than meeting him there later. He watched while Barry did his exercises, and then sparred a bit with him afterwards. They ended early, went back to the inn so Barry could have a bath, and then went to Star Labs. Len ate a sandwich on the way. Barry was told not to eat anything the day of the procedure.

            He started getting more scared the closer they got. By the time they arrived he was trembling, and Len had a hand on his back. They walked through, taking the stairs to the third floor, the east wing, where the medical department was. Barry walked though, the smell of bleach hit him, and he was suddenly clinging onto Len, frozen.

            “It’s OK,” Len said softly, “just breathe. You’re OK.”

            Barry loosened his grip on Len’s jacket in increments. His breathing was short and shallow. He half wanted to turn around and head right back out. He saw a woman in a lab coat and turned sharply away, hiding his face behind Len.

            Len waited while Barry steadied his breathing. He reminded himself that he just had to get through the IV and then they’d give him the sedative. Caitlin had explained it to him, had told him that it would make him calm, that even though they couldn’t completely negate his speed she was still confident that it would make a significant improvement. If it was anything like Len’s bite to his neck, then Barry was hopeful that it would help.

            Barry followed Len, who followed the signs to the room Caitlin had told them to meet her at. She was waiting outside it and smiled when she saw them. She didn’t say anything about how pale Barry was, about how he was shaking.

            “Right in here,” she said.

            They followed her in, and Barry froze in the doorway again. It was a surgery room, and of course Barry had known it would be, but that didn’t stop him from feeling a spike of terror at the table in the middle of the room, or the IV stand, the medical equipment.

            Barry didn’t even realize Len was speaking to him for a few moments.

            “-alright, it’s gonna be alright. Just take deep breaths, Barry.”

            Barry already felt tears at the corners of his eyes and they hadn’t even done anything yet and suddenly his body was so hot and he just wanted to leave, he wanted to leave so badly, wanted to be anywhere but there.

            “Whenever you’re ready, if you could get undressed, Barry,” Caitlin said, “you can put this on.” She gestured to a hospital gown she placed on the bed in the middle of the room.

            Barry moved slowly, numbly. He shrugged out of his jacket and Len took it, neatly folding it and placing it on a counter by the door. He did the same with Barry’s other clothes, folding them and stacking them for him. Caitlin turned around, getting things ready, probably trying to give him a sense of privacy while he changed, although Barry wasn’t shy. He put on the gown and felt cold, vulnerable.

            “We’re just gonna get you down to the 40 percent first,” Caitlin said when he was finished. “How about you lie down and get comfortable. I’ll get you a pillow, OK?”

            She went for a cabinet, pulling out a small, plain pillow. Barry didn’t move.

            “I – I don’t wanna lie down,” he said.

            “You can sit instead for this part,” Caitlin said, and she pulled out a rolling chair, wheeling it out a bit. She pulled over a second one from the corner and placed it next to the first.

            Len gently guided him over to it, and Barry sat down. He felt sick.

            “Are you OK to start this part?” Caitlin said. “Just the meta dampener first.”

            Barry nodded, trying to focus on that. He could do that. It would suck, but he could do it. It wasn’t scary.

            She brought over a bin, placed it between Barry’s knees and then clipped the power dampener on over his wrist.

            “Just your speed first,” she said. Barry felt his connection to the speed force get cut off, and let out a long breath. “OK, are you ready for the first notch?”

            Barry nodded and closed his eyes. Caitlin flipped it down to 80 percent.

            Barry threw up immediately this time, a testament to how sick he was feeling beforehand rather than an indication of discomfort. It was actually easier than last time, the symptoms not quite as severe. Cisco must have been able to make some modifications.

            The next two, to 60 and then 40 percent were worse, the last one bad enough that Barry was gripping his head again, groaning. The world spun and his chest hurt, pins and needles exploding through him. He dry heaved into the bucket and Len rubbed his back.

            The discomfort had the benefit of distracting him though. He was a little more calm, if feeling somewhat miserable, when it was done.

            “OK,” Caitlin said. “Do you think you could move to the bed now?”

            Barry tensed. He didn’t want to lie down. It reminded him of the lab. He’d been strapped down to a table then.

            “Can I have the… the IV put in over here?” Barry asked.

            “I don’t know how much the sedative is going to affect you,” she said, “I’d rather have you already lying down, so you don’t fall.”

            Barry’s stomach tightened. He looked at Len.

            “Just gotta get the IV in, remember,” Len said, “then it should be easy. Just a few seconds and then Caitlin will give you the sedative.”

            “I’ll have it right next to me, ready,” she said.

            Barry let out a whimper. He was scared. He didn’t want the IV. He didn’t want to get on the table. But he let Len gently pull him up, gently guide him over, and he was trembling and almost turned back when Len pressed him up to the bed, but he climbed on, limbs shaking. He laid down and his head hit the pillow and he immediately felt cold and scared and alone. Len took his hand, and Barry squeezed hard.

            “OK do you have a preference on which arm, Barry,” Caitlin said.

            Barry closed his eyes and shook his head. Then he felt Caitlin’s hand on his right arm, reaching for the inside of his elbow. He jolted back, and then suddenly he was crying.

            “Shh, it’s OK,” Len said, “It’s alright. You’re OK.” He ran his free hand through Barry’s hair. Barry let Caitlin take his arm, position it so his wrist was upwards, and a growing terror ran through him. When she swiped something cold across the inside of his elbow he recognized that she was sterilizing the area, and he flinched back violently, suddenly crying harder, shaking his head, moving backwards on the bed.

            “No, no, wait, wait, I can’t,” he said, “don’t, don’t.”

            “Shh,” Len said, “shh, look at me, Barry, look at me.”

            But Barry wouldn’t take his eyes off Caitlin and the needle she held in her hands, terrified the second he looked away she was going to stab him with it. He was so scared, he couldn’t do this, it had to stop, it had to.         

            “No, no, Len, no,” Barry said, still trying to push himself backwards. He probably would have fallen right off the bed if Len hadn’t been standing there, Barry’s back pressing against his chest as he sat up.

            “It’s Ok, we’re taking a break. Caitlin will tell you before she puts it in,” Len said. “It’s alright, just breathe for a moment.”

            But Barry cried harshly instead. “I can’t do this, I wanna go home, I wanna go _home_ , Len.”

            “Shh, you’ve already made it so far,” he said, “it’s OK, we’ll take a break, alright?”

            “No, I don’t want an IV, it’s gonna hurt,” Barry said and he couldn’t understand why he ever thought he could do this, why he ever thought this would be a good idea. He couldn’t, he couldn’t do it.

            “Only for a second,” Len said, “only for a second, Barry. This is Caitlin. You’re not with Thawne, Barry. No one’s going to hurt you. You’re on Harrison Well’s territory in the Central Alliance, and this is Caitlin Snow, your friend. She’s not going to hurt you.”

            “I don’t wanna do it,” Barry said desperately.

            “Deep breaths,” Len said, “it’s OK.”

            After a minute or two Barry was able to calm down a little bit, Len holding him closely. When Len suggested he lie back down Barry only clung tighter though.

            “As soon as she gets in you won’t be scared anymore,” Len said, “it’ll get so much better. I know you can do it.”

            Barry shook his head, still terrified.

            “Come on,” Len said, and he gently guided Barry down, pressing him into place as he whimpered a couple weak protests, still so scared. “It’s OK,” Len said, “it’s alright. You’re doing so well.”

            Barry was crying, biting at his lip, eyes darting now from Len to Caitlin, knees drawn up in the air, arm in tight to his chest.

            “How about you let Caitlin take your arm again,” Len said, “just let her touch you, let her get ready. She won’t put it in yet.”

            Barry squeezed his eyes shut and turned away and Caitlin once again gently took his arm. He started to sob.         

            “How about I bite you, and then Caitlin puts it in?” Len said.

            Barry shook his head.

            “I know you can do it,” Len said, trailing his fingers through Barry’s hair.

            “No,” Barry said, “no.”

            “How about I bite you then, and we’ll give it a second afterwards, alright?”

            “O-OK,” Barry said.

            Len leant down and Barry moved his head to the side, exposing his neck. Len gently bit at his scent gland, teeth digging in firmly without breaking the skin.

            Barry sucked in a breath at the resulting calm that washed through him, like a single moment of peace before it started to dissipate. He turned back towards Len, inhaling deeply. Len moved away just far enough to make eye contact with Caitlin.

            “Caitlin’s gonna put it in now, Barry,” he said, and Barry had just enough time for his entire body to go stiff before Len was biting at him a second time, a less intense calm settling through him, and then he felt a sharp pinch at his arm and yelped, jolting as Caitlin inserted the needle.

            His mind went blank, and all he felt was the sharp sting, the needle sliding into his skin, the knowledge that it was an IV, that she was going to the IV stand, that she was going to put burning chemicals through, that she was going to hurt him and he screamed, jolting upright, and Len had to grab him to keep him from ripping the IV out of himself and he was sobbing, screaming, thrashing, and then Caitlin injected the sedative into his IV.

            A sudden fatigue swept through his body and Barry slumped. He struggled upwards anyway, going to his elbows, and suddenly the overwhelming terror was subdued in a confusing lurch, although he was still scared, was still crying.

            “What –”

            “Shh,” Len said, and he guided him down, and this time Barry went, and he was trembling, confused, he didn’t understand. “It’s the sedative,” Len said, “Caitlin’s giving you the sedative. You’re in Star Labs, Barry, remember? And I’m right here, and it’s just Caitlin. Caitlin, your friend. She’s the only one in here with us.”

            But Barry didn’t understand, there was an IV, and he hated IV’s, he wanted it out, he wanted it gone. He reached for it and Len grabbed his hand and he whimpered, tugging.

            “Easy,” Len said. “Can you take deep breaths for me, Barry?”

            Barry shook his head. He wanted the IV out. He hated IV’s, he wanted it out. He – he felt funny, he felt funny all over, cloudy, and he wanted the IV out.

            Another dizzying wash of calm swept through him and this time Barry sagged against the bed, head down on the pillow as the world spun around him. He forgot about the IV for a second.

            “L-len?”

            “I’m right here, Barry. How do you feel?”

            Barry felt weird. He felt really weird. Everything was spinning. His body was so heavy.

            “I don’t – Len…”

            “I’m right here,” Len said. He squeezed Barry’s hand, which had gone limp in his. Barry squeezed back weakly.

            “Lenny,” Barry said.

            “Right here.”

            “I’m going to bring in the anesthesiologist now,” Caitlin said, “I’m going to play with the levels a little and introduce the pain medication, then I’ll bring in the rest of my team.”

            Barry heard her like listening to someone in the distance. He felt slow, foggy. He was supposed to be scared, he realized dimly. He was scared though, scared because he couldn’t think and he was in a medical place, and right, they were doing surgery, and that was scary, that was all so scary, but it felt so far away. He was scared and he knew he should be scared but it was like he kept momentarily forgetting _why_ , before remembering again.

            “Lenny,” he said again.

            “I’m not going anywhere, Barr,” Len said.

            “Bite, please,” Barry said, because something was wrong, he couldn’t think, and he – he needed Len and Len was so far away.

            He felt Len’s teeth against his neck, and then a thick swell of comfort and Barry curled towards him. It was distant though just like everything was distant, but it still made Barry feel better.

            “Barry, this is Jenna. She’s going to give you the sedative and the pain meds,” Caitlin said.  

            Caitlin quickly set the max dose of sedative they could give Barry. He still seemed pretty aware, which was not great, but he wasn’t moving very much, and he was much, much calmer. She was hoping combined with the pain meds he’d get even more relaxed.

            Barry was scared and they were doing something with the pole – the IV – but then Len started scratching with his fingertips through his hair and it felt so good, felt so nice, and Barry was distracted by it, eyes closing as he hummed.

            “OK, Barry, we’re going to add the pain medication now.”

            “Mm,” Barry said.

            His fingers started to feel a little tingly then, and he was upset for a moment because he thought it was going to be like before, where the pins and needles spread through his whole body, and that had been awful, but this wasn’t like that at all, and he felt warm and then he started to feel good, and his body was floaty.

            “Lenny,” he mumbled.

            “Still here,” Len said.

            Good, good, Barry thought. Because he was floating away, he was sure. He wanted Len to still be there.

            “How do you feel, Barry?” Caitlin asked.

            It took him a second to realize she was talking to him. “Good,” he said.

            “Alright, that’s great,” she said. “I’m going to bring the team in then.”

            “Team?” Barry mumbled.

            “Why don’t you just close your eyes,” Len said.

            “Tired,” Barry mumbled again.

            Len watched as Caitlin came back in with two more people. They stood on either side of Barry’s leg, and Caitlin moved the gown up out of the way. He saw a glint of metal on a tray and decided it was time to stop looking down there. He looked down at Barry instead. His eyes were closed, body relaxed and peaceful again. He hoped it would stay that way.

            Barry shifted suddenly though, eyes snapping open as he started to lean upwards. Len’s eyes followed where he looked.

            “No,” Barry said. Caitlin was strapping his leg down.

            “Look at me,” Len said. He cupped Barry’s face, turning it, so Barry was looking at him and not what Caitlin was doing. His eyes moved that way anyway, starting to dart back and forth. He whimpered, tugging at his leg.

            “I don’t, no, no, please,” Barry said, tugging weakly as one of the other doctors helped keep his leg still for Caitlin. “Why – why are they doing that?” Barry asked, looking fearfully at Len. “I don wanna be tied down.”

            “They need you to be very still,” Len said, “and you might move without meaning to. It’s OK.”

            Barry whimpered again. “I don’t like it.”

            “Just lie back,” Len said, and he guided him back again, pulling on his arm so he couldn’t prop himself up. Barry made another noise in his throat. “It’s OK,” Len said. “Just lie back and relax.”

            But he didn’t like the way he couldn’t move his leg anymore. He didn’t like being tied down, at least, not usually, and definitely not now – he definitely didn’t like it now when it was so hard to think and he – he was scared, there was something to be scared of, because they were doing surgery, and he was afraid of surgeries, and it would hurt, he remembered. And he wanted to move and he didn’t like it and he really didn’t like the way it made a little jolt go up his spine every time he tried to tug his foot back and his leg refused to move. He whined again.

            “Just relax,” Len said, “it’s OK. Stop moving, Barry. Just let it alone and you’ll forget all about it.”

            “I don like it,” he said, “I want it untied.”

            “When this is done they’ll untie it.”

            “Wannit untied now.”

            “Shh. Close your eyes again. I thought you were tired?”

            “Am tired,” he mumbled, and his eyes slipped closed again, because Len was right, he was tired, felt so sleepy. The lights were so bright though.

            “OK, Barry, we’re gonna get started,” Caitlin said. She gave Len a look. “Don’t let him look up,” she mouthed, and Len nodded. “You might feel a pinch here, Barry,” she said.

            Barry frowned because a pinch didn’t sound nice, and then a sharp, sudden pain lanced up his leg.

            He cried out, jolting a bit. His head went up and Len cupped it with his hand again immediately, drawing Barry’s face over, to look at him and not down at what they were doing.

            “Ah – ow,” Barry said, suddenly in pain, uncomprehending. He tried to draw his foot back and couldn’t, and the pain in his leg got _worse_ and he cried out again. “A-ah, _o-ow_.”

            “Shh, it’s OK,” Len said, and Barry couldn’t move his leg, and it hurt, and he didn’t know why and he tried to reach down for it but Len caught his hand.

            “ _H-hurts_ ,” Barry said, voice shaky. “M-my leg.” A tear ran down his face.

            “I know,” Len said, “Caitlin’s fixing it up. It’s alright. It’s OK, it’ll let up a little now.”

            “Lenny,” Barry said, and he squeezed his eyes shut and Len drew Barry towards him, so that Barry could rest his head against Len’s chest. He made a noise of pain in his throat. “It h-hurts.”

            “I know, it’s OK,” Len said. “You’re doing so well. It’s OK.” He stroked Barry’s hair and Barry seemed to settle a bit, sniffing next to him, a couple more tears.

            Len could feel his field though, and he was nowhere near as distressed as anything medical usually made him. And while the pain he was feeling was fairly significant, it wasn’t overwhelming.

            “Can you make it stop?” Barry said. He sniffed again against Len’s shirt. “It hurts.”

            “It’s gonna keep going for a bit,” Len said. “It’ll be OK though. You’re doing a really good job.”

            Barry kept making distressed noises, head pressed to Len’s chest, one hand gripped in his, the other pulling at his shirt. He was leaning over on his side, top half of his body turned while his legs remained flat.

            “I wanna go home,” he said.

            “We’ll go home as soon as it’s done,” Len said. “You’re doing such a great job. It’ll be over soon.”

            For about a half hour Len kept comforting him, and Barry kept saying it hurt, asking weakly if they could go home, if they could stop, if Len could untie him. He cried sluggishly, and whimpered a lot, but his field stayed the same – a general air of discomfort and pain, but nothing overly distressed. If he hadn’t been drugged Len didn’t think he’d be anywhere near as teary or vocal.

            About a half hour in they must have done something new though, because Barry suddenly arched and cried out in pain and then scrambled up so suddenly that Len didn’t have time to stop him before he got a look at what they were doing, and there was a sharp burst of fear and pain in Barry’s field, and he was crying out, fighting when Len grabbed his arms, pulling him back down to a lying down position.

            “Stop, stop, it hurts,” Barry said, “Lenny, stop, please.”

            “Shh, it’s OK, it’s OK,” Len said, but Barry was crying hard, shaking his head.

            “Let go, it _hurts_ ,” he said, “they’re c-cutting me, _stop_.”

            “Gonna give him just a little more for a minute,” the anesthesiologist said.

            Len didn’t know if she meant the sedative or the pain killers or both but Barry took in a deep breath and then his movements turned sluggish again. Len lowered him down onto the bed and he looked over, confused, whimpering.

            “It’s OK,” Len said, brushing back his hair. “You’re OK. That part’s all done now, it’s OK. Just breathe.”

            Barry slowly relaxed, and then went back to the same again, whimpering and teary but mostly fine.

            “OK, I’m finishing up the stitches,” Caitlin said, after it had been about an hour. “Len, as soon as I finish, we’re going to bring back the speed force. We need his speed healing to kick in.”

            “OK,” Len said.

            “What?” Barry said.

            “Almost done,” Len said, “they’re almost all finished.”

            “Really?” Barry said. “Good, I wanna be done. Hurts. We can go home?”

            “Once they finish,” he said.

            A few minutes later Caitlin was at Barry’s other side, hand on the speed dampener. One of the other doctors moved next to Len, a small bin in hand. Len took it from him, bringing it over near Barry’s mouth.

            “Barry, we’re gonna bring the speedforce back now,” Len said, “OK? It’s gonna make you feel a little sick for a second.”

            “OK,” Barry said.

            Caitlin flipped the dial up, and Barry spasmed, spitting up bile into the bin, whole body trembling, and he cried out, and then he was crying hard, gripping at his head before pressing at his chest.

            “Shh, it’s OK,” Len said. “It’s OK.”

            They did the next two. Barry took it much worse drugged than he had sober. He was crying a lot, and gagging, and he was very confused. When they were back to one hundred percent Caitlin flipped his connection to the speedforce back on and took the cuff off, and then took his IV out before he could become completely aware of it. It took less than a minute for the drugs to completely filter out of his systems, and then Barry was reeling, completely aware and still feeling sick and in pain and only remembering the procedure as a blurry haze.

            “What- what happened?” he said.

            “The procedure is over,” Len said. “It’s all done. You did it.”

            Len hugged him, and Barry hugged back, still feeling numb. His leg hurt a lot, now that he had no drugs to mask it, though he knew his body was already healing himself. He had to stay on the bed a bit longer, and he hated that, because he was nervous and tired and in pain, but Len helped soothe him. He fell asleep anyway, his body exhausted, and Len woke him up two hours later, when Caitlin said his leg should be completely healed.

            She took out the stitches, and then Barry swung his legs over the bed and stepped down. He cautiously took a step, another one, and then there was a blur of red lightening.

            Len and Caitlin stood in that empty room for eleven seconds. Len counted.

            And then another flash of lightening and there Barry was, shoes smoking on the floor, face one giant grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, so this kind of ends the first part of the fic. I thought about making a new fic, and making it a series, but decided against that. There will be more, but I'm going to jump ahead in time in the next chapter. Thank you to everyone for reading so far!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you thought - comments make my day! I'd love any suggestions you have as well.


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